Your Dreams Are Mine Now

by Ravinder Singh

  ‘Not yet,’ Rupali replied and looked at Arjun. ‘But someday I will. I have this dream of taking my family on a Euro trip,’ she said and her eyes twinkled.

  They were now talking about dreams; exactly what Rupali had suggested the other day over the phone—I want to see planes landing and talk about our dreams. ‘How easily the two things had happened!’ Arjun marvelled.

  ‘You mean your husband and your kids!’ Arjun asked. This time he wasn’t looking at her but at the taxiing plane.

  Rupali immediately responded, ‘No, no. I meant my parents and my younger brother!’ blushing shyly.

  ‘Oh! So you plan to leave your husband and kids back and only fly your parents and brother?’

  Rupali finally took the hint about what was cooking in Arjun’s mind. She pretended to be angry.

  ‘Arjun, why are you asking me all this?’ she widened her eyes and gave him the look that meant—change the topic!

  But Arjun was in no mood to let go. ‘Oh, come on! Assuming you would get married in the future . . . so, then your family will also include your husband and your kids. Right Miss Rupali Sinha?’ he asked.

  ‘Hello! Mr Arjun Tyagi. I was talking about the near future. After I get a job for myself! Now will you change the topic?’ she clarified but in a playfully aggressive tone.

  Arjun enjoyed teasing her. But seeing her irritation, this time he let it go. ‘Okay, okay. I got it. Relax now.’

  After a few seconds, he thought of something and again asked, ‘But in your not-so-near future, will you take your husband and kids on a holiday?’

  ‘Hey Bhagwaan!’ Rupali exclaimed, slapping her hand on her forehead. ‘You are enjoying this. Aren’t you?’

  ‘Why are you dodging my question?’ he accused.

  ‘I am not!’ Rupali reacted furiously.

  ‘Then you are too shy to discuss that. Hai na?’

  Rupali now kicked the ground with her foot. She could not decide what to say, so she turned back to face the airport with her arms across her chest, annoyed by this line of questioning.

  Behind her, Arjun laughed. He was enjoying teasing her.

  It was not that Rupali hated the conversation. She had clearly picked up the hint and she very well knew the possibilities of where that conversation could take them. Being a girl, she knew how guys make advances, when a light-hearted candid chat takes a turn towards more serious talk. But then so many thoughts were running in her mind that she felt irritated and confused.

  She feared what would happen if what she had been thinking about Arjun’s ultimate intentions was actually true. Even though she secretly wished Arjun would talk to her about his feelings for her, she felt she wasn’t prepared to handle that conversation. Not at that moment.

  On the other hand, she feared what would happen if she was completely wrong about Arjun’s intentions behind initiating that discussion. Will he say that? Does he even think about me in that way? It’s I who dreamt about him and not he. But then for the past two days he has been messaging me endlessly. Doesn’t that mean he has missed me, just the way I had missed him?

  She thought of too many things at the same time. Her difficulty was that half of her thoughts were in contrast to the other half. But then, to her relief, no one could gauge what she was so absorbed in thinking about.

  Another plane descended in the sky behind them. It bought Rupali some time to momentarily disconnect herself from the chaos of her mind. She looked back and up at the sky. She wanted to see the landing gear being deployed and the wheels coming out. But from where she could trace the plane, she was disappointed to find that it was already near landing.

  The landing sequence was exactly the same as it was with the previous plane. And so were Rupali’s actions of following the aircraft. Just that quite a bit of her excitement was missing this time. By the time the aircraft landed and was taxiing, Rupali had gone back to her previous thoughts.

  After going over her thoughts again and again, she realized that it was going to be difficult for her to keep what she had been feeling about Arjun only to herself. Such thoughts were taking away her peace of mind. So she decided what she was going to do. She made up her mind to speak her heart out.

  ‘Why would I take my husband on a holiday? Rather he should take me na,’ she spoke.

  She knew exactly which way the conversation would flow in a few minutes from there onwards. Yet she pretended as if she was just being honest. Maybe because pretending made things so much easier. It made her comfortable.

  While she said so she was unable to hold back her smile; she didn’t look at Arjun but continued to focus on the taxiing plane. It kind of helped her. Even though her ears were tuned in on his response.

  Seeing Rupali step into the conversation left Arjun amused. He hadn’t sensed that coming—not after how she had reacted till a few minutes earlier. Her response became Arjun’s cue to carry on that discussion. And when he heard what he had least expected from Rupali, in a state of overexcitement, he ended up doing something that he didn’t want to do.

  ‘Hmm . . . of course! That’s what I would do!’ he said and then realized his blunder!

  What have I done! What would she think! he panicked. Then he tried to correct himself, ‘I . . . I meant . . . in my case . . . my wife!’

  Rupali was shocked and too embarrassed to acknowledge the first part of Arjun’s answer. She pretended she hadn’t heard it and responded naughtily, ‘Okay, so where will YOU take YOUR wife on a holiday?’

  Arjun was yet to recover from his blunder when Rupali dropped this other bomb over his head. And he conveniently fell into the new pit that Rupali had unknowingly dug for him. Unable to zero in on one holiday destination and caught in a strange feeling of imagining himself as a married man, he stammered, ‘Where . . . wherever you want me to take . . . !’

  That took the count of blunders to two; both in such a short span of time. And this guy was a youth leader!

  Rupali froze, like a statue. She didn’t even blink her eyes. She had never seen Arjun in such a state. Was he actually nervous now that she had turned the tables on him?

  Arjun immediately jumped to rescue whatever was left of his dignity. He stammered again, ‘S . . . s . . . s . . . sorry! I . . . I . . . Okay . . . I . . . meant wherever she, I mean my . . . my . . . wife, would want to go. And if you could advise me on a good . . . a . . . a . . . yes a good holiday destination . . . then why not? That’s what I meant. Yes! Exactly!’

  Then he shut up.

  His face had turned red. On a cold December evening, tiny drops of sweat appeared on his forehead. Suddenly, his body language lacked confidence. In a strange way he stole his eyes away from Rupali and looked here and there; at times at the airstrip and at times at the sky behind him, pretending he was waiting for another plane to land. When he could not decide what else he should say, he simply put his hand in the side pocket of his kurta and pulled out the keys of his bike. Then he kept fiddling with the keys. He looked so uncomfortable that Rupali was about to burst into laughter at any moment. However, she somehow managed to control herself.

  After a short while of fidgeting around he looked at Rupali and said, ‘Let’s go now.’

  Clad in his kurta–jeans and his favourite leather flip-flops was a second year student who had lead political movements and brought down systems in the past. Strange as it may sound, that day he had made a fool of himself in front of this first year girl—the same girl whom he had interrogated and scared the hell out of on her very first day on campus.

  Till then he had known what he wanted to do that day. Till a few minutes back, in his mind he had planned it all—how he would stir the discussion, play with words and finally put Rupali in a spot, before he finally managed to say what was in his heart.

  In his mind he had framed a step-by-step process to bell the cat. But then, when everything was going right, Rupali had hijacked the entire conversation. One wrong move and his plans went for a toss.

  No matter how rough an
d tough Arjun had been in his life, when it came to matters of the heart, he was a novice. He would have glugged down half a dozen beer pints in two minutes, but words of love seldom rose from his throat. He was a man who was terrible at expressing his feelings. The last time he had gathered the courage to speak his heart out was when his mind was under the influence of alcohol.

  ‘Arjun,’ Rupali, who had so far been curiously observing Arjun’s strange behaviour, finally spoke up. ‘Aap please Charlie Chaplin ki tarah behave karna band karoge?’ (Will you please stop acting like Charlie Chaplin?)

  Arjun obeyed and tried to calm down. The poor guy had things to tell and feelings to share. Yet he handed over the baton to Rupali and chose to keep quiet.

  Sometimes the problem with silence is that the more it continues to prevail, the more awkward it becomes. And in such moments, the best way to go about it is to simply laugh at it. That’s what Rupali did.

  Understanding Arjun’s state of mind and his recently shaken confidence, Rupali was the first one to laugh. Arjun knew that she was laughing at him. He felt an urge to join in her laughter, for that would mean facing up to the embarrassment. That way it’s far easier to deal with embarrassment than to shy away from it. He laughed for the sheer fun of it. He laughed in order to let his inhibitions evaporate in that moment of fun.

  Together they laughed for the fool Arjun had made of himself. And the more they thought about the whole episode, the more intense their laughter became. They were soon holding their stomachs and laughing.

  Amidst their laughter, one more plane was on its way to land. The two of them could only acknowledge its arrival but unlike on the previous occasions, they didn’t look up. They were not in a position to do so. When the plane flew over their heads, they were still holding their stomachs with bended knees. While looking at Rupali, Arjun pointed his finger towards the sky. Rupali waved and slowly they settled down.

  ‘Oh boy! We laughed like two mad people. We even missed the landing!’ Arjun said. Then grinning, he looked into Rupali’s eyes and asked, ‘Shall we leave now? It is getting . . .’

  Rupali put a finger over her lips. ‘Shh!’ She then shook her head. ‘No,’ she said.

  ‘But why?’ inquired Arjun.

  ‘I have yet to see the wheels coming down. Missed it both times,’ she replied and then added, ‘and moreover, we haven’t completed our conversation on our dreams. Have we?’

  ‘Well yes, we haven’t done that yet . . . but,’ Arjun accepted, ‘. . . but today seems like a bad day. I am making a fool of myself!’

  ‘Bad day? But look around, it’s such a beautiful evening!’ Rupali pulled Arjun’s leg.

  ‘Yes, but I am mixing up things,’ he argued back.

  Rupali first smiled and then gracefully pointed out, ‘That’s because perhaps your mind and your heart are not in sync. We are talking about our dreams. Our dreams take birth in our hearts. Maybe you are not speaking your heart out, but only letting your mind do the talking. That’s what is leading to chaos.’

  Having said that, Rupali looked far away at the vast horizon that hung over the long airstrip. That changed the course and the depth of their discussion. They seemed very far away from the moment when they had been laughing crazily. The conversation took a grave turn.

  ‘What you are saying is right. But the problem with dreams is that it sets expectations and it hurts when they are not met. Two and a half years back, I had dreamt of securing a commerce seat in this college. It never happened. And I am still fighting a battle to do away with reservations in DU. There are many such broken dreams . . .’ Arjun was lot more serious now. Clearly, he had recovered from his previous nervousness.

  ‘True. And equally true must be the fact that many other dreams would have come true in your life. The broader question is, when a few dreams do not come true, should we stop dreaming? And if that is true, one day everyone will stop dreaming because not all our dreams will come true. Instead, why not be optimistic and take encouragement from those that have come true and wish others will follow?’ Rupali pointed out. For a moment she shifted her gaze back to Arjun and waited for him to reply.

  Backed by Rupali’s encouragement Arjun shared his view, ‘Hmm . . . I agree. But certain dreams you can’t fulfil on your own. You need someone else by your side to make those dreams come true.’

  ‘Then what’s stopping you from involving that someone? Reach out to that person and share your dreams . . .’ she insisted.

  ‘Of course! But then what if the other person’s dream doesn’t fit in with your dream?’ Arjun questioned.

  ‘If,’ Rupali pointed out.

  ‘Yes—if,’ acknowledged Arjun, understanding that the probability of that unfavourable happening was only half.

  ‘Then there are two possibilities. You persuade and convince the other person or you fail to do so. That means there is a 75 per cent chance of your dreams coming true.’ She smiled after she’d wonderfully summed up everything into a probability outcome of a maths question.

  Arjun rolled his eyes, appreciating Rupali’s positivity and said, ‘Okay madam ji. But are we going to talk only about my dreams? What about yours?’

  Hearing that Rupali felt a bit dejected. Arjun was still trying to run away from sharing his feelings. All her attempts to encourage him to do so hadn’t resulted in anything, it seemed. There was no point in beating around the bush now, Rupali realized. It was no longer exciting to play with words like husband, wife and holidays. It appeared senseless to her to talk about what would happen in their married lives when all she yearned for was to take the first step; to express her feelings; to experience a promising courtship period of her love life. The past hour’s talks and her thoughts, which were a lot more streamlined and specific now, had given her enough confidence to speak for herself. She made up her mind. That was the moment and she was not going to play the game of ifs and buts any more.

  She took a deep breath and began to speak slowly, as if she was reading something straight from her heart. And as if her heart was located somewhere on the western horizon of the sky where the sun was gradually setting.

  ‘My dreams are quite simple, Arjun . . .’ She paused for a moment and then continued, ‘I want to do well in academics, secure a good future for myself and fulfil responsibilities that I have towards my family. I want to continue to stand up for things I believe in. I wish to see happiness around me. And while all this happens, I want to . . .’ She stopped again, but only to resume after a second or two, ‘. . . I want to see you by my side. Arjun, I want to live the rest of my life with you.’

  And then there was a silence between them as the words sunk in.

  Even though the noise of the traffic persisted just as before, it was as if time had stopped and nothing moved. Even though another plane landed, neither Rupali nor Arjun looked at it. It was a moment that was about to change everything between them for rest of their lives.

  Rupali turned her head and looked right at Arjun and finished whatever she had to say with her final line, ‘That’s what my dream is.’

  Bliss had made its way into Arjun’s eyes as he heard those final few words. Rupali had already successfully put to rest every bit of anxiety and panic in his heart. She had said it all so simply and with such ease! It had saved Arjun from the great difficulty of overcoming his fear of expressing his feelings to a girl. A deep sense of satisfaction came over Arjun’s face. He was yet to speak and all this while he had been admiring the guts of the girl who stood in front of him. Who, only a few moments back, had proposed to him, something which the world expects to be a man’s job. But isn’t that why he admired Rupali—for her sheer courage to speak her heart; to call a spade a spade; to propose to a guy whom she believed she loved. That’s what had always made her a special girl in Arjun’s eyes.

  It was going to take some time for the unimaginable amount of happiness to settle in. A few seconds or a couple of minutes were not going to be enough for him. For that matter, even a day’s time
was too less.

  In the initial moments, the mere realization that it was all for real was hard to believe. Yes, it was for real and he wasn’t drunk!

  And so it was for Rupali. She wasn’t dreaming again. Behind her calm and composed face there were hopes, there were fears and there were happy butterflies! It was a whole new world of experience for her. A moment she had never lived before. A moment she had never imagined would unfold this way.

  ‘Can my dreams become a part of your dreams?’ she politely asked, trying to catch Arjun’s attention.

  He wanted to say a hundred things, yet he struggled to say a single word. He searched for the right words that could describe what he was feeling at that very instant. When he found none, he simply nodded, grinning from ear to ear. His eyes could not hold back the immense happiness and had turned wet. He swallowed the lump in the back of his throat and when he felt he could talk he said, ‘Your dreams are mine now!’

  The two hearts erupted in joy. There was happiness in the air. A brand new chapter of Arjun and Rupali’s life had just begun with Arjun’s acceptance.

  The gradually descending sun in the faraway horizon made way for darkness. Rupali and Arjun barely had an idea of when exactly the sunlight dimmed and their vision became obscured. The otherwise dull-looking airstrip now glittered with blue, green, red and white lights that marked its boundaries. The airstrip had turned into a dance floor with colourful disco lights. The view looked picturesque as if when night falls the entire area gets an artistic makeover. As if the whole place was a nocturnal ecosystem that comes to life only when darkness falls. The well-lit buildings on the far left marked the airport hub that was not fully visible, yet one could easily make them out because of the light they were radiating. The only concrete structure clearly visible was the glass-bound air-traffic control room on a tower, the shape of which was like a giant high-rise water tank.

  Behind them, the line of hotels on the Delhi–Gurgaon national highway, sparkled with their flashing billboards and running lights. Some of them changed colours at various intervals. The streetlights on the highway were turned on and so were the high-beam headlights on the racing vehicles.