Lost in thought, trailing a step behind on the narrow path, she let her focus drift to the planes of his back where his damp tee clung to his muscles, and didn’t realize they’d reached the river until he stopped. She balked a step behind him, but a gentle tug at her hand had her standing at his side.
“I’ve got you,” he said. “The curve in the river here means the water is almost still. I thought you might want to put your toes in.”
“You thought wrong.” She only had half a fight in her. The truth was she did trust him. She just wasn’t sure she wanted to add this to the list of things for which she’d forever remember him. Water was a pretty broad, damning category.
He laughed, then caught sight of her face and quickly sobered. “I’m not discounting your fear. I get it. But this is one step I know you can take.”
She worried her lip, grappling with the truth. She had no reason to tell him. He’d be out of her life as quickly as he entered it, but she still needed him to understand. “When I was a teenager,” she explained, “I was in the truck with my parents and my sister and a flash flood hit from a storm in the next county. The water came out of nowhere. No storm clouds. Just moonlight on all that churning water and the feeling of the truck being carried away. I still can’t look at rushing water.”
“Was anyone hurt?”
She forced a smile. “Just my lasting psychological damage.”
“But you made it, sweetheart,” he said tenderly. “As bad as that was, you survived. This is nothing. You can do this.”
“Or I could live my entire life and never touch this water.”
“Or,” he argued gently, “you could live the rest of your life knowing you stepped out of your comfort zone and into this river.”
“What does it matter to you?” As soon as she asked, she realized the answer. Another notch in his hero totem pole.
But nothing in his expression supported that. Sincerity touched his eyes when he told her, “Because when I think of you, I want to know you conquered your biggest fear.”
He’d rather associate her with a river than sex that had actually knocked plaster off the wall? She could have kicked herself for the way that irritated her. “What if it’s not my biggest fear?” she asked. What if her biggest fear was him? And the way he made her feel.
The fact that he’d soon be gone.
“Then you have no excuse.” He toed off his shoes then tugged off his socks. A couple of rolls to his department-issue pant legs later, he’d stepped into the water. It barely rippled around his ankles. “See? Nothing to it. You’ve got this.”
Her heart hammered, but she kicked off her sandals and took a tentative step in. The ice-cold water took her breath.
Or maybe it was him.
The current lapped at her feet, where sunlight danced on the surface above her toes. He took her hand and held tightly, offering reassurance that in no way should have come from him. She’d have better luck holding onto water through her open palm than she would Shane, but her heart still felt the warmth.
Traitor.
“You’re fine,” he said.
She forced a smile. It came easier this time than most. “Of course I am. I’m standing in two inches of water.”
He grinned. “Want to go deeper?”
“No way.” But wasn’t she? By the freaking millisecond. Fortunately, her stomach growled, saving her the indignity of examining that thought. Even if he stayed in Dry Rock, he wasn’t what she wanted. He wanted to fix her, and she thought she was just fine how she was.
Mostly.
She really needed to get her mind off him and back on her work. She had a store to open and Lexi’s offer to help, which took the edge off approaching the adjacent shop owners. Already, she felt more pulled together.
Except with Shane. He pulled her apart.
He let her go. It probably had more to do with the fact that she stood in two inches of water—which, river aside, wasn’t any huge accomplishment—and was less of a symbolic gesture, but she felt the sting of the symbolism all the same.
“You did it,” he said.
She wasn’t sure how she felt about the pride in his voice. “There are toddlers fifty yards downstream who are also doing it.”
“But they’re not doing it as awesomely as you are,” he said, cupping a hand to the back of her head and pulling her toward him for a kiss.
“Those less awesome toddlers and their parents can see you,” she said against his mouth.
“Damned dress code. Makes me too easy to recognize.” He shook his head good-naturedly and stepped out of the water. He slid back into his shoes and socks, and she, her sandals. “I’m starving. Want to check out the food?”
“Sure.” Actually, she was a bit nervous about joining the thick of the crowd. She’d said hello to plenty of people, and Lexi had introduced her around, but that was without Shane. With him, the muddled state of their not-a-relationship took a front seat, and not even she knew what to think.
Especially not after he took her hand and walked directly toward a throng of fifty or more people, as if he wanted everyone to assume they were together when he’d made it clear she couldn’t even assume as much.
The food tables were packed. Served buffet style, with a lot of meat. Typical man-centric kind of thing, she supposed.
Shane paused near a pile of what looked like breaded, kettle-cooked potato chips and gave her a devilish grin. “Ever had Rocky Mountain Oysters?” he asked.
A man behind Caitlin cleared his throat. “Son, if she eats one of those without knowing what they are, Denver won’t be far enough for you to escape.”
Shane laughed and shook hands with whoever it was. “Chief Holloway,” he said, “Meet Caitlin Tyler, new proprietor of Shelf Indulgence. Caitlin, this is the chief. Has been for as long as I can remember.”
Caitlin took in his friendly smile and grandfatherly salt-and-pepper hair and immediately liked him. He took and patted her hand, cocking his head toward Shane. “Shame to lose this one,” he said. “Damned shame.”
“Andrew, watch your language.” A woman with kind eyes and a playfully disapproving frown leaned in and chided him. “And this must be Caitlin. It’s so nice to meet you.”
“Elizabeth Holloway,” Shane said. “The woman who keeps the chief in line.”
“No small feat,” she said with a smile, “but landing this guy?” She looked toward Shane. “Now that is an accomplishment.”
Caitlin just stood there, battling feelings of embarrassment and the urge to flee. She’d worried she and Shane might give the wrong impression by coming together to the picnic, but she’d let that be his call. She had no idea the rumors had flowed this fast and hard.
And now two very nice-seeming people were looking at her like she’d pulled some kind of miracle. “Seems Dry Rock might have an edge on Denver after all,” the chief said.
It would have been a big miracle, had she pulled it off.
“It’s so nice to meet you both,” Caitlin said, ignoring the shadow that crossed Shane’s face at the chief’s words. Did he hate being linked with her that much? He couldn’t, because he’d insisted. She figured she’d get him alone and ask him, or at least find out if he wanted her to bail, but she didn’t get the chance.
The chief’s radio squawked. Shane and a couple of the firemen who stood nearby paused long enough to listen, then the majority of them—chief included—jumped into action, saying good-byes and disposing of food plates.
“Got a call,” Shane said. “It’s my shift.” He dropped a kiss on her mouth before he took off with the rest of them. She watched as several pieces of equipment peeled from the line, sirens blaring. A number of department members hung back, undeployed, but the mood had shifted.
Once the vehicles had disappeared in the direction of the highway, many of the families left behind began to pack up picnic blankets and lawn chairs. Caitlin turned back to the chief’s wife. “What, exactly, is a Rocky Mountain Oyster?”
“C
alf testicles,” she said. “Sliced and deep fried.”
“I would have killed him,” Caitlin said, side-eyeing Lexi, who had just joined them with an enormous dog attached by a leash.
“And he’d have come back for more,” Lexi said.
“Is that a horse?” Caitlin asked, ignoring the commentary about Shane.
“Nah. It’s just Waffles. He’s a mastiff. And a pain in the butt. I need to get him home before he takes out you, me, and every bite of food left on the table. Otherwise, I’d help you stay and clean up.” She directed the last part toward Mrs. Holloway.
“No need to remind me,” the older woman said with a laugh. “That was the most memorable Christmas parade yet. My granddaughters still ask about the dog that knocked over Santa.”
“Not just Santa,” Lexi said. “The whole sleigh.”
“The sleigh?” Caitlin repeated.
“Yes,” Mrs. Holloway said. “And guess who was in it, playing Santa?”
“Chief Holloway?” Caitlin asked.
“None other.”
Lexi laughed, though it was interrupted by a fierce tug on the leash. “He still reminds me of that moment every chance he gets.”
“I would, too,” Caitlin said. “You go. I’ll help with the food.” She was grateful to have something to do. Something other than trying to figure out this dead-end thing with Shane, which in and of itself was a dead-end thing. She sighed. “If you can use my help, that is.”
“That would be lovely,” Mrs. Holloway said. “To be honest, I’m dying to find out how you snagged that man.”
“Aren’t we all,” Lexi said with a snort. “I’m out of here before this turns into a Shirley MacLaine incident.” No sooner than the words left her mouth, the dog took off, nearly dragging Lexi.
“Good luck,” Caitlin called after her.
“She needs your luck,” Mrs. Holloway said. “That Shane, he’s as sweet as can be. Great at his job, of course, but he’s never kept a woman around long. He’s always wanting to move on to greener pastures.”
Sweet? Ha. Okay, maybe a little, but greener pastures? Oddly, the same thing his friends had accused him of that night she’d been introduced to them at the diner. Caitlin frowned. “I doubt there are many pastures in Denver.”
Mrs. Holloway tsked. “He misses his dad. He truly was a hero and he died that way. We all felt that loss, even before we knew the family, but I don’t think anyone felt it like Shane did.”
“How long ago did it happen?” Caitlin wanted to know—wanted him to be okay—even though it only dragged her deeper into this world that only pretended to be hers.
Mrs. Holloway halted her cleanup, staring momentarily toward the sky. “Twenty years now, I think it’s been.”
Shane would have been about ten then. Several yards away, a little boy, half that, ran and leaped into the arms of a man wearing a fire department shirt. A woman stood nearby, a toddler on her hip, beaming at the pair.
Caitlin couldn’t imagine that kind of loss.
“It’s a dangerous job,” Mrs. Holloway said, following Caitlin’s gaze, “but they take so many precautions. I think a lot of us on the back lines are lulled into a comfort zone. These men and women are heroes. To our children, they’re invincible. It’s impossible to imagine the worst that could happen, and when it does, it’s not something you ever really get over.”
“What happened to Shane’s dad?” Caitlin asked.
“There was a fire in a high-rise. The building was supposedly clear, but Shane’s dad swore he saw someone in an upper window. Half the crew argued with him, but he wouldn’t listen. Went right back up those stairs and found a young woman. He managed to point her in the direction of a fire escape, she said, but he couldn’t get through the same hole in his gear, so he radioed down that he was taking the stairs. That was the last anyone heard from him. There had been a partial collapse inside, and he was pinned.”
Caitlin felt something hot and wet on her cheek and found herself wiping away a tear. Shane’s words from the day her air conditioner caught fire came back to her. And then the goddamned ceiling collapses. He’d startled her then with the sharp words. Now, she understood.
“That woman would have died without him,” Mrs. Holloway continued. “I understand Shane wanting to make that kind of difference. Everyone in the department does. But he needs to fill that hole in himself before he runs off to save an entire city. His father’s legacy isn’t in Denver. It’s inside Shane. I hoped he’d figure that out before he left us.” She smiled and patted Caitlin on the shoulder. “I’m glad he found you.”
“I’m not sure he has,” Caitlin stammered.
Mrs. Holloway handed Caitlin a plate and piled it high with barbecue and coleslaw. “You haven’t been here long enough to see the difference in him,” she said. “The rest of us…well, I’d just about given up, but maybe it’s not too late after all.”
Chapter Sixteen
Shane felt bad for leaving Caitlin like he had, but she seemed to have taken it in stride. The call—an overturned tanker on the interstate—had tied them up for hours dealing with HAZMAT. Anything involving hazardous materials usually did. Fortunately, there hadn’t been any injuries and what had amounted to a minor spill had been contained to the pavement, saving the area from significant environmental impact.
Back at the station, he’d debated contacting Caitlin, but he didn’t know what to say…not that that stopped him from thinking about her all night. Now, it was Sunday. He reported to his new job in eight days, and he still hadn’t checked on that apartment, the idea of which suddenly seemed lonely.
He wanted to call Caitlin, to lose himself in her, but he needed to think.
He needed to figure out who he was without her, because he didn’t recognize that guy anymore. He’d been a little too comfortable with her at the picnic. Being with her felt natural, like something that just fit right, and it wasn’t until he and the guys were standing around at the scene, waiting for HAZMAT to do its job, that he realized how much had changed.
He missed her.
Caitlin felt right.
She had to be wondering why he hadn’t called, but how could he explain that she scared the hell out of him? He had never seen himself settling down—couldn’t imagine having a wife and kids waiting at home to get that call they got when his dad died. That was why he kept things casual, but she’d slipped through whatever defenses he’d once harbored. There’d been fireworks, yeah. But after the explosions calmed and the sparks fell, in the quiet of her bedroom or in the aftermath of an elevator tryst, there was something between them he’d never fully experienced.
Contentment.
He couldn’t remember a moment in his life when he wasn’t mentally plotting his next step. As a kid, he’d just wanted to be like his dad. He spent his high school years gearing up to pursue fire science, then he’d done that and signed on with the department and begun to climb the ladder. That singular focus had been there since the first time he’d stepped into his dad’s boots. His mom had a twenty-eight-year-old picture of him teetering in the oversize boots, a great big smile and a smudge of dirt on his face. That was probably Shane’s oldest memory.
And wasn’t that the gist of it? He’d been driven to this since he was in diapers. No one but Caitlin had ever made him want anything else, but how could he explain that to her? You make me want too much.
For any other man, that wouldn’t be a flaw.
It would mean the world.
She would be the world.
It was a balmy night, perfect for a ride through the mountains, but instead he ended up at the diner, where he sat outside for a few minutes. Even though he’d been hanging out there with the guys for the better part of ten years, everything about the place now reminded him of Caitlin. At this point, he worried everything would.
He might as well eat.
Sighing, he parked the bike, stowed his helmet, and fed a meter. He didn’t need to see the municipal lot or think of how he’d fe
lt when she’d slid her arms around him and held on, much less what had happened thereafter.
She’d changed him, and he didn’t know his way back.
When he walked in, he found the crew at the usual spot. Lexi was glaring at Matt about who-knew-what-now. Jack and Diego had given them some distance, splitting the table and leaving a wide swath of red vinyl between the two sides.
“Thank God,” Jack said when he saw Shane. “We look like a couple over here.”
“You don’t have to sit that close,” Shane said, a forced attempt at joining the fray. “People will talk.”
“Let them,” Diego said. “It’s better than giving Lexi easy access to my fries.”
At the mention of her name, Lexi twisted in her seat to give Diego a dirty look. “I only take the ones you complain about.”
“You complained about fries?” Shane asked. God, it was good to be back with them. Nothing heavy happening there…just the usual bullshit.
“He said they were too hot,” Lexi explained.
“I think I could have waited a moment for them to cool off and they’d have been just fine,” Diego told her.
Lexi ignored him, turning instead to Shane. “Where’s Caitlin?”
He shrugged. “Unpacking, I guess.” Whether she was working late at the store or sitting at home, the same was probably true. He thought about the boxes still scattered about her house, about how she was moving forward. About how he felt stuck.
“I hope you’re taking the boxes for the big move,” Jack said.
“Or maybe he’s decided he’s not going,” Lexi said. “Did you not talk to her?”
“I don’t have much to pack,” Shane said, ignoring the latter question. He figured he’d settle in, then come back one weekend and figure out what to do with the house and its contents, most of which he didn’t need in a furnished apartment.
“You leave Dry Rock,” Lexi said, “you’ll have even less.”
“He’s a grown man, not a stupid kid,” Matt said. “He’s not going to change his life over a woman he’s known less than two weeks.”
Lexi glared. “You think he’s not going to change?” She waved her arm at him, like he was part of the showcase showdown on The Price is Right. “He already has. Look at him.”
Her Sexy Challenge (Firefighters of Station 1) Page 15
