by Kahlen Aymes
When I returned from the bathroom to find her gone, I was indignant; embarrassed even. I hadn’t had a woman walk away from me in, well… ever. I didn’t handle it well. Later in the weekend when I’d figured out the perfect way to get my revenge, I’d been so proud of myself. I gave the entire class that fucking assignment to write about a scenario similar to mine and Addison’s. I’d been a smug asshole, thinking I’d make her read her assignment aloud in class to embarrass her like she’d done to me, but then the unthinkable happened.
Would her rendition of our night get my dick hard and fuck with my head? I imagined it would be full of desire and conflict, but also confusion and… more. Would her version be filled with conflict? The same conflict I felt, but worse. I knew deep down I was a dick for taking advantage of my student. I should have realized she would be overwhelmed and unable resist.
When I sat down to work on my novel after reading what she’d written, I couldn’t concentrate and didn’t get even get a paragraph on the page. Gloria was on my ass daily about my next deadline, and I simply had to do something to get my mojo back. Pride dictated that I couldn’t call Addison, and my recent clarity made it impossible. I was wound as tight as a drum, ready to explode. Racquet ball with my older brother Jefferson was plan B to release the pent-up tension.
“Twenty to ten! You really suck today, bro.” He laughed enthusiastically. I usually kicked his ass. I was younger and in better shape, but today there was no question I was off my form. So much for my theory that physical exertion would shut off my brain. “What’s your problem, anyway?” he asked.
I was sweating my ass off and panting heavily. The saturated terry headband I wore did little to keep the sweat from rolling down and dripping into my eyes. I wiped at the sting with my thumb and forefinger and shot him a dirty look. “Just serve the fucking ball, dickhead. We only have this court for another thirty minutes.”
“More than long enough for me to mop the floor with you,” he said good-naturedly.
“Like hell,” I shot back. “Serve it up!”
Part of me hoped this would be the final point, but I couldn’t give him the satisfaction. The ball came toward me and my arm swung in a wide arc to slam it back at the wall for my brother’s return. “Uhhhhh!” I grunted as I followed through. “Take that you mother fucker,” I muttered, as I readied for another return.
We continued to exhaust ourselves for the next twenty minutes. Somehow, my determination resurfaced, and I’d managed to redeem myself. I got the following eleven points consecutively to win the game.
My legs and arms felt like rubber and I’d tripped and hit the wood after the final return. I groaned and rolled over, pulling my injured knee up inspecting the burn I’d received when it crashed into the floor and skidded across the polished boards. It burned and the skin was removed leaving an angry wound. It stung like a bitch, but I blew it off, wiping at my eyes by pulling on the neck of my T-shirt and using it to mop up the sweat on my face.
“You’ll be okay. I’ve seen your knees look worse than that after a session with Susie Miller in the basement of her parent’s house,” my brother goaded.
I huffed out a laugh and took the hand he offered to help me up. “You were green with envy. Admit it. You spent the prior two years trying to get into her pants, and boom, she wanted me at first sight.”
He laughed as we both walked to the wall, picked up our keys, phones and towels. “Well, I guess you got the dick and I got the brains,” he teased.
My brother was thirty-seven and still a bachelor, though, like me, he didn’t have issues getting laid, but he was committed to my father’s law firm and worked far too much to have any sort of relationship. But then, I wasn’t one to judge. We were both so busy that we rarely got together for workouts or beers these days, so I was thankful he was available when I called him impromptu after my last class. This was the first time I’d had my sex writing class and the first time I’d been in the same room with Addison since she’d left my office on Monday. I was miserable and something had to be done.
“Bull. I got it all, asshole,” I said, amused. “I got it all!” I grinned, slinging the towel around my neck and wiping my forehead after removing the soaked headband. I opened the door to the court and we both walked out into the hall. The courts were on the lower level, and we passed several busy basketball courts on our way to the showers.
His hand landed on my shoulder. “Wanna tell me what’s eating you?” he asked knowingly. We were different in a lot of ways, but he was my only sibling, and we were close.
“What do you mean?” I was fooling no one.
“I know something is on your mind. You aren’t your usual jovial self and you ran yourself into the ground.”
“Don’t flatter yourself.” I took a deep breath, then a long pull from my water bottle. “Do you have time for dinner or a few drinks? I don’t really want to talk about it on campus.”
“It’s Wednesday night, Jax. I still have a lot of work to do.”
“What do you have all of those associates for? Let them do the work.”
His brow shot up as he walked beside me into the men’s locker room. “I do, but I have a hostile takeover going on and I need to read some reports.”
I rolled my eyes. “Sounds ass numbingly boring.”
He opened the padlock on the locker he’d used, as I did the same on mine. “Oh, it is, but it’s a billion-dollar deal, and it has to get done. Dad will kill me if I drop the ball. Money is never boring.”
I stripped off my clothes and grabbed some soap and shampoo from my bag. Taking a towel from the folded stack situated on the counter at the shower room entrance, I left my brother to follow.
I took a quick shower and washed my hair. I didn’t like being buck naked in a place where I could run into students. I reasoned when we were all equally exposed it somehow robbed me of power or respect. But then, I was drenched with sweat and probably reeked, so my sophisticated professor mojo took a hit, but there was no way I could wait until I got back to my penthouse to clean up.
Jeff was still in the shower when I came out, dried off, quickly dressed in the slacks, shirt and jacket I’d worn that day for class. I’d combed my hair when my brother appeared with a towel wrapped around his waist.
I was tying my shoes on the bench in front of the lockers and glanced up at him as he opened the locker and started to dress. “So, what’d you say? A quick dinner?”
“Wanna go to The Gentleman’s Club, instead?” he asked hopefully, slipping on his slacks and buckling up his belt.
It was a topless men’s club in midtown. It was a classy one, for sure, but I wasn’t in the mood when I wanted to unload about my current situation.
“Really?” I asked unenthusiastically.
“Why don’t you want to go? You’re hornier than anyone I know… unless that romance shit you write has suddenly made your dick soft.”
I ran a hand down my face in exasperation. He never could understand my choices about writing. He thought along the same line as my father; that writing was a pussy job. I’d heard the insult enough times to ignore it. “Quite the contrary, but I’m not in the mood to eat a steak while half-naked women shake their tits in my face while refilling my water glass; but hey, if that’s the only way you can get any action…” I let my words drop off. “Weren’t you banging what’s her name? Gretchen something-or-other? That barracuda from Wilson and Wells?” The last I’d heard he was having a hot and heavy fling with an attorney he’d met on a case a few months back.
Jefferson stopped and looked at me. “No. That’s over, but it isn’t like you’re Mr. Meaningful Relationship, either.”
I rolled my eyes and stood up when I was finished putting on my black dress shoes. “Last I checked you don’t have to have a relationship to get nasty between the sheets.” Or in an alley, against a wall, or on the couch, my guilty mind reminded. “Just because you’re not getting laid, don’t assume I’m not,” I barked.
My brot
her put his hands up in front of him, his face clearly concerned. “Whoa, Jax. It’s not like you to jump down my throat, especially about whether or not to hit a titty bar.”
I glanced around, and several students were listening in on our conversation and trying not to laugh. It wasn’t as if I could recognize the faces of every student in my classes; especially not one as big as AOS. “Look, this is where I work, Jeff. Can you eighty-six the titty talk, please? Jesus,” I said under my breath. “We’re going to dinner. Then we can talk. I’m buying.”
After repeated pressure, I’d finally convinced my brother to join me for dinner at Club A Steak, an upscale but casual steak house east of the lower end of Central Park. It had great food and a well-stocked bar; just the place for a good meal where we could actually talk. The ambiance was understated elegance with dark wood, red walls and white linen covering the tables it was comfortably elegant without being ostentatious.
Sitting across from Jeff after we ordered, I wondered if I really wanted to spill my guts about Addison. My brother wasn’t likely to be sympathetic to my being at the mercy of my emotions for the first time. I almost groaned at the private admission.
He reached for a piece of crusty bread that the waiter had just dropped off with our salads and was slathering it with butter. “So? What’s going on?” he asked before taking a bite of the bread.
I reached for my wine glass and took a swallow of the merlot I’d ordered to go with my meal.
“Well?” he demanded after he’d swallowed.
I sighed. “I was seeing someone, and we really connected but then, after we had sex, she ran out of my apartment like I had the plague,” I admitted. My brother stopped mid-chew and grinned.
“You mean for once your dick didn’t do its magic or she wasn’t struck mute by your fame?” Jefferson wasn’t impressed by my publishing or for any fame that it afforded. His tone was droll, and his expression amused. “God, forbid!”
I shook my head and stared at him for a beat. I knew my face held disgust because he never took me seriously. He thought my life was one big party.
“You’re hilarious, Jeff, but do you think you could stop being a prick for five minutes and listen? You said you wanted to know what’s going on so let me explain.” How was I going to lay it out without him laughing his ass off or completely dumping on me for getting involved with a student? He was a lawyer and surely his first instinct would be to warn me of all of the trouble I could get into by fucking one of my students. I inhaled deeply and set the loaded fork I’d been about to put into my mouth down on the salad plate. Suddenly, I wasn’t hungry.
“Jesus, Jax,” he said, sobering. “Is it that bad? You’ve never had trouble with women, so what makes this one different?”
“I don’t know.” I reached for my wine again. “I’m not sure what my next move should be.”
“If she left, then let her be.” Jeff leaned forward and picked up his drink, the ice cubes clinking in the glass as he took a swallow of the single malt scotch. “Clearly, she regrets it.”
I let out a heavy sigh. I’d already considered as much but it wasn’t what I wanted to hear. “I’m trying, but I still see her on campus.”
“Columbia is a big place, bro—”
“Yes, but she’s a student in one of my classes.”
His eyes snapped to my face, and his jaw jutted out. “Are you out of your fucking mind?”
“Maybe,” I said, running a hand through my hair in agitation. “She’s twenty-two.”
“All of your students are over eighteen, Jax. That’s not the issue. There is so much shit going on these days. Any woman who wants to ruin you can make accusations, and you’ll be left to prove your innocence. Maybe not in court, but in the court of public opinion.”
“Thanks, Jeff. That has crossed my mind, but she’s not devious like that. I’m not an idiot!” I was starting to get irritated.
“That’s debatable. Did you stop to think about what would happen to the firm if there is a scandal? How could you be so irresponsible?”
I had to admit he was right, and honestly, I hadn’t. “I wasn’t!” I shook my head in denial. “Something happened,” I said, wanting him to understand. “She’s smart and beautiful, and she’s talented. Her writing—”
“Got your dick hard?” he blasted his interruption. “You put the family reputation at risk to get laid,” he accused, the volume of his voice elevating.
I glanced around, and several people at neighboring tables were looking at us; their prying eyes curious. “Stop, Jeff. You’re not Dad. I don’t need his approval any more than I need yours.”
“No, but he’d say the same thing, and you know it.” He was seething.
I regretted my request to get his advice. I should have known he wouldn’t understand. “I’ve got a lot to lose, too. It’s not that simple.”
“Yes. It is, Jax. You’re in the public eye, the family is well-known, and our firm handles some of the biggest corporate clients in New York. You don’t do something this reckless.”
The waiter came with our steaks and I hadn’t even touched my salad. “Are you finished with this, sir?” he asked. I nodded and he picked up one plate and replaced it with the delicious smelling steak and baked potato.
A stilted silence fell between my brother and me while we attempted to eat, and finally, his anger had cooled enough that he spoke. “Did you at least get her to sign an NDA? He looked up at me expectantly, about to fork a piece of his steak into his mouth. “Well?” he asked again, then took the bite and chewed, still waiting for my answer.
This was getting worse by the second. “We discussed it, but no. Not yet.”
“I’ll draw something up,” he said, shaking his head in disapproval. “And backdate it for before your encounter. Will she sign it?” Jefferson’s condemnation was written all over his face.
“Yes, I feel certain that she will. She isn’t like—” I paused, wanting to say the usual gold diggers that made him so cynical. “any of my previous relationships.”
“You’re calling a one-night stand a relationship? That’s a new one, even for you, Jax,” he said with disgust.
I was pissed at his reckless dismissal of my character. “You know, your pompous holier-than-thou attitude is getting old, Jeff! I didn’t mean to pursue her. I didn’t mean to want her. I didn’t plan any of it!”
“Really? If you weren’t planning to bang her, then why the need for an NDA at all?” he accused.
I almost threw my fork down and it made a loud noise as it crashed into the plate. I grit my teeth as fury exploded inside me. My brother’s liaisons were more like contractual agreements. As far as I was concerned, he was in no position to lecture me on relationships. Usually, I might have felt the same, but Addison was different.
“She has amazing talent as a writer, but what she writes—” I started, frustrated by the need to explain any of it as if I were a naughty child being scolded. If I said they moved me, Jeff would just make another dismissive dick joke? I paused for a beat. “Her words paint a picture, and I was completely sucked in. I wanted to help her career, but I wasn’t dumb enough to believe that if we got into a room and talked about it or started writing about sex, or worked closely together, that I’d be able to resist her.”
Jefferson sat back in his chair and wiped his mouth with the white linen napkin that the waiter had laid in his lap at the start of our meal. “That’s something, at least. If only your dick and constitution were as strong as your intentions,” he chided.
My jaw set. He was so fucking predictable; I wondered how he ever won a court case. His opponents surely knew is every move in advance.
I was ready to blow, and I knew the restaurant wasn’t the place to do it, so I leaned forward so I could lower my voice. I was seething. “Who in the hell do you think you are to lecture me? The women you screw are little more than high-class hookers!”
He smiled arrogantly. “Humph! It’s a lot safer than going balls deep with som
e little damsel in distress who will turn devious once she has you where she wants you. I’m just asking you to use the head above your belt before you risk the family reputation by using the one below.”
God! I thought furiously.
“When did you turn into such a sanctimonious and condescending bastard? I’m fucked up over this, Jeff. I’ve never been this drawn to a woman before. She’s in my head.” I felt like an idiot trying to justify any of this to Jefferson.
He resumed eating his meal, unperturbed. His ability to be so cold undoubtedly suited him in court, where I needed mine to write well. We’d always dealt with things differently, so I wasn’t sure why I thought he’d be able to offer any advice.
“It sounds to me like you are your main problem, Jax, not this young woman. Just keep your distance. Find another woman to distract you and move on.”
I shook my head, disgusted. “I wish it were that easy. I still want to help her. She’s brilliant and deserves to be published.”
“I’ve told you what I think. If you choose to ignore what I say, then so be it. I’ll need her name and address before I can draw up the non-disclosure. I’ll send it over on Monday. Get her to sign it, Jax. Whether you keep fucking her or not, you’ll be protected,” Jeff said seriously.
“I’m not some twenty-year-old walking around with my dick in my hand, asshole,” I spat. Internally, I was kicking myself that I’d let her leave my office thinking I was finished with her.
Forgive me. Her words reverberated through my soul and made my heart leap inside my chest. So much, that for the first time in my life, I was paralyzed while my head, heart and libido duked it out. Now, in retrospect, I wished I’d acted differently. The intense connection I felt to Addison wouldn’t just go away but I told myself I could turn the situation more professional. I truly wanted to see her published: to see her books on the shelves next to mine… almost as much as I wanted to possess her. Could I separate the two long enough to mentor her? If I were honest with myself, I didn’t know for sure, but for her sake, I had to try.
