by Kahlen Aymes
“You’re too hard on yourself,” I admonished.
Luke was driving around the block, dealing with the one-way streets and looking for a place to park. “Jesus, this is going to be impossible, Addy.”
“Yeah, I should have walked; that was my original plan.”
He looked defeated. “I could drop you off, but I had hoped to go in with you. I wanted to see the inside of the office.”
“I’m not going to meet with Gloria or anything, Luke. I’m just running this in and dropping it with the receptionist.” I held up the yellow envelope I’d just removed from my backpack.
In that second, Luke came upon someone leaving their metered parking space along the sidewalk. “Look!” he said. “It’s fate!”
My lips pressed together in a half-assed smile. I mean, what could I say without letting him see how reluctant I was to have him go with me. “Yay!” I said, without feeling it.
“This is exciting!” he said.
“There are still a few minutes on the meter. That should be enough,” I said, leaving my book bag on the floorboard and opening the passenger side door.
Luke got out and came around, digging in his pocket for his wallet and opening it. “I can swipe my card. Maybe we’ll get lucky?” He smiled wide.
Ugh. I did not need this complication, and I could already hear Jax’s annoyed tone in my head. “Gloria is super busy. Honestly, it’s not necessary, Luke.”
He shrugged sadly, shoving the wallet into in his back pocket. “Okay. I guess just being in the same space as some of the greats will have to do.”
He followed me the few doors down and into the lobby of the building.
“This is fantastic,” he muttered, looking around.
I reached out to push the elevator button. The silver doors slid open and a man and woman got out. The man held the door for us, and we thanked him.
I held my breath, praying Gloria wouldn’t be in reception or come out of her office.
I moved fast when we’d reached the agency office. Stella was sitting at her desk and looked up when I opened the glass doors leading inside. “Hi, Stella.”
“Here is the contract!” I smiled and the corners of her lips lifted in response.
“Thank you! Gloria will be happy! She’s been waiting for it.” Her eyes flew to Luke. “Who’s this?” she asked.
“Yes, who’s this handsome young man?” Gloria’s voice called from around the corner, waltzing down the hallway toward us. Decked out in another all-black suit but this time paired with a magenta blouse. Luke’s eyes widened when he took in her elegant form.
I inwardly groaned as Luke ate up the attention. This would mean Jax would be told that I’d brought Luke into the agency office.
“Stella, Gloria, this is my friend, Luke.”
“Hi, Luke,” Stella beamed.
“Luke…” Gloria slowly extended her hand in his direction. “Jax’s T.A. from Columbia?”
His expression lit up, clearly pleased she’d heard of him. “Yes, ma’am. I’m so pleased to meet you. You’re a legend.”
“Let’s not go overboard, honey” Gloria mocked wryly, though clearly, she was eating up the attention. “Are you a writer, too?”
“Yes. I’m working on something actually,” Luke answered. Exuberance emanated from every exited pore.
“Well, working under Jax is a start,” she said, looking pointedly at me. What a bitch, I thought, my breath leaving my chest.
“We don’t mean to interrupt your day, Gloria. I dropped the contract with Stella. We’ll be going now.” I grabbed Luke’s arm, my fingers curling around the fabric of his coat and giving a light tug. “See ya!”
“Wait! What’s your hurry, Addy?” Gloria halted me before I could turn away.
“Luke has plans, and he drove me. It was cold out.” I was rambling, my mind racing to figure out how to get the hell out of there and then call Jax to tell him before Gloria did. Surely, she’d be on the phone before the elevator hit the first floor, and so fast it would make my head spin.
“I see,” Gloria stated, her eyebrow shooting up as she made eye contact with me.
Shit. I was doomed.
“Luke, will you be contacting Jax? Can you come in a minute?”
“Gloria,” I began, protesting.
“What?” she asked innocently. “His publisher at S & S sent something over for him and it would be a big help if you’d get it to him. If you can hold on just a few minutes?”
Jax is in the Smokey Mountains, so is Luke supposed to catch a cab to Tennessee, now? I wondered, annoyed.
“It’s okay, Addy,” Luke smiled at the other two women. “I mean, I’d love to check out the books in the library, at least. Just for a minute.”
“Oh, sure, look around. I just thought that if Luke is sending mail to Jax, I might as well just toss this in?”
Luke was clearly pleased to be of help if the goofy, star-struck expression on his face was anything to judge by. “Sure. No problem!”
Gloria glanced over her shoulder to Stella as she began to usher us down the hall toward her office. “Get that to legal right away, Stells,” Gloria murmured her assistant’s nickname as she casually strolled away toward a conference room to one side. “Then bring in that package we have for Jaxon. Remember, the one on my desk? From Miss Goldstone?”
“Yes, ma’am,” Stella answered, quickly turning to exit the office.
A feeling of dread washed over me. I wasn’t sure why, but it was a gut feeling. “What is it?” I couldn’t help but ask.
“No idea. But frankly, I wish they’d leave him the hell alone,” she brushed me off with a quick smile, then redirected her attention to my friend. “So, tell me about your novel, Luke,” Gloria gushed, as she closed the door behind us.
An uncomfortable half an hour later, I felt like a prisoner sitting there while Luke discussed his spy novel idea, and they talked about a series. Gloria was gracious with her time, filling Luke’s head with dreams and I wondered, why, if it were this easy, it was so difficult to get her to even read my work?
Stella knocked on the door and entered with a rectangular package wrapped in brown paper. Gloria waved her in the direction of Luke and the woman handed it to Luke. It was generically wrapped, and I tried to see what was written on the outside.
“Is Jax getting back a round of edits?” I asked cautiously.
Gloria offered a conspicuously, coy smile. “Jax is old school so I’d say yes if he had anything finished. He likes his edits on a traditional mock-up. He thinks it’s easier, though I think it slows us down. I think this is just another project the publisher wants his input on. Nothing to worry about, Addy. Just business as usual, darling. I sometimes have authors read each other’s stuff for editorial reviews and I’m sure this is no different. Tit for tat and all that.”
True, Jax hadn’t mentioned he’d submitted any chapters for early edits, but if so, then it would mean he was making good progress, and my heart fell a little when Gloria said it was something else. I couldn’t voice my concern for Jax’s lack of pages because then Luke would be privy to our real relationship.
“So, what do you think, Ms. Sussex? What do you think of my series idea?” Luke’s boyish charm exuded toward the older woman, but she seemed immune. His eagerness was evident in his single focus on his book.
Gloria, who had been gauging my reaction, broke eye contact and offered Luke a smile accompanied by raised eyebrows. “Ummm… I think, it’s a good idea, but it will need some work, though you’ve got one thing in your favor; it’s a less competitive genre. God knows, I’ve been after Jax for years to break from Romance.” She rolled her eyes and pursed her bright red lips.
Again, I was perplexed. She was making a great living off of Jax’s romance career. Gloria was a swath of contradictions, today.
“Thank you for the encouragement. Addy is...” He began, then I nudged him before he spilled the beans that I was working with him on his manuscript.
“Le
t’s go, Luke. I have to get back and I’m sure Gloria has loads of work to do.”
The other woman’s eyes drifted suspiciously between Luke and me though she didn’t voice her thoughts.
Luke stood up awkwardly. “Oh, I’m sorry for taking so much time. May I submit my book when it’s finished?”
Gloria’s bland expression suddenly turned excited. “Sure thing, hon, but just the first three chapters is all we need to take a look. My slush pile is overflowing, as it is! It might take me a while to get to it, but if Stella reads those chapters and thinks it’s worth a read, I’ll give it a go. Eventually.”
It was obvious to me that Luke was being given the brush-off, though he was too enamored with Gloria and the entire possibility that he didn’t have a clear picture. The likelihood of Gloria taking Luke, or his book, seriously was about the same as a snowball’s chance in hell. I could see it plainly. I felt bad for my friend and resentment welled up that one person held someone’s future success or failure in her hands.
Luke was still chatting on and on about how wonderful Gloria was and how amazing experiencing the agency was, but I was deep in thought.
“Have you ever thought of self-publishing, Luke?” I asked casually as we walked out of the building and onto the busy sidewalk.
“Well, sure, but why? I mean, if Gloria takes it…”
“Big if,” I pointed out wryly.
He paused and looked at me, a frown settling on his brow. “That’s great. You get a shot and I don’t?” he shot back.
My mouth dropped open, and I shook my head. “That’s not what I meant, but she’s the queen of blowing sunshine. If something doesn’t happen with my book, I might try self-publishing myself. Who needs to wait around forever for one person to read your book? I’m just saying… it’s an option. For both of us.”
His face softened and he nodded, continuing to the car and unlocking the door for me, then holding it open. “Oh. Okay. I see. But it’s my dream to be pub’d by a huge house.”
Don’t we all? I asked myself silently.
Once in the car, we made plans to go back to Jaxon’s office, where we would put Gloria’s package with the rest of his forwarded mail to be sent to him the following morning. Jax’s office was a mess, far worse than when he was working there.
“I guess you hang out in here a lot, lately, huh? It looks like you live here.” There was trash overflowing the wastebasket, empty Chinese food containers on the big desk as well as several water bottles and open pop cans. He sat the wrapped package he’d brought from Gloria’s office on the corner of the desk, dropping his backpack on the floor next to it.
“Yeah, it’s easier. Don’t worry, I’ll get the place cleaned up before Michael’s gets back.” He smirked with a wink.
My eyebrows shot up as I sat my book bag down on one end of the brown leather sofa. “You better.”
“Yeah. He’d kill me, but I’ve been working so much I just haven’t made the time.” Luke shrugged, rummaging around looking for something. “Where did I put that box?” he muttered to himself, still looking around the room moving trash and items around. “I’ve got a FedEx box addressed and ready to go, I just have to find it.” He picked up an old pizza box and flung it over a chair to continue his search, and in doing so, knocked over one of the half-full cans on the desk. The contents spilled over onto the expensive desk and the fresh package Gloria had sent.
“Luke! Be careful!” I cautioned, rushing over to catch it. I scrambled, looking for something to wipe up the liquid, but I could only find one or two half-used napkins. “Oh, God! Hurry! Whatever is in this package is going to be ruined!” Not to mention the antique desk that was getting a bath as well.
“Oh, hell!” he exclaimed, trying to use the sleeve of his shirt to mop up some of the mess. “Fuck!”
“Yeah, he’s going to be livid,” I added, knowingly. I picked up the package and carried it to the wastebasket, quickly brushing off the puddle of liquid sitting on top into the waiting bin. The address and Jax’s name written in black sharpie was smeared, and the lightweight paper wrapping was saturated.
Luke pulled off his shirt and then his T-shirt, using the second to mop up the desk’s surface. We were left with two or three sticky and soggy piles; I was holding the ruined package in my hands.
I stood staring down at it, unknowing what to do, but the wet wrapping was only going to damage it more, so I pulled it free, thinking I could do my best to dry off the cover pages and rewrap it before mailing. I pulled the wet layer free, but the manuscript underneath was damaged, the ink running together. It was a pile of generic copy paper, with a note on top, scrawled in messy cursive Sharpy that was starting to bleed across the yellow Post-it.
This is super! So glad you’ve got it done! We’ll make the production schedule after all! I’ll have creative email next week with cover ideas. Here is the first round of edits. Bravo!
~Marcia
Jax didn’t say anything about being finished with his manuscript… why wouldn’t he say anything? And why, if he was done, would he need to go to the cabin to write? My brow furrowed as I tried to work through it. He wasn’t working on it when he was with me. We always worked on my book, so when did he work on it, if not at the cabin, these past weeks?
“What is it?” Luke demanded harshly. “I am so screwed. Gloria Sussex is never going to take me seriously now. Is it a book from some famous author that’s ruined?”
My eyes glanced down sadly at the stack of wet paper in my hand. My heart started to pound inside my chest, and I couldn’t breathe. The title and author name screamed up at me in three-D cartoon fashion.
Uncontrollable
By
Jaxon Michaels
I gasped and sank down on one of the chairs in front of the desk, disbelieving. My heart stopped as the title resonated. I lifted the limp cover page and then another until I saw the start of the novel. My novel. The title had been modified slightly, dropping the word “love” giving it a more masculine tenor, but there was no mistaking my words. Would he submit my book as his own? The room shrunk and I felt like I was drowning and clawing for the surface, and that lifesaving first breath.
The earth had opened up and swallowed me whole, blood rushing in my ears drowned out the sound of Luke’s startled voice.
He wouldn’t do this to me, would he?
“Addy, what is it?” Luke asked, rushing toward me. “What is it, for God’s sake?”
I glanced up, holding the soggy source of my misery upon my bent knees. My mouth moved, but no words came out. My chest heaved and my eyes flooded. I was speechless. Stunned. Was this real? It was the ultimate betrayal. My heart wanted to give Jax the benefit of the doubt.
Gloria’s words rang in my head; “He’s always got some little hottie on the hook; promising her the moon…”
I felt sick.
“What is it?” Luke asked again. “You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”
“It’s my…” I sucked in as much breath as my traitorous lungs would allow. “Mine.” I shook my head incredulously, beginning to wring my hands desperately. “This is my book.”
I glanced up at Luke again. “What?” he asked incredulously. “Then, why is the professor’s name on it? Do you think the publisher made a mistake?”
Tears rolled down my face and I shook my head. I didn’t want to doubt Jax’s intentions, but how could he let this happen? If Gloria was sending it to him after first round editing, he had to know about it, but she didn’t.
I shrugged. I was so hurt that I couldn’t wrap my heart around it. No, it was no mistake. My heart was breaking, and it felt as if my skin was literally melting off of my body. “I don’t think so,” I said brokenly. I wanted to ask Luke if Jax hooked up with students in the past, but I couldn’t get the words out. The last thing he needed was to be shoved into the middle of this mess.
“Well, I’m a witness!” Luke seemed keen to place the blame on Jaxon. Too keen, for my bruised emotions.
“To what?” I asked incredulously. “You’ve only read one chapter. That first assignment. You can’t say this is my book, not for sure.”
“Well, we won’t let him do this, Addy.”
I squared my shoulders and stood up, still holding the messy pile of wet copy paper. “What are you gonna do? You can’t ruin your career. You have to graduate!” I was drowning, not sure where to turn or what to do, but I knew I had to get the fuck out of that office. Now.
“But…!” Luke began. “This is wrong.”
“It’s my problem. I shouldn’t have been so stupid.” I sucked in a gasping breath as my world exploded, and I burst out the office door with a bang. “Consider this a lesson in publishing 101. For both of us.”
“It’s not published yet. Maybe there is something you can do,” Luke called, hovering in the half-open doorway to Jax’s office.
I was still stuck in a stunned vacuum. Could I go against someone as huge as Jaxon Michaels and S and S publishing? In that second, I didn’t have the money or the constitution, but I’d damn well from this.
The book I’d been writing for years was lost… but the worst thing was that someone I had believed in, trusted with my book, my body, and most of all… my heart, seemed to be so much less than I thought he was… and that was what broke my heart.
22
On Saturday morning, my eyes were bloodshot from staring at the computer screen all night. I reached for the piss warm mug of coffee that was sitting on the desk next to my open laptop and cringed when the tepid liquid hit my lips, quickly setting it down again. It had been sitting on one of those dumb mug warmers my mother had gotten me for Christmas the first year I started writing, but it had obviously seen better days.
I was in the zone and feeling focused. I glanced down at my word count and was surprised. I’d managed to get another ten thousand words down since overnight and the story was really starting to take shape. Gloria had even laid off since I’d called her yesterday and told her I was making good progress. I’d barely noticed the night had given way to the dawn. I hadn’t stopped to Skype with Addison. For the first time since I met her, my mind had been completely consumed in the story.
