by Kahlen Aymes
The phone inside my backpack started to ring, the ringtone of Heart’s Barracuda telling me it was Gloria. I quickly dug the phone out and answered.
“Hi, Gloria.”
“Hi, there. Stella has the contract at the reception desk of my office. Can you pop over and sign it? I can get you a job pretty quickly if you do.”
“It’s just about the ghostwriting thing?”
“Yes, just the typical legalese. Just our firm’s standard agreement with your name added. Not a big deal, but I can’t move on it until it’s inked.”
“Does it cover your agency representing me for my own book?” I asked. My hand smoothed down the black knit of my yoga pants.
“That will come, soon enough. I promise, but I need to get this one in the can. Can you make it over? If not, I can messenger it to you.”
I hesitated briefly. I knew I should speak to Jax about it, but it might add fuel to the fire, and the last thing he needed was more distractions or more conflict with his agency. In a split second I made the decision.
A meeting with Gloria would give me a valid excuse for not being in class today, depending on what Luke told him. Shit. I was screwed where Jax was concerned either way, and I wasn’t sure if he’d understand, but I’d rather beg forgiveness than ask permission; after all, I wanted him to see me as a woman, his equal and not his student, and I’d be getting paid to write.
Jax’s class dismissed in thirty minutes, and I realized he’d be calling me right after, demanding, confrontational, maybe unforgiving. My heart rose to my throat.
“I’ll come there,” I said before I could change my mind.
Rushing through campus along College Walk toward Broadway I almost stopped three times, second-guessing my decision.
I stopped for the fourth time, but this time, reversed my direction. I had to speak to Jax. I’d never feel secure in what I was doing until I passed it by him, and even though he would be upset that I shared too much with Luke, I had to hope he’d understand.
My feet moved one in front of the other more and more confidently. I ignored the cold weather and the chill the wind created as it sliced through my leggings and fitted jacket. Finally, I made it across campus and to the faculty building that housed Jax’s office. I sat, waiting in one of the wooden chairs in the hall outside his office. The wooden door was shut, and the frosted glass dark indicating no lights were on inside.
I fully expected him to text or call when his class ended, but he didn’t, and the minutes dragged on. My apprehension began to grow again as the hallways filled with students who were making their way between classes or to meet with their faculty advisors.
I hunched over my knees, resting my elbows there as I clasped my hands together. I stood and started to pace back and forth in front of the bench, leaving my book bag sitting there.
About to check my phone again, he appeared at the top of the antique stairwell. I sucked in my breath and waited. He was reading pink message notes he must have collected from the faculty lounge. A frown dropped his masculine brow, his face as handsome as ever.
Tears pricked the back of my eyes, and my throat tightened. I could only pray that I hadn’t ruined everything. I blinked back the tears and lifted my eyes to his approaching form, but this time, his deep blue eyes locked with mine. His expression softened, and he nodded toward his office as he passed me.
He systematically and unhurried, unlocked the door, opening it, and waited for me to preceed him inside. I did so without speaking, and he flipped on the lights and closed the door behind him.
He didn’t seem angry, but I still felt like hell. I put a hand to my face as I felt it flush. I swallowed hard at the lump in my throat.
“Take a seat, Addison.” His voice, while still deep and sensuous was measured.
I sank into one of the wooden chairs in front of his desk, remembering the first time I’d been in this room filled with awe of him, and how he’d confessed his desire to work with me, and just… his desire for me. Now it seemed like a million years away. There was a distance that I hated, one that I’d created.
Tears flooded my eyes and dripped down my cheeks. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have confided in Luke, but after you left me last night, Gloria called.”
He paused, contemplating his words. He nodded then went to sit on the edge of his desk, crossing his arms across his chest. “Luke mentioned it,” he said softly, his eyes studying me. My heart broke. He was right in front of me but felt like he was a million miles away.
“I never intended to tell him about my book, but I started crying when I tried to tell him that I couldn’t help with his. I mean, how could I when I couldn’t even get mine published? Everything sort of just spilled out.”
“Everything?” he questioned.
I shook my head adamantly. “Not everything. Just that you were helping me connect with your agent and with a few edits.”
Jax nodded again. “Did she tell you it wasn’t good or that she just hasn’t gotten to it?”
“She said she didn’t have time to read the entire thing. She offered to sign me as a ghostwriter so at least I could earn some money until she can work on it.”
Jax pushed away from the desk. “No.”
“Why?” I shrugged.
“Because you’re too good to write under someone else’s name, Addison, and you’ll kick yourself in the ass when it sells millions of copies. I hope you’re not considering it.”
“She said it would get my foot in the door with a few publishers before graduation, and I could make some money.”
“You don’t need money.” He was doing it again; staring out the window with his back to me. “I can take care of you.”
I stood. “I know you would, and I love you for it. But I need to do this on my own. At least, mostly.” I brushed the tears away. “Try to understand.”
He turned and closed the space between us. I needed to touch him, and I reached out and laid a hand on his chest. “I understand, but please don’t ghostwrite. I know how to make her work on your book. Your book.” His hand came up to cover mine warmly and he bent to kiss my mouth so softly it hurt. It was poignant and tender, my heart exploded. His thumb brushed away an errant tear. When his lips lifted from mine, they hovered as his forehead touched mine. I closed my eyes. “Trust me.” Our breaths mingled and I sucked his in. I loved him so much. I should have known he’d center me, protect me, and know what to do.
“She wants you to finish yours.”
He nodded. “Yes. I’d drop her like a rock, but getting a new agent is messy, and she’s a vindictive bitch. I can take it, but let’s just get you published and then we’ll both walk.”
“Okay,” I agreed, sliding my arms around his waist. He pulled me close to his chest in a tight hug. I’d never felt so safe.
He rubbed my back and buried his face in my hair. “I just spoke to the dean and she’s agreed to let me take a month off. I’m going to my cabin in the Smokey’s to finish my book.”
I pulled back to look into his beautiful face. “What?”
“I’ll go bang it out. Sadly, I have to leave my biggest distraction behind.” He smiled and bent to kiss me again softly, his lips teasing mine, brushing and coaxing them open with the tip of his tongue. “You have to finish this semester, but I want you to come and join me for Christmas.”
My heart filled with love and joy. I slid my hands up his chest around his neck. I had to stand on tiptoe to reach his mouth. His arms tightened and lifted me off of the ground and my hands threaded in the hair at his nape. “I’d love to. I’ll miss you until then.”
“I know, me too. The class assignment is to start a novel. Just turn in your first three chapters and concentrate on your other classes while I’m gone. Luke won’t question it, and I’ll be working with him via the university website.”
It occurred to me that I hadn’t been without him even one day since the beginning of the semester and I couldn’t help the twinge of sadness I already felt at the prospect of not seeing him
. “Can I help him, then?”
“Hmmm,” he teased. “With his novel?”
“Uh huh.”
“Novel yes, out of his pants, into yours, not a chance.”
“I’d never let anyone else touch me.”
He bent and kissed me hungrily, our lips and mouths feasting on each other’s. It was a glorious dance of giving and taking. He was delicious and I wanted him.
It felt wonderful to be all wrapped up in his strong arms. This man was home to me and I loved him so much it hurt. My heart shattered into a million pieces, its shards ripping through my chest. It was a delicious mixture of euphoria and pain and I couldn’t get close enough as new tears squeezed from the corners of my closed eyes.
When our kiss finally broke, Jax set me back down on the floor but kept his arms tight around my body. “So, you love me, huh?” A slow, sensual smile lifted the corners of his mouth and dimples appeared in both cheeks.
I smiled through my tears and hugged him tighter. I nodded against his chest and I felt his lips come down on the top of my head. His solid body against mine always brought mine to life, stirring a passion that only he inspired, but more than anything, I wanted to be held close, to feel his heart next to mine, to know he was mine. Forever. “I do.”
His hand stroked the back of my hair and tilted my face up to his. “I love you, too, Addison. I’ve never said that to anyone until you.”
My mouth dropped open in a small, joyous gasp. “I love you, so much…Professor Panty-melter,” I teased, happily.
Jax laughed out loud. “Hey, now.”
“Oh, come on! You knew everyone refers to you that way.”
“You’re the only one who has first-hand knowledge, though.”
I sobered for a moment. “Gloria said you have taken young writers under your wing before me.”
Jax’s mouth hardened as anger flashed across his mouth. “She’s lying, Addison. She’s nothing more than a manipulative bitch.”
“She wants you for herself.”
“So?” Jax dismissed. “Does this feel like it’s normal for me? I’ve never risked everything on a relationship before. Isn’t it obvious?”
I touched his cheek, the tip of my finger just tracing where his dimple lived. I nodded, my eyes meeting his and not wavering. “Yes.”
“I want this to work and not just for a semester, or a year. It will all work out and we’ll have our own happily ever after. Only your panties melting from now on, I promise.” He smiled against my lips as I let out a giggle.
“What more could a girl ask for?”
He picked me up, and I wrapped my legs around his waist as he walked to the door and locked it, then turned and dropped me on his leather couch, only to follow me down.
“I’m sure you’ll think of something,” he answered, before his mouth and body began to work their magic.
21
Jax had been gone two weeks. I hadn’t realized how much I’d come to rely on seeing him or how much I’d miss him.
We promised each other that we’d only FaceTime on Friday nights when our regular work session was usually scheduled; only now, we talked about Jax’s book, instead of mine.
The separation was misery. The calls helped, and I was trying to keep busy, but my heart was heavy. He was making decent progress on his manuscript, and that was a good thing, but I was missing him desperately.
That old saying about “absence making the heart grow fonder” might not be true when you’re already in love with someone, but damn if knowing I wouldn’t see him for weeks didn’t make me ache.
Jax texted a few times throughout each day and I looked forward to every message; anxiously grabbing my phone whenever it pinged. It was almost obnoxious how I waited for those pings.
“Hey, where’d. you go?” Luke roused me out of my reverie.
“Oh, sorry,” I answered, snapping out of my daydream. I wondered if I should tell Luke about my new contract with Bloom & Wandough Literary. Excitement that Gloria had signed me was bubbling inside, and I wanted to talk about it. I’d been surprised she still wanted to represent me, considering how disappointed she was when I’d called and told her that I’d changed my mind about being a ghostwriter. Honestly, I was torn about it. I understood Jax’s objection, but I also saw Gloria’s point about how it would help establish me with publishers.
The signed contract was nestled inside a manila envelope in my backpack, and I was going to take it over as soon as we were finished.
We’d just gotten coffee and were seated in a small coffee bar on the edge of campus. I’d asked Luke to meet me there on purpose. It was closer to the agency on this side of the university property. It was cold, but I hoped to save the cab fare. This was a chance to help him and warm up before the second leg of my walk.
“How do you think I’m doing? With taking over Michael’s class?”
“Oh, you’re doing great.”
“Well, I mean,” Luke began, shrugging sheepishly, “it’s not difficult considering everyone is just using class time to write their stories. I feel like a literary babysitter, more than anything else.”
I smiled. “Being in charge of hundreds of students is a big responsibility for a T.A. You’re still available to help with office hours, right?”
He picked up a piece of pound cake he’d purchased and took a bite. “Yes,” he said, between chews, “and, at least it gives me time to work on my own book this way. What do you think of it so far?” I could see the anxious anticipation written all over his face.
I sighed and shifted in my seat. Everyone was working on their books. The class, Luke, Jax… everyone except me. Gloria had said she’d read it and get me any suggested edits, so it was basically a waiting game. Maybe after having the contract in hand, she’d be more motivated.
I was able to look over Luke’s current chapters on my laptop. He’d emailed what he had already finished to me the week before, but today I wanted to talk to him about some holes in his plot.
“I think you need to flesh out your main character’s backstory more; it will invest the reader’s more in his arc and keep them reading to find out his outcome. It can be a gradual process throughout your story or through his thoughts when something else that might be connected to his past happens. Just give more about the history and why he chose to be a detective, or were there some losses or major events that made that choice mean more?”
Luke agreed. “I see where you’re going.” He pushed the remainder of his cake aside, took out his laptop and flipped it open. He began taking notes as I spoke. “That’s good. Do you have time to help me? Fill in the holes?”
“Um…” I began. Jax had warned me not to do the work for Luke, or it would be my voice in the writing. I really needed to deliver my contract. A pleasurable and incredulous shiver ran through me. My contract. In a million years, I never thought I’d be saying that to myself, and definitely not before completing undergrad. “I’d love to, but there is somewhere I need to be.”
“Really? Where? I can drive you.” He looked at me hopefully. “Then can you work on it with me?”
It was clear that I had to establish the boundaries, but in a gentle way. I had to make a split-second decision…. “I have to drop off a contract to Bloom and Wandough.”
His head cocked to one side as he paused typing to meet my eyes. “That’s Dr. Michael’s agency. Is it for him? I thought you weren’t working as his T.A.? I thought he was so adamant you couldn’t?”
I pressed my lips together, the words wanting to burst forth. “It’s for me.”
Luke’s mouth dropped open in awed surprise. “They’re representing you? Holy crap! That’s amazing, Addy!”
“It’s not that big of a deal,” I dismissed. “Gloria thinks my book needs a ton of work and she’s not even gonna look at it for weeks or maybe even months, I’m sure.”
“Is it the one I’ve read most of?” He asked. “Uncontrollable Love?”
I nodded, trying to downplay it. I wasn’t sur
e of the title, or at least, Gloria didn’t seem to be impressed by it. She said it was too prose. “That’s the text. We might change the title. Gloria Sussex hates it, and bashing it is pretty much the only feedback I’ve gotten from her so far. I don’t think she’s read much of it.”
“She had to have looked at it to offer to represent you. Or, she could have pawned you off on a more junior agent.” It seemed like Luke was working through his own, somewhat removed thoughts.
“She read a few chapters.” I shrugged, and could see he was wondering the true nature of my relationship with the professor, so I kept talking. “She trusts Dr. Michael’s opinion, I guess.”
It seemed to pacify Luke. “It’s incredible he’s behind you. If you weren’t such a great writer, I’d be pissed. I really need your help, Addy. I can take you over there, we can drop off whatever you need to and then find somewhere to work. Deal?”
He looked so boyish and eager; I couldn’t say no, but I’d keep my remarks to leading him in the right direction. “Okay, sure.”
His eyes lit up with a smile. “Great! Let’s go!”
It wasn’t five minutes later, and we both had our stuff shoved back into our book bags, our coats on, and coffee in hand then rushing out of the coffee shop, into his beat-up old Mustang and headed across town to Gloria’s office in heavy traffic. Luke wanted to know how the contract came about and how I’d met Gloria and I gave him a watered-down version of it.
“Dr. Michael’s liked my first assignment, asked to see me and said I had potential. Then he arranged a meeting with Gloria. I had to keep it quiet because, obviously, he can’t do that for everyone.”
“Obviously,” he answered wryly. “Most don’t have your talent!”
“I was flattered, for sure. Hopeful and unbelieving.” I was still embarrassed that Jax had singled me out. He had convinced me that I had potential, however, part of me still wasn’t sure that Jax would have done so much for me if we weren’t involved.
“No shit! I would have been speechless!” He laughed happily. “Maybe when you’re big and famous, you can get her to read one of my manuscripts; provided it doesn’t suck ass.”
