Life Begins

by Jack Gunthridge

  We then talked about everything. We talked about what we wanted out of the other person. We talked about what we wanted our relationship to be like. It was a real compromise. I would forgive her all of the hurts of the past. She would forgive me for everything wrong that I had done that hurt her. We went from my declaration of independence to a constitution that defined our relationship and our roles.

  ~~~

  He's not kidding. We actually drafted a constitution that night. He put in there the reasons that we could and could not break up. He put a lot of his neurotic tendencies in there.

  For the first few months of our relationship, we would have report cards. He made us come up with a list of things that were important for us to have in a mate, and we would grade each other in these areas. He would then add areas that he felt insecure about.

  This was for the first, second, and third month anniversaries. We then didn't have one until our sixth month anniversary. From there it was every six months.

  At first I thought that he was crazy for doing this, but I actually kind of liked it. We would have the usual romantic anniversary. He would then spend the night at my place. We messed around a little on the bed. We then whipped out the report cards and discussed our relationship.

  It gave us a time to discuss stuff that you don't normally bring up in a relationship for fear of hurting the other person. And it was nice to hear what he felt insecure about. And as a woman, I liked being able to have the freedom to say, "You know I would like it if you would…" And we did it all with the understanding that it was to make us better as a couple and to not tear down the other person.

  His legalistic tendencies were actually helpful. As much as they can drive me crazy at times, I did like this.

  ~~~

  Whatever. I had her in an airtight contract. We were officially a couple. That was all that mattered to me after all of the years of fooling around and not being anything more than friends. We couldn't break up for a stupid reason. Our union would be based on discussions and what we both agreed on. Nobody would have a majority control and dictate what we should do. We would come together and decide everything as a couple. We both had veto power. We could invoke that power at any time, but we had to provide our reasons for being against something. We then had discussions and worked out a compromise.

  We worked out lots of deals. If there was something that I didn't want to do with her, we would compromise. She would do something with me that she didn't really want to do, and I would go with her to the thing I didn't want to do.

  Instead of it being a way of keeping track of whose turn it was to do something that they didn't want to do, it became a way to spend time with the other person doing something that they liked and getting to know them better through this activity. Although we have known each other since we were born, there is still stuff that I don't know about Christine. And there is stuff that she doesn't know about me. We learned more about each other doing this.

  It also became a way to avoid fights over stupid things. There were times when I wanted to hang out with my friends and just have some guy time. We negotiated it where I could hang out with my friends. She could hang out with her friends at a party. While I was hanging out with Arthur and Leopold in one of their basements, she was a party with all of the popular kids from school. Where I think this would have made me jealous before, the constitution made a legal commitment where we were recognized as a couple.

  Our relationship was good enough where I didn't worry about her cheating on me. She loved me and wasn't going to be flirting with guys to make me jealous. Our relationship had changed drastically. We no longer thought of ourselves as individuals. We were a couple.

  ~~~

  We the People of Jack and Christine, in Order to form a more perfect Union, establish Justice, insure domestic Tranquility, provide for the common defence, promote the general Welfare, and secure the Blessings of Liberty to ourselves and our Posterity, do ordain and establish this Constitution of the United State of Jack and Christine.

  Chapter Six ½

  The Truce Comes Back to Bite Me

  My Declaration of Independence was a logical conclusion for a boy who was emotionally confused on his relationship status with a woman he would always love. Part of what confuses me about love is that it is an emotional investment. I have looked around and seen people fall in love and then just easily fall out of love. The pain and heartache they felt never seemed to equal the happiness and pleasure they derived from the relationship when it was at its best.

  I know about investments of the financial and intellectual type. With education, you learn knowledge that continues to grow with the more training and facts that you add to it. You can then use this commodity to help you in a job and to further your career. And money grows as you add to it and invest it. It shrinks when you withdraw it or spend it.

  But love and investing in other people doesn’t seem to have the logical returns that I can predict.

  I looked at my older cousins and how they would bring their significant other to family functions. Pictures would be taken, then the next year another person had replaced the significant other. Pictures still existed as record of the previous love. I wondered why the change when the appearance of love seemed to be the same as the picture and as what was in front of me.

  I don’t have an answer for this. In the emotional turmoil of my youth, I felt it was best to just count my losses with Christine and terminate the relationship with an explanation for her and the world as to why I was severing the ties that had bound us together. I was cutting the emotional strings for just reasons.

  I know I hurt Christine by writing down a record of everything she had ever done to hurt me. It was never my intention to hurt her. The emotional yo-yo she had me on had to come to an end. And whether she likes it or not, I can’t help but to remember every single moment I have shared with her. I’m a socially awkward guy that wants to love her and make her happy. I’ve just always kind of missed the clues and not read the signals that she was giving me.

  This also explains how I could miss Melinda actually loving me. I had defined the relationship as friends that would eventually get married because nobody else would have us. Plus marriage is something that society expects you to do.

  And I hope this explains why I would write a Constitution with Christine. I wasn’t trying to gain ownership over her. The autistic boy wanted the relationship clearly defined by a set of rules and expectations for both parties in the relationship.

  I also did better with the progress reports for the relationship. I needed to be sat down and told what I was doing right and what I could improve on. I can love somebody with all of my heart, but I still needed to have that communication of how I was doing.

  Men often miss the subtleties that women throw at us. Imagine what it would be like for a guy with autism. There is a reason one scientist would propose it to be Extreme Male Brain Syndrome. I miss even more than the majority of other guys, even if Christine always tells me that I can pick up on other things that are important that other guys would miss.

  Chapter Seven

  Isaiah the Wrong Things

  While the constitution did wonders for us as a couple, it has by no means been perfect. I still screw up. It is my nature. My biggest screw up came when she wanted a pet name. We were lying in bed, she looked up lovingly at me and said, "If you had a pet name for me, what would it be?" I didn't know. So she asked me to think about her and to say the first thing that entered my mind. I said, "Israel."

  She was not happy. Even after I explained it to her, she wasn't happy.

  Israel came from my understanding of God and how my relationship with Christine has always been. I think the two are very similar. It was a natural choice for me. I admit that it is not exactly romantic in the traditional sense.

  Here are my reasons for this.

  If you look at the scriptures, it is essentially a love story between Yahweh and mankind, especially Israel. The creatio
n story centers around Yahweh creating everything in the world.

  He then makes mankind in His image. This is something entirely different from the rest of creation. Of all of the creatures and beings, man is inherently different.

  Angels predate man. They were created to worship Yahweh. Man was created to love Him. Man was given free will to decide to worship and love Yahweh. If you then take the creation of Eve into account, you will see how Yahweh knew the loneliness that Adam felt. Women were created because Yahweh knew what it felt like to not be loved.

  It seems that you can never have love without jealousy. This is where the fall of man comes in. Satan, or Lucifer, or any other name that you wish to call him, was the most beautiful of the angels. He was also probably the closest to Yahweh. Satan then saw how Yahweh loved this new creation. Jealousy came into the picture. He then deceived Eve. Eve then got Adam to fall with her.

  I have always found this story one of the most interesting and important ones of the scriptures. It shows how Satan wants to keep us away from Yahweh because of the jealousy he felt over us. It also shows something inherently flawed with man. We have a desire to be like God.

  This is one of the greatest paradoxes of my faith. While I am supposed to be like God in character, I am not supposed to desire to be God. How do you become like somebody and not want to take their place?

  After the fall, Yahweh still desired to be loved. He looked for people who loved Him honestly. I would put the story of Cain and Abel in that category, too. I find it an odd story. While Abel's offering was pleasing to God, Cain was jealous. Mankind was now killing each other to be loved by Yahweh. God always looks at the heart of the matter. By all accounts, Cain should have received the first punishment. Instead, he pleaded with God and told Him that it was too severe of a punishment to be cast from His presence. He couldn’t live like that. He was allowed to live with a mark that nobody could touch him. Hell is being separated from God.

  What I came away from in reading the scriptures is a basic love story. Yahweh created us to love Him of our own free will. The rest of the scriptures have to do with our human nature and trying to get that in balance. All of the Law can be put into three categories based on these principles. Man's relationship with God. Man's relationship with man. What is best for mankind to live a long life.

  The first two categories are the most important. They deal with the relationships. The third category is important to individual's wellbeing. I have a hard time with modern Christianity because they want to use freedom in Christ to justify breaking commands that fit into the first two categories. The third category should only be the one where we have freedom in Christ. The third category is the one that deals with what to eat and what to do to become pure. Freedom in Christ means that I can eat certain foods and not have to sacrifice animals.

  I also find modern Christianity very legalistic on some things. They never look at the heart of the matter or the reason for God having said something. They are too busy wanting to judge people on how they think the world should be.

  My biggest annoyance has to do with sex. Sex was always meant to be enjoyed by people. Look at how mankind is different from the rest of creation. We are the only creatures that are always in heat. God created us to have sex so that we can become one with the person that we are having sex with. It is like the union that should be taking place between God and man.

  The male and female relationship should be a mirror of what our relationship should be like with God. That is another thing that makes me mad about modern Christianity. A lot of places teach the superiority of men over women and that women should submit to men.

  They will cite examples of Adam listening to Eve or Abraham listening to Sarah. If these men didn't listen to their women, these other problems wouldn't have existed. I'm sorry, but the men made a conscious decision. They knew what God had said to them. They disobeyed. You can't blame the women. Being a man is accepting responsibility for yourself. You don't blame the woman because of your stupidity.

  Women should be treated how God thinks about mankind. God protects us and takes care of us. He puts our wellbeing first. Women should have influence over their men. Men should not be so set in their ways that they are above the influence of a woman. Although there are examples of men listening to women when they shouldn't have, there are examples of women giving good advice. And if you look at it, even men were able to change the mind of God. Abraham and Moses were able to go to God and get him to change his mind.

  And I know that this is going to make some modern Christians mad, but I am violently against the teaching about the story of Onan being about masturbation. People take the part where it says that Onan sinned because his seed fell on the ground and making this mean that masturbation is wrong. I'm sorry, but Onan was supposed to have sex with the woman and get her pregnant. Instead, he entered the woman and pulled out before she could get his seed to become pregnant. He violated the woman and didn't give her his seed to accomplish the purpose of them having sex. This violates that second category of God's Laws. It was a sin of man against man. People do not want to see it this way because it is easier to preach against masturbation than to say that you can't sin against a woman. (This is not an endorsement of masturbation.)

  God values women. They represent to Him what mankind should be to Him. That is why Christine is my Israel. She is my chosen one. She is the thing that I love most and desire to love me completely.

  Our relationship has never been perfect. There have been times when she has gone after other men just like when Israel went after other gods. There have been times when I would pray things like "If you would just return to me, I will make everything right between us."

  I could not read the prophets and not see a correlation between how God longed for His people to turn to Him fully with their hearts and what I longed for from Christine. The difference is that Christine and I have finally reconciled all of our history. We have gotten together in a way that God still has not been able to with Israel. That doesn't mean that He won't. The age of the Gentiles is coming to an end. The time of the Jews is at hand. The Jews will see Yahweh and recognize Him as their love. It will be just like how Christine and I got together. He will become the most important thing in their lives.

  Although I believe in Jesus, I have a problem with the majority of Christianity. They think that they are special. Salvation was just opened up to them through Jesus. They are still not God's chosen people. They never can be. It doesn't mean that Yahweh doesn't love them. But they can never be His one true love.

  When it says “Israel”, it means Israel. It doesn’t mean the United States, the West, or Christianity. His promises were to Israel. They will be fulfilled. Nobody can steal those promises.

  There will be no peace in the Middle East until the love story that was started with Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob has been completed. Some may have missed His blood sacrifice through Jesus, but they won’t be able to miss His return.

  Satan has tried a great many things throughout history to destroy a love and a promise. You do not come between a man and the woman he loves. Love conquers all.

  ~~~

  Jack explained this to me as if he becomes famous, the world will be exposed to him and love him. He will give his love to his fans and give them his best just like God does. But his fans will never be his chosen one. They can never take my place in his heart.

  I still don't like being called "Israel." I like what he was going for, though.

  For me, this makes perfect sense for somebody like Jack. I think he has a great desire to be loved. He has a need for it that is not normal. He needs the world to love him like God has the need for it. That is why he wants to perform.

  There is a part of him that I think wants to be a god. He has always called himself, "The Prince of Puns, the Titan of Titters, the Master of Mirth, Lord of Laughter, and King of Comedy." That is a great ego that needs to be fed and needs to be loved.

  I wonder why he chose me as his
love. With everything that I have done to him over the years, I am not the greatest candidate for the love of his life. The man just won’t stop loving me. And he loves you in such a way that you can’t help but to choose him.

  ~~~

  Christine saves me. She makes me human. I do not think that I could resist the temptation of Adam or Satan. Both fell to a desire to be like God. They may have loved Him at some point, but that promise of being more is too hard to resist. She makes me not want to eat the fruit. She’s all the temptation that I want.

  I could not hope to be an entertainer without Christine by my side. I would be a god. Christine reminds me of my humanity. I have always struggled with this. I partly see humanity as something weak. Flesh dies. People are capable of heartache and misery.

  Being a god makes you immortal. It puts you above things of the flesh. You can't be hurt. Christine makes me see that there is strength in our humanity. There is good. She makes me see what God sees in us. While we are flawed, there is a beauty in that. The greatest thing you can ever learn in life is to know that you are loved. It's nice to know that somebody loves you on their own free will. You didn't make them love you. They just love you and want to spend time with you.

  I worship a God that loves me and wants to spend time with me. I love a woman who loves me and wants to spend time with me. This is the meaning of life. You can find it in the story of our creation. This is why we were born. Nothing else matters. We live to tell this story and to pass it on to our children.

  It is at least what my father taught me.

  Restricted Access

  I know that I have come off as a bitch during the majority of this book. That is why Jack has promised me that I could write a chapter that he would never read. Throughout my history with him, I have had to do some things that he has never understood. There have been things that I have wanted to tell him, I just couldn't. That is what I am going to write here. He has given me the freedom to write anything that I want about him, our lives, or my feelings for him. And because he has promised me that he would never read this, I don't have to worry about preserving the official version of the way things happened or how I told him I felt at the time. This doesn’t make what I said before a lie. It just means that I didn’t tell the entire truth. It’s a very odd thing being with Jack. We’ve never really lied to each other. We just don’t end up saying everything that we probably should. I’m going to try to change this here. This isn’t so much for the teacher that is going to be reading this. It’s going to be more for Jack. I think he needs to know some things later in life. I know he promised that he won’t read this, but there will come a day when I know that he will read this.