Blue

by Sarah Jayne Carr

  Lucy glanced at him over her shoulder and smirked before giving her ass a shimmy.

  “Hey, Wade,” Zack said as he shook his friend’s hand, clamping his other hand on his shoulder with a firm squeeze. He faced the counter, unaware of my presence.

  I lingered in the background and munched on another cracker, eavesdropping on their conversation.

  “So, what is it with you and that girl you showed up with tonight? I thought you were gonna hook up with Heather the other night at The Fill & Spill? That long blonde hair and those legs? Perfection.” Wade let out a long, low whistle.

  “Oh, don’t think I didn’t close the deal. Heather and I took our party of two back to my place and hit the hot tub. God, that girl can bend in ways you wouldn’t believe. Like a fuckin’ pretzel.”

  “Damn, man. I swear, you’re some kind of chick whisperer.”

  Zack laughed. “It’s a gift.”

  “Seriously though. If you could bang someone like Heather Miller, why bother with an average Jane Doe like Blue Brennan?”

  Zack gave Wade a knowing look. “Come on. Think about it. She’s the mayor’s daughter. That minor detail could do wonders for Main Enterprises exploding even farther. The connections Elana Meyers has is endless with as long as she’s been in office. I’d be stupid to not slip that ace up my sleeve.” He elbowed Wade. “Don’t get me wrong, Blue’s definitely no Heather. Not even close. It’ll take some definite work on my end to try and make her that kind of eye candy.” He began counting on his fingers. “Replace her wardrobe, send her to the spa for an overhaul, sign her up to the gym so she can drop ten pounds, and a steady diet of celery sticks could have her flawless eventually. In the meantime, my black book is full of women, waiting to keep me satisfied.”

  “Can’t wait to see this next project of yours unfold.” Wade laughed. “You slay me, bro.”

  Flawless eventually. I crushed the remaining piece of cracker in my hand, a shower of crumbs falling to the floor. Those two words burned into me like a branding iron, and rage bubbled beneath the surface of my skin. Flawless eventually. It was the same phrase Cash used on me days ago.

  I closed my eyes and took a breath to regain my composure, but it was already miles gone, a blip on the horizon. Seeing red, I walked over to Zack and tapped him on the shoulder.

  Zack lowered his voice, waving away who stood behind him, “But between you and me, I’ve just about got her eating out of the palm of my hand now. She’s all emotional and shit with that funeral tomorrow. I have to amp up the charm a little more, and fucking her will be easier than getting laid by Lucy, the cum dumpster. Blue Brennan will be screaming my name in no time.”

  He turned and looked at me, surprise spelled out on his face. “Oh! Hey.”

  I smiled sweetly and batted my eyes. “Hey, yourself. Missed you.”

  “See what I mean?” Zack looked at Wade and grinned.

  “I’ll leave you guys alone.” Wade smirked and turned to walk away.

  “You don’t have to go.” I gripped his arm to stop him. “Plus, I think you should hear this too.” The smile on my face turned to a vicious frown as I bared my teeth and turned my attention to Zack. What I wanted to say next didn’t require words. I looked into his gray eyes and cocked my hand back, delivering a powerful slap across his face.

  His head whipped to the side from the blow, the sound loud enough to draw the attention of every other person in the kitchen, including those trailing in from the rain. “What was that for?” He touched his cheek, a red handprint immediately appearing.

  I tilted my head to the side and licked my lips. “I think my delivery could use some work, but it’ll be flawless…eventually. Right?” I patted him on the arm. “Goodbye, Zack.”

  The room remained silent and all eyes were on me as I walked through the kitchen toward the front door, hurrying down the steps and into the pouring rain. Cold droplets pelted me in the face, and the wind had intensified, pushing me along as I headed down the sandy road toward town.

  “Hey!” a voice shouted behind me, mildly muffled by the weather.

  I increased my speed and wrapped my arms around myself tighter. “Go away!”

  “For Christ’s sake, wait up!”

  I turned around and saw Adam jogging to catch up to me. Rain dripped from his hair down his face, dark tendrils plastered to his forehead. “What was that all about?”

  “What?” I crossed my arms.

  “Come on, Blue. You deck a guy in my kitchen and then take off into the night like a bat out of hell?”

  “Not decked. Slapped.”

  “Semantics,” he replied. “What the fuck happened back there?”

  “I thought you stopped caring? He’s a dick. Isn’t that reason enough?”

  “He’s Zack. Of course, he’s a dick. Anyone who can see and hear knows that.”

  “Well, he says you’re his best friend. Great choice.”

  “Not that you have a say in who I hang out with, but I never said he was mine. I don’t do best friends anymore.” His face reddened. “In bed or at all. Not worth it.”

  I placed my hands on my hips. “Then, why’s it still there?”

  Adam looked confused. “What? The red mark? You hit Zack pretty hard, and—”

  “Not that.” I paused. “The stuff in the bathroom. The rugs. The shower curtain. The soap dish with the inscription. Why haven’t you gotten rid of it?”

  “I didn’t know you’d be dissecting my bathroom like an eighth-grade science project.” Adam rubbed the back of his neck. “Did you go through the medicine cabinet too?”

  “It’s hard to not notice if you have eyes. Kinda like Zack being a dick.”

  Adam sighed. “Blue, don’t read into what you saw. It’s just stuff.”

  “No! It’s stuff that’s tied to me! Intimately!”

  His voice rose an octave. “Not that I have to explain, but it’s holed up in a spare bathroom that’s never used unless my dick,” he used air quotes, “of a friend, not best friend, mind you, hosts a party at my house because his got skunked! Outside of cleaning it up for tonight, that door hasn’t been opened in who knows how long!”

  I rubbed my face. “Forget it. I have to go prepare to face one of the hardest days of my life.”

  “No one likes funerals.”

  I deadpanned him. “That’s not why I’m dreading tomorrow, and you know it.” With no more fight left to give, I turned and walked away. “You’re still the only one who knows.”

  The next day, I woke up soaked in cold sweat with my heart pounding. A nightmare jolted me awake where I tried to tread water while being tossed around the Pacific Ocean. Frigid water numbed my limbs, and I couldn’t keep my head above the turbulent surface. Coughing. Choking. Gasping for air.

  A fleet of boats overflowing with orange life vests surrounded me, the townspeople of Steele Falls on board each one. Yet, every familiar face and even strangers watched me suffer with a blank expression on their faces. No one would help. A massive tidal wave crashed over me, shoving me downward, a flurry of miniature bubbles blinding me from knowing which way was up. Weightlessness took hold, and I sank into the abyss of the ocean while a final rush of icy water greeted my lungs. Burning. Indescribable pain. I was too exhausted to fight back, and my body went limp.

  It was so vivid, I could almost feel the salt on my skin as I rubbed my thumb against the pads of my fingers.

  I rolled over and looked out the window. The rain had stopped, but a gray sky still loomed overhead, telling me more was on the way. Thick branches of the near-leafless trees bent in the strong breeze, and the gate slammed against the fence, not properly locked from the last visitor. It looked both cold and uncomfortable to be standing outside. Perfect weather and tone for a funeral. I checked my cell phone and there was a series of texts from my si
ster, sent fifteen minutes ago.

  ‘Veigh

  I left my spare keys on the counter for you. I’ll give you a ride back home if you need it.

  Meeting with the executor is scheduled for eleven. Office building across from the cemetery. Suite C.

  Mommy and I are leaving now. Finn will meet us there. See you soon. xoxo

  I tossed the phone back on the nightstand without sending a response. So much had happened in the few days since I arrived in Steele Falls, it seemed like weeks. Yet, the day of the funeral had snuck up so fast.

  I went to the closet and stood there for about ten minutes, indecisive. Nausea filled me and my hands felt clammy. Remaining hidden and non-existent was my goal. After much debate, I pulled out a fitted charcoal-colored sweater and a black, floor-length skirt. Picking out clothing and pulling the hangers from the rack made everything more real. Escape was still possible. It wasn’t too late to run. But I questioned whether it’d do me any good. I used to think it would, but I wasn’t so sure anymore.

  The heaviness of the day took hold, which gave me unwanted time to reflect. I pinned my hair up in bobby pins and allowed a few loose tendrils of curls to frame my face. With little makeup on, I looked at myself in the mirror, seeing a younger version of me in my eyes. A less guarded girl. A free-spirited girl. A girl who knew how to laugh and love. “Where did she go?” I touched my lips. That girl was in there somewhere, and I vowed to find her again.

  * * *

  I arrived at the single-story building across from the cemetery five minutes early. The exterior was aged and faded, empty planter boxes lining the walkway. I parallel-parked Daveigh’s car in the last empty slot on the street and stared head-on at one of the moments I was most afraid of. It took a few attempts to convince myself to get out and head up the walkway, but I finally prevailed. One foot in front of the other. The double doors were unlocked, the lobby eerily quiet and dim as I walked inside. A deep breath. The smell of stale coffee and the feeling of sadness swilled together, both cloying in the back of my throat. Suite C was on the right at the end of the hall.

  I knocked three times.

  “Come in,” a male voice bellowed.

  I opened the door and saw an older man seated behind a baroque desk. His stature domineered, but a glint of compassion behind his eyes reminded me of a squishy teddy bear. His head was both bald and shiny, glossy against the fluorescent lighting overhead. A substantial amount of facial hair cradled his chin, appearing to have slid down from atop his scalp. “You must be Blue,” he said.

  I nodded and shut the door behind me. “Sorry, I’m late.”

  “You’re not late. Two minutes early, according to my clock.” He perched a pair of bifocals on his face. “Have a seat. My name is Douglas Crenshaw, but we have two employees and a service dog named Doug around here, so everyone calls me Crenshaw.”

  I looked around. The walls were drenched in rich tones of deep brown and forest green. Elana and Daveigh were seated side-by-side across the room on an oversized leather couch near a lit gas fireplace. Finn sat as far from them as possible on a loveseat with an ankle resting on his opposing knee. I opted to occupy the empty cushion next to my brother.

  “Hey,” he said with a half-smile, scooting over.

  “Hi,” I replied quietly. “Did I miss anything?”

  “Not yet.”

  “Is this everyone you want present, Elana?” Crenshaw asked.

  My mother straightened her posture and tightened her gloved grip around a tissue. She wore her usual skirt-blouse-and-jacket combo, this time in black. A matching 40’s pillbox hat donned her head with netting covering her face. “Yes.”

  Crenshaw shuffled a stack of papers on his desk. “Now, I’m not only the executor of Tom’s will and his lawyer, but I was his friend for a few decades. With that said, I’ll be honest. This matter has been more complicated than most that’ve passed by my desk. Main reason being a majority of his money being in his sister’s name. A sibling holding money over a spouse isn’t a common occurrence. But then again, the term ‘spouse’ doesn’t directly apply here.”

  My mother cringed, her personal business being put on display like a caged animal in a zoo. “May I see the will?” she asked before pursing her lips together.

  “No, Elana,” Crenshaw said flatly. “That’s not necessary.”

  She blinked rapidly in surprise of being turned down. “Why—”

  “Tom was very cut and dry on what was to be assigned where. Of course, the house and any items inside belong to you, along with all vehicles and your joint bank ventures. However, Tom did have the separate account I mentioned, in Julie’s name, and he was very specific about it.”

  Crenshaw fiddled with the combination lock on a safe behind his desk. I looked at the simple clock on the wall, a massive white circle with bold black numbers. The second hand lazily made its way around in a complete revolution twice while the room remained silent; at least it wasn’t stuck on 39. Sweat trickled down my back in the overheated space, a reminder that I wanted to run far and run fast. Funeral time was set to start in a little over an hour. All I had to do was get through the day, and it’d all be over with for good.

  Crenshaw stood up from his crouched position. His knees cracked like a bowl of rice cereal, giving away his age. He hobbled around to the front of his desk with a stack of thin yellow envelopes in his hand. “In my experience, I recommend waiting to open these later, in private. There’s no doubt today will be tolling on each of you, both mentally and emotionally. Nothing in here will change whether you open them now or tomorrow. However, there is only one chance to pay your respects at the funeral. Daveigh.”

  My sister reached out with shaky fingers and accepted the first envelope. “Thank you.”

  “Elana.” He extended the second to my mother.

  Her only response of gratitude was a slight head nod as she dabbed at her eyes with a fresh tissue.

  Next, Crenshaw walked over to where Finn and I were seated. “Blue.” He handed the third envelope to me. Unlike everyone else’s, a second envelope was paper-clipped to the back of the yellow one.

  I took the envelopes from him and tried to split them apart. “One of these must be yours, Finn.”

  “No,” Crenshaw said, placing his warm palm atop my hand. “Both of those are for you. “This one is Finn’s.” He handed a final envelope to my brother.

  I looked up at him. “I don’t understand. Why am I the only one with two?”

  “I’m merely the messenger on Tom’s behalf.” He glanced at Elana. “I’ll leave you and your children to talk for a few minutes.”

  I fingered over the sealed envelopes in my hand, the handwriting reading ‘Blue’ unfamiliar to me. The paper felt heavy in my palm, and I was suddenly unsure whether I wanted to know what was inside. The money’s the whole reason you came back to Steele Falls. Isn’t it?

  My thoughts were interrupted by the sound of paper ripping as my mother hastily tore the edge of her envelope. “Five thousand dollars?” she scoffed “That’s it? From a seasoned stock investor?”

  Daveigh opened her envelope and peered inside. “Same,” she replied before tucking it into her purse. With tears in her eyes, she looked up at the ceiling. “Thanks, Daddy.”

  Without opening his, Finn held his envelope against the lighting and nodded before slipping it in his inside jacket pocket.

  Suddenly, two pairs of eyes were on me—Elana’s and Daveigh’s. “What?”

  “Well, aren’t you going to open yours?” my sister asked.

  My mother sported her classic poker face. Not surprising. Opening the envelope in front of everyone felt wrong to me, but the two of them waited with bated breath.

  “Like Crenshaw said, I think I’d rather wait until I’m alone later—”

  “For Pete’s sake, Blue. Quit
dragging this out, and open the damn thing.” Elana pointed at the envelope on my lap.

  Finn gave me a nudge. “It’s your choice, but the sooner you look, the sooner it’s over with. Safety in numbers. Remember?”

  I closed my eyes and wondered if he were right. Maybe getting it over with would be like ripping off a bandage. The unknown wouldn’t be looming over my head for the rest of the day—one hurdle cleared. My hands shook as I slid my index finger under the seal of the larger of the two envelopes, making a neat tear. I pulled the document out and froze.

  “Blue, you’re really pale. What’s wrong?” Finn whispered.

  “It’s nothing.” I folded the piece of paper as small as possible, hoping to bury it for eternity. “Everything’s fine,” I said, shoving both envelopes in my jacket pocket.

  “What is it? We’re all family here.” Daveigh walked over to where I sat and gave me a hug. Before I realized what happened, she’d reached into my pocket and pulled the larger envelope out.

  “What are you? A child?” I swatted at her, reaching for it, but she’d darted out of the way. “Don’t, ‘Veigh. Please.”

  “Oh, come on. Don’t make a big deal about it. I’m sure…” She let out a whistle as she peered inside. “What the hell?”

  Elana huffed as she pinched the bridge of her nose. “What now?”

  “Blue’s total.” Daveigh looked up at me. “It’s for five million dollars.”

  “Let me see that,” my mother snapped, storming across the room to snatch the envelope from Daveigh’s hand. Her line of vision darted around every inch of the piece of paper. Front and back. “There has to be some mistake.”