Spynosaur

by Guy Bass

  Amber had barely reached the top of the stairs before she glanced down and saw her father being spun around the dance floor by an old man with a golden crown.

  “Oh, no. Da-ad…!” she groaned.

  “What he’s done this time?” said M11 through the earpiece. “Blast it all to smithereens, he can’t have blown up the palace already…”

  “Worse – he’s dancing,” Amber sighed. “Dads should never, ever— Huh?”

  Amber glanced up to the top of the stairs. A tall, slender woman in a black robe and pointy hat swept across her path and down the corridor.

  “I spy with my little eye…” she said suspiciously. She looked back to see her dad busily doing pirouettes with the King of Italy. Then she took a deep breath and raced after the woman.

  Amber pursued the woman in the black robe to the end of the corridor. The woman moved like a shadow, sweeping inside a room on the first floor directly above the ballroom. Amber followed as spy-lently as she could. The room was filled with crates, boxes, and piles of trinkets.

  Amber hid behind a crate as she watched the woman draw a silver attaché case from her robes. It was identical to the one they had recovered from Ego’s hideout – the McGuffin had to be inside. The woman opened the case, carefully removed a metallic black sphere and twisted it in both hands until it clicked. Amber heard an ominous TICK–TOCK-ing and saw a countdown light up on the face of the sphere.

  “The McGuffin!” gasped Amber in a whisper.

  The robed woman spun round. Amber slapped her hands over her mouth. After a moment, the woman returned to the task in hand.

  The woman placed the sphere on one of the crates. She tilted her head slowly to one side, her eyes flashing red. It was only then that Amber caught sight of her metallic, skull-like face. She recognized it immediately.

  “Oi!” Amber cried, leaping out and striking a battle-ready pose. “Step away from that super-secret weapon, Kills Witch!”

  Kills Witch spun round, flinging her robe disguise to the floor to reveal a slender metallic body, with a laser cannon in place of her left arm.

  “Uh-oh,” muttered Amber as Kills Witch fired.

  A bolt of blue energy blasted from the barrel, and the floor beneath Amber’s feet disintegrated. She fell, plunging to the ballroom below.

  “AAH!” she screamed. Then, “Huh?”

  Amber had stopped falling. She’d landed on a huge chandelier, suspended high above the ballroom. Far below her was her dad, still dancing with the King of Italy.

  “Dad!” Amber cried. Spynosaur looked up, mid-pirouette.

  “Amber?” he said. “Hang on!”

  “Dad, Kills Witch is here!” Amber yelled, clinging on to the chandelier as it swung. “And she’s set the McGuffin to go off in hardly any seconds!”

  “What’s the meaning of this?” the king asked.

  “Forgive me, Your Majesty, I’m going to have to sit out the next dance,” said Spynosaur, nodding to the King of Italy. With that, he spun the king so fast that he was sent careering into a sculpture of himself made from gold jelly.

  “Dad! It’s giving way!” Amber cried as the ceiling buckled under the chandelier’s added weight.

  Spynosaur tore off his dress to reveal his sleek spy suit. From his holster he drew a large pistol with a silver grappling hook attached to the barrel.

  “Spynosaur! Report!” M11 bellowed in his earpiece. “Danger Monkey said he heard gunfire! What’s happening in there?”

  “Just grappling with a few issues, M11,” said Spynosaur.

  With a SHOOOF the grappling hook shot upwards as the chandelier – and Amber – fell. The hook whizzed past Amber’s head, embedding itself with a THUNK in the ceiling. Spynosaur hung on as he retracted the grapple, pulling himself up into the air. He flew past the chandelier at speed, grabbing Amber in his spare hand and swinging her effortlessly on to his back.

  Seconds later the chandelier smashed against the marble floor, sending the revellers running for cover as a thousand sparkling shards flew across the room.

  And seconds after that, Spynosaur smashed through the hole in the ceiling, emerging in the store room above and landing in a suitably dramatic pose.

  “You must be saving for another upgrade, Kills Witch … and I’ll bet Ergo Ego was the highest bidder for your cybernetic services,” said Spynosaur, flashing his sharp teeth. “May I have this dance?”

  “It’s been ages since I destroyed you last, Kills Witch,” Spynosaur said, as Amber climbed down from his back. “I see you’ve built another body. You know, you could just stop being evil and I’d leave you alone.”

  “Don’t---klik---blame---me---blame---my---klik---programming,” the robot said as sarcastically as a robot might.

  “Spynosaur, report!” barked M11 into his earpiece. “I’m getting word that the King of Italy has been thrown into a jelly sculpture of himself! What’s going on? Have you found the McGuffin?”

  “We have to turn it off!” Amber cried. “There’s only seconds left before the McGuffin does whatever it’s going to do!”

  “You---klik---want---it? Come---and---klik---get---it,” said the robot, raising her formidable arm cannon.

  Spynosaur fired his grapple gun, clamping on to Kills Witch’s metallic chest plate. He yanked the grapple as she fired, throwing off her aim. The blast seared past them. Amber felt the heat of the laser as it disintegrated the wall behind them.

  “Things are hotting up a little here, M11,” confessed Spynosaur. “But it’s nothing we can’t handle!”

  Spynosaur wrenched the grapple gun again, pulling Kills Witch into the air towards him – and swung his mighty tail. It smashed into her with the force of at least three normal dinosaur tails, sending her crashing into a pile of spare royal crowns.

  “I’ll get the McGuffin!” said Amber, making a beeline for the sphere.

  “Wait!” Spynosaur yelled. He saw Kills Witch point her long legs at his sidekick. With a FWOOSH! they detached from her body, launching at Amber like rockets.

  “Amber!” cried Spynosaur. “UNPREDICTABLE GUSTY GIBBON HANDS OF STUBBORN IRONING BOARD DEFENCE!”

  “Huh?” Amber turned to see the jet-propelled legs blasting towards her and her training flashed before her eyes…

  cried Amber, echoing her dad’s command.

  With breathtaking speed and skill, Amber deflected the jet-propelled rocket legs, sending them crashing to the ground in a flurry of lightning-fast movement.

  “Didn’t I tell you? It happens more often than you might think,” said Spynosaur.

  “Dad, the McGuffin!” Amber shouted. “Time’s almost up!”

  “Don’t worry, poppet … as any secret agent worth his or her salt will tell you, the key to this sort of thing, without a doubt, is timing,” said Spynosaur. “I can honestly say, claw on heart, that I’ve never met a super-secret weapon I couldn’t disarm at the last second, no matter how long—”

  “Dad!” screamed Amber.

  “Oh yes, quite right,” noted Spynosaur. He picked up the sphere in his claws and turned it. It made a loud BEEEEEP and a click … freezing the timer at

  “See?” Spynosaur added.

  “Is it me, or did that nine seconds last a really long time?” Amber said, blowing on her sore hands. “How did we not get blown to bits?”

  “It’s really very simple—” Spynosaur began.

  “Dad!” Amber interrupted.

  Spynosaur turned to see the legless remains of Kills Witch spring on to her arms and propel herself through a window, plunging with a POSSSSSH into the canal below.

  Spynosaur and Amber raced over to the smashed window and looked down to see Kills Witch emerge from the water, her torso now plugged into what looked like a huge metallic fish.

  “Getaway shark,” snarled Spynosaur. “Diabolical.”

  “She’s getting away! We’ve got to stop her!” declared Amber, but within seconds Kills Witch was halfway down the canal, the robotic shark’s motors slicing through t
he water at high speed.

  “Let her go, agents,” M11 ordered through their earpieces. “Our main priority is getting the McGuffin back to headquarters so we can lock it away forever.”

  “Not this time,” growled Spynosaur, tucking the McGuffin into his spy suit. “Ego’s still out there, and I’ll bet real money Kills Witch knows where…”

  Spynosaur put two clawed fingers into his mouth and let out a whistle so shrill it shattered the palace’s windows.

  “Somebody call for a taxi?” said a voice.

  Amber looked left and saw a sleek, night-black speedboat draw up underneath them, with Danger Monkey at the controls. He revved the engines. “Who fancies a spot of high-speed pursuit?”

  “Come back ’ere, y’rotten robot! I’m gonna twist yer earlobes!” cried Danger Monkey.

  “Move over, Danger Monkey, I’ll steer us in the right direction,” said Spynosaur, pushing Danger Monkey aside and grabbing the controls.

  “Oi! Just ’cos I’m three feet tall and exist primarily on a diet of fruit and small insects, don’t mean I’m useless!” he complained.

  Spynosaur ignored him, piloting the jet-powered speedboat across the usually calm water of the Venice canals.

  “That way! Turn!” cried Amber, following the wake of Kills Witch’s robotic getaway shark.

  Spynosaur heaved the controls and the speedboat banked right, pursuing the shark under a bridge – and straight towards a brick wall. It was a dead end.

  “There’s nowhere to run, Kills Witch!” Spynosaur smirked.

  Kills Witch spun her getaway shark round to face them. The cybernetic sorceress’s eyes glowed red and the engines of the getaway shark roared … then she headed straight towards them.

  “She’s playin’ chicken!” cried Danger Monkey as she zoomed ever closer. “Back up, Spyno!”

  “No, I don’t think so,” said Spynosaur. Then he released the controls, and folded his arms.

  The speedboat slowed to a stop.

  “Um, Dad?” said Amber as the getaway shark sped at them on a collision course. “What are you doing?”

  “You know, when Dr Newfangle was building this speedboat, I remember saying there was one trick we couldn’t live without,” replied Spynosaur.

  “What – what trick?” asked Amber.

  Kills Witch was only a moment from collision.

  “Vertical take-off,” replied Spynosaur. He hit a button on the control panel and the speedboat launched straight up into the air, blasted skywards with boat-bottom rockets. As the getaway shark roared underneath, Spynosaur reached a great claw over the side of the airborne speedboat. He wrapped it round Kills Witch’s head and tore it from her shoulders.

  “It’s so easy to lose your head in these situations,” said Spynosaur, as the speedboat slammed back on to the surface of the water. Amber turned to see the getaway shark swim helplessly into a wall, exploding into a thousand robotic pieces.

  “Terrible pun aside, that was awesome,” she said.

  “This---isn’t---over,” said Kills Witch’s head. “The---real---McGuffin---is---still---klik---out---there.”

  “Where? Where is it? Tell me! Where is the real—” growled Spynosaur, just as the robot’s head opened with a whirr.

  “Brain bomb!” growled Spynosaur. Less than a second later, Kills Witch’s rigged-to-explode cranium went…

  “Dad!” Amber cried out, sitting upright. She came face to face with her mum, looking back at her with concern.

  “How are you feeling?” said Amber’s mum. Amber glanced around. She was lying on her bed. Back in her room. Back at home.

  “Mum? Wait, what?” she muttered. She rubbed her head. Her room was just as she’d left it. On her bedside table was her toy shop-bought spy diary and spy pen. On her shelf were all her favourite books – How to Spot a Secret Agent, A Spy’s Guide to Keeping Secrets, I, Spy/You Spy … and in the corner of her room her pet rabbit, Mr Fleming, shuffled around his hutch.

  “How did I get here?” Amber asked.

  “Apparently you took a tumble in the playground,” said her mum. “Do you remember? You’ve got a nasty bump on the head. The school thought it was best if you came home.”

  “They did…?” Amber muttered. She checked her head and, sure enough, found a lump on it the size of a ping-pong ball. Then she saw a long, scaly tail poking out from inside her wardrobe. “Oh,” she added. “Right.”

  “You get yourself comfy – I’ll make you a sandwich,” said Amber’s mum. “Then I think you should get some sleep.”

  With that, Amber’s mum trotted out of the bedroom and downstairs.

  “You can come out, she’s gone,” Amber said.

  At the far end of her room, Amber’s wardrobe door creaked open and Spynosaur all but fell out.

  “You should really tidy up in there, it looks like something exploded,” he said, plucking a sock from the ridge of his nose.

  “Never mind that – what happened?” Amber asked.

  “Ah, yes. When Kills Witch’s head blew up you were blown backwards… Knocked yourself out on the boat,” Spynosaur explained. “I thought it was better to get you home and let you sleep it off.”

  “It is good you are not dead. Today I was back of cow in school play,” said Sergei, suddenly appearing from behind Amber’s curtain. He took off his wig with a sigh. “You will be at school tomorrow, yes? You have maths test.”

  “Uh, sorry, Sergei,” said Amber with a shrug. “I’m pretty sure I’m saving the world tomorrow.”

  “Suit yourself,” Sergei huffed. Then he leaped out of Amber’s window and disappeared into the night.

  Amber rubbed her head.

  “I’m sorry, poppet, I should have seen Kills Witch’s exploding-head trick coming,” said Spynosaur. “Although it could have been worse – poor Danger Monkey’s going to have his tail in plaster for a month.”

  “But we saved the day, though, right?” said Amber.

  Spynosaur let out a frustrated growl. Then he opened his claw to reveal a familiar black sphere.

  “The McGuffin…?” Amber said.

  “…Is nothing more than a fancy egg-timer – look,” Spynosaur said. He gripped the sphere in both claws and turned it. It split in two with a POP!

  Both halves were empty.

  “I don’t get it – if it’s not a super-secret weapon, why would Ego go to all that trouble and hire a killer robot and stuff?” asked Amber, her mind racing. “Why the tick-tock and the countdown if nothing was going to happen? What’s the point?”

  “I … don’t know,” replied Spynosaur.

  Amber could tell it was a hard thing for her dad to admit – he always knew everything. She watched him pace around the room, his great tail swishing from side to side. “All I do know is that Ergo Ego’s been playing us from the start,” he continued. “But there’s something to this McGuffin business I’m not seeing … something diabolical. And not knowing is making me … hungry.”

  “I know what you mean; it doesn’t— Wait, ‘hungry’?” said Amber. She saw her dad looming over her rabbit with that look in his eyes.

  “HUNGRY…” Spynsoaur snarled.

  “Dad, no! Not Mr Fleming! You got me that bunny!” said Amber … but it was too late. Spynosaur was licking his lips and grinding his razor-sharp teeth … lost to his dino-side.

  “Great … just great,” Amber grumbled, clambering out of bed. “But if Mum hears me singing, we’re all in trouble…”

  “I appear to be back,” said Spynosaur as Amber cradled her terrified rabbit in her arms, red-faced at having to sing that song, even in front of her pet. “What would I do without my poppet?”

  “For the last time, stop calling me that!” Amber huffed. “And what about poor Mr Fleming? You scared him half to death…”

  “My sincerest apologies, Mr Fleming,” Spynosaur added meekly. Then he headed for the window and began climbing out.

  “Dad?” said Amber. “Ego’s super-secret weapon … it’s still out th
ere, isn’t it?”

  Spynosaur took a deep breath. “Yes, I believe it is,” he said. “So get some rest. We’ve got a big day tomorrow. We’re saving the world.”

  Spynosaur disappeared through her window. Amber put Mr Fleming back in his cage and climbed into bed. She lay her head on the pillow and closed her eyes.

  “Saving the world,” she whispered. Then she thought spy thoughts until she fell asleep.

  “Is this what you meant by ‘we’ve got a big day tomorrow’?” asked Amber. She and her dad were clinging on to the landing skids of a helicopter as it soared over the deserts of Egypt.

  “Admit it, it’s not every morning you see a helicopter take off through the top of a pyramid!” roared Spynosaur over the whirling din of the ’copter’s rotor blades. “Good job we were able to leap on to it at the last minute…”

  “Couldn’t we just have followed it in the Dino-soarer?” howled Amber, clinging on for dear life.

  “A secret agent should start every day with an act of reckless daring. And perhaps a spot of yoga,” replied Spynosaur. “Now hang on!”

  Spynosaur climbed up the landing skids and dug his clawed hand into the cabin door, before wrenching it open with an almighty heave. The pilot turned to see the huge dinosaur peering back at him, teeth bared.

  “Get,” growled Spynosaur, “OUT.”