Spynosaur

by Guy Bass

  Amber immediately replayed that last moment in her head. Her dad had lied to M11. Spies lied to everyone … except other spies. She watched M11’s moustache twitch with suspicion.

  “I don’t need to tell you that if Ego unleashes his super-secret weapon, it’s not going to look good on our annual report,” M11 said. “We must do whatever it takes to stop him, so if you know something you’re not telling me, then you’d jolly well better—”

  “You’re breaking up, M11,” said Spynosaur. With that, he punched the screen with his clawed fist, sending sparks flying across the cockpit. “Bad signal. Call you later.”

  “Uh, you know there’s an ‘Off’ button just there…” Amber muttered.

  Spynosaur activated the autopilot and turned to his daughter.

  “Listen to me,” he said, placing his claws on Amber’s shoulders. “Being a spy is about trusting your instincts. And staying cool under pressure … and blowing things up … and being incredibly impressive … but mostly it’s about trusting your instincts. And my instincts tell me that bringing the Department in on this is a mistake. My instincts tell me I have to do this alone.”

  “Danger Monkey smells funny anyway… OK, fine!” Amber huffed. “We’ll do it on our own.”

  “No, not us,” said Spynosaur. “Just me.”

  “Wait, just you without me? No way!” cried Amber, recoiling. “We’re a team! You’re the super-secret agent dinosaur and I’m your super-secret-agent-in-training sidekick!”

  “But my instincts—” began Spynosaur.

  “Your instincts also told you it’s a trap!” Amber cried. “And last time you went to the Bermuda Triangle you got shot into the moon! I remember, ’cos I saw it happen! And I don’t want you to get shot into the moon again, because I don’t want to lose you again!”

  “I’m sorry … but my mind is made up,” said Spynosaur firmly.

  “But—”

  “You’re staying put – that’s an order,” added Spynosaur. “Do you understand?”

  “Yeah,” his daughter replied. “I s’pose.”

  But Amber Gambit had no intention of doing what she was told.

  Amber watched Spynosaur race away, his broad, scaly head low, his long tail stretched out behind him. Two minutes earlier they had landed on an island in the middle of the Bermuda Triangle, a short walk from Dr Ego’s now-destroyed secret lair. The Dino-soarer had settled, silently and invisibly, on a white-sand beach, which would have been pristine, but for the four large boats moored on the shore and numerous sandy footprints heading inland. Amber’s dad was right – demolished lair or not, something was happening on Ergo Ego’s island.

  Amber stared out of the cockpit. All she could see were palm trees and distant mountains.

  Wait here, her dad had told her. If I’m not back in an hour … just go.

  Amber waited for a full eighteen seconds before she hurried after Spynosaur.

  “I spy with my little eye…” muttered Amber as she scrambled through the bombed-out wreckage of Ergo Ego’s old secret lair. It was hard to miss, although nothing but debris remained after Department 6 blew it to smithereens. Amber was careful to move slowly – not just because it looked like the island had visitors, but because she didn’t want to get caught by her dad and have her sidekick privileges revoked.

  “I spy…” Amber whispered again, following her father’s distinctive footprints through a sea of dust and rubble. Then she spotted something … something oddly out of place. In the middle of the rubble stood a large sign, which read:

  “This way?” said Amber, glancing downwards. There, embedded in the ground, was a large steel disc, like a manhole cover, with a red button in its centre. Amber pressed the button with her foot.

  With a VMM-KLUNK! the cover dropped open, revealing a hole plunging into darkness. Amber peered inside.

  There was a ladder.

  “Another secret lair underneath the first secret lair… A lair-within-a-lair!” noted an impressed Amber. Then she took a deep breath, pulled up her sleeves and clambered down into the darkness.

  The long climb led to a dimly lit corridor, which in turn led to three more corridors. Amber tiptoed towards a distant blue light until she reached a large pair of double doors, open just enough to let the illumination from inside pour out. She edged towards it and heard a familiar voice.

  “Welcome to my inner sanctum! Does everyone have what they need? We have an assortment of savoury nibbles, plus those irresistible little tubs of ice cream. Please, make yourselves comfortable…”

  “Ergo Ego…!” whispered Amber. She peered through the doorway into a large steel-grey room, with high metal gantries stretching round its perimeter. A small army of black clad henchmen lined the walls beneath them. In the centre of the room was a long stone table, round which sat four figures. At the head of the table sat Ergo Ego, shuffling excitedly, the room’s bluish light glinting off his egg-shaped head.

  “I’m not going to lie, this is a very exciting day for me! P.O.I.S.O.N.’s most vile and villainous, here in my secret island lair-within-a-lair!” said Ego, dabbing his brow nervously. “Fandango Scaramoosh, Shady Lady, Gums Gambino … your names are synonymous with sin! The greatest criminal masterminds the world has ever known! You have fingers in every pie and thumbs in every bowl of soup…”

  Amber peered closer. Her father was right – P.O.I.S.O.N.’s high command was here!

  But where was Spynosaur?

  “Get to da point, ya mook! Where’s the McGuffin?” added the inhumanly broad-shouldered Gums Gambino, his loose lips flapping like a fish out of water.

  “What the massively mouthed mobster means,” added Shady Lady, her willowy frame shrouded in darkness, “is that we are ready and waiting for the reveal of your super-secret weapon.”

  “And it had better be good,” added Fandango Scaramoosh, his pearl-white suit and silvery quiff of hair shimmering. “This is the twelfth time you’ve tried to join the Persons of Infamy, Spite and Occasional Notoriousness, Ego. What in the name of my hairdresser’s cat makes you think we’ll let you join this time?”

  “Because this time,” Ego replied, “I can defeat your greatest enemy.”

  The room fell silent. Amber held her breath.

  “We have enemies coming out of our ears, Ego,” said Shady Lady. “Last month my milkman tried to murder me…”

  “Enemies, perhaps,” replied Ego. “But none like Spynosaur.”

  “Don’t even say dat name what you just said!” growled Gums Gambino, slamming his fist on the table. “Half my goons are doin’ a stretch in th’ Big House ’cos o’ dat scaly mook!”

  “He’s ruined more rackets, prevented more plots and foiled more felonies than I care to count,” added Shady Lady.

  “To put it bluntly,” added Fandango Scaramoosh, “he’s a prehistoric pain in the—”

  “Exactly!” said Ego. “For the last year, Spynosaur has been the bane of your existence. Whenever you are about to do something, oh, I don’t know … diabolical, there he is, ready and waiting to spoil your day.” Ego looked up at the gantries high above them. “Isn’t that right … Spynosaur?”

  Amber clamped her hand over her mouth to silence a gasp and looked up. Crouched on one of the gantries, as still and silent as a photograph, was her father.

  “I can totally see you up there, you know!” Ego declared. “I mean, you’re a dinosaur – you’re like the least inconspicuous spy ever.” He picked up a bowl of Twiglets from the table. “Come down and join the party! The nibbles are to die for…”

  Amber saw a flash of movement and sharp teeth as Spynosaur leaped down from the gantry. He landed in the middle of the table and let out a deep, hissing snarl.

  “A quintet of criminality,” Spynosaur growled. “The game’s over for all of you!”

  “Over? I’m just getting started! Or rather, you are,” said Ego with a grin.

  He gestured at the thirty or so henchmen surrounding them. They drew knives, knuckledusters, b
aseball bats – one even brandished a folding chair. “I know they’re not technically my henchmen to command,” added Ego, “but if I may be so bold … get him!”

  With a menacing roar, Spynosaur sprung from the table into the throng of henchmen, a blur of sharp teeth and claws. From her hiding place outside the door, Amber readied herself to dive into the fray, when she remembered what her dad had told her back in the Dino-soarer.

  You’re staying put – that’s an order.

  Spynosaur didn’t much like giving orders – or following them for that matter – so when he did, Amber knew he meant it.

  Besides which, she wasn’t sure her dad actually needed her help. Spynosaur moved like lightning as he punched, kicked and clawed his way through henchman after henchman, knocking them aside like skittles.

  “Hey! what’s da big idea, havin’ Spynosaur take on our henchmen?” growled Gums Gambino.

  “Please, stay in your seats,” Ego begged the P.O.I.S.O.N. high command as another henchman flew across the table. “I promise you, this will all be over soon…”

  “After which time Spynosaur will turn his attention to us!” declared Fandango Scaramoosh. “Where’s the nearest secret escape route?”

  “I assure you, there is no need to panic,” said Ego, a henchman whizzing over his head. “Everything is going according to plan.”

  “Bravo, Spynosaur!” declared Ego, as the last of the henchmen bounced off the table. “Thirty opponents in as many seconds!”

  “I’d hate you all to feel left out – let’s make it thirty-four, shall we?” Spynosaur said, rounding on Ego and the P.O.I.S.O.N. bigwigs.

  “You fool, Ego!” hissed Shady Lady. “You’ve delivered us straight into Spynosaur’s claws!”

  “Oh, it’s worse than that! If it wasn’t for me, there wouldn’t even be a Spynosaur!” cackled Ergo Ego. He glared at Spynosaur. “Isn’t that right … Agent Gambit?”

  Amber saw her dad bristle.

  “So, you know who I am … or was,” said Spynosaur, with a snarl.

  “Of course I know, you stupid head!” Ego declared. “I shoot Agent Gambit into the moon, and then you suddenly appear on the scene, with the same fighting style … the same bad puns … the same sidekick, for goodness’ sake! It doesn’t take a genius to work out that you have Gambit’s brainwaves. Although yes, I totally am a genius.”

  “Are you saying that this manicurist’s nightmare was once Agent Gambit, the world’s greatest secret agent?” gasped Fandango Scaramoosh.

  “I can’t take credit for the teeth and claws and tail,” Ego confessed, wafting his hand in Spynosaur’s direction. “You see, I copied Gambit’s brainwaves on to one of my patent-pending brain boxes, but it was Department 6 who stole it and used it to transfer the brainwaves of Agent Gambit into this dinosaur. And you can’t argue with the results!”

  A dozen holographic screens appeared in the air, surrounding Spynosaur and the collected criminals. Spynosaur narrowed his lizard eyes, as Amber peeked her head further round the door to get a better look at the screens. Ego had recorded everything they’d done over the last two days. But why?

  “I didn’t realize you were such a fan of my work, Ego,” said Spynosaur coolly.

  “Indeed I am!” laughed Ego. “In fact, over the last forty-eight hours I have tested every aspect of your remarkable abilities to the limit. Your strength, intelligence, speed, endurance … your courage and skill. And every time, against all the odds, you emerged victorious. Now the esteemed members of P.O.I.S.O.N. know exactly what you are capable of… Now they know the power of my super-secret weapon!”

  “The McGuffin? It doesn’t exist. It never did,” Spynosaur growled. “This whole mission was just red herrings and wild goose chases. But why?”

  “You really haven’t worked it out, have you?” replied Ego with a sneer. He opened his arms wide and let out a maniacal cackle. “It’s you, Spynosaur! You are my super-secret weapon. You are the real McGuffin!”

  “What are you talking about?” snarled Spynosaur, circling Ego and the malevolent masterminds of P.O.I.S.O.N. “I may be mind-blowingly impressive, but I’m no weapon. You’ve lost whatever’s left of your mind, Ego.”

  From the doorway, Amber watched her dad growling impatiently, and heard the CLIK-CLAK of his toe claws as he loomed over his nemesis.

  “Then lock me up, Spynosaur!” said Ego. “I surrender!”

  “Surrender?” shrieked Fandango Scaramoosh, glancing incredulously at the members of P.O.I.S.O.N. “Scandalous! A villain never surrenders!”

  “They’re going to throw away the key on you, Ego,” said Spynosaur, squaring up to him. “I’ll make sure you never—”

  “Ego says stop right there,” Ego interrupted.

  Spynosaur froze.

  “Ego says … stand on one leg!” added Ego.

  Spynosaur duly lifted a clawed foot off the floor.

  He stood there, a strangled snarl emanating from his throat. It was as if his body suddenly wouldn’t do as it was told. Or rather, his body would only do as it was told by Ergo Ego.

  “Dad…?” whispered Amber.

  “Ego says, tell me that I am the greatest criminal mastermind ever,” Ego said.

  Spynosaur seemed to tremble, his eyes wide with rage. Then, through a mouthful of sharp, gritted teeth, he said:

  “You … are the greatest … criminal mastermind … ever.”

  “Yes, I am, you stupid head!” shrieked Ego with glee.

  “Dad, no…!” Amber gasped.

  “I gotta be seein’ things here!” said Gums Gambino, inspecting the frozen Spynosaur. “How comes this mook is doin’ whatever you tells him?”

  “Because if Ergo Ego says, Spynosaur obeys!” cackled Ego. “You see, when I mined Agent Gambit’s mind, I installed a failsafe – a way to control that mind using only my voice. When I realized his brain box had been used to create Spynosaur, I knew then that I could make Department 6’s greatest spy into my greatest weapon!”

  Amber clamped both her hands over her mouth. Her dad was right – all this time Ego had been one step ahead of them … but in a way they couldn’t have imagined. She looked back down the corridor. She knew her dad would tell her to go for help if he could. But how could she leave him here, with them? What if she never saw him again?

  “Distinguished villains, Spynosaur is the key to your domination of the world! He will crush your enemies … tear Department 6 apart from the inside – even tie your shoelaces if I command it! No one will be left to stop you,” said Ego. “Or should I say, us?”

  The members of P.O.I.S.O.N. looked at each other … then at the screens … then at Spynosaur.

  “Congratulations on your conscription to our criminal collective!” declared Shady Lady.

  “You’re a made man, Ego!” boomed Gums Gambino with glee.

  “Welcome to P.O.I.S.O.N.!” added Fandango Scaramoosh. “But wait … beating up our evil henchmen is one thing, but if Spynosaur is to be a true weapon, he will need to obey even the most diabolical command.”

  “Aha! You want proof that I can force Spynosaur to act like a villain!” said Ego. “Well since you ask, I have just the thing…”

  Amber suddenly realized Ergo Ego was staring right at her.

  She turned and ran.

  “Ego says, bring back that girl,” ordered Ego.

  Spynosaur snarled and drew his grapple gun. With a FOOOOoooooooSH! he launched the grappling hook through the tiny gap in the doorway. It speared Amber’s spy-suit at the shoulder and retracted, dragging her back up the corridor and through the doorway. Before she knew it, Amber found herself in the middle of the room, being glared at by four criminal masterminds … and her own father.

  “What have you done to my dad, you baldy stinker?” Amber snarled, struggling to detach herself from the grappling hook.

  “Well, you are no more charming than the last time we met,” said Ego. “Members of P.O.I.S.O.N., here is the final proof of my pudding – Spynosaur’s own s
idekick, who, by the way, is also his daughter!”

  “Dad…?” Amber said, looking up at her father. He stared back, helpless to do anything but obey his new master.

  “There’s a good little slave,” Ego sneered, patting Spynosaur on the shoulder. “But wait, you haven’t touched the nibbles – Ego says you must be hungry.”

  growled Spynosaur.

  “I thought so… So eat her,” said Ergo Ego. “Ego says, eat your daughter!”

  “My dad’s not going to eat me!” Amber protested, freeing herself from the grappling hook and leaping to her feet. Spynosaur loomed over her, claws and teeth bared. “Right, Dad…?”

  “Silly sidekick, there is no ‘Dad’!” screamed Ergo Ego. “There is only Spynosaur, my slave!”

  Spynosaur roared in Amber’s face, his hot breath stinging her eyes. Then he reared back … and struck.

  “LAST-MINUTE CHEWING GUM SPLIT-SECOND LIMBO MANOEUVRE!” Amber cried, leaning backwards until her head nearly touched the floor.

  Spynosaur’s jaws clamped shut inches from her face with a SNAPP!

  “SCRAMBLED EGG WHIRLWIND WET-TOWEL DEVASTATING HUMMINGBIRD ATTACK!” Amber yelled. She dropped on to her hands and spun her legs in the air, landing both feet hard on the side of her dad’s head.

  screamed an enraged Spynosaur.

  Amber saw a blur of movement as her dad’s huge tail rushed towards her. Her last thought as she was knocked unconscious was of her dad – not as he was now, but as he was a year ago, on that fateful day when everything changed…