[Baby on Board 26] - Their Miracle Twins

by Nikki Logan

  ‘Forget what’s happened between us,’ she begged. ‘Just let me go. And love those boys twice as hard for me.’

  He stared at her, his chest heaving, his dark eyes pained.

  ‘Flynn. You said to make it count.’ She wrung her hands together, twisting her fingers.

  A deep frown folded down between his eyes.

  ‘That first day in Oberon I said I’d let you know when I knew what I wanted in return for everything we’ve done. You told me to make it count. Well, this does.’ She curled her fingers around his and his eyes dropped to the white gold ring she returned. ‘I need to go, Flynn.’

  His whole family held their breath and Bel knew she’d already torn a fissure as wide as a valley in their fabric. But then he spoke, low and choked, and her heart ripped completely free.

  ‘I’ll drive you to the airport when you’re ready.’

  She burst from the house, her eyes locked forward as she tripped down the porch steps to go and pack, heart breaking, not even pausing to say goodbye to her little men. She’d done that a hundred times since discovering the Crown’s decree, since recognising that she couldn’t bring herself to part them from each other. Every look, every touch, every kiss was a farewell. She’d stockpiled her memories and a fridge full of expressed milk and once that was gone they were on their own. Lots of babies grew up healthy and strong on formula. Alice would see them right.

  ‘Bel …!’

  She stumbled in the snow and struggled to right herself, to keep moving. It was stupid to run from Flynn when he’d have hours with her in the car heading for the airport but, right now, she couldn’t face him. She’d never get that image out of her head. The awkwardness of his demeanour as she laid her pulpy heart out on the examination table. The dread.

  That was what she’d remember most from her magical time here.

  ‘Bel.’ This time his hand snagged her arm and yanked her to a halt, but her furious forward momentum spun her and sent her sprawling into the freshly fallen snow. She scrabbled away from him and desperately tried to right herself but the tears streaming from her eyes made it impossible to see.

  ‘Bel, don’t,’ Flynn groaned, lurching headlong into the snow, snagging her foot and using it to get a better hold on her. In a heartbeat she was under him, both of them prostrate in the icy drift.

  ‘Don’t touch me, Flynn!’ She couldn’t bear it. To smell him. To feel him. Knowing she’d never do either again. She sobbed and shoved weakly against his weight.

  ‘Bel, listen …’

  She struggled under him, screeching her frustration at being trapped. So very apt.

  ‘You can’t do this.’ He forced her face around to his. ‘Not this. It will kill you.’

  Very probably. He shimmered and swam in the tears filling her eyes. ‘What else can I do? I can’t stay.’

  ‘We’ll get our own place, in Oberon. That’s not leaving my family.’

  ‘You don’t love me, Flynn.’ Her words were like blood, pumping from her fractured heart. ‘You can’t love me.’

  ‘Bel …’

  The defeat in his voice hurt her most of all. ‘Is that what you want for me, Flynn? To live forever surrounded by people who only tolerate me?’

  ‘You’ll have the boys.’ It was desperate and he knew it.

  ‘And what kind of men will they grow up into, seeing that? What kind of lesson will that teach them?’

  His frustration puffed as mist from his lips. ‘It’s something.’

  ‘It’s not enough. I’ve finally realised that I’m worth more. I’m worth someone’s beyond compare love, no matter how I grew up or what mistakes I made along the way. And that makes me stronger.’ Because God knew she’d had to grow strong this past year.

  ‘Enough to do something this unthinkable?’

  No. Probably not. ‘Enough to survive it.’

  ‘How will you put them out of your heart?’

  ‘I won’t,’ she said fiercely. ‘Not any of you. But as much as remembering will hurt, it isn’t a patch on how much staying would hurt.’ She found his eyes and snared them with hers. ‘You accused me of not knowing what love looked like, of having no point of reference.’ Her chest heaved. She swiped at the tears that tumbled out. ‘You’re my point of reference, Flynn.’

  And he always would be. No matter what happened today.

  ‘Bel—’

  ‘I understand, Flynn. You made me no promises. I built ice castles around a bunch of feelings I thought were there but really weren’t.’

  ‘Bel …’

  She laughed emptily. ‘Seems to be a habit of mine. I may know what love feels like but I clearly have no idea what it looks like coming back at—’

  ‘Bel, will you shut up and listen?’

  Her teeth clacked shut.

  ‘I need to know something.’ He breathed down on her, frost puffing out with his words. ‘When you look at me, what do you see?’

  She swiped at the tears blurring her vision and stared at him, uncomprehending. ‘I see you.’

  ‘Look deeper. Who do you really see?’

  The fear in his gaze was evident. Bracing himself for hurt.

  ‘I see a boy who worshipped the ground his brother walked on and never got over being sidelined by him. I see a man who’s lived his life expecting the same kind of disappointment and who unconsciously hunts for evidence he’s been let down. Because it’s all he knows.’

  Flynn frowned and then his lips tightened. ‘Why the hell would you love that man? An emotional train-wreck.’

  She shrugged. ‘Even wrecks deserve their chance at love, don’t they?’ She was building her whole life on that hope. ‘But you’re so much more as well. Bright and focused and loving. Loyal and strong and enduring. And, to be honest, I’m no prize.’

  ‘Do you really think that?’ he said when she finally ran out of steam, his brow flat and furrowed. ‘That you’re worthless?’

  She sagged, emotionally spent. ‘My whole life, I’ve lived in fear of disappointing people. Of seeing expressions like your mother’s tonight on people’s faces. I make mistakes, Flynn, a lot of them. I’m not a good fit for a man who’s scrying disappointment out wherever he goes.’

  ‘Yet you were willing to bind yourself to me for ever?’

  She didn’t miss his use of the past tense and her chest compressed even further. She shifted uncomfortably under him, soaked to the skin on her lower side and toasty and warm on the upper. It was the perfect metaphor for how she’d been feeling all year. ‘I didn’t mean for it to happen. Poor decisions have a way of finding me.’ She sighed. ‘You’re better off being on the other side of the world from me.’

  ‘Who are you trying to convince?’ He smiled. ‘Me or yourself?’

  She shivered.

  His face sobered. ‘Are you cold, Bel?’

  ‘I will always be cold.’ If you’re not there. She pressed her lips together to stop their tremble.

  He adjusted himself more comfortably on her, taking his weight on his elbows and stroking wet hair back from her face.

  ‘You’re not letting me up?’ She squinted.

  He smiled again. Two in thirty seconds: world record. ‘I told you chivalry was locked in the barn for the next year.’ She frowned her confusion and he took pity on her.

  He took a deep bracing breath. ‘I was looking for a reason not to love you, Bel.’

  She blinked, her eyes widening.

  ‘My feelings were so easy to keep corralled on a day-to-day basis, but then you asked to stay and I … I panicked. I overreacted. I shoved you away.’

  She sucked in a tight breath. All she could manage under his warm weight.

  ‘I’ve had a few days to think about what you said, about what it means. For me.’

  She blinked up at him.

  ‘I was desperate for something to fail you on, Bel. The spoiled princess who stole my brother from me. But you came here and were so not what I expected. You fitted in immediately, you worked hard, you did all th
e right things with the pregnancy. You were beautiful and sexy and one hundred and ten per cent the wrong person for me, yet I still found myself totally entranced.’

  She forgot all about the ice numbing her bottom.

  ‘Even while I was taking you in my arms at night—in fact, particularly because I was—I was always watching for a reason we couldn’t be together and kept finding none. Nothing reasonable. So I started fabricating reasons to keep my feelings at arm’s length. Your sister. Your relationship with Drew. I was just waiting for that other shoe to drop and for life to deliver the blow I knew was coming.’ He stared at her. ‘And then it finally did. In the worst imaginable way.’

  The tears prickled back and threatened to freeze where they pooled.

  ‘The woman I loved only wanted me to keep the babies. I can’t tell you how that felt. How many old hurts and fears it fed off. I was destroyed. I wasn’t listening and I certainly wasn’t hearing you, Bel. I’m sorry.’

  She just shook her head fractionally.

  ‘And then I used the custody declaration to destroy you right back. Apparently, that’s the man I now am.’

  Desire to protect him—defend him—surged through her. ‘You were angry. Upset.’

  ‘I was a jerk. A-class.’

  ‘Well … yes … But no one’s perfect.’ Except he was perfect for her.

  His eyes clouded over. ‘Perfection is hard to live up to.’

  The urge to protect him from any more hurt swamped her. From the lofty vantage point of a woman in love with the better man—the best of men—it only served to show her how deep her love for Flynn truly ran. And how visible she’d felt since stepping onto that flight with him.

  ‘You were right when you said Drew wasn’t perfect, Flynn. He made mistakes, lots of them. But he tried to learn from them.’ She tilted her head and wished her arms were more free to wrap around him because what she was going to say might hurt. ‘I think him being so loving and warm and inclusive of me was his way of … making up … for how wrong he got it with you.’ She touched his face. ‘I think he might really have regretted how badly he handled himself when he was younger. And he was determined to get it right the second time around.’ She took a breath. ‘I think maybe you two could have found a better place again if he’d had a bit more time.’

  Flynn stared at her, wide-eyed. Still cautious. Still protecting himself. ‘You believe that?’

  ‘I do.’

  Bad choice of words, it only brought their wedding back into crashing focus. But, as she said the words, something shifted in him visibly. He filled his lungs with frigid mountain air and squeezed her hand. ‘As far as I’m concerned, Golden Boy stuffed up at least once, big-time.’

  ‘When?’

  His warmth rained down on her from eyes so like the twins’, bored right down into her soul. ‘He picked the wrong sister.’

  Bel gasped, the sudden hope doing laps in her system immediately warring with her instinctive need to protect herself. Her heart.

  His eyes grew soft. ‘I should thank him,’ Flynn murmured. ‘For keeping you safe for all those years. For making you feel valued. Until I could find you.’

  Her eyes swam with tears again. ‘I didn’t think you felt—’

  ‘I saw it happening, Bel. I was right there with you, experiencing the thing between us taking shape. Growing out of control. I fought it, every single day.’ He tucked her freezing hands into his woollen shirt. ‘Yet still I talked you into my bed and convinced myself I could have my cake and eat it: have you in my bed but not in my heart.’

  He blew on her hands, then lifted his eyes to hers. ‘I was wrong. Your image is engraved on my heart. Your smile is what keeps it beating and your kisses stop it cold.’

  Love swelled up and threatened to choke the air right out of her. ‘Then why …?’

  ‘I couldn’t conceive of a woman like you picking a man like me to love. An ex-felon. A man who drove his family apart with resentment. I was so certain you’d wake up one morning and realise the inexplicable attraction between us had run its course, that you’d tire of second best.’

  ‘Never.’

  ‘I believe that. Now.’

  ‘And the attraction hasn’t waned.’ She glanced down his body where it pressed so close to hers. One particularly firm place. She smiled. ‘For either of us, it seems.’

  His eyes never left hers. ‘Really? I have no idea. I’ve been numb from the chest down for the past ten minutes …’

  Bel had never imagined in her wildest dreams that she would laugh today. But one burbled out of her and spilled into the air, melting the frost in its path. Flynn took the opportunity to capture her smiling lips in a searing kiss which went some way to heating her icy body. She slid her hands up behind his neck, his head, and kissed him back on a half-sob.

  Another thing she’d thought she’d never get to do again.

  ‘I love you, Flynn,’ she risked. ‘But I don’t know if I have the stamina to keep proving it to you.’

  His eyes met hers seriously. ‘You don’t need to prove anything, you just need to be you.’

  She wept, deep down inside. How long had she secretly wished for someone to love her just the way she was? Not who they wanted her to be, not who they thought she should be with time and attention. Her—Bel Rochester. The woman she already was.

  ‘Besides, it’s me who has something to prove. So that you’ll believe how much I love you back.’

  Love—present tense.

  Relief and joy and passion and laughter all scrambled for pole position, racing through her bloodstream, exciting her senses as Flynn lowered his mouth to hers again. They kissed as though it was the first time, as though they weren’t both half-frozen from exposure. As though their world hadn’t imploded just minutes before.

  That thought slowly dragged Bel from the drugged heaven of his lips.

  ‘What about your family? They don’t want me here,’ she whispered close to his mouth.

  ‘It’s been a day of shocks all round; they didn’t handle themselves the best. But then neither did I.’

  He dragged his icy nose back and forth across hers.

  ‘What are you doing?’

  ‘The Bunyip’s Reach mating ritual. I’m marking you as mine.’

  Her lips cracked in a chilly approximation of a smile at the ridiculous act. ‘Mmm … sexy.’

  His eyes grew serious. ‘You are the wife of their son and the mother of their grandchildren. We will work through whatever issues my parents have with how this whole thing has evolved.’

  ‘And if we don’t?’

  ‘If we don’t, we’ll leave. Start our own place.’

  ‘I don’t want to rip your family apart, Flynn.’

  ‘You wouldn’t be, they would be. Besides, we have our own family to start worrying about. Twin boys are not going to be a piece of cake to raise. Not with Bradley genes thrown in.’

  An iridescent heat spread through her. ‘They’ll be fantastic boys. And they’ll love and protect their younger brothers and sisters.’

  ‘More children—already?’

  ‘Just planning ahead. Someone has to help us run the property.’ She kissed his frosty lips. ‘Or it could just be an excuse to get you into bed. I assumed you’d be dead keen on that part.’

  ‘Gaggingly keen, believe me. After eighty-seven nights of chivalry, I’m ready for a little debauchery.’

  ‘You counted?’

  His eyes grew sombre. ‘To the minute.’

  ‘Well, do you think we should get out of this snow before anything we’ll need gets frostbite?’

  ‘God, yes. I think there are some sleeping boys who’ll be happy to have their mum back, too.’

  He shuffled inelegantly backwards and pushed himself onto numb haunches, before pulling Bel carefully onto her feet. Behind them the door to the homestead opened, warm orange light pouring out, and Alice emerged onto the porch holding Bel’s favourite alpaca quilt open in wide arms.

  Welcoming arm
s.

  Forgiving arms.

  And in that moment Bel knew that there was nothing she couldn’t face with this man at her side, those babies in her arms, and the fiercest nan she’d ever known at her back.

  All the characters in this book have no existence outside the imagination of the author, and have no relation whatsoever to anyone bearing the same name or names. They are not even distantly inspired by any individual known or unknown to the author, and all the incidents are pure invention.

  All Rights Reserved including the right of reproduction in whole or in part in any form. This edition is published by arrangement with Harlequin Enterprises II B.V./S.à.r.l. The text of this publication or any part thereof may not be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, storage in an information retrieval system, or otherwise, without the written permission of the publisher.

  This book is sold subject to the condition that it shall not, by way of trade or otherwise, be lent, resold, hired out or otherwise circulated without the prior consent of the publisher in any form of binding or cover other than that in which it is published and without a similar condition including this condition being imposed on the subsequent purchaser.

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  First published in Great Britain 2012

  by Mills & Boon, an imprint of Harlequin (UK) Limited,

  Eton House, 18-24 Paradise Road, Richmond, Surrey TW9 1SR

  © Lois Faye Dyer 2011

  © Nikki Logan 2012

  ISBN: 978-1-408-97041-6