Recovery Road

by Danielle Donaldson

  *

  Catalina paced the hallway. She was prepared to talk to the kids about her job at the bank, but she was really hoping Evan would be there like he promised.

  One of Olivia’s classmates’ father was talking to them in his firefighter kit. He passed around his heavy helmet and let the kids touch his boots and mask.

  They were giggling and asking a million different questions.

  Catalina sighed. Hudson would love to be there and pass around his tools and tell all the little ones about working on cars.

  “Hey.” Evan’s voice drew her attention away from the classroom door.

  “Hey,” she said back. She pursed her lips. At least he showed up. Damn, these scars itch like the dickens. She scratched at her exposed neck. “I didn’t think you would show up.”

  He fidgeted with the bakery box in his hands and stared at the floor. “I did promise I would be here.”

  “I thought after everything…It doesn’t matter. Thank you for coming.” Catalina took a sigh of relief. “I think the kids would riot if I got in there after the firefighter superstar.”

  She pointed through the window.

  “Yeah, well, about that. I just wanted to drop off the cookies. I can’t stay.” Evan pushed the bakery box toward her hands but didn’t raise his face to meet her eyes.

  “What—” She pushed the box back. “No. You don’t get to do this again, Evan. You’re already here. They’re just kids. It will take five minutes.”

  Evan furled his eyebrows together and glanced quickly at Catalina’s face. His gaze flitted to her lips for a moment.

  She pulled her bottom lip in between her teeth. If this bastard flakes on me, on us again…

  His vivid light blue eyes were pale in the overhead lights, but they glinted with a hint of danger for a second. A rush surged through her. He knitted his eyebrows together, and the hint of heat she felt earlier turned to anger.

  “I know you’re still mad about what happened at the hospital. I didn’t mean to be so…harsh.” A muscle flexed in his jaw. His hands were clenched around the box. His face was clean-shaven, and he smelled sweaty but sweet. A light layer of flour was in the side of his hair.

  “You were in pain, but that doesn’t mean that you get to be an asshole to me.”

  “I know that. I’m sorry. I was a jerk.”

  “Yeah, you were. Thank you for apologizing. Now, look alive. That firefighter is starting to wrap it up. You only have a few minutes.” She nodded curtly.

  “I told you I can’t.” Evan gritted his teeth and looked away.

  “This was a favor. I understand that, but you’re already here.”

  “I told you before. I’m not cut out for this stuff. I’m not…I’m not good with kids.”

  The fear and hurt she had seen in the bank and the hospital made his eyes look shiny and wet. He was reliving some memory.

  “Mom gave me a few beatings…” His voice echoed in her head. Even Bonnie had said that his family was terrible. Catalina would never know how terrible if he didn’t open up to her.

  His mother was obviously an evil witch of a woman, but Catalina struggled to believe that this was about her.

  “You’re fine with kids. You’re great with Olivia. She’s been asking about you. I know she’ll be really excited to see you again.” Catalina reached out her hand to gently brush against his fist. The veins in his hand were raised a little.

  Evan flinched away. His eyes turned hard against her.

  “Don’t, Catalina,” he said sternly. “Don’t touch me.” His voice cracked.

  “What’s going on, Evan? Why are you doing this?” She kept her voice low. A few parents milled around the other end of the hallway.

  “You’re Hudson’s wife, Cat!” he stage-whispered.

  She took a step back. What the crap does that have to do with anything? He was grasping for anything to push her away.

  “I’m trying to be your friend, Evan,” she said. “That doesn’t matter.”

  “You … I can’t do this. It’s not you. It’s me.”

  “You’re not making any sense. After this we can sit down and talk. You can tell me all about it.”

  “I can’t be close to you…like this.” He took a step back from her. His pulse throbbed in his neck. He brushed his hand through his hair.

  She swallowed. “Why not?”

  “I can’t,” he said, his voice wavering.

  “Tell me why you can’t,” Catalina said. Her lips were tight and she ground her teeth together.

  He didn’t say anything. He kept looking at the ground.

  “Tell me what is going on with you.” Her voice was harder, more demanding.

  He looked up at her and met her eyes. He looked pained and was breathing heavily. She wanted to smooth out the wrinkles in his forehead.

  “Please let me go, Cat.”

  She continued to meet his eyes, searching for whatever he was trying to say, begging him to lay it out for her and stop being so confusing.

  “I can’t help you if you don’t talk to me. You know that.”

  “Please let it go,” he said.

  “I’ve tried and tried and I can’t. I am still trying to convince myself that everything is fine, but I know it’s not.” Tears pooled in her eyes, but damn, she wasn’t going to let them fall. “I can’t lose you too.”

  “I’m not cut out for this, okay? I’m not normal. I don’t know how to be part of a family or love someone or let someone love me. This isn’t how I do things. Can’t you get that?”

  So there it was. He really doesn’t believe that anyone can love him?

  “Let it go, Cat. Please,” he said. He shoved the box of cookies in her hands as he turned and walked away. He left her standing in the hallway as she heard his boots stomp away.

  She breathed in and out slowly.

  The urge to follow him was overwhelming, making her feet itchy in her shoes. She turned toward the classroom instead. The kids were whooping and clapping for the speaker before her. Olivia smiled and waved at her. Catalina sniffed and swallowed the lump in her throat before waving back.

  The ache in her heart was like a rift from her head to her feet, an empty void of longing that she wanted to fill by holding Evan close to her, but he didn’t want her. They weren’t even friends anymore.

  CHAPTER NINETEEN

  Olivia was hyped up from Evan’s sugar cookies. At least the sugar distracted Olivia long enough that she didn’t ask where he was.

  She eventually collapsed in Catalina’s bed in her clothes, but Catalina couldn’t quiet her mind long enough to fall asleep.

  She laid there listening to Olivia’s breathing, the tiny sounds of life and health around her.

  She got out of bed and padded down her hallway to get a glass of water. The night outside was still and the sky was clear. She heard a rustling outside of her front door and froze in her position standing in front of the refrigerator. She gently placed the glass in her hand on the counter. She stepped quietly toward the front door, her head cocked to listen for the moment.

  The rustling was louder closer to the door. She heard a man’s raspy voice curse on the other side of the door. Catalina stiffened. She reached for the baseball bat hidden behind the bookcase. It was worn and beat up, a leftover from Hudson’s high school baseball days, but it would manage to bust someone’s head open if they tried to break in. She gripped the bat beside her ear, twisting her hands on the grip. Fear churned in her stomach—there were two kids to protect in her bedroom.

  She stared at the doorknob. It didn’t move. The noise stopped on the other side of the door. She tentatively reached out a hand. The blood pumped in her ears. Her breath was quick and short.

  Her hand reached around the doorknob and turned the lock quietly. She held her breath for a second. Still no sound. She twisted the knob slowly and threw open the door.

  If it was just a raccoon, she could scare it away before any noise woke Olivia. The porch light was off, but t
he moon was bright enough that Catalina saw the shadow of a large man in front of the house.

  “Hey! Get out of here! I have a weapon!” she yelled in the fiercest voice she could manage, but there was a hint of fear breaking through.

  “Cat? Don’t shoot. Jesus.”

  *

  Shit. He wasn’t supposed to get her attention. He was turning around to go home, had thought better about being there. He didn’t need to see her. He didn’t need to apologize, and now she was standing on her front porch with a weapon.

  “I don’t have a gun, asshole. I have a bat,” she said angrily. “What the hell are you doing here?” She wrapped her arms around her body, lowering the bat. She was wearing her pajamas, just a thin fabric over her skin.

  “I was…I don’t know. I wanted to check on you,” he said, crossing the small yard and moving into the light.

  “You know, I have a cell phone. You could have texted me,” she said.

  “I wanted to see you,” he said, kicking at the grass under his feet. He felt about two inches tall.

  It was a mistake to be here, but he’d felt like an ass for walking out on her at the school. It was like he was addicted to her. He hadn’t stopped thinking about her every single day since she left his bedside.

  “Jeez. Come in. It’s freezing out here,” she said, turning to walk into the house. He shut the door behind him after scraping his shoes clean on the welcome mat.

  She hid the bat behind the bookcase. That was all she had to protect herself and Olivia? It worried him, but he tried to shake off the thought.

  “Don’t tell anyone about my sophisticated burglary system,” she said.

  “Olivia asleep?” he asked as he shimmied off his jacket. He should keep his coat on. He shouldn’t be getting settled. He needed to say his piece and get out of Catalina’s house. His shirt rode up a little as he pulled off his coat and he pulled it down quickly. He cleared his throat.

  She pointed toward her bedroom and placed a finger over her lips in the universal signal to keep quiet.

  He nodded silently. Catalina moved to the couch, where she sat down and tucked her legs under her body. She crossed her arms over her boobs and gestured to the couch beside her. Evan sat down slowly, rubbing his hands together smoothly. I guess I’m settling in.

  “So, are you going to tell me why you were stalking around outside my house in the middle of the night?” Her eyes were darker now. A heat rose to his cheeks, and he rubbed at the back of his neck.

  Evan’s eyes flitted to her shoulders and traced the scars from her neck down past the top of her thin pajama shirt. She was beautiful, scars and all. He wanted to run his fingers over them, kiss them until she forgot all about them.

  “Please don’t look at them. I know they are hideous,” she said, trying to cover herself. His hands, rough with oven burns and callouses from lifting bags of flour, were gentle as he pushed her hands away. He scooted closer to her on the couch. She studied his face. He glanced at her mouth quickly but looked away. Instead, he gently touched the scars. She shivered under his touch and shifted on the couch. The skin was tough and pink over her usually tan skin. Her body was hot, and Evan could feel himself start to sweat. The pads of his fingers traced up her neck, and her pulse throbbed against his skin.

  His breath hitched in his throat. He tried to keep himself steady but he felt like a ship among the rocks.

  “I could never think that you were hideous, Cat,” he said. His hands trailed up to her face, cupping her jaw in his big palms. He looked in her eyes, and Catalina looked at him with confusion written on her face. She was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen.

  “Why did you walk away like that?” she asked. He let his hands fall from her face and looked away quickly.

  Stop touching her, you idiot. Don’t you remember last time you showed up at her house in the middle of the night? He could remember, and that was part of the problem. Those brief moments where he got to hold her, kiss her. He hadn’t stopped thinking about them since they happened.

  He cleared his throat and rubbed his chin roughly. She knitted her eyebrows together and set her mouth in a tight line.

  How did you explain something like that? “Oh, I’m a coward who can’t handle confrontation or commitment or really feelings of any kind, so it’s easier to shut down and push everyone away than be vulnerable for two seconds.” Yeah, that didn’t sound like a good answer.

  “Why are you here, Evan?” she asked. Her voice was harder, but she still whispered, not wanting to wake Olivia.

  “Sit here with me for a second, okay?” He said. He wanted a few minutes with her again.

  They sat there in silent dark, which made him aware of every one of her small movements. He lightly drummed his fingers on his knee. Her leg was pushed up nicely against his own. She was warm and he wanted to wrap his arm around her, pull her into him, but he didn’t. He held his hands on his thighs. He wasn’t sure if she wanted to pommel him or whatever. Finally, he turned to look at her, pulling his head back a little, like you would if you looked directly at the sun. He pursed his lips slightly, pouting his fat bottom lip out.

  She turned to meet his eyes. Her tongue jetted out of her mouth quickly to wet her lips. He couldn’t breathe—and he couldn’t go there again. But he was already a goner.

  He leaned over and his mouth slanted against hers. The smirk gone, a serious fierceness replacing it. His lips moved quickly over hers. The air was leaving his body. His heart floated and bobbed.

  She gently rubbed her tongue against his bottom lip, and he growled. She tasted like honey and her mouth was silk. Heat washed over him, and he was immediately hard. His cock ached when she pulled him closer to her by his shirt. He wanted to feel all of her and gripped the back of her neck. She wrapped her arms around his shoulders and squeezed at the muscles there. He inched his hand under the hem of her tank top and across her stomach. She shuddered under his touch, gentle but firm.

  His tongue caressed hers then she sucked at his bottom lip gently. God, she might kill him. He cupped her breasts in his hands, and light exploded from beneath his eyes.

  Her nipples turned hard under his fingertips, which gently grazed her skin. She pushed his body back slightly and he pulled her with him. She straddled his lap and broke away long enough to pull his shirt over his head. Through her thin pants, he could feel the heat of her center against his jeans, and he thrust his hips up to feel it. She ground down on his erection and circled her ass on his lap. He groaned in the back of his throat and nipped at her lips.

  She smiled and pushed his hands into her shirt again as she rubbed her own hands down his chest. He squeezed her breasts in each of his hands and leaned forward to catch her mouth with his.

  She was an angel. He smiled to himself, thinking of all the times he imagined this. Now it was actually happening.

  She rolled her hips into him harder, throwing her head back, shaking her loose hair behind her. She moaned and bit her lip, closing her eyes to the pleasure. He growled in his throat, rubbing her nipples between his fingertips and thrusting his hips into her. She fell forward into him, tilting her hips slightly. A giggle bubbled in her mouth.

  He caught her mouth with his and stifled her laughter. Warmth flushed his skin all over his body.

  “Oh, Cat. Mmmm.”

  His hands started to pull her shirt over her head and she froze. Evan remembered Olivia was sleeping in the next room. Her body stiffened and he stopped his hands. What the hell am I doing?

  “Oh, God. We should stop. I’m sorry. I didn’t think…” He scrambled in the dark for his shirt. Hudson would kill him if he knew.

  “I liked it, Evan. I want you.” She wiggled her hips on his.

  That’s a little piece of heaven.

  He stilled her movements with his hands. She seriously was going to kill him, and he had a feeling that she knew it.

  “No, Cat. I’m sorry,” he said. He gently pushed her off of his lap and she rolled to the cushion next
to him. He could focus on putting on his shirt, but he couldn’t seem to do that simple task. He kept fumbling for the hem, getting it stuck over his head.

  “Shit. Fuck.”

  “What is this, Evan?” she asked, throwing her hands in the air above her head.

  “What?” He asked. He had to get away before he did something stupid. He had to get out of there before he made love to her.

  “What. Is. This? You pushed me away this afternoon and then you show up in the middle of the night at my front door. We kiss and I thought you liked it. Now, you push me away again. I don’t get this. I don’t get you.” Her voice was getting louder by the second. She looked like pissed off bull, ready to run him over.

  “Shh. Don’t wake Olivia.” He stood, straightening his hair. “I can’t do this, Cat.”

  “We were doing this, Evan, and from what I saw, you seemed to be having fun.”

  “Cat, you don’t understand,” he said.

  “You keep saying that. So, make me understand. Talk to me, goddammit. I’m sick of being in the dark.” She stood up and pushed against his chest, shoving him backward a few steps.

  He sighed.

  “Talk to me, Evan.” she said again. She was a few inches shorter than him, but she managed to get in his space, jutting her chin out and searching his face. Her eyes flitted back and forth between his eyes. And still she looked beautiful, even when she was pissed at him, maybe even more so.

  “I can’t be with you, Cat.”

  “Why not? I want to be with you, Evan.” She crossed her arms over her chest. Her nipples were still poking out of her thin tank top. The image would stay with him for the rest of his life. She pointed a finger at him.

  He opened his mouth but couldn’t find the words. She wanted him? That was impossible. No. That couldn’t be true. She was too good, too pure for him. He could never give her everything that she wanted, that she deserved.

  There was a pregnant pause in the air.

  “Don’t make this about him,” she said. “I’m here. You’re here. He’s dead.”

  He didn’t know how to function around Catalina without Hudson’s memory burned on his mind. Reminding himself that Catalina was happy with Hudson was one of the things that had kept Evan sane through all those years of pining for her.