Oh god. Why did I come? My stomach starts to turn sour. Elliot leans in and gives me a slight hug and kisses my cheek. I find it really strange that my body doesn’t react to him the way it once did. He’s still incredibly attractive, but he just doesn’t really do it for me anymore. A severe awkwardness that makes me wonder if we ever actually knew each other has replaced anything we once had instead.
“Uh, this is my mother, Carol. My dad Jim. My brother Tom, and his wife, Jenny,” I reel off, as I move to the side and point them all out.
They all take turns shaking hands and saying their ‘nice to meet you’s.
He steps back quickly and clears his throat, looking as uncomfortable in my presence as I am in his. I guess it’s one thing to say hi when we see each other running through a park – it’s quite another to attend a family BBQ together.
“Well, um, there’s plenty of food and drink outside. Feel free to help yourselves,” he informs us, effectively dismissing us as he waves his arm towards the back door. I grab onto David’s hand and practically drag him out there. Why am I here?!
David
“That was um… fun?” I comment as soon as Trina and I are outside. She drags me away from her family and focuses on getting some food while she tries to calm down.
I watch her, slightly amused but also a little worried. I didn’t think she’d get this flustered seeing him again.
“You ok?” I ask her, trying to keep myself calm as I tell myself that this means nothing.
She stuffs a piece of cabanossi into her mouth as she shakes her head quickly. “I’m fine. I just wish I’d listened to you. We shouldn’t have come here.”
Chapter Three
Katrina
“Katrina?” a voice says from behind me. I have a piece of cheese and a cracker jammed into mouth and I just slide my eyes, embarrassed that someone has approached me while I’m packing food into my face.
When I’ve cleared my mouth, I turn. It takes me a moment to realise that it’s Gary’s girlfriend. I only met her once and I struggle to remember her name.
“Oh. Hi,” I say from behind my hand, as I roll my tongue around my mouth. I’m worried that I might have food caught in my teeth.
“It’s been a long time, how are you?” she enquires kindly.
“Great actually, finished school so I’m working now and I’m engaged.” I pull David closer to me to present him to her. “To him. This is David.” I say quickly. I don’t want her to mention anything about my time with Elliot. Not when David is being so quiet, he’s obviously not comfortable here.
“Oh hi David. I’m Stephanie, I know Katrina from back when…um”
“When she was dating Elliot. Of course” he says. “It’s really nice to meet you.” He shakes her hand and I smile inwardly, thinking that he may actually be handling this better than I am.
“Oh and this is my friend Naomi, we went to school together and she was house mates with Elliot and Paige when they were all in the UK.”
“Hi” says a small girl with blonde hair and a really pleasant demeanour.
We stand around together awkwardly for a moment before I realise that Stephanie is pregnant. “Oh wow. You’re expecting? Congratulations!” I say indicating her bump.
“Oh thank you. We’ve been married for a while, so we thought it was time to start a family.”
“That’s great,” I tell her. “How long have you been married for?”
“A couple of years now. When are you two getting married?”
“Oh, um soon. Soon,” I tell her, even though we’re yet to set a date.
This revelation is met with shifted glances as we are either too polite to say anything, or too embarrassed to acknowledge the fact that we’ve been engaged for two years, and are no closer to planning a wedding than we were the day we met on that bus at nine years old.
We stand around and make idle chit chat for a moment longer before Gary comes wandering over.
“Katrina! It’s great to see you again, and this must be your?” he starts looking from me to David.
“My fiancé.”
“Fantastic. When’s the big day?”
“Soon,” is all I say pleading silently for everyone to please shut up about my impending nuptials. If I was ready, they’d be planned but life keeps getting in the way. We just don’t have time…
David
Soon. She’s always saying soon. I’d really like it if we could answer that question with an actual date, but two years later, I’m still waiting. If it was up to me, we’d be married already. I’m getting tired of waiting.
We love each other. That much is clear, so I have no idea what’s stopping her. She won’t tell me. All she gives me is vague reasons and lame excuses. It’s frustrating to say the least.
I’m struggling to pay attention as my own internal thoughts rage on, as the group settles into an awkward conversation. Catching snippets, I start to talk to Naomi who tells me that she and Stephanie went to a performing arts school together. Neither of them has a career in the arts, but Naomi tells me that she’s thinking of pursuing music again.
“That’s great. What do you play?” Katrina asks, starting to settle down and act like a normal human being again.
“I play a few things, but mainly the violin and piano.”
“That’s awesome. I wish I could play an instrument.”
“She can sing too. Can’t you Nomes?” Stephanie puts in. “Actually, you name it. Naomi can do it. She’s amazing. But she’s been wasting her talents away travelling the world and working crappy pub jobs for years.”
“It’s not that bad. I had a great time, and you know what? If it wasn’t for me pushing Paige to give Elliot a chance, none of us would be standing here right now welcoming them home.” She points out.
“Oh, so you know Paige as well? You were in the UK with them?” Katrina asks.
“Yeah, we were all roommates. Paige is great. She’s a little hard to get to know, but she’s a great friend once you break through those walls of hers.” She looks over Katrina’s shoulder. “Speak of the devil – here she comes now.”
Katrina
I look over my shoulder and see Elliot approaching with Paige following behind him. He has her by the hand and while he’s not dragging her, she isn’t exactly in a hurry to keep up.
We all move slightly to accommodate them.
“Paige, this is Katrina and her fiancé, David,” Elliot says. She’s still a little behind him, so he guides her so she’s standing properly within the group.
I have seen pictures of Paige before, but she’s even prettier in person. She has one of those beautiful curvaceous bodies that straight-up-and-down-girls, like me, would kill for. Her hair is out and falls in soft curls around her face. She truly is stunning and I can see why Elliot is so attracted to her.
She smiles tightly and holds out her hand, her movements are awkward and her face flushes red.
David and I both take her hand alternately and remark how nice it is to finally meet her. “Kathy’s been showing everyone photos of you both and little Grace, she’s very proud,” I say, trying to be friendly. She seems as nervous to meet me as I am to meet her.
“Congratulations to both of you,” David says. “On your marriage and the baby. I’m still trying to get this one down the aisle.”
I laugh and nudge David with my shoulder. There’s only so many times I can take being reminded about the wedding I haven’t planned, and I’m starting to reach my limit, but I can’t let it show. I try to gloss over it instead. “You make it sound like I’m avoiding it. David wants to elope but I really want the whole fairy tale thing, and that takes time to plan,” I attempt to explain.
“What did you two do?” David asks, ignoring me completely.
“Oh, we just had a small ceremony with a few friends. Kathy and Steve came, and my mother and father were there too. Then we went to a restaurant afterwards.” Paige tells us. She isn’t looking at me at all. Even so, I plaster a smile on my
face. I don’t know why, but I don’t want her to hate me.
“It was great,” Elliot adds, his arm sliding protectively around his wife. “Small is good. I wouldn’t have wanted it any other way.”
His movement causes me to pay closer attention to his arm and I notice a vine, tattooed on his forearm. My eyes naturally drift over Paige as well - she has the same one around her wrist.
“Oh, you both have matching tattoos,” I point out, trying to make conversation and let Paige know I’m not a threat. “Elliot showed me a photo of the one on your back Paige – it’s absolutely amazing.”
Paige’s face changes and I’m not sure if I’m succeeding, but I’m nervous and I don’t know how to change the subject.
“Oh he did, did he?” she asks, exchanging glances with Elliot.
I nod. “How long did it take you to get?”
David
I love Trina. Really I do, but right now, I want to clap my hand over her mouth to stop her speaking. The words ‘foot’ and ‘mouth’ come to mind and I’m about to intervene and start talking about what life is like in the UK. We’re all saved though as Paige’s’ attention is taken when she hears her baby start to cry.
“Excuse me,” she says politely, her eyes flitting between Katrina and Elliot.
“Trina!” I moan, the moment she’s out of earshot. I’m chuckling slightly because I know she didn’t mean anything. Trina just has a habit of speaking without thinking.
“What? What did I do?” she asks.
“You didn’t need to mention the tattoo Katrina. I didn’t exactly show you that photo,” Elliot points out.
Suddenly it dawns on her and her face flushes a bright red. “Oh god, I’m such an idiot – let me go and talk to her. I’ll tell her it was my fault.” She starts to move, but I place my hand on her shoulder to stop her.
“Trina, leave it,” I advise her. “I know you have the best intentions. But it’s better if you sit this one out, ok?”
She turns her head toward me and I can see the disappointment she feels toward herself in her own eyes. She truly didn’t mean to cause trouble, and I feel bad right now for feeling so annoyed with her earlier. As uncomfortable as this BBQ is for me, it must be even worse for her.
“Ok,” she agrees and I pull her close to me and kiss her on the head, whispering to her that it would be ok - she didn’t mean it. “I really am sorry Elliot,” she says.
“It’s fine, Katrina. Don’t worry about it. I'll talk to her.” He looks over his shoulder toward the house as Paige disappears inside with their baby. “Just give her a bit of time to calm down.”
Elliot stays and talks with us all for a while. Katrina and he still get along really well, and after a while, I’m feeling slightly redundant. My jealously starts to flare up again as I wish he’d stop paying so much attention to my fiancée and go spend some time talking to his wife.
I shove my hands in my pockets and start looking around for a distraction. But I don’t find one. From the house, I can see Paige looking down from the window toward us. She doesn’t look happy, perhaps she’s feeling much like I am. I wish we hadn’t come here.
Chapter Four
Katrina
Finally, we eat and it’s acceptable to leave. While it was great seeing Elliot again and getting the chance to talk to him like we were friends, I still wasn’t one hundred percent comfortable.
Paige obviously wasn’t either. After she met me, she disappeared for over an hour. She obviously wishes I wasn’t there too.
I’m relieved to get in the car and head home. I just want to curl up on the sofa with my man and forget this day ever happened.
Looking out the window, I’m quietly gathering my thoughts after such an uncomfortable day. David is quiet too. I suspect that he’s as worn out as I am.
“You’re very quiet. Everything ok?” David asks me, glancing briefly in my direction as he focuses on the road ahead.
“I’m fine. That was just really awkward. Elliot looked at me like I had two heads and I think Paige hates me,” I return, looking out the window at the passing scenery.
“Baby girl, it wasn’t that bad.”
“Yes it was,” I grumble. “Then on top of that, everyone’s asking why we aren’t married yet. I wish they’d mind their own business.”
Pressing his lips together, David lets out a heavy sigh. “Listen Trina, you can’t blame them. We’ve been engaged for nearly two years. Even I thought we’d be married by now.”
“I know, but work – ”
“Work is full-on – I know. But, so is mine. I don’t understand why you keep putting it off.”
David
“I’m not putting it off,” she argues, her voice rising defensively.
“Well who is then?” There’s an accusation in my words as I challenge her comment.
I’m met with silence and it stays that way for the rest of the drive home. The radio is playing, but I don’t really feel like humming along, or even listening to it. I’m actually pretty pissed off.
I know in my heart that Trina and I are meant to be together. For me, she’s always been the one. She’s the only relationship I’ve ever wanted.
Although seeing her today, the way she was so nervous about what her ex and his family and friends would think of her - really bothered me.
I think over the day, and I keep seeing how she smiled and laughed once she and Elliot got over that initial awkwardness from seeing each other again. It was as if the rest of the group wasn’t even there. I stood by having nothing much to add to the conversation and I really hated it.
It makes me wonder if she feels as destined to be with me as I do with her. It makes me doubt us.
I park the car in the underground garage and get out. I wait for Trina, but I walk a step ahead of her, as we make our way to the lift that will take us upstairs to our apartment.
When I open the door, she steps inside first out of habit and I follow, immediately turning left and entering our home office.
“You want a drink or something?” she asks, like nothing has happened and everything is normal, as she heads towards the kitchen.
“No thank you. I have some work to do,” I say and close the door of the office behind me.
I’m working for maybe 10 minutes before she comes in looking for me.
“Listen, about today, I’m sorry, ok? It was all just really weird for me,” she informs me. I’m glad she’s recognising that I’m annoyed. But she’s only addressing her feelings. What about me?
“Don’t you think it was weird for me too?” I shoot back, turning around in the desk chair to face her. “You used to love this guy. How do you think going there made me feel? How do you think standing there while you two caught up and had a great time felt?”
She plays with the corner of the bookcase and drops her eyes. “I wasn’t having a great time.” She says quietly. “I wish we didn’t go.”
“Why do you wish we didn’t go Trina? Because it reminded you how much you still like Elliot? Because people actually expected that you could possibly be married by now? Or - do you wish you just didn’t go there with me?”
“Of course not. None of that’s true. Why would you think I wouldn’t want to go there with you? Why would you think that I’m still attracted to Elliot? I don’t see him like that anymore!”
“Then why did we have to go? Those people are nobody to us. Kathy is your mum’s friends not ours. We could have just said no.”
“But she invited us herself. We go to every other BBQ she puts on. I didn’t think this one should be any different. I didn’t think we should be rude.”
“Who gives a fuck if they think we’re rude? Just admit you wanted to see him again!”
“It’s not like that” she argues “I promise you I don’t feel anything for him anymore.”
“Then marry me Trina. Let’s runaway. We’ll go to Vegas. We’ll go to Hawaii - anywhere we can get married straight away. Let’s just go, get married, and fuck everybo
dy else. Please. I’m tired of waiting.”
“No David. I don’t want to do that.”
“You don’t want to run away or you don’t want to get married?”
She hesitates a little and suddenly my stomach turns sour and, my world starts to cave in.
“Answer really carefully Trina,” I caution, dreading what’s about to come out of her mouth. When she responds with an open mouth that moves with the shapes of words she’s too afraid to say, my hand fly up and grip either side of my head. “Oh my God. You don’t even want to get married do you? That’s why you keep putting it off! You don’t even want to fucking get married.”
I start pacing the floor, completely disbelieving of what’s going on with us right now.
“I…I do… I just…”
“Just what Trina?! Just what?”
“I…I don’t know?”
“Holy fuck! Why the hell did you even say yes then? Oh my god. I can’t believe this!” I grab my keys off the desk and move past her. “Fuck!” I yell as I storm out the door. I need some fresh air.
Katrina
Shit, shit, shit. I’ve just screwed this up so badly.
One barbecue. One stupid barbecue and everything just falls apart. I knew we shouldn’t have gone. I should have listened to my gut.
But why did I go? Why did we both go? I guess for me, I felt like I had to because Kathy asked me directly. I was over at mums having coffee and she and Kathy had played a tennis match earlier that day. Kathy was raving on and on about how excited she was that Elliot was coming back, and that he was bringing Paige and baby Grace.
She said that they were going to throw a big barbecue to welcome them home, and that she’d love it if we could all come. She even took me by my hands and specifically said that she’d love it if I could make it. I felt like I had to say yes – how could I say no?
On top of that, I guess I was curious. I had only seen photos of Paige and I really wanted to meet her. I wanted to meet the girl who Elliot was happy to chase around the world. But it wasn’t about me. It was never about me.
Commitment: The Beauty in Between (A Beautiful Series Novella) Page 2
