“I always felt alone, isolated from the world. And truth is, it wasn’t fair to them. My grandparents were wonderful. I was lucky to have them, but it didn’t change anything. I just couldn’t connect, and I knew, knew, how much it hurt them. They’d lost their children, their only children, and I was all they had left of them.”
Christie tutted under her breath. “They were probably very grateful they had you, Toni. Imagine, how they’d have felt if they’d lost you too? It could so easily have been that way. Instead of simply being trapped, you could have died as well. Imagine how agonizing that would have been for them. Their whole family gone, and in just a blink of an eye.”
“It doesn’t matter. I didn’t make up for anything if that’s what you mean. I was a crappy granddaughter. I’m not even that great a person.”
“Well, I disagree.” The stoutness in the other woman’s tone had Toni biting back a laugh. “I wouldn’t be sitting here with you if you were horrible, would I? Mischa and Annette are going through exactly the same things we are, but I can’t connect to them, and I’ve known them far longer than I’ve known you.”
Toni gulped, because there was truth to Christie’s words. “I guess you’re right.”
“There’s no guessing about it. I mean, I bet you’ve not been this frank with anyone since… well, ever.” Toni shot her a sheepish glance. “Yeah, see. The feeling is mutual. Sometimes, you have no idea where friendship can fall, and it seems like we’re meant to be buddies.
“Look, I know where you’re coming from, and I can even understand where you’re going with this—for the first time in your life, you feel connected, right? Like the balance has been restored since you met Justiss and Graver?”
“Yeah.” She swallowed down the ball of emotion that seemed to be stuck in her throat.
“You think you’re alone in that? I don’t gel so well with Annette and Mischa, like I said, but do you think they and I don’t feel exactly the same way? Like suddenly, the emptiness inside you, an emptiness you had no idea existed before, is fulfilled? If anyone can understand, it’s us. The feeling of finally being connected is so encompassing, it makes all this shit worthwhile. I’m a dentist, Toni. A fucking tooth doctor. I’m not the right material for an old lady for an MC. Yet here I am. What does that say about my connection with Mundo?”
Toni sucked in a breath, nodded, then whispered, “It’s painful. It’s like I’ve been cold all my life, and suddenly, there’s a furnace here—” She held up a hand in front of her face. “It’s burning me up, but I’ve been so fucking frozen all my life, I’m only just starting to thaw. Even if I wanted to walk away from them, I couldn’t. This warmth, it’s…”
Lost for words, she gave up then nodded when Christie murmured, “Addictive. I know, sweetie. I know.”
Silence fell between them for a second, until Toni whispered, “They have to come back to me. I can’t lose them.”
“And you won’t.” Resolution hardened the other woman’s tone. “Neither will I. They’re dealing with a faction that is undermining the peace in the Clan, Toni. Today, what they’re doing, will maintain that. They’re protecting us from anything that might happen in the future if Moses and his lot decide to wreak more havoc here. Today is a turning point. When they get rid of Moses, they’ll resolve a lot of internal issues that have been causing unrest. We’ll have peace again, for a little while, and maybe, just maybe, I can work up the courage to leave this fucking hole and go for a goddamn sonogram.”
Toni bit her lip. “It’s really hard getting used to hearing this kind of stuff.”
She snorted. “It doesn’t get any easier to absorb it.”
“I usually report shit like an intent to commit murder to the cops.”
Christie huffed. “They’re Bears. It’s a different world. You know it, and I do too. Even if we did report it to the cops, do you honestly think they’d get involved?” She shook her head, laughter barking from her at the very idea because everyone knew humans were wary of Shifters, and the cops more so than most. “When Moses has gone, things will calm down. You’ll see.”
“They’ll calm down until the next problem unfolds. Life doesn’t work the way you’re thinking, Christie. We’re both far too old to fool ourselves about that. You married your husband and thought you’d have a happily ever after, but life got in the way of that. My parents never imagined they wouldn’t be around to see me meet my soulmate… You get where I’m coming from? I don’t want you to set yourself up thinking that today is the harbinger of peace. I wish it could be that way, but it isn’t. And no matter what happens, we need to get you into a clinic to take care of your rug rat.”
Before Christie could reply or deny Toni’s harsh but realistic words, the roar of engines suddenly echoed around the room. She winced at the noise then felt relief flood her because they were back—still down the road that led to the clubhouse, but close enough to make out who was who if she squinted hard enough.
She spun around to face the window once more, seeking out her mates. When she saw Justiss’s tawny head, uncovered by a helmet—damn him, she’d have to show him some pictures of what happened to bikers who went without protective gear—she felt nauseated, so deep was her contentment at seeing him. It was an odd way to feel, but the butterflies in her gut were fluttering about so intensely it was like they were doing a Mexican wave.
She scanned the bikers for Graver and frowned when she didn’t see him. Why hadn’t she taken notice of the colors of their machines before they’d left? They’d all disbanded so quickly, that was her only excuse, but she made a note to herself to look at their bikes and remember which belonged to whom. As she carried on scanning the road, she saw that one biker was wearing a helmet. The sight stopped her from getting to her feet, and when Christie tried to lever her way up, also intent on going to her mate so they could wait for them as one of the men opened the gates to the cavalcade of bikes, Toni grabbed her arm to stop her.
That helmet… she wasn’t sure what it meant. But the rest of the men, the idiots, weren’t wearing protective gear on their heads. Save for that one man. That meant it had to be Graver, and the helmet was symbolic. She just didn’t know of what.
“Wait,” she whispered, voice guttural.
“Why?” came the impatient retort.
“Something’s wrong.”
Christie whipped her head around to stare at her in confusion, but Toni shook her head. “Just be patient.”
One of the men rushed forward, unlocked the gate, and swung it open, just in time as the bikes rushed forth, filling the yard to overflowing.
She recognized Mars as being at the front of the train, and watched him as he climbed off the bike and headed toward the east wall. Frowning, wondering what the hell he was doing, she scowled harder when she saw him beckon someone forward. The guy with the helmet stepped forward, seeming to understand what was going on, and he lifted off the protected head covering.
When he did, both she and Christie let out a gasp.
It was Graver.
And he was covered in blood. His face, his jaw, his… She gulped. Mouth.
“What the fuck?” Christie whispered, and Toni glanced over at her when she stumbled a little, using the wall for support.
The brothers didn’t seem to find anything amiss. Rather, a cheer went up at the sight of Graver. Even Toni, the newbie of the bunch, knew what her mate’s appearance meant—Moses had lost the challenge, because Aaron had killed him.
And the evidence was all over his face.
She and Christie watched as Mars started the hose and began washing Graver down. The water ran in scarlet rivulets, flooding the floor until it started to drain down the faint gradient in the driveway towards a grate that would stop the yard from flooding. It seemed to take a lifetime for the blood to fade away, and as it did, she noticed more brothers had left the clubhouse and were in the yard, talking to the men who had ridden out this morning. There was an excited buzz in the air. She could feel it from
this distance, but she was disconnected from it. Disjointed. Like she’d been all her life.
Fear gripped her, and though she lived for the truth, led her life by it, she wished she hadn’t seen this, wished she hadn’t seen her mate return to the fold dripping in another man’s blood, because, God help her, Toni didn’t know how to deal with that.
She didn’t know how to deal with it at all.
The cub took the cheers and the congratulations with an ease that surprised Justiss. Graver wasn’t eating it up, wasn’t even smiling when the raucous celebratory calls went around at the sight of him and what that sight meant for the MC. With Moses gone, the unrest in the Clan would be too. And they didn’t realize that the brothers who had sided with the traitor, a small handful, had been exiled as well. Once that news went around, there’d be even more cause for celebration.
But Graver didn’t seem proud of his success. If anything, he seemed grim.
There was no running water at the warehouse they’d just left, but there was head gear they used when going out on rides where they carried ‘rougher’ merchandise that could have made them a target. No Bear liked having their head covered, but when it came to running drugs or guns or shit like that, a helmet was a sensible precaution.
They’d used one to cover up Graver’s bloodstained face, and now, Mars was hosing him down so he could go and Shift and then get showered.
The blood sacrifice had united them in an inexplicable way. Justiss didn’t know how Graver was feeling, but he wasn’t a fool. He could hazard a damn guess, and that was because he’d known him well for a long time. However, he could do more than guess. Justiss could sense how lost Graver felt, how disjointed he was because of what he’d just done.
J wanted to tell him there was no point in feeling guilt or shame over taking the life of a bloodthirsty SOB like Moses. Had Graver lost, Moses would have been celebrating. He wouldn’t have felt any compunction in taking Aaron’s life.
But Graver wasn’t Moses.
He had a conscience and morals. It would take him a while to overcome the feelings overwhelming him, and because J knew his brother-mate, there would need to be some kind of atonement as reparation for what he’d done.
Sighing at that, J watched as Aaron shook off the excess water then stalked off. A small silence fell at his departure. The men didn’t understand why Graver wasn’t celebrating his success with them, but their own joy outweighed their confusion, and the talk carried on without Aaron’s presence.
J left Aaron to it, knowing the cub needed a bit of time to himself to acclimate to what he’d done today, the seriousness of his actions. It was unnecessary contemplation, but Justiss wouldn’t have liked Aaron so damned much as a friend if he didn’t feel guilt over what he’d done. Which made it a pretty shitty catch-22 on Justiss’s behalf. Those bastards were just reaming him today.
Grimacing, he separated himself from the crowd that had gathered outside, moved around Mischa, and saw Annette running straight through the men to reach her mate. She leaped up, knowing Mars would catch her, and J spun around, a grin on his face, as Mars did exactly that, kissing her with an obvious intent that had another roar reverberating around the yard.
Wanting some of that for himself, he went on the hunt for his mate. She hadn’t come outside, hadn’t sought them out. J could figure out what that meant, and knew he had to talk to her before Graver sought her out. If he didn’t rectify the situation before then, J doubted they’d be going through with the binding tonight.
Sighing at the shitty timing of this, but not able to fully complain considering said shitty timing was exactly why he’d found his mate in the first place, he slogged through the clubhouse and up onto the top floor where the new quarters had been refurbished.
The top floor had always been reserved for mated couples who wanted to live in the clubhouse rather than on their own, usually because safety was an issue. However, they’d been empty for a long time.
Mars meeting Annette seemed to have been the catalyst for the subsequent matings, and he knew to a man, each brother hoped he’d be next. Prayed for it.
That he had a mate, that he’d found her after all these years of hunting for her, filled him with such a sense of peace. He’d never known anything like it. It was more than just relief at knowing she existed, at knowing she was his. It went soul deep, like a festered wound that had never healed but was slowly on the brink of being cured. Once they completed the union, he knew that wound would disappear forever.
Letting out a soft breath, he went to their new rooms and saw Toni wasn’t there. Figuring she’d be with Christie, another mate who hadn’t been down in the courtyard, he headed for Mundo’s quarters. Hearing the faint sounds of chatter, he knew he was on the ball.
Knocking on the door, he opened it before they could tell him to go away and immediately said, “It isn’t what it looks like.”
His words had both women whipping around to look at him, surprise widening their eyes until they both stiffened, and in matching poses, folded their arms and glowered at him.
“No? And just what is it we think it looks like? Like my mate just murdered someone? By eating him to death?” Toni choked out the last remark, agony in her eyes at how Aaron could have done such a thing.
He knew as a doctor she’d have seen some terrible sights. Some of the worst, probably. He knew she’d have seen suffering and pain, and to be mated to someone who had caused that in someone else, voluntarily, he knew it went against everything she stood for.
“He taunted him,” he told her softly, taking a step into Christie’s barren quarters.
She froze at his words then, like the lash of a whip, spat, “And that makes it okay?”
He shook his head. “Of course not. I never said that, did I? But Moses knew what he was starting. He was asking to be challenged. He knew the risks, knew that he might not win, that he could die. It was a risk he took, just as Aaron did.”
“That doesn’t make it right.”
“No, I guess not, but in our world, it’s how it works, sugar.”
“Maybe I don’t like your world.”
That had his stomach tensing, burning with pain at the fear of her rejecting them for their inherent nature—especially when earlier, mere hours ago, she’d promised never to leave them. How could he make this better? How could he take the wrongness away? How could he stop her from leaving them?
“Graver could have died today, Toni. Instead, he survived. For us. Are you just going to ignore him? Push him away because of a cultural more you don’t agree with?”
“This isn’t like he eats frog’s legs or needs to wear a kilt at a wedding. He killed someone, Justiss.”
“No, he didn’t.” J held out his hands to stall anything else she had to say. “He challenged someone. There’s a huge difference.”
“It’s the same result. Whichever way you try to swing it.”
“Toni, I want to make this better for you. I really do. But I can’t. You’re going to have to come to terms with it yourself. Both Graver and I have challenged brothers. In your culture, we’re murderers. In mine, we culled the traitors from our den—traitors who have done far worse in their time than we have. Don’t forget the man Graver…” He clenched his jaw. “That was the man who succeeded in killing me. You think that should go unpunished? You know our laws don’t work with human ones. The police have no jurisdiction on Shifter matters.”
She stared at him, eyes bugging out for a second before she staggered back and sat with a whoosh on the window seat. She covered her eyes and murmured, “I’m just a doctor.”
“You’re not just anything. You’re the mate to two Shifters. Before being a healer, that’s who you are.” He shot Christie a glance, one that made her bite her lip as she reached out to pat Toni’s shoulder. “Christie knows all about that, don’t you?”
Before either woman could say a word, he stalked off, leaving them to contemplate what he’d had to say.
For a woman who sought
to preserve life, he understood her reticence, her disgust at what had gone down today. But sometimes, a mad dog didn’t need another rabies shot. It just needed to be put out of its misery. And Moses had been begging for the latter for far too long.
Shrugging off his irritation, as well as the hurt her words had caused, he rubbed a hand over his face and asked himself, would he ever be able to claim his woman for himself, or were they forever destined to be cut off… to be dragged apart by the vagaries of the fate which had brought them together but seemed insistent on ruining their chances before they even began?
He prayed to the Goddess that had spared him and had gifted him the stubborn woman that was his mate to grant him patience.
Justiss had the feeling he’d need a lot of it in the future.
Chapter 8
Aaron felt nauseated, be it in his bear form or his human. Either side of him couldn’t overcome what he’d done to Moses. The bear, though he was a simple creature, had enjoyed the fight. Had reveled in allowing its full strength to explode forth.
He’d spent half his life holding his bear back. He’d known for a while how strong the creature was, had even known when his brothers were alive. Though they’d been older and at full strength, even as a cub just past his adolescence, he could have taken them.
The knowledge had always scared him, had always made him back up and back away from a fight.
Who knew what he was capable of? He’d seen his brothers fight. Had seen the havoc they caused. And if he was stronger than they, then what kind of chaos could he sow?
It was a week since the challenge, and he couldn’t get those moments out of his head. Not even Toni managed to do that, although he recognized she’d been acting differently toward him. Cautious. Wary. Eying him like he was an unexploded bomb just waiting to go off.
Justiss And Graver (MC Bear Mates Book 4) Page 13
