The situation with her wasn’t helping.
The sofa in their bedroom pulled out, and he and Justiss had shared that, leaving her to the big bed. It was the first time he’d shared a bed with a dude, but no funky business went down. Not that his brothers wouldn’t give them both shit if they knew.
It was easier this way.
Toni went to work with one of them at her side. The other collected her and brought her back to the clubhouse. They’d been doing this for the past week, but today, she had a drop in her schedule—four days off with a manic eight days on up ahead.
She worked long hours. Hard ones too. When he picked her up from the hospital, exhaustion weighed down each step she had to take to make it to the truck. Her shoulders were slumped, rounded with fatigue. Her caramel eyes were heavy, the shadows underneath them prominent. More often than not, she fell asleep on the trip back and only woke up when, with gentle pressure, he touched her knee.
Toni would have gone straight to bed, but they always made her stop off at the kitchen where the other mate was waiting. One of the boys always left her a portion of food in the fridge, and they both watched as she sat, hunched over the counter, eating the meal saved for her.
She forced down every bite. He knew that. So did Justiss. She had curves, their mate, but there was a boniness to her that told them she didn’t look after herself. Not really. So, they’d taken over that chore for her and had taken to chauffeuring her about to ease the longer journey to work.
They’d also hoped that their integrating into her life would make up for the fact they were overtaking her world with their more complex one.
Graver couldn’t say if it was working. All he knew was that even though he was aware of how freaked out she’d been about his putting Moses down, she was still here.
She was letting them look after her.
He just hoped that today was a turning point. She’d gotten a heap load of shit for missing those shifts while she’d been passed out in their bed—a warning and an unofficial punishment of a nauseating schedule that would have exhausted a Shifter, never mind a small human female.
Apparently, her jerkoff of a boss recognized she couldn’t work so many hours without her work being compromised, so she had time off, four days in which he and Justiss hoped they could finally bring her around, reconnect, and hopefully, claim her as their own.
With the success of the Challenge, his bear had been hard to handle, a fact only exacerbated by the fact his mate was close to hand and yet unclaimed. If he was going to manage the beast once more, he knew he’d need his mate’s soft touch to do some of the work. Only, when he watched Toni make it out of the hospital at last, he knew she wasn’t up to anything other than napping.
She peered around the lot, spied him, and headed toward the truck. She didn’t wave, didn’t even smile, just trudged forward, yawning as she went. When she made it, he leaned to the side, opened the door for her, and watched her climb onto the passenger seat. The first time he’d come to collect her, he’d waited by the door, had attempted to help her up into the high cabin, but she’d ignored him, had avoided his touch. Now, he just opened the door from the driver’s seat and tried not to think about how her rejection stung.
She slumped the minute she had the seatbelt fastened then murmured, “Hey.”
He and Justiss had decided to let her take this at her own pace. They’d even gone so far as to let her start any conversations.
It was hard for two men who were used to dominating their lives to hand over so much control, but this was their mate, a mate who was new to this life. A mate who couldn’t understand the complexities of the Shifter world. On top of that, she was exhausted. He could feel how tired she was. It was why he was letting her get away with the slight rejections, the avoidances. Every bit of her was focused on putting one step in front of the other, on doing her job… She didn’t have the energy for anything else.
They’d looked at it from her perspective and were trying to be as sensitive as too Bears could be. They were aware all their mate knew was that in the space of a few days, she’d been introduced into an MC where one of her mates had been stabbed to death with only a magical rite sparing him and the other had murdered the man behind said attack.
It was a lot for anyone to take in. But a doctor?
Graver knew that giving her time and space was the wisest choice, even if it was hard as hell on his control.
“Hey,” he replied softly, switching on the ignition. As the engine turned over, he cast a glance about the road and pulled out when the coast was clear. She took a deep breath, sunk back into her seat, and wrapped herself up in her jacket. “Are you cold?”
She was silent a moment, but then, she whispered, “I always am when I get out of the hospital at night.”
Sympathy flooded him. “I can’t even imagine having to see what you see for work.” He shook his head. “You’re a stronger and a better person than I’ll ever be.”
A laugh hiccoughed from her. “I don’t mean it that way. I’m no hero, Aaron. I’m anything but.”
He frowned, not liking how she was being so disparaging of herself. Didn’t she know she was fucking perfect? “What do you mean then?” Casting her a quick glance before he focused on the road, he saw the self-disgust that curled her lips downwards. “Toni? What’s wrong? Talk to me, sweetheart.”
She leaned forward to turn the heat on then set the fan so it blew straight in her face. He grimaced because it was pretty warm already, and Shifters ran at a higher body temperature anyway. Within a handful of seconds, he could feel sweat prickle the length of his spine and the backs of his thighs. He shrugged it off though, because his discomfort was nothing in the face of what she was going through. Not that he understood what was wrong, but it wouldn’t stop him from trying to figure out what the matter was.
He let more silence fall, cutting her looks to see how she was doing. After five minutes, she switched off the heat, and he noticed she’d relaxed a little, like the warmth had defrosted her and let her open up a little.
“I hate the dark,” she told him, her words seemingly out of the blue, especially in relation to what she’d been talking about moments before.
A quick frown puckered his brow, wondering where she was going with this. “I prefer the day too. Always was a sun worshipper.”
His comment was quick, chatty. But she didn’t take it that way. Her tone deepened. A quiver running through it. “I’ve hated it since I was a little girl. Or, I guess I should say, it hated me.”
“What do you mean?”
He heard her lick her lips, proof positive of how goddamn dry her mouth was. Blindly, he reached for the coffee he had in a Thermos and passed it to her. “You sound thirsty,” was all he said, trying to care for her and hoping she wouldn’t reject his attempt once more.
She didn’t back off from him though. Instead, Toni took it from him, wrapping her fingers around the cool metal beaker, as she murmured, “Thank you.”
He shrugged. “I can bring you a coffee every time I pick you up. J will too. We just thought caffeine wasn’t the best thing for you to be drinking at the end of a long shift.” He paused. “Maybe chamomile would be better.”
“I love chamomile tea. Especially with honey.”
Nodding stoutly, he told her, “Then we’ll bring one with us when we come for you. How’s that sound?”
“It sounds like I’m a very lucky lady.” She sighed, and it was such a sad sound, it pained him.
“I’d prefer it if your tone and words matched up.” He tried to keep his words lighthearted but he failed.
She didn’t reply and instead tucked her legs up onto the seat and wrapped her arms about her knees. It looked uncomfortable as hell and only possible because the truck was sized for Texas. He looked at her askance when he noticed her head was pressed against her knees.
She’d curled up in a ball—at least, as much of a ball as she was capable of in the pickup.
“What’s wrong
, Toni?” he asked softly, gripping the wheel with his hands so roughly his knuckles ached. He could feel her pain and wanted to take it away from her. God, he’d never wanted anything more in his life.
“So many things, Aaron.” A laugh escaped her, then she gulped. “I’m nyctophobic. That’s my major problem at the moment.”
“Nycto—” he repeated softly, a quick frown slashing his brow. “That’s Greek for night, isn’t it?”
“You know Greek?” She sounded surprised. Surprised enough to burrow out from the little nook she’d made for herself and to peer over at him. He could feel her gaze investigating his features in the light glow from the dash.
He snorted. “I’ve been to college. Twice. Actually.”
“You have?” More surprise, and she turned to him, unfurling from the upright fetal position to pepper him with questions about his past. “What did you study?”
“The first time, I studied to be a CPA.”
It was her to turn to snort, and said snort turned into a howl of laughter. “You? You wanted to be an accountant?”
He grimaced. “It seemed like a steady job opportunity at the time. I didn’t want anything to do with the Clan. Mars is the only decent Prez we’ve had for a while. The others were just as shit as Jefferson. They didn’t go as whacko as him, but they did their own fucked up stuff too. And all in the name of business. I wasn’t getting involved in that shit. No way. I saw my brothers—my blood siblings not just MC kin—getting sucked up in it, and I know they died because of it too. Being a CPA was my shot at respectability.”
“You graduated?” she asked gently.
“Yeah. If I renewed my license, I could practice.” He grinned. “I prefer the cut to a suit though.”
“You were born to be a biker. It’s in your blood,” she told him, surprising him. “I can’t imagine you in a stuffy office environment. It would kill you.”
“My bear sure as hell wouldn’t be happy.” The beast rippled under his skin, reminding him he was spot on. No way would the creature let him go work in an office. “That’s why I’m here and not behind a desk. I had the head for it, just not the heart.”
The reason a lot of Shifters’ clans, packs, and dens merged into motorcycle clubs was because the freedom of the road appeased the animal housed within. It was a method of controlling them, of letting them free while still containing them. She was right when she said it was in his blood; it was in every Shifter’s blood, be they wolf, bear, or even eagle. For some reason, the bike was a pacifier. No one really knew why. It was just how it was. They accepted it as such.
“What was your other degree?” she asked him, turning to face him a little more.
Hard pressed not to bask in her interest, especially after a week of the cold shoulder, he told her, “Anthropology. And yes, I graduated.”
She made a squeaking sound then murmured, “Aren’t you just full of surprises?”
He laughed. “You think I am? Wait until you ask Justiss what he’s been up to.”
“What do you mean?”
“Babe, I’ve lived a quarter of his years. If I’ve done what I’ve done, which I’ll tell you is a fair bit…” He shot her a wink. “Then, Jesus knows what he’s been up to. I know he has an MBA. That’s one thing I know for sure. But he’s like a business savant.”
“He is?” she pealed, astonishment lacing her tone.
“Don’t let the tattoos and long hair fool you.”
She grunted. “I haven’t had much opportunity to let either do anything. I’ve barely even seen his tats.”
Her complaint had his eyes widening. “We thought you wanted to take it slow.”
She cleared her throat then waited a moment, and he got the sense she was trying to be patient rather than finding it hard to collect her thoughts. “Did I ask you to take it slow?”
“No,” he dragged out. “But I know you were freaked about what happened with Moses.”
“Of course, I was. Jesus, Aaron. I’m human. No matter how fascinated I’ve always been with Shifters, no matter that I dedicated a few years to studying your physiology and ways of healing you, I still have very human sensibilities. We don’t work the way you do. You know that. You lived in the human world; you know how these things work.”
He grunted. “I do. Poorly.”
“What do you mean?” she snapped.
“You think your justice system is humane because humans abide by it? Bull. Shit. Serial killers, rapists, child molesters… They robbed their victims of everything. And what’s their punishment? They lose their time. That’s it.”
“It’s more than that,” she argued. “They lose their freedom.”
He huffed. “And what do they want freedom for? They want the freedom to go out and do more sick shit to more innocent victims.” He shook his head. “I know where you’re coming from, babe, I do. You know what? I felt sick after I realized what I’d done to Moses. Sick. And that fucker had killed Justiss. The only reason we’re sharing a mate is because I started the blood sacrifice. You know what my punishment for that was? Having to share you. I don’t know if you’re my mate or his, it doesn’t matter, but my point is, that was my punishment for righting Moses’s wrong.
“I felt sick at what I’d done because my nature isn’t to harm. It’s to protect. In culling him from the Clan, that’s exactly what I was doing,” he told her, feeling his voice start to rise as passion filled him.
“I was protecting him, you, and the rest of my brothers from his sick and traitorous hide. If we’d abided by human laws, taken him to the cops, what do you think they’d have done? Justiss was alive. He wasn’t even wounded, for fuck’s sake. They’d have taken one look at him, laughed, and dismissed whatever we had to say. Humans don’t understand the way Shifters work. It’s as simple as that. We have to make our own justice.
“In this instance, I did what had to be done. When you think about it, really think about it, aren’t you glad that the man who left your mate to die, who stabbed him in the back, let him bleed out on the ground, and just walked off… Aren’t you glad he’s no longer around?”
She was silent for so long he wasn’t sure if she was upset or if he’d offended her. Then, when she whispered “yes” he let out a relief-laden breath.
Rather than carry on with his diatribe, he said, “Why did you bring up your phobia?”
His change of topic jarred her. He could tell. It wasn’t fair, not really, to have this conversation when she was exhausted from back-to-back shifts, but sometimes, something had to be said. The air had to be cleared. And when better to do that clearing when she had days off and free time?
“Because it’s my weakness.”
“You’re the strongest woman I know,” he told her, meaning it. There was a resolve about her, a core of concrete that he knew had been forged out of her experiences and which made her perfect for the men fate had handed her.
She huffed. “I’m scared of the dark, Aaron. Like a child. Does that sound strong to you?”
“You’re in the dark now. You left the hospital when it was dark. You worked through the night… You don’t let your fear control you. That sounds like you’re pretty damn strong to me.”
Toni went quiet then whispered, “I hate it. I hate it so much. It makes me freeze up, makes me panic. When I leave the hospital, inside, it’s like I’ve been in the deep freeze. It’s only bearable because I know either you or Justiss is waiting for me.”
Warmth flooded him, the heat so sudden it made the hairs at the back of his neck stand to attention. “We’ll always be waiting for you,” he told her, his tone deep, reverent. He meant every word.
She sighed. “I know. That’s why it’s been driving me crazy. I know you’ve been waiting on me, but that waiting has to stop. I let it go because I had to work, but no more. I want you to claim me, Aaron. This weekend. Do you understand me?”
“Yes, ma’am,” he retorted, amusement lacing his tone at how badly he and Justiss had read the situation. Could t
hey have been any more wrong?
Christ, this woman had been sent to confuse them as well as bewitch them.
He wouldn’t have it any other way.
“Are you mocking me?” she demanded, smacking his arm with annoyance.
He grinned. “You put your hand on my dick and see if I’m mocking you.”
She fell silent and he heard her shuffle. When her hand went to his lap, straight to his shaft, he swerved the wheel a little in surprise at the forcefulness of her grip. He pressed his fingers to hers. “Don’t something you can’t end, Toni.”
She snorted. “I can end it. Just not tonight.”
“Well, I’m a man on the edge. A night makes all the difference.”
He didn’t have to be looking at her to know she was pouting, but he liked that anyway. It was the first playful side of her he’d really seen. And Jesus, the sensation of her hand pressed to his cock made him feel like luxuriating in her touch when he knew he couldn’t. He had to keep on driving. Then, he had to feed her and get her into bed, without him or Justiss at her side.
When she shuffled back to her side of the pickup, he asked, “What’s made you change your mind?”
“What makes you think anything took it off course?”
“Your reaction at the club after I came back from the Challenge. You didn’t come down to find me. I had to come up to our rooms to see you.”
She let out a small sigh. “I’m sorry about that. It was a bit of a shock, that’s all.” She grabbed her pony tail, unraveled it from its holder, then ran her fingers through her hair. “I didn’t deal with it so well. Christie didn’t either, in fairness.”
“No, well, you two are far more normal than Annette or Mischa. Annette’s a reporter; she worked in war zones. Mischa, well, who the fuck knows what she’s seen, what she’s really been through?” He shuddered. “Did Christie tell you her tale?”
“A little. I know the MC saved her from being trafficked into prostitution.”
He nodded, shivering a little as a memory hit him. “One of the worst things I’ve seen was that shipment of women all huddled together in a space that wasn’t much bigger than this truck, all told. Packed together like fucking sardines in no way describes it. Jesus, it was a nightmare. So yeah, Mischa and Annette are used to the shadier side of life. You and Christie, less so.”
Justiss And Graver (MC Bear Mates Book 4) Page 14
