Raven

by Ashley Suzanne

  Coming down from the euphoric high, Garrett wipes his face with the blanket next to me and hovers over my body. Between my legs that are shamelessly still spread as wide as I can get them, he rests his lower body against mine. Feeling the heat radiating from his dick sparks another wildfire deep inside my core, begging for release yet again.

  “Garrett?”

  “Yeah, baby,” he responds, breathless.

  “I want you to be my first.”

  “Only if you’ll be mine.” Joy floods my heart. I had always assumed, having girlfriends like the slut that is Valerie, and the other girls talking about how good he is, that he hadn’t been a virgin in some time. Just goes to show how catty some bitches can be when they feel like they won’t be the top prize anymore.

  Garrett climbs off of me, walks over to where his jeans are laying across the arm of the chair and pulls a condom from his wallet. Back on the couch, he rips open the foil packet and rolls the latex down his length. I feel like he’s been hard all night. I’m not sure if that’s normal or not, but you won’t see me complaining.

  Positioning himself at my entrance, he stares deeply into my eyes and the unconditional love I saw earlier is still there, shining back at me. I nod my head, giving him the go ahead. Slowly and carefully, he pushes himself inside, inch by inch, giving me time to acclimate to the new sensation. It’s an awkward feeling, but feels so natural. A sharp twinge of pain strikes me when he’s almost all the way in. Taking a rather large gulp of air, I breathe through the discomfort.

  Garrett tries to pull out after seeing the moment of fear in my eyes. “Please don’t stop. It’s getting better already. I’m pretty sure it’s supposed to hurt the first time,” I joke, trying to keep the mood light.

  He takes my cue and follows my lead. After he’s completely inside of me, I relish for a moment in the fullness. Not just in my most private place, but in my heart. Garrett’s consumed me yet again and I’ve never felt like anything was more right than this right now.

  After a few shallow thrusts, Garrett finally realizes he’s not going to break me. It lasts only about five minutes, and there’s no climactic ending, but it’s the greatest experience of my life.

  Discarding the condom and pulling me onto his chest, Garrett and I fall asleep on the couch with sounds of infomercials playing in the background.

  You know you’re in exactly the right place in life when your reality is better than your dreams.

  Chapter 9

  The weekend goes by faster than I could have imagined. I prayed for it to slow down so I could relish in the new kind of relationship Garrett and I have. The day after we lost our virginity and after I returned Elaine’s car, we didn’t leave the pool house for anything, including food. We spent the time exploring each other’s bodies—learning what works and what doesn’t. I also had my first orgasm during sex … and my second … and third … and sixth. Needless to say, we’re slowly becoming experts.

  Waking up this morning is hard. In just a few short hours, I’m riding with Garrett’s parents to the bus station to drop him off. His packed bag sitting by the door of the pool house is just a constant reminder that our time is almost up.

  I have to quit thinking that. Our time isn’t up, it’s just being delayed for a little while. This time next year, I’ll have graduated and just turned eighteen, free to live my life how I choose. I don’t know how I feel about being an Army wife, but I do know that I want to be Garrett’s wife, so I’ll take the good with the bad.

  We did some talking, while we weren’t engaging in other activities, about his plans after his enlistment. He doesn’t plan on becoming a career military man like his father. He joined because he wanted to, but more importantly because it was his father’s plan for him and he didn’t want to disappoint him. I guess I can understand that. Had my mother had dreams and aspirations for me, even after being so angry with her during the days leading to her death, I would probably try my hardest to achieve them.

  After sitting on the couch for nearly an hour without speaking, just enjoying the company of one another, a knock sounds at the door. Neither one of us moves to answer it, knowing it’s probably Mrs. Rhodes letting us know it’s time to go. When the third, more aggressive knock starts, Garrett stands to answer.

  “I thought you were still asleep. It’s time, guys.” It is, in fact, Gabriella. Biting back my tears, I grab my sweater off the back of the couch and follow Garrett out the door.

  I went home the morning after Garrett and I made love for the first time, returning Elaine’s car and packing some clothes for a few days, knowing I wouldn’t want to be far from Garrett. We both decided that it would be just us, no friends or family, until the moment he left. I appreciate that he gave that to me, but can’t help but feel guilty his mom didn’t get to spend as much time with him as she could have. He really is lucky to have such amazing parents. Not too many adults would be so lenient with their eighteen-year-old son spending the entire weekend alone with his seventeen-year-old girlfriend, but I think they understand. With all the loss I’ve suffered this year, I think they knew it would be hard for me to let Garrett leave.

  Getting into the backseat of the car with Garrett, Paul pulls out onto the street and starts the twenty minute drive to the bus stop. The entire way I hold Garrett’s hand while he caresses my knuckles, telling me that everything will be alright. Every mile closer we get, my heart beats a little harder and my breathing becomes a little shallower. I’m pretty sure that by the time we get there, I’ll be having a heart attack and panic attack at the same time.

  I was right about the panic. When we pull into the parking lot of the bus station, the other boys who are leaving for basic are standing around hugging their parents. A few are cuddled up with probably girlfriends, waiting for the driver to announce their departure.

  All four of us walk solemnly to the ticket counter where Garrett checks in. Paul’s the first to move, shaking Garrett’s hand and telling him how proud he is of his son. A twinge of sadness hits me harder than I thought it would. I’ll never have parents to tell me anything, let alone how proud they are of me. Still holding back, I refuse to cry or show anything but a fake smile that’s been plastered on my lips since we got into the car.

  When Gabriella grabs Garrett and hugs him like her life depends on it, my dam cracks a little, but I still choke back the tears I know aren’t going to stay at bay for much longer. She whispers in his ear something that’s meant for him and him alone, and pulls back, taking Paul’s hand.

  “We’ll give you guys some time,” Paul says, hugging his inconsolable wife and walking back toward the car to wait on me.

  Garrett and I stand there, just staring at each other, for what seems like an eternity. It’s not until the driver announces they’re starting to board and departing in ten minutes that I’m jarred back to reality. There’s nothing I can do to hold back my sadness anymore. The tears freely fall down my face as I clutch onto Garrett’s shirt.

  “It’s gonna be okay, baby. Just a few weeks. You can write me every day if you want. I don’t know all the rules yet, but I know you can write.”

  “I’m gonna miss you so much. Are you sure you have to go?” I ask, immediately regretting it. I know if he could, he would stay with me. I’m doing nothing but making this harder on him. “I’m sorry, don’t answer that. I love you.”

  “Not nearly as much as I love you. Remember this, okay? I’m gonna marry you, Rian. I’m gonna make you the happiest woman in the world. We’re gonna have a bunch of beautiful babies and maybe a dog or two. I gotta do this, not just for Dad, but for us. I promise, baby.”

  “Two minutes,” a loud voice says over a speaker system. At the same time, all the girlfriends gasp and the entire station is filled with crying, pleading women. Not wanting to make Garrett feel guilty for following his dream, I decide right there that even if it is fake, I’m going to put on an act like nobody’s ever seen before.

  Jumping into his arms without warning, I kiss
him with every ounce of love in my body. I kiss him for our past, our present and our future. I kiss him with promises of becoming his wife and carrying as many babies as he wants to have. I kiss him with the acceptance of everything he’s promised to me. I kiss him with everything.

  And he returns it with just as much as I’m giving to him.

  “All aboard,” the voice calls again.

  Garrett gently sets me down, staring into my eyes. “Just a few weeks until I get to see you again. Wait for me?”

  “You don’t even have to ask. I’m yours. Always have been, always will be.”

  With one last kiss, he turns away from me and boards the bus. Just like in all the old movies when the men would go off to the Army, everyone hangs out the windows, waving to their friends and loved ones. Within moments, the bus pulls out of the lot, and while our men are leaving, we’re all standing around as if our world has stopped.

  It’s not until I see a little boy, maybe five or six years old, saluting the bus as it pulls out of sight say something along the lines of, “I wanna be a soldier like my daddy when I grow up” that it really hits home. Someone who I assume to be his mother, takes his hand and walks to the car.

  Where I’m losing my boyfriend for a few months, some of those men have children and wives they’re leaving behind.

  If they can do it, there’s absolutely no reason I can’t.

  ****

  The first few days after Garrett left were the hardest. After spending all my time with him, I suddenly feel very alone. I haven’t made many friends at school, and the ones I did make were mostly Garrett’s and graduated with him. The few friends he had in my grade are the catty girls, and of course Eli. I’m not ready to branch out and start making a life for myself yet, knowing that as soon as Garrett’s back, I’ll be going to wherever he is, so I sulked for the most part.

  Elaine picked up a few extra shifts at the factory. I tried telling her she didn’t have to, that we could use Mom’s estate money for anything we needed, but she refuses to touch it, saying I’ll need it for college. Little does she know college isn’t where I’m going, unless Garrett gets a permanent base assignment and I know we won’t be moving around like crazy. We all know that isn’t going to happen, so the money’s just going to sit in an interest gaining account until Elaine comes to her senses and lets me help her.

  Garrett was able to make one phone call when he got to camp, and he used it to call his parents. They relayed the message he sent for me, though.

  “Garrett wants you to have fun and not miss him too much. Enjoy the summer before your senior year. It’s the last summer break you’ll ever have. He loves you and can’t wait to see you.” That was the message on the answering machine when I got home from shopping with Elaine. As jealous as I am that they got to hear his voice, it was super sweet for him to make sure they told me stuff for him. It was even sweeter that they did, especially since he would never know if they did or not.

  Now that we’re in week two, life is getting a little easier. Corbin isn’t a super small town, but it’s much smaller than Lexington. Back at home, finding a summer job would have been easy with all the restaurants and such, here though, not so much. We have a Wal-Mart and other shops, but those jobs are reserved for the adults looking to support a family. I tried to have Elaine get me a job at the factory, but she wasn’t having any of that talk. She flat out told me no.

  Through Jimmy, Garrett’s close friend and the one that’s been designated to look after me while Garrett’s gone, I heard about tryouts for the swim team. I’ve never thought much about it, even though I’m pretty quick and have some good stamina, but it’s really the only thing to do while I wait for the school year to start.

  Garrett would be pissed if he knew I’d been sitting in the apartment, not even trying to get out. While he’s training to protect our country, the thought of making him angry makes me want to go outside my comfort zone and try new things. Anything to make him happy. So, with Mom’s estate money and some help from Elaine, I bought a beat up little car. It’s not great for driving around these parts, but it gets me where I need to go.

  Driving up to the school in search of the swim coach, I do the one thing I said I wouldn’t this year; I try out for a team. Well, I can’t really say I try out, because there isn’t much competition. Already having knowledge of the sport, it’s a no brainer on the coach’s part. He basically hands me my monogrammed swim cap and gives me a spot on the team.

  The only thing that could make this moment better would be talking to Garrett. He’d be proud that I’m going out of my little box and trying to follow his strict instruction.

  Conditioning starts next week, so I have some time to kill before then. As soon as I get back home, the first thing I do is sit down at my desk to write Garrett a letter, informing him of my last week. I know he said I could write every day, but I want to have stuff to talk to him about when he comes home.

  Garrett,

  Hey, baby. I miss you so much. I know I didn’t tell you before, but I’m so proud of you. It takes a strong man to offer his service like you are. I can’t wait to see you in a few weeks.

  The first week was hard, but I’m doing better now. I still wish you were here, though. I found a way to keep myself occupied until you come home. I joined the swim team and I’ll start practice and stuff next week. You might even be home for my first meet.

  Who knows, I might be really good at it and they’ll give me a scholarship. That would be cool, right? I’m not sure why I’m asking you questions you can’t answer. Just seems like the logical thing to do. Like we’re having a conversation and I’m not alone talking to myself.

  Well, I’m gonna go. I have to buy some stuff for swim and get an oil change. Oh yeah, that’s right, I bought a car. Not as cool as your truck, but it’s mine and no you can’t drive it.

  I love you, baby.

  Always have, always will,

  Rian

  Putting the letter in an envelope, I toss it in my purse so I don’t forget to mail it when I run into town.

  “Rian, are you here?” Elaine yells as the front door slams shut.

  “Yep, be right there.”

  “Hurry please.” Something’s wrong, she doesn’t sound right. It’s not like Elaine to over exaggerate, so whatever it is, it must be important.

  Rushing out of my room, I see Elaine bent over the back of the couch getting ready to fall. I run over to her, and as soon as my arms wrap around her waist, she collapses into my arms.

  “What’s wrong?” I ask, panicked.

  “It’s my chest.” The words barely leave her lips before her eyes roll backward and her body goes limp.

  “Elaine!” I yell, shaking her. No response. “Elaine, wake up. Please wake up!” I continue to scream and shake, but nothing.

  Gently laying her on the ground, I rush to the phone to call for help.

  “Please hurry, something’s wrong with my aunt. I think she’s having a heart attack.”

  Chapter 10

  In only minutes, the EMS arrives and wheels Elaine out on a gurney. They offer me to ride with her but, I decline. When we leave, I don’t have anyone else I can call for a ride home. Getting in my car, I follow closely behind the rig as they drive full lights and sirens to the hospital.

  While they take her in through the ambulance bay, I park my car in the lot and run as quickly as my legs will take me to her side. What I wouldn’t give to have Garrett here with me. He’d know exactly what to say … what to do.

  The woman at the triage desk stops me before I can walk into the ER, telling me the doctors are working on Elaine and I’ll have to stay in the waiting room until it’s okay to go back. I take a seat in the cold, plastic chair and impatiently wait, looking up every time the doors open, expecting a doctor to come for me.

  After about twenty minutes, my lack of patience wins and I charge straight for the new nurse that’s taken over the triage desk. “I’ve been waiting for almost a half hour for s
omeone to tell me about my aunt. Can I go back to her now? I’m sure she’s wondering where I am.”

  I give her Elaine’s full name and she punches some information into the computer. When her face drops and she excuses herself to go find a doctor, my heart races. My head’s telling me that everything is fine and she has to make sure the doctors are done working on her, but my gut tells me something way worse is about to come crashing down on me.

  When a straight faced, middle-aged doctor appears from the doors, heading straight for me, I know my gut’s right. Then the emotionless words fall out of his mouth and I wish for nothing more than him to take them back and tell me it’s all kind of sick joke.

  “Ms. Fields, I’m Doctor Blaine. I worked on your aunt,” he says. Worked. I’ve done this before and when they use past tense, it’s never a good sign. “Maybe it would be best if you took a seat.”

  “Please, Doctor. Just tell me what’s wrong and when I can go back to her.” I know in my heart I’m asking for the impossible, but until he says the words, I won’t believe it.

  “Your aunt suffered a heart attack. The paramedics had to shock her heart on the way to the hospital and we had to do the same two more times and administer drugs to get her heart going again. She had been without oxygen for quite a while, more than any one person should be.”

  “Is she dead?” I whisper, needing him to just rip the bandage off and stop pussy footing.

  “She is not dead, but we are concerned about permanent brain damage. Without oxygen, the body can be brought back to life, but the strain caused to the other organs can be extreme. We’ve called for a consult from the neurologist. We won’t know anything more for a few hours. You can go wait with her, but I need to prepare you for what you’re going to walk in on.”

  “But she’s alive. That’s a good sign, right?”

  “She is alive, but she’s on a machine that breathes for her.” Dr. Blaine turns and I follow him. I’m not even sure what to feel right now. Happy she’s alive? Sad because she might be brain dead? Terrified because the one family member in this world I have left could die? Frustrated because Garrett’s not here to help me? I’ve never had so many conflicting emotions all at one time.