by Jane Henry
She exhaled angrily. “Forget it! Let’s get the hell out of here.”
Tony threw the rest of the cotton candy in a nearby trashcan before he stalked over to her. She felt real fear for a quick second. She couldn’t recall ever seeing him so angry, unless it was the time at the restaurant when a stalker had preyed on Hillary right under his nose. As he marched toward her, she backpedaled, until she was flat up against the backside of a little trailer that sold French fries. He towered over her and his eyes were furious.
“What is going on? I’ve had it, Tessa. Had it! I’ve tried everything I know. I’ve tried talking and cajoling and insisting, and you won’t out with it. What the fuck?” he hissed. His cheeks were red with anger as both hands went to her shoulders, pinning her firmly against the wall. All she wanted to do was shove him away.
“Not here,” she hissed back. “Let’s go.”
With one quick tug of her hair, he had her head pulled back and he was whispering in her ear.
“I’ve never wanted to spank anyone so bad in my life,” he growled. Then he released her as he stalked to the parking lot. She gasped, still angry at him, but now furious that he had the nerve to turn her on in the middle of all this.
“You don’t do that to me!” she whispered angrily. “You do not do that to me!”
He merely turned to face her, lips pursed and brows raised as he continued to stalk to the car.
“We’ll see what I can and cannot do when we get back to our place.”
But this time, it was fury that she felt coursing through her. She wanted to smack him, or shake him, and her hands shook with the pent-up anger.
“We. Will. Not!” she said, stomping her foot. “It will be on… my terms! I’m getting my way!”
It frustrated her how her vocabulary evaporated when she was furious. Even she knew she sounded like a spoiled child.
They stood beside his car now. He glared at her silently and beeped the key that unlocked the doors. He pointed wordlessly for her to get in. She stomped her foot and crossed her arms, finally opening the door and slamming it shut behind her. In another time and place, she’d have found their childish exchange comical, but she was too pissed to see the humor.
Tony had insisted on driving and Tessa was grateful, because she needed some time to think things over. She wanted a good, solid, strategic approach for how she was going to handle this discussion. Tess knew it would better to just get to the heart of the issue with a direct question.
“Why did you kiss Val?”
“Why didn’t you tell me she was texting you?”
But she wanted a few minutes to compose herself before she talked to him.
“I’ve got to go to Cara first,” he muttered. “Left some stuff.”
“What did you leave?”
“Stuff.”
She snorted. “Of course you did.”
“You’re being a total brat.”
“You’re being a total jerk.”
“Am not!”
“Are too!”
“Whatever!”
They fumed silently all the way to Cara. He careened into the parking lot and came to an abrupt stop in his usual parking space.
“You stay right there,” he ordered, slamming the door and hitting the locks on his keys.
“Yes, sir!” she growled.
Even in the moment, she was sorta thankful Tony wasn’t like the other doms she knew. Someone like Matteo or Dom might take her across their knees without giving her a chance to talk, and the thought of getting spanked by Tony when she was so mad at him made her feel even worse. He was the one who was wrong, not her.
“Maybe I should become a switch,” she muttered under her breath. “Maybe he’s the one who needs to be spanked.” She snorted to herself, then, as the door to the car yanked open.
“Tess. You need to come with me.”
She turned to look at him, her lips still pursed and angry, but he looked different now, not as pissed off. Confused, she shook her head.
“What? Why?”
He blew out a breath and ran a hand through his hair. “Just come with me.”
Her anger flared again. “You know what? No. You don’t get to just order me around like that,” she began.
“It’s your mother.”
She froze, one livid index finger pointed angrily at him suspended in mid-air. She dropped her hands onto her lap.
“What?” she whispered.
“She’s inside with Nora, and she wants to talk to you. Let’s go.”
Tessa closed her eyes and shook her head.
“Put down whatever shit’s eating you up right now and we’ll talk about it later.”
Fine.
She opened the car door and slammed it shut behind her, refusing his hand and to even walk beside him, stalking ahead of him.
“Tess,” he began, but she marched past him.
She’d gotten this far without Tony.
She didn’t need him now.
Tessa inhaled as she entered Cara. The familiar smell of tomatoes, garlic, and basil eased her nerves a bit, as the employees working murmured their greeting. She nodded to all of them, stepping past the kitchen to the main dining area, and she froze.
There was her mother, sitting at a table. She looked as if she’d taken some time to doll herself up for the evening. Her hair was brushed, at least, even if she was squeezed into a too-tight top and her makeup did nothing to cover up her shifty eyes and pursed lips. Tessa felt her stomach squeeze. Nora was sitting awkwardly on the other side of the table.
“Hey, kiddo,” Tessa said to Nora, forcing herself to stay cool, calm, and collected as she slid into a chair between the two, mostly to avoid causing a scene.
Nora’s face was pinched, caught somewhere between being a confident woman and scared little girl. Her eyes flickered over Tessa and then back to her mom. “Mom came to visit,” she said, as if Tessa somehow needed to be told. “She insisted on staying to see you,” she added apologetically.
Tess looked to her mother. “Is that right?”
Her mother barely nodded in return as Tess leaned closer and lowered her voice. “Why are you here?”
Her mom’s eyes darted from Nora to Tess, and back again. “Well, first off, I came to take my daughter home with me.”
Tess blinked, then her eyes narrowed. “Not happening.”
“Yes it is,” her mother insisted. “Nora is a minor and I am her mother.”
“This is not the time or the place for this discussion,” Tess said, her eyes taking in the packed dining room. She felt Tony come to stand behind her chair, one hand resting on her shoulder, and despite everything that had imploded between them, it was his presence that allowed her to speak calmly through the anger and fear that gripped her. She was pretty sure the correct time to discuss Nora moving back to their mother’s shitty apartment was never.
“Oh, there won’t be a discussion,” Desiree said smugly. “Nora will do what I tell her. Oh, and while we’re at it? Nora would also like to give her notice. She won’t be working here any more. Her stepfather’s found her another job.”
Tess fumed. Stepfather. Yeah, because Roger was so fucking paternal when it came to Nora.
It was Tony who leaned around Tess and spoke into her mother’s ear in a deceptively pleasant tone. “I think you’ll want to reconsider based on what we’ve heard from Nora. How do you think the police would react if Nora told them what she’s seen in your house?”
“You bitch!” Desiree told Nora, her eyes flashing. “You fucking opened your mouth?”
Nora flushed bright red. “They came to pick me up after you destroyed all of my things! And I’ve told you a million times that I don’t like the way Roger looks at me!” Her voice was filled with hurt and not a small amount of guilt.
Tess laid a hand on Nora’s arm. “You have every right to feel safe in your own home,” she told the younger girl.
Nora looked at her briefly, and then back at their mother. “I don
’t want to go,” she told Desiree.
Desiree shook her head. “And you’d do it, like they say? You’d rat me out to the fucking cops? Tell them about Roger and the boys? You’d do that to your own mother?”
Nora hesitated for a moment, then took a deep breath and nodded. “You want me to let them kiss me… and worse. How can you do that to your own daughter?”
Desiree looked shocked and scared. Then she turned furious eyes on Tess. “I guess you’re pretty proud of yourself, huh? Not the first fucking clue how to be loyal to your family, or how to be a decent person, and now you’re training your sister to follow in your footsteps.” She turned to Tony. “Don’t think I don’t see what’s going on here. My crazy daughter let you in her pants, huh? Be warned. You look like a nice guy and she is a fucking toxic, psycho bitch.”
Desiree almost screamed the last part, and Tess felt shame flood her chest. The temptation to reach out and slap her mother’s face was almost overwhelming.
“Out,” Tony ordered. He grabbed Desiree by her elbow and lifted her to her feet. His face was frozen in a calm mask, but Tess could tell by his rapid breathing that only the fear of causing her more embarrassment prevented him from lifting the older woman in his capable hands and throwing her bodily from the restaurant. Instead, he continued to hold her elbow and forcefully walked her to the door.
To Tessa’s shock, her mother actually walked with him, though the woman couldn’t help sashaying as she walked and drawing the eye of every guest in the restaurant.
Damn her.
Tessa stayed at the table, reminding herself that making even more of a scene by running after her mother, tackling her to the ground, and slapping the crap out of her, would not actually help anyone, no matter how satisfying the fantasy was.
She grabbed Nora’s hand as Tony smiled widely and leaned down to say something to her mother that made Desiree stomp out the front door. Tony turned to walk back to their table, still grinning for the benefit of those watching.
When he came to her, she and Nora both stood, and Tony put his arm around Nora’s shoulders, guiding her back to the kitchen area. “Tess, you take Nora home,” he said. “And I will be there as soon as I can. Maybe order something to eat,” he suggested, giving Nora a gentle wink. “I won’t even complain if it’s not Italian.”
They were at the employee room now, and Nora mechanically grabbed her things. “I’ll spread the word to the rest of the staff that your mom isn’t welcome at our establishment. No one comes here and threatens my employees and gets away with it.”
Nora nodded and went to wave goodbye to the kitchen staff.
He walked them to the back lot where Tess had parked her car earlier before riding with Tony to the fair.
Nora impulsively threw her arms around Tony’s neck. “Thanks for getting her to leave,” she whispered.
Tony waved this away with one hand. “It was the threat of you talking that got her to leave, not me. You’re a brave girl, Nora the Explorer.”
Nora hugged him once more, then stepped back.
“To be honest, I’m not sure if I would’ve been able to do it. To call the cops on her. I know she’s awful, and I know she’s a bitch, but there were times when I was a kid that she wasn’t so bad, you know?” Her eyes pleaded with Tess for understanding.
No, Tess didn’t really know, and thought it more likely that this was something that Nora wanted to believe than something she actually remembered. Still, she nodded. “I get that it would be hard for you. Let’s go home, kiddo.”
Nora went around the far side of the car and slid into the passenger’s seat.
When she was out of earshot, Tony said in a low voice, “I’m calling Matt. He and Slay have a lot of contacts in law enforcement, and I need to know what the deal is with this Roger asshole. I debated getting them involved when I first heard what happened to Nora, but now… You know, I meant what I said. No one comes into my place and threatens what’s mine.”
His employees, his restaurant. That’s what he meant.
Tess sighed and looked up at Tony. Without Desiree and that immediate threat in front of them, she felt her anger and hurt rushing back in. She couldn’t quite meet his eyes. “All right, I’ll get Nora outta here. I can come back later to finish—”
“Nope,” Tony said. “You won’t. You’ll head back with Nora and wait for me. You and I have some things to discuss tonight.”
Things to discuss? Like how quickly she and Nora could be packed and out of his place?
If the situation at the fair hadn’t been enough to show for once and for all that she could never be good enough for Tony, the debacle in the dining room sure as hell had. Her mother, causing a scene in his restaurant. Now that he’d seen where she came from, there was no way he’d want anything to do with her. He wouldn’t have any reason to keep pretending that his relationship with Val was over, or that Tess was more to him than the chick who kept his books and warmed his bed.
Tess wouldn’t look at him, but merely shrugged. “Yeah,” she agreed, pulling away from him. She felt sick to her stomach as she remembered everything. Val. Phone calls. Kisses.
Psycho bitch.
Why did Tony have to go and be all sweet now? And why did he have to swoop in and make everything better when she needed him?
“Tess,” Tony began, but she was completely fried.
“Later,” she mumbled, as she left.
* * *
Tess and Nora went back to Tony’s place, and although Nora agreed when Tess called to order Chinese food, she had no interest in watching a movie or, God forbid, talking about what had happened. “I need to study for my bio test,” she said. “And I don’t want to fail my class because our mother’s a psycho.”
“I know, I know,” Tess said. She was glad that Nora had agreed to stay home and study, even though she wished the girl would keep her company. For the first time in a very, very long time, she didn’t want to be alone.
Alone. Always alone. Her hands shook.
The temptation to cut was overwhelming. She felt like an addict who needed a fix, something to control, something that would help her deal with the pain and loss of what she’d hoped for with all her heart.
But she dutifully left Nora in her room with her books, and walked aimlessly into Tony’s bedroom. Everything was tidy and perfect, just as she’d left it, even down to the pajama shorts and cami she’d stashed under her pillow. She hadn’t known how badly things could change in one day, how everything that was right in the morning could turn so wrong by nightfall.
She and Tony were over. She’d have to find a place to live. Tess knew now that she’d have to leave Cara. If she and Tony were done, she’d have to find somewhere else to work. Where? How? She had no clue. She couldn’t control any of it. She never fucking could.
She grabbed her pajamas from the bed and walked slowly into the bathroom. It felt like every move was an effort, her feet leaden and numb as she stripped. But as her clothes fell in the laundry basket, she caught sight of her reflection in the mirror that hung on the bathroom door. Gingerly, she ran her fingers along the edges of her scars, and her hands trembled harder.
She needed the release. She needed to feel the fear and know she could overcome it.
And she and Tony were done, so he would never know.
Flicking back the shower curtain so quickly the rungs clanged together, she turned the water on hot, so that the room filled with steam. Grabbing her razor from the shelf on the wall, she hiked up a leg. She took the razor and gently, ever so gently, drew the blade along her dry skin. She felt the scrape of it, watching her skin grow smooth and slightly pink. Running one finger along her skin, Tess inhaled. She looked at the blade, gleaming in the light of the bathroom, and ran it over her skin again. The trembling in her hands intensified. When she was younger, and would cut herself regularly, she had an arsenal of tools ready that she would sneak into the bathroom, or her bedroom, with the door shut. But now, she’d have to fiddle around wit
h this blade, a fancy five-blade deal that was meant to prevent injury, not aid it.
Lips pursed together, Tessa drew the blade along her skin again, then tipped it, just enough so that the very edge glided along her upper thigh. Her head felt heady with anticipation, her palms grew sweaty and damp, and her breathing was ragged. The thump of her heart in the small bathroom seemed to be marching toward what she needed to do. She needed to feel the sharp sting and then release, needed to control this, take her mind off her fucked-up childhood and uselessness, her complete inability to maintain a healthy relationship with a guy, and the fears she had about what she would do now that she had nothing to fall back on. A sob caught in her throat as she replayed the scene with him and Val, and her hand twitched. She felt a gasp as the first drop of crimson blood dotted her thigh.
She was so caught up in her thoughts and fears and emotions, she never heard the door open.
“What the hell are you doing?” Tony bellowed from the doorway, making her drop the razor. It skidded into the tub, spinning, and she dropped her hands to cover her legs, but it was futile. He’d seen everything.
She didn’t know a husky guy like him could move so fast. She was up and in his arms in seconds, as he marched her to the bedroom wordlessly. He tossed her on the bed, as she tried her best to make it seem she was doing something else.
“It’s not what it looks like,” she protested. He’d promised her under no uncertain terms that he would spank her good and hard, a real spanking, if she ever harmed herself, and he’d caught her right in the act. “Please, Tony. I’m not...” but she couldn’t say it.
His eyes were furious, his lips thinned, red splotches on his cheek and his voice shook with anger.
“You’re not what?” he said, his voice raising. “Then what are you doing, Tessa? You’re not hurting yourself?”
“I’m not… I’m not crazy. I’m not fucked up. I’m not a fucking psycho like she says I am!” Tessa covered her face with her hands, as tears began to fall.
She heard him cross the room and sit on the bed. Lifting Tessa up, he pulled her into his arms as she quietly wept. Gently, he tipped her head back and kissed her forehead before he pulled her head down to his chest.
