It Was Always You

by Johnston, Andrea

  She looks like a vision of complete relaxation and beauty standing in the doorway. Her hair is long and free, freckles prominent across the bridge of her nose, and those damn long legs of hers on display in a pair of short cut-offs. The strings that hang from the hem only draw my eye to her toned and tan legs.

  Picking up a dishtowel, I wipe my hands as I lean against the counter. I don’t bother hiding my perusal of her body or the way her nipples peak under her T-shirt as I do so. Smirking, I lick my lips and note when she does the same.

  “I didn’t hear you come in,” I lie.

  “Oh. Uh, I knocked but there was no answer.” Her eyes flutter, a sign she’s nervous, and I chuckle.

  “Well, come in. I’m just getting things ready. Want something to drink? I think my dad has some wine in the fridge. Or, there’s an assortment of juices and soft drinks.” The latter are mine, but I don’t offer that information up. She’ll probably think I’m a weirdo for having four different juices and just as many soft drink choices.

  “Sure. Where are the glasses? I’ll get myself something.”

  I point to the cupboard near the refrigerator and turn my attention back to the task at hand. Setting the seasoned steaks aside, I go about cutting vegetables and preparing them for the grill. Ally is quiet behind me, taking a seat at the table. I don’t say anything, wanting to choose my words carefully.

  All afternoon I’ve thought of what I’ll say to her. How I’ll broach the subject of D. My time in prison. I know she’ll be angry I didn’t say anything when we first met online. Regardless of my reasons, I know I should have said something. The hurt will come as a result of the hours we’ve spent together over the last week without a word. Our rekindled friendship and growing connection on the line, I decided to soften her with dinner before I drop the bombshell that could ruin it all.

  Once I have everything seasoned and ready for the grill, I turn to face Ally. She’s sitting at the table, a can of root beer next to a glass, and a smile on her face.

  “What?”

  “You seem different tonight. Maybe it’s being here in this house. You’re the most relaxed I’ve seen you.”

  Shrugging, I go to the refrigerator and grab a can to match hers. Popping it open, I take a sip, letting the bubbles pop in my mouth. Motioning toward the back door with my head, I ask, “I need to fire up the grill and get the vegetables on first. Feel like joining me?”

  We walk out to the deck and I start the grill while she settles into the two-person lounge. Now that I’ve met Jackie, the lounge makes more sense. I just assumed Gary got a great deal on it and that’s why he had it back here. It’s perfect for relaxing and looking at the stars.

  “How’s your granny?” I ask as I turn my attention from the grill toward Ally.

  “She’s better. Still no driving, but she’s up moving around and starts physical therapy next week.”

  “That’s great news. I’m going to grab the steaks. Sit tight.”

  How can she sit there casually like I haven’t ignored her for days? She has to know the gossip going around town about us the other night. Yet, she hasn’t said a word.

  I should be a gentleman and apologize. Address the elephant in the room. Or elephants. Between not calling her and the gossip around town, this is on me.

  Knowing that being with me may have tainted her reputation, made the town think poorly of Ally for hanging out with a tatted up ex-con, makes me more disappointed in myself than I already am. I’m a screwup and don’t expect much in the way of opinions but not Ally. She’s everything that is good about this town and the idea that someone could possibly be saying anything negative about her or our time together makes my blood boil.

  After a few minutes of hiding out, I pick up the pan with our steaks and head outside. Messing with the vegetables, I set the steaks on the top rack of the grill and turn to look at Ally. She’s shifted more to the middle of the large lounger and pats the spot next to her, a smile on her face.

  Slowly, I walk to the spot she tapped but instead of settling in next to her, I sit on the edge and shift to face her. She really is pretty. And kind. Funny. Witty. Sarcastic. Perfect. God I’m an idiot. I’m going to tell the best girl I know, the first love of my life, that I’m a liar.

  “I won’t bite. You can relax.”

  She nudges my leg with her foot and giggles. I’m determined to stick to my plan so I push down the guilt and smile back at her, grabbing her ankle and tickling the bottom of her foot. Her giggles turn to some weird screeching sound, and I laugh at her.

  “Someone’s ticklish.”

  “I swear Drew Collins if you don’t stop, I’m going to pee my pants!”

  If she thinks that’s going to make me stop, she’s wrong. Instead, I increase my torture and she squirms in her seat. I lose my grip and then it happens. Her foot shifts, the heel connecting with my most prized possession. I groan and drop the offending weapon, leaning over trying to catch my breath as I see stars.

  “Ohmygod! Drew, are you okay? Shit shit.”

  With two deep breaths and slow exhales, I manage to right myself before shooting her a glare only to be greeted with a face full of concern. Winking at her in an effort to relax her, I slowly rise from the lounge and take another few breaths, adjusting myself to make sure there’s no permanent damage.

  “I’m sorry about that but you know it’s your own fault,” she sasses.

  “It’s my fault you almost made it so I sing with the altos? How do you figure?”

  “You know I’m ticklish. Sometimes when you play with fire you get burned. By the way, I like my steak medium rare.” Her gaze flicks to the grill behind me.

  “So fucking sassy. I swear, Ally I don’t remember you being like this when we were kids.”

  Shrugging her shoulders, she scoots up to the top of the lounge, feet crossed at her ankles, resting behind her head, and her head tilted up to face the dark sky. “Yeah well, times change, Drew. I mean, you sure aren’t like my good friend Andy. The boy I grew up with would have called me. Or responded to a text message. Stopped by to hang out. You ghosted me for three days.”

  I don’t respond immediately as I flip the steaks and vegetables. She’s right. I did ghost her. Later when I tell her why, she’ll understand. Then she can really be pissed instead of annoyed like her tone tells me she is now.

  “I’m sorry. That’s all I can offer for now. I have a lot on my mind and sometimes I get in my own head. I would promise never to do it again but I’m kind of an asshole so it may happen. Just know, it’s all on me. I screwed up, and I’m sorry.”

  “Okay.”

  “That’s it? Just okay?”

  “Yep. Now, how much longer until we eat? I’m wasting away here.”

  Laughing, I move the steaks to the bottom of the grill and head into the house to clean the pan. When I return, she’s still in the same position, staring up at the stars. Neither of us says anything until I remove the steaks and vegetables from the table and flip the burners off.

  “Let’s make our plates and come back out here to eat.”

  Sighing dramatically, she stands and adjusts her shorts that have ridden up her legs. When she’s in my personal space she lightly smacks my chest and says, “Stop staring at my legs or I’ll think you like me or something.”

  With that parting comment, she takes the pan from my hands and walks into the house, laughing.

  Chapter 23

  Ally

  “Compliments to the chef. That was delicious.”

  “I’m glad you liked it. Thanks again for coming over.”

  Drew and I rise from our seats and carry our dishes into the kitchen. Together we clean the kitchen in no time. Now that everything is done, I’m uncertain what to do next. I really should’ve brought some dessert. Maybe we can go out for ice cream or—

  “Want to hang out or do you need to get home to your granny?” he asks me as he hangs the dishtowel in his hands on the oven handle.

  “Let me just shoo
t her a text but I’m sure she’s fine.”

  I slip my phone from my pocket and quickly tap out a text to Granny to make sure she’s okay. Her response is immediate. Well, response is putting it kindly. It was more of a threat that if I come home and disturb her peace and quiet she’ll whoop my butt.

  “So I guess I need to hang out for a bit. Granny is enjoying her peace and quiet.”

  “Have you been throwing ragers or something Ally Cat?” he asks with a chuckle as he motions for me toward the door. Flipping off the kitchen light, the house darkens behind us. Outside, the only light is the moon and a single candle we lit to deter the mosquitos.

  “Here, we should probably take precautions,” he suggests, handing me a bottle of bug repellent.

  I go about spraying my legs and arms before handing it back to him. The spray is wet on my skin and sends a chill up my spine. Shivering, I wrap my hands around myself and resume my spot on the large lounge. This time Drew takes the spot next to me. We lie back side by side, his hands tucked behind his head and mine clasped across my abdomen.

  “Do you remember my last summer here? The campouts in your backyard?”

  “How could I forget? You scared the crap out of me with that awful ghost story. Which I now know was the storyline for A Nightmare on Elm Street. That was the first time I regretted having a boy as a best friend.”

  “If it helps, I kind of scared myself.” He snickers. “I’d snuck out of my room one night when my parents were watching the movie. For some reason it didn’t faze me watching it on television, but that night, when we were lying in the tent, I was freaked the fuck out.”

  “Good. You were a shit but we had a fun summer.”

  Tilting my head to face him, I see he’s shifted and is staring at me. We hold each other’s gaze for a beat before I clear my throat and look back to the sky. I can feel him looking at me. It’s unnerving. Not only because it makes me uncomfortable, but because it doesn’t. It makes me happy and I should not feel the way I’m feeling. Because I’m a glutton for punishment, I rotate onto my side and pull my knees to my chest and rest my cheek on my hands.

  “Tell me about your life after you left Pickerton Grove.” My voice is quiet, the moment demanding it.

  I watch as he contemplates his words. He clenches his jaw and his hands are restless as he pulls them from behind his head and rests them on his stomach. Hands flexing and releasing, he takes a deep breath and exhales before speaking.

  “You and I had just spent the day swimming. As usual, you were driving me nuts about your birthday, demanding I not be late for our early morning fishing plans. Like I could forget, you had practically tattooed it on my arm as a reminder.”

  Smacking his arm, I giggle. “It was a big day. Besides, you were always late.”

  “After you left me at the driveway, I turned toward the house and could hear the shouting. It had been getting worse over the summer, my mom angry about everything and nothing. No matter what my dad did, it was never good enough. She always wanted more. I remembered when Lisa Turner’s parents divorced the year before and how she would say they yelled a lot. I knew in my gut my parents were going to get a divorce.”

  “I had no idea.”

  Turning on his side to face me, he offers me a small smile. It’s a sad smile and my heart breaks for the young boy who must have been scared and kept it all inside.

  “Nobody did. I know as an adult that people argue and fight. It’s part of life. But before that day I had never experienced it. My parents loved each other. You remember how many times we caught them making out in the kitchen? It was embarrassing. It was like one day my mom woke up and suddenly nothing was good enough. That day, the one before your birthday, I walked in the house and she was packing. Our clothes were jammed in suitcases and she was tossing things in a box. Dad was begging her to stay, telling her they could fix everything. Not to break up our family.”

  Tears fill my eyes as I envision a young Drew walking into such a scene. The way he must have felt. The conflict and chaos all around him. I’ve always been an anomaly among my friends. My parents are still blissfully married all these years later. Of course, they argue and bicker, but I’ve never seen them in a full blown fight.

  “I’m so sorry, Drew. That must have been awful for you.”

  “I’ll never forget the look in my dad’s eyes when I walked in the door. Red-rimmed and filled with tears, his voice cracked when he said my name. So I ran. I ran out the door and down the street. If I ran she couldn’t make me leave. I wanted to stay here with my dad. With you.”

  “What happened?”

  “My dad came after me. I was sobbing by the time he caught me, wrapping me in his arms. We stood in the middle of the street, crying together. I begged him to let me stay. Not to let her take me. He was my dad and I needed to be with him.”

  “Oh my goodness. You didn’t know he was—”

  “Nope. I had no idea. I was just four years old when we moved here. My memories were foggy at best, feeling more like dreams or something I made up than my life before Pickerton Grove. So, on the day my mom decided to leave the only home I’d truly known, she also told me Gary Nelson wasn’t my dad and to say goodbye because I’d never see him again.”

  I reach out and place my hand atop his fist, coaxing his fingers to relax as I lace my own with them. He’s quiet, breaths slightly labored. Tears slide down my cheeks, landing on my T-shirt. Drew takes his free hand and lifts it to my cheek, wiping it with his thumb.

  “Don’t cry, Ally. It was a long time ago.”

  “I can’t help it. My heart breaks for what you had to go through. It’s unimaginable to me. I never knew what happened to you. We were so young, my parents just told me you had to move away with your mom, and I should always be kind to your daddy when I saw him in town.”

  “Oh boy, he probably hated all the attention he got.” His smile is genuine as he thinks of Mr. Nelson and I’m grateful to see it.

  “Where did you guys move to?”

  “Everywhere. Once the divorce was final, she didn’t waste any time trying to find me a new stepdad. We moved so often I lost track of the number of addresses and schools I attended. By high school I was done. I refused to move anymore. For the first time since we had left Pickerton, she agreed to stay put and that’s where I finished out high school.”

  “I bet you were hot in high school. Is that when you started going by Drew? When all the girls were up in your business.”

  He laughs loudly. I decide in that moment there is nothing better than Drew laughing. It’s a welcome sound, I join him, and when we catch our bearings, he waggles his eyebrows. “Baby, that was long before high school. I was quite popular in middle school. Always the new kid, I realized that if I was a little mysterious, the girls loved it. As for my name, when my mom told me my last name was really Collins, I decided I wanted to change my first name. Andy belonged to my life here.”

  “It fits you. I approve of your name choice,” I tell him, noting the way his hand is currently resting on my hip. Sometime after he cleared the tears from my cheeks, he rested it there and I have to admit I love the contact.

  “Ally, there’s something I have to tell you.”

  “Drew, there’s something I have to tell you too.”

  Brows furrowed, he looks at me confused as I scoot closer to him, placing my hand on his cheek. The movement shifts us so his hand slides over my hip and rests on my lower back. We’re close enough that I can feel his breath on my lips.

  “I’m serious, Ally. It’s—”

  Placing my finger to his lips, I quiet him as I lean forward. Brushing my lips lightly on his, I kiss him. I’m never one to initiate a kiss, or anything more. My insecurities and self-doubt have always held me back. But, with Drew I don’t feel either of those things. Instead, I feel empowered, beautiful, and comfortable in my own skin. He opens his mouth to say something and I cut him off.

  “I’ve wanted to do that all night. Don’t you think we’ve
talked enough? Kiss me, Drew.”

  He hesitates for three beats, and I fear he doesn’t want this. Maybe I misread the signals. Does he not feel the same attraction I do? No sooner do I have that thought than he increases the pressure of his hand on my back and pulls my lips to his. Sliding me onto my back, he leans over me, the pressure of his body welcome against mine. I run my hands through his hair, tugging lightly on the ends, which causes him to groan and deepen the kiss.

  I was mistaken when I said there was nothing better than Drew Collins laughing. This is better. So much better.

  Chapter 24

  Drew

  Her body is soft below me and it’s taking everything in me to control myself. Years without physical contact, I’m more than a live wire. I’m dynamite with a short fuse and ready to explode. Her soft moans are killing me, and I pull back to look at her. With her eyes closed, lips swollen and pink from my own, and her breaths rapid, she’s never looked sexier.

  “Ally, we have to talk. I have to tell—”

  “No,” she demands as she tugs my mouth back to hers. There’s a battle brewing inside me, one half of me demands I put a stop to this until I can be honest with her, and the other, the one that can’t get enough of her below me, urges me to give her what she wants. What her body begs me to do. Her hands slide under my shirt and the skin-to-skin contact is almost too much for me. I shift so I can settle between her legs, which she immediately wraps around my waist, pulling me even closer to her.

  Breaking our kiss, I move my mouth to her neck and taste her skin. It’s soft and tastes slightly salty. Her mewls as I nip at the skin urge me on. Sucking the skin, I release before a mark can be left, but I must admit, the idea of her marked taps deep into a place of my heart I can’t acknowledge. She pants and prays to the man above, her hands touching every inch of my body she can reach. Slipping my hand under her shirt, I graze just below her breast. In response she moves her hips, the friction too much, and I have to stop before I blow my load.