I Hate Goodbye (The Kihanna Saga)

by Amare, Mercy

  “Honey, we’ve all been there,” Victoria says, laughing.

  “Not me,” I tell them.

  “Oh right. I keep forgetting you’ve only been with one guy,” Victoria says. “You never told us how it was, by the way. You totally owe us.”

  At that exact time, Ty happened to be walking by. He takes a seat beside me. “Yes, please tell us how you lost your virginity to my best friend the night you broke up with me.” The sarcastic tone in his voice doesn’t go unnoticed.

  I turn to him and smile. If he’s going to be a dick, I can play right back. “It was amazing. Gabe was totally sweet, and he made me feel sexy. He always makes sure I am taken care of before he takes care of himself. Also, he doesn’t sleep with anybody else besides me.”

  “If you would’ve just had sex with me, I wouldn’t have been forced to fuck somebody else.”

  I roll my eyes. “Right. Or you could have waited until I was ready — which happened to be that night. But seriously, thank you for cheating on me. If you wouldn’t have, I never would have hooked up with Gabe that night.”

  “If Gabe was so great, then why aren’t you with him now?” Ty asks.

  “Actually, I am with him. We only waited to tell everybody because we didn’t want to hurt your feelings, but it’s obvious that you are completely heartless.”

  “You’re with him until he gets tired of you,” he says. “You’re just the flavor of the month. I bet your relationship won’t even last until Christmas.”

  “At least I will be happy until Christmas.”

  “You weren’t happy with me?” Ty’s voice softens, and I feel like a complete bitch. Why do I always fight with him?

  “I was at first. We had a good first date,” I tell him. “We got along well, and that first kiss was… wow. I really liked you. Then you started pressuring me to have sex with you… and you told me that you loved me after dating for one month. It was too much too fast. I guess I just needed to take things slow, and you weren’t willing to. If you wouldn’t have cheated on me, I’d probably still be with you.”

  Of course, I wouldn’t love him. I could never love Ty, because I’ve always been in love with Gabe. I won’t tell Ty that though.

  “I regret cheating on you.” I can tell by the sad look in Ty’s eyes that he means every word. “I will find a way to make it up to you someday. Even if we can’t be together, I want to be friends.”

  “Let me just say that you picking fights with me isn’t going to help you any. I would like to be your friend, Ty. I hate the way things are with us,” I say. “You and I dated for a while. I went from seeing you every day, to you never talking to me. I hate it, and I want it to change.”

  “I’ll make you a deal,” he says.

  “Okay.”

  “I will be nice to both you and Gabe,” he says. “But you have to promise not to kiss Gabe in front of me.”

  “What about you?” I ask. “You kissed Bay in front of me. This seems like an unfair deal.”

  “As long as you don’t kiss Gabe in front of me, I won’t kiss other girls in front of you.”

  I think about his compromise. I can see it from his point of view, why he doesn’t want to see Gabe and I kiss, so I can agree to his terms. “Deal,” I say, holding out my hand. We shake on it.

  “Aw,” Ariana says. “I’m so glad you’re friends again.”

  Ty looks at Courtney. “You got a little mascara…”

  “Shut up,” Courtney says. “I’m mourning the loss of Emmett. Let me cry in peace.”

  “You and Emmett dated like two minutes! Kihanna and I dated almost three months, and you don’t see me crying,” he says.

  “That’s because you’re heartless,” she tells him.

  “How am I heartless?”

  Courtney narrows her yes at him. “Seriously, Ty? You cheated on Kihanna at homecoming in the bathroom… not to mention with the skankiest girl in school who happens to hate Kihanna.”

  “It’s not like Jacqueline and I hadn’t been together before. It didn’t even count,” he says. “Besides, it was a one-time only. Trust me, I will never touch Jacqueline again.”

  I bite my lip, because I know that he won’t touch her again. She’s dead.

  “Of course you won’t,” Courtney says. “She’s missing… probably locked up in some pervy guy’s basement. I’ve seen Lifetime, I know how this works.”

  I’m pretty much over hearing about Jacqueline, so I stand up. “I will let you guys fight this one out alone. I’m going to head to class.”

  Ariana gets up from the table and follows me out of the cafeteria.

  “I kind of want to talk to you,” she says.

  “Sure, what’s up?” I ask as we head toward my locker. I am hoping that there are no notes waiting for me today. Every time I have to get something, my stomach feels like it’s in knots.

  “I’ve actually been wanting to talk to you for a while now, but I don’t think school is the place we should talk,” she says. “Can I come over to your house tonight?”

  “We are friends, Ariana. You don’t have to ask my permission to come over,” I tell her. “Come over for dinner.”

  “Okay,” she says. “That sounds good.”

  I open my locker, and am pleased to see that there is no note today. I let out a sigh of relief.

  Maybe Toby and Gabe were right. Maybe I did need to stand up for myself.

  3:09 PM

  Sounds like heaven.

  On the way home from school, I get a text from Gabe.

  Gabe: I miss you. Being in bed all day (without you) SUCKS.

  Me: How much longer until you can come back to school?

  Gabe: Monday… I never thought I’d be excited about school, but anything beats being in bed all day.

  Me: What about this weekend?

  Gabe: Well, I think you could make being in bed much more enjoyable.

  Me: I am NOT having sex with you. It would probably hurt you more than it would feel good. But I will come over and watch Netflix with you.

  Gabe: Sounds like heaven.

  I put away my phone, and when I look over at Toby he’s smiling at me.

  “Are you texting Gabe?” he asks.

  “Is it that obvious?”

  “Yep,” he answers. “You always have this big smile on your face.”

  “I really like him.” It feels good to admit it openly.

  “Did you get any notes from your stalker today?”

  “No,” I answer. “Part of me is relieved, but the other part of me is wondering what they have up their sleeve. I’m hoping that me taking charge will make them back off a little, but I doubt it.”

  “Me too, but we’ll figure it out,” Toby says. “I won’t let anybody hurt you, and neither will Gabe.”

  “You’re right, and I do feel safer when I am with the two of you… even though you’re both injured.” I say it in a joking tone, but it’s really not a joking matter. Toby took a bullet because of me, and Gabe nearly died in a car accident for me. What if they’re not so lucky next time? I really just hope there isn’t a next time.

  “I saw you talking to Ty Newman today at lunch.” Toby scrunches his eyebrows as he says it. I know that he’s definitely not a fan of Ty.

  “Yeah, he overheard a conversation I was having with Courtney, Ariana, and Victoria, but he’s cool. He said he would respect my relationship with Gabe as long as we didn’t kiss in front of him.”

  “At least he was being nice.”

  “Yep.” I agree. Ty hasn’t exactly been a good sport about the whole thing so far. “So are you looking forward to your date with Victoria?”

  Ty shrugs his shoulders. “I suppose. Victoria is hot, and she seems pretty cool.”

  “Just do me a favor and don’t break her heart,” I tell him. “She’s my friend, and I’d like to keep her as a friend.”

  “Hey, I am not making any promises.”

  Toby pulls his car into the garage just as Ariana pulls up. I get out to greet
her, and then we go inside.

  “You have the coolest house,” Ariana says as we walk up the stairs.

  I have never been to her house, but I assume hers is massive too. “It’s okay. Sometimes I feel like I’m living in a museum.”

  “My house is a lot smaller,” she says. “I guess the hotel business doesn’t pay as much as the social media business.”

  I laugh.

  Once we are inside my room, she takes a seat on my couch.

  “Even your bedroom is massive.”

  I sit beside her. “I know. I think my bedroom is almost has big as my house in St. Louis.”

  “It must have been a dream come true for you,” she says. “You are living a Cinderella story.”

  Cinderella? Don’t I wish. I guess that is how it looks on the outside, but my life is anything but a fairytale. I shrug my shoulders. “I guess. I’d give it all up if I could have my mom back.”

  She frowns. “I’m sorry, Kihanna.”

  “Don’t worry about it,” I say. “I am dealing with it, but no matter how much time passes, I will always miss her.”

  “The pain will eventually fade though,” she says. “When I was seven my two year old brother drowned in our pool. I still miss him, but it doesn’t hurt so much when I talk about him anymore.”

  “I’m sorry.” I want to cry when I think about her brother, and I am so over talking about death. “Maybe we should talk about something else.”

  She nods. “Agreed. Actually, there is a reason I wanted to come over here. The main reason is because I’ve seen how unhappy you are. I worry about you. After all you’ve been through the last month, I know you probably need a friend.”

  “It’s been hard, but my family has been here for me. I don’t know what I would do without Toby and Gabe,” I tell her.

  “How is your relationship with Gabe?” she asks.

  “It’s good,” I answer. “I mean, we’ve had our problems. All of this… crap… certainly isn’t making our relationship easy, but we are making it work. I really like him a lot.”

  She smiles, flashing her perfect white teeth.

  Ariana is probably the most beautiful girl I’ve ever met. She has long blonde hair that is always perfect, and big blue eyes. I would be jealous of her beauty if she wasn’t so sweet. She is just one of those people that make you feel comfortable and accepted. I love that about her.

  “There is one more thing that I wanted to talk to you about,” she says. “Victoria and I have noticed a change in Courtney, and we were wondering if you had noticed it too.”

  “Yes, I have.” A chill comes over me, and once again I wonder if Courtney is my stalker. The only problem with that theory is that she has no motivation to stalk me. “I’ve wondered if she was on drugs because she’s so…” I cut off, trying to think of a word.

  “Wired? High and low? Scattered?” Ariana offers. “I really just don’t know what to think. One moment she will be dancing around like she just drank a 24-pack of Red Bull, and the next she will be crying.”

  “What should we do?” I ask her.

  “I think we should confront her,” she answers. “I have thought about going to her parents, but I think we should give Courtney a chance to explain herself first. The last thing I want is to make her mad, but we can’t just stand by while she ruins her life.”

  “So you think she’s using?”

  “It’s not in her character,” she answers. “Courtney is very anti-drugs. She doesn’t even smoke pot. But I don’t know what other explanation it could be… Drugs seems to be the only thing that I can think of.”

  Or maybe she’s getting notes from a stalker too? I mean, I’ve been pretty high and low myself lately. Maybe I’m just better at hiding my feelings.

  Wait — so Courtney is going from being my stalker to being stalked?

  Ugh, okay, so maybe I have no idea what’s going on, but I intend to find out.

  “When is this confrontation happening?” I ask her.

  “Tomorrow night,” she answers. “The three of us are going to meet Emmett at a restaurant and we are going to talk to her.”

  “I thought Emmett and her broke up.”

  “They did,” she says. “But Emmett is worried about her. He still loves her, and it’s obvious she loves him. It’s just… she needs help right now. Relationship aside, he wants to be there for her.”

  “Well, I will be there,” I tell her. “I want Courtney to get better, and I will do whatever it takes to help her.”

  Ariana stays to hang out for a while, but ends up leaving before dinner. She says her family is pretty big on eating dinner together, because you never know how much time you have left to spend with them.

  After she leaves, a million thoughts about Courtney go through my head, but I push them all away. I don’t know what’s going on with her. All I know is that I want her to get better. I will do everything I can to help her. She was my first friend here, and she deserves that.

  Thursday, December 9

  7:55 AM

  Don’t underestimate me.

  I have decided that today will be an awesome day. I haven’t heard from my stalker since Monday. They know I am dating Gabe, because it’s on my Staying Connected page, and they haven’t even tried to retaliate. Maybe they finally realized that they can’t come between Gabe and me. It’s a good feeling.

  But when I open my locker, I have a note sitting inside. My heart thumps hard against my chest, and I feel nauseous as I grab it. The note has been printed out on purple paper. Under the note is a ticket to a football game for tonight at the local public high school.

  Be at the game, or you and your friends will suffer. Don’t underestimate me this time.

  I look at the note, and wonder what I am going to do. I take a deep breath to steady my shaky nerves.

  “What’s this?” a voice asks.

  The note is ripped from my hands, and I turn to look to see who is standing there. It’s Ty. I try to grab the note back, but he holds it away from me.

  “Who wrote this?” he asks me. His jaw is clinches and he looks like he’s ready to fight somebody.

  “I don’t know,” I answer honestly. I don’t want Ty to know about my stalker, but I can’t deny the note that is right in front of him.

  “Well, what does it mean? Why would you and your friends suffer? Is somebody bullying you?”

  “Sort of.” Sort of bullying me as in trying to kill me and my friends. I grab the note and the ticket and put it inside my purse. “But it’s not anything that I can’t handle.”

  “Have you told anybody?”

  “I am handling it, Ty,” I tell him. “Just don’t worry about it. Or me.”

  He puts his hand on my arm. “But I do worry about you, Kihanna. I know that you’re dating Gabe, but I want you to know that I am here for you.” He leans closer. “Is it Gabe that is doing this?”

  “Gabe? No way. He would never do this.” I back away. “I need to get to class.”

  “Okay,” he says. “But we are not done talking about this.”

  I don’t respond. I just turn and walk toward my class. My heart is still beating fast from the fear, and I wonder what the note means.

  I should go to the game. I can protect my friends if I do. But if I do go to the game, then I probably won’t have friends anymore. I have to go tonight — for Courtney. Besides, the last time I stood up for myself, the stalker backed down. Maybe he or she will do the same this time. But I still can’t help the fear that courses through my veins when I think about it not going well.

  I take my seat beside Kasbian, and he smiles as he sees me sit down. Then he looks at me, and slightly frowns.

  “Are you feeling okay?” he asks. “You’re really pale.”

  I decide to play it off. “I’m always pale. I’m like the only girl in the school that doesn’t spray tan.”

  “Not like this. You look sick.”

  I shrug. “Maybe I’m coming down with something.”

 
“Maybe,” he says. “So when are you going to make a new video?”

  “I don’t know. I haven’t exactly been in vlogging mood.”

  “Well, maybe if you sat down to do it, you would get in the mood. You look so happy in your videos, and you’ve just seemed really sad lately. Maybe it would help cheer you up.”

  I force a smile. “I promised you that I would do it again, so I will.”

  This response appeases Kasbian, but I don’t think I’m going to. My life is too big of a mess to even worry about me right now. Maybe once everything has calmed down, and my stalker finds somebody else to bug, then I’ll try.

  7:00 PM

  Just a minute.

  At seven PM, I walk into Ishmales. It’s my favorite restaurant, and apparently it’s Courtney’s favorite too.

  My job was to drive Courtney to the restaurant. My parents actually let me drive myself. I think they’re less worried that I am going to drive myself off a cliff, because I’ve been attempting to be happy lately. They either don’t know that I’m faking it, or figure if I fake it long enough that it will eventually become real.

  I didn’t tell Toby or Gabe about the note that I got. I will tell them tomorrow, if I’m still alive. I just really don’t want them to worry or try to talk me out of going.

  “I’m so glad we’re having a girl’s night,” Courtney tells me as the hostess walks us to our table.

  “We should have them more often,” I say.

  A few seconds later, our table comes into view. Courtney smiles until she sees Emmett, and then she stops. “What is he doing here?” she asks me. “Is this some kind of a set up? Because he is the one who dumped me. Are you forgetting?”

  “That isn’t what this is about,” I tell her. “I’m sorry that I lied and said it was a girl’s night, but we need to talk to you. Emmett cares for you, so he wants to be here. Please, just walk to the table with me.”