I Hate Goodbye (The Kihanna Saga)

by Amare, Mercy

  Victoria laughs. “Well, pretty much every girl in the school has had a crush on Ty at one time or another. Ty uses girls, and most girls are okay with that. You’re the first girl he dated more than one month. And you didn’t have sex with him. Everybody is jealous of you. It’s obvious Ty is still very much in love with you. You broke his heart.”

  “He cheated on me,” I remind her.

  “I never said that he didn’t deserve that broken heart,” she says. “He’s an ass. But I’m just saying — every girl has crushed on him at one time or another. Me included. But I was fourteen at the time, so don’t hate.”

  Ariana nods her head in agreement. “I crushed on him last year for a few months. Then I walked in on him having sex with our English teacher, and I kind of got over it that day.”

  “Then why did you let me date him?” I ask. “You encouraged it!”

  “Because he was different with you,” Victoria says. “Ty Newman isn’t the kind of guy who can be faithful to a girl, but he tried with you. I think that Jacqueline was the only girl he cheated on you with, and only because in his mind he couldn’t wait anymore for sex. I’m not saying what he did was right, but to him it was… normal.”

  For a moment, I feel sorry for Ty. Even before he cheated on me, I knew he wasn’t right for me. It was always Gabe, even though I tried not to love him, I did.

  “Plus, Ty could tell you were in love with Gabe,” Ariana says.

  “Did you know that Lily dated Ty before she dated Gabe?” Victoria asks me.

  “No,” I sit up on the bed. “What happened?”

  “Ty started dating her, but it turned out she was only using him to get to Gabe. Lily and Gabe started seeing each other behind Ty’s back,” she explains. “Ty had no idea until the day of the car accident when she died.”

  “But they were going to get a homecoming dress,” I say. “She was going to homecoming with Gabe.”

  “She was going to tell Ty the day of homecoming,” Victoria says.

  My heart hurts at her words.

  Ty has a history of losing his girl to Gabe. I feel bad for him. And I am mad at Gabe for not telling me the whole story.

  “I can’t believe Gabe would be so cruel to his friend.” I shake my head, because I can’t believe what I’m hearing.

  “Gabriel wasn’t always the sweet boy that you now know,” Ariana says. “He changed after the accident. He became very stand-offish and quiet. When you moved here, something in him changed. He was happy again. You were exactly what Gabe needed. Ty knows that.”

  “How are Ty and him even friends?” I ask.

  Ariana shrugs her shoulders. “I have no idea, but Ty has a very forgiving heart.”

  I lie back in my bed and stare at the ceiling. I have a lot to think about, and I plan on confronting Gabe.

  “Ty has been through a lot,” Victoria says. “I think girls like the whole wounded soul thing… Everybody wants to fix him.”

  “What else has happened to him?” I ask.

  “Ask him,” Victoria answers. “He trusts you, and I think he will open up to you.”

  And I do plan on asking him. Tonight.

  Or as soon as they let me out of this place.

  9:09 PM

  This is it.

  Dad and Veronica won’t let me out. So I do what any other teenager would do — I sneak out.

  I personally don’t know anything about sneaking out. Mom always let me do what I wanted as long as I was back by midnight, which was my curfew. And here, Dad has never cared what I do as long as I don’t get pregnant or go to jail. I realize they are saying no because I was just released from the hospital, but I am fine. I need to get out of this house. I need to talk to Ty.

  Toby helps me sneak.

  “Whatever you do, don’t tell Gabe,” I tell Toby.

  “Why are you sneaking over to Ty Newman’s house?” he asks. “The guys an asshole.”

  “I just… I have a few questions for him,” I answer.

  “So why can’t Gabe know?”

  “Because he wouldn’t understand.” Or approve.

  “Fine. But you owe me. And I’m driving you.” Toby unlocks his car and gets in the driver’s seat. I roll my eyes but get in the passenger side.

  “Why are you driving me?”

  “One — because I don’t want to be responsible. If anything bad happened to you, it would be my fault. If I go with you, I can take care of you. Nothing bad will happen. And two — if I let you go to your ex-boyfriend’s house alone, Gabe would kick my ass,” he answers.

  I laugh at that. He’s right. Gabe would kick his ass. Besides, I’m glad he’s coming. Toby makes me feel safe. “Fine, but I need alone time with Ty. The things that I need to talk to him about you can’t hear.”

  “Why?”

  “Because Ty trusts me.”

  Toby sighs, and looks at me. “Okay. But whatever this is better be worth it. And you have one shot, because I will not cover for you again.”

  “Thanks.” I smile at him then put on my seatbelt.

  Toby puts the car into drive and takes off. “You know, I am sort of glad you’re my stepsister.”

  “Gee, thanks…” I try to sound hurt.

  “No, I’m serious. The things you can convince me to do are crazy. I can’t even imagine what we’d be doing if you weren’t my stepsister,” he says, then laughs. “Well, I can imagine that. But if we were fucking, you could probably convince me to rob a bank.”

  “Whatever, Toby.”

  “Think about it,” he says, “You only kissed Ty, and then you dumped him for his best friend. He’s still willing to be your friend because being friends with you is better than being nothing. It’s sort of pathetic. You have this power over the opposite sex.”

  “I do not.”

  “Do too,” Toby says. “Tell me, what happened with Kasbian after you ditched him?”

  I feel my face grow warm. “He apologized.”

  “See… You ditched him, and he apologized. There is something very wrong with that.”

  “Whatever.” I roll my eyes. “No guy liked me when I was Kihanna Foster.”

  “Not that you know of,” Toby says. “When you came here, you were very innocent. You didn’t even know how to tell when a guy was flirting with you. You went for Ty, because he was very to the point. He told you he wanted you. Most guys aren’t so confident and direct. You needed that.”

  “Ty really isn’t a bad guy,” I tell him.

  “Please tell me you’re not going to dump Gabe and go back with Ty.”

  “No way,” I say. “I could never date Ty again. I have too much respect for myself. Plus, I really am in love with Gabe. I think I have been since the first day we met, and he told me he liked my gothic clothes.”

  Toby laughs. “I think he’s been in love with you since then too. He envied you. You stood up for yourself. It’s something Gabe is too scared to do.”

  “Gabe doesn’t know what he wants,” I say. “He is clouded by guilt for what happened to Lily. Once he figures out what he truly wants, then he will stand up for himself.”

  “Sometimes it’s scary how good you are at reading people.”

  I shrug. “I am just observant.”

  We pull to the front of Ty’s house.

  This is it.

  Tonight, I find out the truth about what really happened between Ty and Gabe.

  9:22 PM

  Lies and love.

  Toby is playing the X-Box in Ty’s room, and Ty and I sitting by his pool.

  I was here a lot when Ty and I dated, and being here with him feels comfortable… Except now I don’t want to make out with him.

  “Are you happy?” Ty asks me as he sticks his feet into the water.

  I take off my shoes, and dangle my legs over the side. The warm water feels good. “I am as happy as expected. The last few weeks of my life have been very scary, sad, and intense. Some days I am not sure I am going to make it, but I know I have to keep fighting. I can�
��t let this bully win.”

  “You’re right,” Ty says. He looks over at me, and I am once again mesmerized by his eyes. I love the gold patterns. It was the first thing I noticed about him when I met him. “Will you do me a favor?”

  I nod.

  “No matter what, fight. Fight with everything that is inside you,” he says. “I don’t want your stalker to break you. So, no matter what, will you fight?”

  “Yes,” I say. “To me, giving up isn’t an option. I will either fight and win, or die trying.”

  He frowns at that, then caresses my cheek with his thumb. “I don’t want you to die.”

  I pull back slightly. “Ty, I can’t. I am with Gabe.”

  “I know,” he says. “I’m sorry.”

  I take a deep breath. “I actually came over here for a reason.”

  “Okay.” Ty scoots away a little. “We can talk, but I can’t handle sitting that close to you. Your perfume is distracting.”

  “I want to talk about Lily.”

  At the mention of her name, Ty’s face changes. “Shouldn’t you talk to your boyfriend about her?”

  “No,” I say. “I want to talk to you. I heard some stuff today, and I want to know if it’s true.”

  “Again, shouldn’t you talk to Gabe about this?” Ty asks. “Or do you not trust him to tell you the truth?”

  “I don’t know,” I answer. “All I know is that he hasn’t exactly been honest with me about Lily in the past, and I need to know the truth.”

  “Let me get this straight…” Ty pauses for a second. “You are coming to me, your ex-boyfriend, because you don’t trust your current boyfriend to be honest with you?”

  Oh my God. He’s right. I don’t trust Gabe to tell me the truth about this. Maybe it’s because he’s lied to me about it before, and he’s definitely never told me the whole story.

  “I just want to know the truth,” I say. “No more lies, and no more holding anything back. I want to know the whole story from the beginning.”

  “Okay.” Ty looks out at the water as he talks. “Lily moved here at the beginning of the school year last year. She was a sophomore, and Gabe and I were juniors, but it didn’t matter. All the guys liked her. She was beautiful, but it wasn’t just on the outside. She was just as beautiful on the inside. She was born into money, but she wasn’t like the rest of us. She spent her summers volunteering in New Orleans after hurricane Katrina. She helped build houses. She had a very kind and giving heart.” He pauses for a moment, and I can see the sadness in his eyes. “Everybody wanted her, but I think Gabe wanted her the most.”

  I feel a little jealous when Ty says that Gabe wanted another girl. I shouldn’t, because it was in the past, but I can’t help it.

  “Gabe was pretty wild. He loved partying. He slept with every girl that he could, he did drugs, he drank, and he just didn’t care about consequences.” Ty looks at me. “I knew that Gabriel wanted Lily, so I went after her. Every girl that I ever wanted always went for Gabe, so I wanted to show him what it felt like.”

  I jerk my head up at that. Ty just went after Lily to make Gabe jealous.

  “I never liked Lily. I used her,” he tells me. “Gabe dated her while I was still with her, but I didn’t care. I didn’t like her. I was sleeping with other girls and her. She was sleeping with Gabe.”

  “That is fucked up,” I say. And not just Ty — Gabe was fucked up for doing that, and so was Lily.

  “That’s just how our lives are, Kihanna.” Ty shrugs. “Now I am going to tell you something that nobody else knows… not even Gabe. Whenever Lily died, she was pregnant.”

  “Was it Gabe’s baby?” I ask.

  Ty shakes his head. “No. Mine. She was going to break things off with Gabe that day.”

  Oh my God.

  “Gabriel never loved Lily. He says he did, but he didn’t. I didn’t love Lily either,” he says. “Maybe I’m a prick for saying that, but it’s true. Lily was nothing more than a victim of a stupid game that Gabe and I were playing against each other.”

  Tears sting my eyes and threaten to spill over. “Is that what I am? Just a victim?”

  “No,” Ty says. “You just happen to be the girl that we both fell in love with.”

  “If you love me, why did you cheat on me?” I ask.

  “I’m fucked up, Kihanna. I have no other explanation. You deserve a lot better than me. Better than Gabe.”

  “I love Gabe.”

  “I know,” he says. “You can’t help who you fall in love with. But sometimes, love isn’t enough of a reason to stick around.”

  “Love is something worth fighting for.” Gabe is worth fighting for.

  Ty smiles at me. “It is worth fighting for, you’re right. And I’m not giving up on you. I will fight for you.”

  Maybe I shouldn’t have said that, because I can tell by the look in Ty’s eyes that he’s not going to fight fair. He is going to play dirty.

  “But above all, I want you to be safe. I will fight subtly around Gabe, because I want to help you with the stalker situation,” he says.

  “You cheated on me. I’m not going to get back with you, even if Gabriel and I were to break up. Which we won’t.”

  Ty laughs. “We’ll see.”

  I take my feet out of the pool and stand up. I grab a towel and begin drying my legs. “Thanks for telling me the truth about Lily, but I think I should go now.”

  “Okay,” Ty says. “Just remember — I may have cheated on you, but I’ve always been honest. Gabriel hasn’t. That is why you came to me tonight instead of him. Is that really how you want your relationship to be?”

  No it’s not, but I’m not saying that to Ty. I will say it to Gabriel.

  “Do me a favor and stay out of my relationship with Gabe. It’s between him and me. You and I are friends, which is better than we were one week ago. Don’t push it, because you don’t have to be a part of my life.”

  “I’m sorry,” he says. “You’re right. Just know that I am here for you. Always.”

  “Thank you.” I turn and walk back into his house. Toby and I leave. He asks how everything went, and all I say is fine. I’m not ready to talk about it yet. First, I have to talk to Gabriel.

  Our relationship needs a lot of work, but I’m willing to work for this. I’m willing for fight for him.

  Saturday, December 11

  10:11 AM

  The past.

  Dad and Veronica never found out that I snuck out, which doesn’t really surprise me. They’re good parents for the most part, but they are pretty clueless. This morning, I tell them I’m going to Gabe’s house, which they have no problem with.

  “Where are you going?” Toby asks as I head down the stairs.

  “Gabe’s house,” I answer.

  “Are you going to tell him whatever happened last night?”

  “Yes.” Or at least most of it. I will definitely be leaving out the part where Ty hit on me. “If I want my relationship with him to last, I have got to be honest with him. The same goes for him.”

  “You know, seeing the two of you reminds me why I’m happily in a non-relationship.”

  I stop at the bottom and turn to him. “Wait, weren’t you supposed to go out with Victoria last night?”

  He nods. “We postponed until tonight because of everything that was going on.”

  “So what are you two going to do?” I ask him.

  “Well, that’s for me to know, and you to find out,” he answers. “See you later.”

  I roll my eyes and follow him out the front door. We both get in our separate vehicles. I drive to Gabe’s house, and I have no clue where he’s driving to. But I don’t care. Today is about Gabriel and me. I want to get to the bottom of this Lily thing, and I want to move forward. I want to have a happy, honest relationship.

  About ten minutes later, I am at Gabe’s house. I don’t knock, I just go up to his room. He’s lying in bed watching Supernatural re-runs on Netflix.

  “Are you still milkin
g your concussion and broken rib?” I joke, crossing my arms over my chest.

  “Hey, it still hurts,” he says. “I didn’t know you were coming over.”

  “Well, I can go if you don’t want me to be here.” I start walking toward the door.

  “No, no! Stay,” he says. “I’m glad you’re here. I desperately want to get out of my room. My mom will not let me out of here, and it’s been torture.”

  “But you were at the hospital with me all night…”

  “My mom couldn’t keep me away from the hospital while you were in there. You of all people should know that,” he says. “But after you woke up and I knew that you were okay, I had to come home.”

  “What makes you think your mom is going to let you out of bed just because I’m here?” I ask.

  “She just will,” he answers. “She really likes you. In fact, I think she likes you more than she likes me.”

  I find that hard to believe. “Too bad for you, I’m not here to spring you out of jail. I just came to hang out with you. But maybe we could move outside to the pool.”

  “That depends,” he says. “Please tell me you will wear a bikini all day.”

  I roll my eyes but smile. “Not all day, but I did bring my bikini because I knew you were going to say that.”

  “Good enough.” Gabe pushes himself out of bed very slowly. “By the way, how are you feeling?”

  “Much better,” I answer. “My throat is a little scratchy, but the doctor said I would be all better by tomorrow.”

  On our way down to the pool, I try to think of a gentle way to bring up what happened with Ty last night. No matter how I say it, it’s going to hurt him. He will think that I don’t trust him because I went to Ty instead of him… but it’s sort of true. I don’t trust Gabe to tell the truth when it comes to Lily. He’s lied so many times already. But either way, I don’t want to hurt Gabe, and right now that seems inevitable.

  We sit down by the pool. The high today is sixty, which is pretty average for Mountain View. It feels great to me, especially considering in St. Louis it’s normally about thirty degrees and snowing by now, but Gabe is complaining about how cold it is.