“Thank you.” I whisper.
Levi takes my hand in his, leading me over to the pool. He tries to tug me to the stairs but I pull back. I give him a cheeky grin before I jump into the deep end, making sure to splash him when I hit the water. I go under, popping up and brushing hair out of my face.
“Whatcha waiting for?”
“To do this!” He does a cannon ball, landing right next to me, splashing water all over my face.
We’re the only two people who have braved the pool so far. The girls glance at me with disgust, how dare I enter the pool! The guys eye me with interest, trying to figure out if there’s something going on between Levi and I.
“Aren't you worried about your hair or makeup?” Levi’s eyes twinkle with mischief.
“Nope. My hair will dry and my makeup is waterproof. If it comes off, who cares, it’s not that big of a deal.”
“What kind of cheerleader are you?” He asks in disbelief.
“The kind who knows how to have fun. I stopped trying to achieve perfection long ago, it doesn’t make people love you more. It just leaves you feeling worthless when you realize you can't do it, perfection isn't reality.”
“You’re the most amazing girl I’ve ever met.”
He splashes water at me, laughing when I scowl. I climb on his back, trying my hardest to dunk him under the water. Even treading water, he’s strong enough to keep us both afloat.
When I finally give up, accepting my failure, I float on my back, staying close to Levi.
“I heard you and Noah are going to the same college.” Levi sounds hesitant, turning my head to the side, I examine him.
“We are. Him and Frankie are gonna live with me off campus.”
“I’m kinda going there too.” He stares down at the water, nervousness fills him. He’s adorable.
“Kinda? Can you kinda go to a college?”
Levi peeks up at me, a sexy little grin playing on his lips.
“I am going there.”
“That’s awesome! Then we can still hang out together.”
“Yeah, that would be awesome. Out of all the people I know, you’re the most fun to be around. You keep things interesting.”
I snort with laughter. People don’t know how to handle me. I hear various remarks about my personality but they typically revolve around me being interesting or they’ve never met someone quite like me.
“I keep getting told that. Makes me wonder if something’s wrong with me.”
“Nah, you’re perfect just the way you are. Don’t change, Miranda, never change.”
Levi swims closer, takes my hand in his, tugging me over to a shallower section of the pool. As soon as my feet can touch the ground, he stops, placing his hands on my waist.
“I want to be friends but I want to kiss you so badly.” I open my mouth to respond but he shakes his head. “No, it’s ok. I'm not going to pressure you into doing something you don’t want to do; I just want you to know where I stand. If you ever feel the same then you need to tell me because I won't make a move without your permission.”
“How are you still single?” I whisper.
Levi’s eyes search my face, a slow smile taking over his face. He brushes a strand of hair away from my face and behind my ear.
“Because you’re caught up on an ex.”
Before I can respond, a bunch of guys jump into the pool, splashing us in the process.
“Hey, Miranda.” Kyle swims over to me, way too close for comfort. I narrow my eyes on him.
“I thought we came to an understanding, Kyle. I told you I never wanted you to talk to me again.”
“Oh, come on. You weren’t serious?” He chuckles like it’s all a joke.
“Serious as a fucking knee to the balls.”
“Miranda, come on. You can't hate me that much. Liam was totally lying; I don’t do that shit.”
I turn my attention to Levi, raising an eyebrow at him.
“Levi, can you answer a question for me? Does Kyle take girls to the lake and fuck them in the bed of his truck then brag about it in the locker room?”
“Yeah, he does.” He winces and turns his attention back to Kyle. “Sorry, man. She’s my friend, I'm not lying to her.”
“You and Hayes are such pieces of shit.” Kyle growls.
“Aww, were you cockblocked by your own teammates?” I give him a pouty face. “How sad! Who’s gonna fuck you now?”
“I don’t need help finding someone willing.” He hisses.
“Then why do you keep trying with me if you have more willing women? I’ve told you no, I don’t want your little dick anywhere near me.”
“So, what? You were screwing Hayes and now you’re screwing Levi? Making your way around the baseball team, huh? Sounds like I’ll get my chance soon enough.”
My eyes narrow but before I can react, someone jumps in the pool right in front of me. I can't see past the broad set of shoulders in front of me. The sickening sound of flesh hitting flesh fills the air, making me nauseous the second it hits my ears. I squeeze my eyes shut and fight the memories of walking in Liam’s house, finding his dad punching his unconscious body time and time again.
I blindly feel for the side of the pool, when I find it, I rest my head on the edge, trying to fight the memories playing like a movie in my mind. The smell of stale beer fills my senses, it’s like I'm in that room all over again. Liam’s laying on the floor, he isn't moving no matter how many times I scream his name. A hand touches my shoulder, making me jump.
“Mira, are you ok?” Liam’s soft voice causes emotion to flood me even more.
I could have lost him. I almost lost the love of my life that day. If Macy hadn’t called me, Liam probably wouldn’t be here.
My bottom lip trembles as I meet his gaze, his brows furrow as he scans my face, trying to figure out what’s wrong with me.
“Let’s get you out of the pool, you’re shaking.”
Liam keeps a hand on my lower back, the other grips my elbow, leading me to the chair I left my things on. I make no move to grab my towel or anything else. I stare at nothing, unable to pull myself out of the memories.
Thinking about almost losing Liam makes me think of Max. I almost lost him once too. My parents put so much pressure on us to be perfect all the time. They didn’t care about anything unless it would affect their image. They had to have the perfect children who behaved and did everything they asked of us. We had to dress for the image our parents were trying to present the world. For so long Max and I played along like the good little children we were. Then one day, Max just stopped.
I knew there was something wrong with him but I didn’t know what. I knocked on his bedroom door but he didn’t answer. I can't explain it but I felt like something was wrong. I had to throw my body into his door to get it to budge, he tried to push something in front of it. I frantically scanned the room trying to find my brother but I couldn’t. A soft moan filled the air, floating out of the bathroom. I rushed to the door and fell to my knees.
Max was slumped on the floor, barely conscious. He cut his wrists; blood was everywhere. I grabbed a towel and tried to hold pressure but it was coming too fast. I screamed and yelled for my parents but they took their grand old time coming to see what all the fuss was about. Luckily, I had my phone in my back pocket. I pulled it out with blood covered fingers, my hands trembling, making dialing harder.
As soon as the person on the line answered, I asked them to send an ambulance then threw my phone on the ground, never even bothering to end the call. I’ll never forget how my parents responded. They were angry at me for calling 911. What would their friends think about their son self-harming? How would this affect their image? What would people say?
Tears stained my cheeks but I refused to let go of the pressure I held on to both of his arms. I pushed with all of my weight, if I hurt him, he’d have to deal with it. I’d rather hurt my brother than let him die.
When the paramedics arrived, they put a tournique
t on both of his arms to stop the bleeding. They told me if I hadn’t held pressure as hard as I did, he probably would have died. I insisted on riding in the ambulance, much to my parent’s dismay. I sat in a hospital waiting room, covered in my brother’s blood until a surgeon came out to let me know they were able to stop the bleeding and repair the damage Max made.
I didn’t leave him the entire time. I sat by his bed until he woke up. He broke down when he saw his blood covering my clothes, he was so upset I saw him like that, but he said he couldn’t be perfect anymore. We made a pact to never be perfect again. We would be unapologetically us, fuck everyone else.
Our parents were horrified when we stopped trying to be the children they expected us to be, but we were happy for the first time ever. They somehow made sure to keep Max’s time in the hospital quiet, they probably paid off some people. His therapy sessions were kept under the radar too. That was when I realized they never cared about us, only what people thought of them. They stopped trying to act like parents once we made it clear we weren’t going to be their puppets anymore.
“Baby, look at me.” Liam’s voice urges me, his hands are on my shoulders, shaking me slightly.
I blink a few times in surprise. I haven’t gotten stuck in my memories about Max in a long time. I had to go to therapy afterwards, I had nightmares for months. Max had to sleep in my room for so long. If I couldn’t find him, I’d start freaking out and have a panic attack. We finally agreed if I called him, he’d always answer, no matter what and vice versa. I never would’ve survived without Max by my side.
“What’s wrong?” Liam runs his fingers up my neck to my jaw, cupping my cheek. He stares into my eyes like I'm the only person on the planet.
“I'm sorry. I got lost in a memory and couldn’t get out.”
“Do you wanna get outta here?”
“Where’s Levi?” I glance around, searching for him.
“Last I saw, he was escorting Kyle to his car.”
“What happened? Who jumped in the pool?”
“Me?” He winces. “I jumped and punched him in the face a few times.”
“Why?”
“I heard what he was saying about you.” He shrugs his shoulders and glances away.
“So, you punched him?”
“A feisty girl taught me when someone talks bad about your bestie, you punch them in the face until they understand they were wrong. I got a black eye from that lesson.”
A giggle burst free before I can stop myself. I forgot all about punching Liam at the bowling alley when he was being an ass to Noah. I clutch my stomach, laughing so hard tears start streaming down my face.
“Damn, I’ve missed your laugh.” A sad smile graces his lips, he shakes his head softly. “I can't believe I lost you.”
His comment sobers me, I straighten and wipe away my tears.
“What are you talking about?”
“Levi and you looked pretty damn cozy in the pool. He wants to date you.”
“Yeah, he does, but he’s respecting my request of being just friends.”
“For now.” He grimaces.
“For now... until I decide what I want.”
“What do you want?”
“I don’t know, Liam. I don’t want to let go of what we had but I'm also not sure I can give you a second chance. My heart doesn’t want to let you go but my brain’s screaming at me to stop being a dumb bitch, taking you back will only end in another heartbreak.”
He takes a step closer, his hands finding my waist. He stares at me like he can see into my heart and soul. I swallow thickly but refuse to break our eye contact.
“Your brain sounds like an idiot; you should only listen to your heart.”
“Is that so?”
“Yeah, brains can be swayed but nothing can change how your heart feels.”
“That’s smooth.” I smirk.
“You like that?”
“I do.”
“Which are you gonna listen to?”
“I'm gonna listen to my gut, we can be friends but I can't promise you more yet.”
“Your guts a bitch.” Liam grumbles. I throw my head back laughing, I can't believe he just said that.
“Hey, are you ok?” Levi comes up behind me, wrapping me in an embrace, holding on like he’s never letting go.
“I'm alright, don’t worry about me.”
“You seemed upset.” His worried gaze locks on mine. I duck my head in embarrassment, I hate telling people about my panic attacks.
“Yeah, I'm fine. I'm gonna go home though.”
“I can take you.”
“It’s cool, I'm leaving, I’ll take her.” Liam chimes in. I think he’s trying to help me but I can't be sure. He might just be trying to make it clear I'm his and not up for grabs.
“What do you want, Miranda? I don’t mind taking you if you want me to.”
I place a hand on his bare chest, his muscles twitch under my touch. I gaze up at him, heat and desire swarm in his eyes and my cheeks pinken. Levi would be so easy to love.
“I'm ok with Liam taking me but thank you for worrying about me. You’re an amazing guy, Levi.” I stand on my toes, placing a gentle kiss on his cheek. He pulls me into another hug, his warmth surrounds me, chasing away the coolness from having wet skin. When he lets go, he places a kiss on my temple and tells me he’ll call me later.
Chapter Thirty-Two
Liam
I CAN'T EVEN BLAME her for liking Levi, he really is a good guy, but I can't let her go. I hated Miranda when I met her. I would’ve done just about anything to get her to move back home in the beginning, but then she wormed her way into my heart and made herself comfortable. Now, I couldn’t let go of her if I tried. I need her like I need my next breath, I'm not sure I could survive without her in my life.
“What happened in the pool?”
“What do you mean?” Her brows furrow together but she won't meet my gaze.
“You were pale, trembling and seemed to be out of it. You moved to the edge of the pool and put your head against it. What happened?”
“I told you, I got stuck in a memory.”
I turn on my blinker, pulling the car over on the side of the road, throwing it in park. I shift in my seat until I can face her easier.
“Let me in, tell me what really happened.” I beg, I need to know what’s going through her head. I want to help her.
“I get panic attacks.” She says barely above a whisper.
“I'm sorry. What causes them?”
“I don’t know. Sometimes they happen and I have no clue why.”
“This time? Do you know what caused them this time?”
“Yes.”
“Come on, zucchini, tell me.” A ghost of a smile appears on her lips but it’s gone as quickly as it came.
“The sound of you punching Kyle... the sound of flesh hitting flesh. It pulled me back to the night I called the cops and I couldn’t escape it.”
“Baby...”
“It’s fine, it’s over with. Don’t worry about me.” She tries to wave me off but I grab her hands to stop her. I wait until her gaze locks on me.
“I'm so sorry my actions gave you a panic attack. Tell me about that night.”
“What?” Her jaw drops, she scowls at me.
“Tell me about the night you saved my life.” She examines me but doesn’t seem to be making any move to talk to me. “I want to know what happened, what you went through, everything.” She nods, sucking in a breath and blowing it out slowly.
“Macy called me crying, she said she couldn’t hear you and was afraid you were hurt. I got Noah and we rushed to your house. Mrs. Valdo called and wanted to know if she should call the cops...”
“And you said yes.” I push when she doesn’t finish. Her scowl deepens, she stares at her hands, unable to look at me while being pulled back to that night. I grab her hand, holding it in mine, reminding her I'm here, I'm ok now, thanks to her.
“No.”
“No?”
“I hesitated... I didn’t want to call the cops; I knew that wasn’t what you wanted. It wasn’t until Macy begged me to do it, she must have heard Noah ask me. She begged; said she’d rather be put in foster care than let you get hurt. I finally told Noah to do it.”
“You were trying to do what I wanted?”
“Of course.” Teary eyes meet my own, it’s like a dagger to my already wounded heart. “I loved you, Liam. Why would I do something to hurt you? I know how much Macy means to you, losing her would hurt you. I’d never do that to you.”
“Shit... I'm so sorry I jumped to conclusions.”
“It’s ok...”
“No, it’s not. I took out all of my anger on you and that wasn’t fair.”
“When we got there, your dad was kneeling over your motionless body. He punched you over and over. Noah told me to get Macy while he pulled your dad off of you, but I couldn’t move, couldn’t take my eyes off of you. Noah kept him away until the police showed up. After Mrs. Valdo took Macy, I rushed to you. I cried when I found a pulse, I thought I lost you. I lifted your shirt to see if there was any visible damage, I couldn’t believe the number of bruises you had. It broke my heart to see you like that. Noah had to pull me away, they weren’t going to let me go to the hospital with you but Noah told them I was your step-sister.” She chuckles softly.
“Thank you for caring about me enough to save me... So, you thought about all of that when you had the panic attack?”
“Yes, I felt like I was stuck in that spot, staring at your motionless body. I was fucking terrified I’d lose the only person I’ve ever loved; do you have any idea what that’s like?”
“Yes.” I whisper, cupping her cheek. “I’ve lived with that feeling every second since you walked out of my hospital room with Jesse.”
“Ahh, Dr Chipkin. He’s a great guy.”
“Let’s just agree to disagree on that.” I grumble.
“He didn’t take me out, you know. He knew I wanted to hurt you, he just helped me with it.”
“I tried to get him fired, Kelsey laughed at me, told me to stop being a pussy ass bitch. She said if I didn’t want Jesse to win then I had to be a better man than him. She’s a great nurse but horrible bedside manner.” I chuckle thinking about how blunt she was. “I didn’t know you got panic attacks.”
Never Giving Up (The Never Series Book 2) Page 13
