by Sarah Daltry
Jack spits out the soda he’s drinking. “Christ, Lily.”
I smile. “What? Just because we’re in a committed relationship doesn’t make Alana any less hot. Tell me you don’t think so.”
She smiles back at me, but shakes her head. “I wouldn’t mind having another go with you, Lily, but sadly, I’m taken again.”
“Really?”
“Dave’s home on leave. For the holidays. After talking to you, I got to thinking about relationships, about first loves, and about moving on. We Skyped a few times and we’re gonna give it a try. I think I’m ready now and I think he is, too.”
“Congratulations.” I’m happy for her, although I have to admit I’m a little disappointed that we can’t mess around again. She was amazing. Jack’s been faithful, but that one night still burns in my memory. I feel like I wouldn’t want to share him with anyone, unless we were together. I’m definitely up for doing something together, though. I like that I don’t feel guilty for thinking that when I’m with Jack. He wouldn’t be offended or shocked at the idea.
“Listen, I’ll let you guys have some privacy. Jack, when are you heading back?”
“Probably tonight,” he replies.
“Cool. Lily, I want you to meet Dave. Come up and visit over break, okay?”
“I’m planning on it. As much as possible.”
She leaves and Jack shuts the door. He kisses me deeply and I fall into him. I love nothing more than having his lips against mine. The sex is amazing, his touch is amazing, and just being with him is amazing. However, nothing is like kissing him. It’s such a simple act, but there is so much trust in it and he gives so much of himself in his kisses. He pulls out of the kiss and smiles at me. “I didn’t realize how much you liked that present, you know. I think I’m a little jealous.”
I press myself against him. “Nothing to be jealous of. I wouldn’t want anything if you weren’t a part of it.”
“You’re so damn hot, Lily. You could make a guy crazy.”
“Mmm. Like this?” I rub my hand over the growing bulge in his pants and he closes his eyes, already hungry for me.
“You’re leaving soon?” I don’t know how he manages a coherent thought, but he does. I rub faster.
“I am. But I wanted to say goodbye. In private.”
“Yes, please. What did you have in mind?”
I move to the drawer and find the ball gag and handcuffs, handing them to Jack. His eyes gleam wickedly. There may not be many chances to have sex over break and I want something to remember. I undress slowly for him, watching his eyes run over every inch of my body. When I’m naked, he stands and pushes me back onto the bed, handcuffing my hands over my head. I want to give in to him completely. Once he fits the gag into place, he strips out of his clothes and I take him in. He’s beautiful and he moves over to me, anxious and excited at the same time. I know he struggles with being forceful, now that I’m his girlfriend. He feels an obligation to be nice, but I want him to know that I have no issue with him being naughty. I trust him and I want to be under his control. I nod and spread my legs for him, so he can slip between them. His eyes meet mine and he must read my desire to submit to him, because he lifts my legs and buries himself deep inside of me.
I cry out against the rubber and Jack starts fucking me hard. I dig my knees into his sides, encouraging him to push even harder. Thrusting my hips up to meet him, I come as he loses himself in me.
“Do you like it like this, princess? Do you like it when I’m rough?”
I nod and respond by pushing myself harder against him. He digs his fingers into my arms and I come again, at his mercy and loving every second of it. After he finishes, he uncuffs me, but I’m not done. I want so much more of him. I take out the gag and flip over on to my side.
“Fuck me again,” I plead.
“Like this?”
“Like this.”
He spoons me and positions himself between my legs. I turn slightly back toward him so he can penetrate me. It takes him no time at all to get hard again and he pushes against the wet, swollen folds. He slides all the way in and the angle is perfect. I rock slowly against him and his hands travel along my back and over my hip. Suddenly, Jack reaches his fingers down to my ass. He tentatively places one against my asshole and I let out a load moan.
“Yes. Oh, please, yes” I beg. He pushes his finger inside my ass as he slips his cock deeper into my pussy. It’s fucking incredible and I can’t believe it. The spasms that come next go through every inch of me and Jack teases my ass while he fucks me. He has all the power. He’s inside of me in two places and I can’t fight it. He kisses along my shoulder and arms. My body melts each time his lips brush my skin.
“Lily,” he whispers. My nerves are shot and I orgasm with his finger still playing with my asshole. “Come for me, baby.”
“Oh, fuck, Jack. Fuck,” I scream out.
My pussy is full of him; I twist my body so he is in as deep as he can go and I’m as tight around him as I can get. He maneuvers so I can’t get away and every part of me is vibrating and twitching. I can’t get my breath and I have the best orgasm I’ve ever had while Jack refuses to stop driving me mad. I lose track of how many times I come before I am nothing but a mess of limbs and nerves. I don’t even know when Jack comes, because I’ve lost all capacity for thought and speech by then.
Jack kisses me and the softness of his lips along with the pulsating still happening inside of my cunt is staggering. His hands are everywhere. I’m completely his and he knows it.
“I’m gonna miss you,” he says. “But you’ll be able to remember me just fine now.”
I nod, still not able to speak. He keeps kissing me and my clit is huge while he stimulates it. I don’t think I can orgasm anymore, but he’s bringing me down from the precipice gently. The ache inside my clit is all I can think about. I let out a final shudder and Jack takes his hand away. I make a soft sound of protest, but I don’t think I can handle any more.
“I love you, Lily.”
“Me too,” I mumble and let my body shiver on his bed. Jack leaves me like that and goes to the bathroom; when he comes back, I think I may be able to manage a sentence.
“You’re incredible,” I tell him.
“Only with you, princess. You make me incredible.” He holds me close to him and we lie on his bed, relaxing and trying not to think about how good it feels being with each other. I don’t have time for more of him, as regrettable as that is, and I don’t know that I’d survive another go anyhow. I turn over and face him, running my hand through his dark hair.
“I’ll call you tonight,” I tell him. “As soon as I get home.”
“I’ll be waiting.”
Eventually, I need to leave him, but it doesn’t feel like goodbye. If anything, it’s but a small pause on something that has the potential to be timeless.
Chapter 17
I don’t want to introduce Jon to Jack yet, figuring it can wait until Jack comes to visit. Still, I could use the moral support when my brother and Derek come to my room to get my things. Jon awkwardly takes my laundry and then leaves me alone with Derek. I’m not sure what to say, which hurts more than the fact that we broke up.
“So, you met someone?” I ask finally.
He nods, looking everywhere but at me. “Yeah. Kind of. I mean, I already knew her, but…”
“Is it Jodie?” I try not to sound bitchy when I ask. A part of me still kind of hopes that he had feelings for someone else while we were together, since I have a lot of unresolved guilt about the situation with Jack. I’m happy with my choice, but that doesn’t mean I wanted to break Derek’s heart to get here. No matter what, though, I don’t like the idea of it being this Jodie girl, even if I’ve never met her and have absolutely no right to feel that way.
He finally looks up and, surprisingly, he smiles. “Still jealous of Jodie?”
I shrug. “Maybe a little.”
Derek shakes his head. “No. Her name’s Kelly. She’s in my sports medicine
class.”
“You already knew her?”
“Sort of. In class. It wasn’t easy at first, but after like two weeks, I stopped moping around campus and she approached me one day after class. I guess she’d had a crush on me, but figured I was taken. She asked around and when she found out that I wasn’t, she took a chance.”
“Are you happy?”
He pauses, and then slowly nods. “I am. Are you?”
“I really am.”
“I’m glad. You deserve to be happy.”
“So do you. I wanted things to work out like this, but I’m still so sorry. I never wanted to hurt you.”
Derek grabs me in a hug and holds me close to him. “I won’t pretend it didn’t break my heart a little, but it’s fine now. I was worried it would be weird, that you hated me, or that I’d hate you when I saw you. I don’t hate you. I’m so glad I don’t hate you.”
“Me too. That would be unbearable.”
“And you don’t hate me?”
I hug him back. “I could never hate you, Derek. You’re still my friend. I still love you. Just not like that.”
He steps away. “You’ll always be special to me, you know.”
“And you’ll always be my first. That means the world to me.”
“Lily, there’s just one thing…”
“Anything.”
“I’m not okay seeing him. I can’t face it yet. Maybe someday, but it just feels so… I mean, I feel like you picked him over me and I’m just not ready.”
“Yeah, well, I don’t want to spend any time getting to know Kelly, either, if it makes you feel better. I know it’s stupid, but I don’t like thinking about you with someone else. You’re still such a huge part of me.”
“So, baby steps…”
I nod. “Baby steps. It might take a long time to be totally okay, but I guess what matters is that at least we’re not broken forever.”
He smiles. “Maybe just a little dented?”
“Dented,” I agree. It feels good to have this sense of closure, of acceptance, and although it still hurts that everything I thought I wanted turned out not to be what I wanted, it makes things a little easier.
Derek takes my bags and we go to meet Jon at the car. It isn’t perfect, but it’s not permanently ruined and that’s what’s important. On the ride home, the conversation isn’t strained and, although it may not be the same as when we were all kids, it’s still going home with family. For all the ways I’ve moved on, I’m still looking forward to returning home for a little while. That doesn’t mean I don’t feel like I left a little bit back at school and I look at my phone, smiling when I see several texts from Jack. I don’t reply yet, though. I want to call him when I’m alone and I have some privacy.
That, of course, takes a while, because my parents want to know every detail about my life. While I sit at the kitchen table and fill them in on college life, something strikes me. This is my life, but Jack doesn’t have this. Right now, I can’t even imagine what he’s doing, but it’s not having a snack around the table and recalling funny moments at school. It hits me that I’m this for him. I am where he goes to for comfort. I’ve been afraid to face the darker parts of his past, to embrace fully what they mean, but sitting here with my family makes me feel guilty about holding back with Jack. When I finally manage to sneak away for a few minutes, I call him and he picks up almost immediately.
“I miss you,” I tell him. “I’m sorry it took so long. I needed to relive my entire first semester around the dinner table first.”
He’s quiet and it just solidifies the fact that he belongs with me now. I’m his family and he’s mine.
“What are you up to?”
“Nothing much. I went out for dinner with Alana and Dave, but now I’m just sitting in my room, reading. My grandmother wants to take me shopping tomorrow for shoes.”
“Shoes?” It seems like a strange thing to be worrying about a couple of days before Christmas.
“She doesn’t know what to do, Lily. So she buys me shoes and sheets and pans. Because it’s the only way she can deal with things. Even now.”
It makes me sad to hear him say it. “Well, what are you doing for Christmas?”
“Hmm. Let’s see. I’ll probably open a few things in the morning and have lunch with my grandmother. She’ll go to the prison in the afternoon, but I’m not ready. Instead, I’ll probably ride out to see my mom. And then I’ll come home and drink a shit ton of eggnog. And eventually, I’ll just drink the rum.”
I laugh a little at his brutal honesty, but it also hurts to hear it. That’s not Christmas and I realize I can’t enjoy my own knowing that’s how he’ll spend it. In that moment, I make a really tough decision, but it tells me exactly how much Jack means to me.
“Can I come up for Christmas?” I always spend Christmas with my family, but Jack is family now and I don’t want to be without him for the holiday. My parents won’t be thrilled, but the one thing I’ve learned this semester is that this is my life – and I need to do what makes me happy and what is right for me. And today, that’s Jack.
“What about your family?” He asks.
“I’ll see them Christmas Eve. I mean, unless you have other plans?”
He just laughs, but it isn’t bitter. “Yeah, you can come up for Christmas.”
“And I want to go with you. To see your mom, I mean.”
“Are you sure?”
“Positive.”
“I don’t know what to say to that.”
“Don’t say anything. Just let me in. I’m ready to face it all now, Jack.”
“I love you, Lily. You can’t possibly know how much.”
“I think you’re wrong. I think I know exactly how much.”
My mom calls up the stairs to hurry up. Apparently, my reenactment of my first semester is not over. “Jack, I have to go. My parents need more details of my life, I guess, but I’ll call you later tonight, okay? I promise.”
“Okay. I’ll wait up.” I’m about to hang up when I hear him speak again. “Hey, princess?”
“Yeah?”
“I’m still broken. I know that. But the pieces feel like they’re sticking together for the first time. Like you came along and glued them all back where they were supposed to go. And I’m sure I’m a patchwork mess, but thanks for loving me, for wanting to love the mess. For not seeing me as defective when everyone else did.”
“You’re not defective, Jack. You’re just imperfect. And your imperfections fit perfectly with my broken parts, so together, we’re flawless.”
THE END
Table of Contents
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Chapter 1 4
Chapter 15
Chapter 16
Chapter 1 7
