Mother's Eyes

by Woods, Karen

  “I will not endure the shame of this, Miriam. I will not become a by-word, the butt of sly and dirty jokes, among the men of this village, of the whole hill country, because of your unfaithfulness and the pregnancy resulting from your adultery. I will not be spoken of like that. If you are actually with child, I will have the get written, quietly.”

  She blinked back the hot tears that came to her eyes at his accusation. Her voice, when she spoke, held far more pain than she was comfortable letting him hear, “I beg you not to say anything else. Shalom, Yosef.”

  She turned and walked away from him before she said something utterly unforgivable to him. Although she didn’t know what would be remotely as insulting as what he had just said to her. This was unpleasant enough as it was, without making this worse. Although how it could be worse than the opinion of her he’d just stated was beyond her. She wouldn’t let him see her cry, no matter what. She wouldn’t give him the knowledge he had the power to hurt her this deeply.

  He caught up with her. “Miriam,” he said, his voice still tight, angry, but very controlled. “I will not raise another man’s child as my own. I will not condone your actions by my silence and share your sin because of saying nothing. But neither will I subject you to the just punishment due to an adulterous woman. If you are with child, I will have the get written out by Yehuda, without publicly exposing you. Our marriage will be over. Yet, I do not want your blood on my hands. Do not return here if you are with child, for your own safety. While I will not call for your stoning, others might do so, and I would be unable to stay their hands.”

  “I have done nothing sinful. I have known no man. And it hurts, Yosef, beyond words, to know you trust me so little that you would speak of divorce so casually.”

  “Woman! There’s nothing casual in my offering you this divorce. I’d have to be either a fool or a holy man to believe your story. I am neither.”

  “You are a righteous man, Yosef. I know this. I have told you what has happened. I must now trust Gavriel told me the truth, as an angel of El Elyon cannot do otherwise.”

  “Yet, you could be mistaken,” Yosef said. “You could have dreamt this and mistaken it for reality. You could have imagined it all. The young frequently have active fantasy lives. Sometimes, I forget just how young you are.”

  “I am given neither to fantasy, nor to mistaking imagined events for reality. I am not a madwoman. Neither do I lie, nor commit far worse sins. If Elisheva is not great with child when I arrive at her house, I will know none of this is true.”

  “Yes. It is a long way to go to verify a vision was bad.”

  “Or to ascertain that it was truly the word of El Elohe Yisra’el,” God, the God of Israel, “and He’s planning to use us in a new and wonderful way for His people.”

  “Go, do what you feel you must. I consider this to be a waste of time.”

  “Perhaps. Yet, it is my time I may be wasting. At least, there is no cost connected with this journey, except the cost to my ears of listening to Seraphina. That woman does dearly love to hear the sound of her own voice.”

  “Go, then, and be safe, Miriam,” Yosef said, tenderness in his voice, in spite of everything.

  “I do not wish to part from you on such uneasy terms,” she told him. “I only wanted you to know everything. I am aware this is difficult. How do you think I felt when Gavriel greeted me with ‘Hail, Full of Grace’ and told me I’d found favor with Elohim? That scared me. This all is frightening. Nothing about this is easy, Husband. Yet, I never want anything less than the truth to be between us. This is the first moment we’ve had to speak alone together since the angel came to me. I was unwilling to make this public when it is clearly a matter that must be private for safety’s sake. But I never want to hide anything from you. I never intend to be less than completely honest and honorable with you. That you would think otherwise of me is painful beyond words.”

  Yosef shook his head. “If you are determined to go to Hebron to verify this vision of yours, then go. I do not suppose Levi’s sailors and Seraphina will wait on you much longer.”

  “It is a long walk to reach the sea. I do not imagine the cart will be much faster. So, yes, we must be going, as soon as she is ready to leave.”

  Yosef sighed. “As far as anything else goes, we shall see. You know my mind on this, Miriam. Travel safely.”

  “I do know your mind on this, Yosef. I can only pray you will find it in your heart to be a father to this child of prophesy. But even if you cannot, I must trust the Strong One will provide for and protect his Moshiach from all harm. This child has a destiny to lead Yisra’el.”

  He shook his head, dismissing her comments, “I will not be moved.”

  Not knowing what else to say, she said, “Shalom, Yosef. May the Holy One be merciful to you until we meet again.”

  He said nothing as she walked towards the village, but she could almost feel his eyes on her until she was out of his sight. Or maybe that’s only what she wanted to believe. But she did not, would not, look back to see if he was still looking at her.

  Chapter Four

  Miriam had never traveled by boat before this trip. Yet, the seas seemed relatively calm and the winds favorable, allowing an easy trip.

  Seraphina had insisted Miriam stay the night at Ruth’s, Seraphina’s daughter’s, house, because they had arrived there at sundown. The next morning, soon after saying her morning prayers, Miriam set off, driven in a cart by one of Ruth’s many serving women. She would have walked, but Ruth wouldn’t hear of it.

  Less than an hour’s time later, Miriam stood before the large house belonging to her relatives. She’d never been here before, but the place was exactly as it had been described to her. She drew a deep breath and said a silent prayer before knocking at the door.

  A middle aged woman, Zisel, who had served Elisheva for longer than Miriam had been alive, answered the door.

  “Miriam?” the maid asked, in clear surprise and delight. Zisel had come to Yerushalayim many times with Elisheva during Zechariah’s service rotations in the Temple and for Pesach, Passover. “What are you doing here, of all places?”

  “Would you tell Elisheva I have come all the way from Natsarat to see her, Zisel?”

  “My mistress sees no one, young Miriam. I’m sorry.”

  “It has been a very long journey to reach her. Please, tell her I am here.”

  “I am sorry, Miriam. You can’t know how sorry I am. I have orders she isn’t to be disturbed. She’s not seeing anyone, at all,” the servant said. “She’s not been out of the house, except to go into her garden, for six months. She’s out there now.”

  “That’s one of the reasons I’ve come. She needs her family with her,” Miriam said. “For her sake, will you let me inside? If she doesn’t want to see me, I will leave. But this needs to be her decision. I have come only to be with her, to aid her, at this difficult time. I have come because an angel came to me, telling me of her pregnancy.”

  The servant looked stunned, then nodded and smiled. “She might be angry at me. But I think you are right about her needing family, especially now. So, please come inside. Are you thirsty?”

  “Yes. I am. But let me get my things from the cart, first.”

  “I will help you with your things.”

  A few moments later, Miriam’s bundles of wool yarn and her small bundle of clothing were unloaded and brought into the house. The maid offered, “I drew some cool water from the well a few moments ago. Come, have a drink, before you go out to her. Zechariah is there as well, in the garden. As usual, he is reading the Prophets. I’ve never seen such a man for study as is he. I suspect he owns more books than any other man in the whole of Yudea.”

  Miriam smiled, hearing the pride in the servant’s voice, as she followed the woman out of the entryway and into the back of the house. It had always been clear this servant of her relatives was more than merely fond of them.

  She drank the cup of cool water the servant had given her. “Than
k you, Zisel. You said Elisheva was out in the garden?” Miriam asked.

  “Probably, she is just outside her bedchamber, under the shade of the colonnade. She likes to work there this time of the day. She’s been weaving linen for the baby during the last few days.”

  Miriam stepped out the back door and found the house was a square frame built about a central courtyard. A covered porch lined each section of the house, making an inner frame with the garden being the displayed picture. She’d never seen anything quite so lovely. It was precisely as Elisheva had described it to her. There was a stone well in the middle of the garden. The whole thing was cool and green and peaceful. She could see why this was Elisheva’s favorite place.

  “Elisheva,” she called out. “It’s Miriam, Anna’s daughter, will you see me?”

  Elisheva rose from her loom, and came rapidly towards her. The pregnancy of her elderly kinswoman could hardly be more noticeable. Then again, Gavriel said Elisheva was six months gone. At this stage of pregnancy, the child should be quite apparent.

  The older woman exclaimed in a joyful voice, “Miriam! Blessed are you among women! Blessed is the child you shall bear! Why am I so favored that the mother of my Lord should come to me? For as soon as I heard your voice, the child leapt for joy within my womb. Blessed is she that believed, because the things told her of Adonai shall come to pass.”

  This greeting took Miriam’s breath away and brought tears of joy to her eyes. In spite of Yosef’s assertion, she hadn’t imagined any of this, it hadn’t been a lie of an evil spirit pretending to be a holy angel. It had been true. And Elisheva had been told about it as well, given this greeting. If this had been true about Elisheva, then what he said about her was true as well.

  The child in Elisheva’s womb leapt? What could this mean?

  Miriam found herself firmly within in the arms of her kinswoman. Elisheva kissed her on both cheeks before stepping back.

  Miriam, overcome with joy, found herself singing, “My soul magnifies Adonai. My spirit rejoices in Elohim, my Savior. He has regarded the lowliness of His handmaiden; for all generations henceforth shall call me blessed, because He that is mighty has done great things for me. Holy is His name. His mercy is on those who fear Him from generation to generation. He has showed strength with His arm. He has scattered the proud in the imagination of their hearts. He has put down the mighty from their seats and has exalted the humble. He has filled the hungry with good things, and the rich He has sent away empty. He has helped His servant Yisra’el, remembering the mercy He promised to Avraham and his seed forever, even as He said to our forefathers.”

  “Amein,” Elisheva agreed. “Now, come, dear Miriam, sit and tell me everything about this. I’d imagine you have quite a tale to tell me.”

  Zechariah stopped just short of them.

  Miriam walked over to him. “The angel Gavriel came to me with amazing news, Zechariah.”

  Zechariah nodded. He touched his chest as to indicate he, too, had a similar experience.

  “Did you lose your ability to speak because of your own encounter with Gavriel?” Miriam asked.

  Zechariah nodded.

  “Will you get your speech back?” Miriam asked.

  Again, he nodded.

  “When?”

  He touched his wife’s stomach and held his arms as though he were holding a baby.

  “Ah. Not until after your son is born,” Miriam said.

  Zechariah nodded, once more.

  “You were reading. I do not wish to disturb you,” she offered.

  He picked up a stone tablet from a nearby shelf and wrote using a rough hunk of chalk, “You could never be a disturbance. You’ve come a long way. Will you please stay for a long visit?”

  “Of course. You may get tired of having me about,” Miriam replied. “The ship on which I came won’t be back for three months.”

  He took a rag and wiped away his earlier words from the slate. Then he wrote, “You are welcome to stay as long as you want, or need, to stay with us. You are family. Whatever we have is yours, if you need it.”

  Miriam blinked back tears. “Thank you. You can’t know what this means to me, especially now.”

  Again he wiped the words from the dark stone tablet. He hesitated, then wrote, “The prophet Yisayahu foretold the Moshiach would be born of a betulah. Is this what Gavriel told you about yourself?”

  “Yes,” Miriam answered without hesitation, amazed at this confirmation from the prophets. “I’d not heard that prophecy, until now. Is it something I should have known?”

  He erased the words from the stone. “I’ve had some time to think, lately,” he wrote. “HaShem gave us two eyes, two ears, and only one mouth. Not being able to speak has given me more time for using my eyes and ears to see and to listen to what He wants to teach a stubborn, prideful, old man.”

  Miriam nodded. “There is great wisdom in listening and watching more than speaking, Zechariah. I know few men who love Avinu Malkeinu more than you do. So, please, do not call yourself unjust names. Lashon Ha’ra,” the rules against evil speech, “applies even to oneself, as you, yourself, taught me.”

  He smiled at her as he wiped the stone clean. “Indeed it does. How does Yosef deal with this angelic message, or have you told him?” Zechariah wrote on the stone tablet.

  “Of course, I told him! Do you think I keep secrets from my husband?” Miriam replied, her tone a bit sharper than she had intended. “Forgive me, Zechariah, I do not mean to sound shrewish. This is simply a very strange time for me.”

  “Of course it is,” Elisheva allowed, her tone incredibly kind, so kind that Miriam had to blink back tears. “I can only begin to imagine the strain of all this upon you. Now, tell us how Yosef reacted to the news.”

  Miriam sighed heavily. “Not well at all. He accuses me of immorality. And he threatens to divorce me, quietly, calling the child ‘mamzer’. For all I know, he’s had the get already written. It has taken several days to reach you.”

  “Surely he would not divorce you. He is a good man, Miriam,” Elisheva dismissed. “Zechariah would not have wed you to any but a good man.”

  “I know Yosef is a good man. Divorce is the least of what he could do to me, and you know this. He could have me stoned, if he honestly believes me to be immoral. He has spoken of it. He holds he is being merciful to me in quietly putting our marriage aside. In all honesty, you have to admit this story is so far outside of the normal way life happens that it is difficult to accept on the face of it.”

  “Divorce would be more merciful than murder, yes. But, if he has the get written, he would have to pay the sum agreed to in the ketubah for your support. Has he that kind of money, particularly when he must now provide wedding feasts for his daughters?” Elisheva asked.

  “I do not know. And frankly, I do not care. I can earn my own bread.”

  Elisheva sighed. “If you have any suspicion at all he will attempt to have you stoned, you must stay here and never return to Natsarat.”

  “I’m trying to trust Avinu Malkeinu knows what He is doing and He will let all of this work out for the best, whatever the future holds. It makes no sense for Gavriel to be sent to me with this announcement and then either for me to be stoned to death before it can come about, or to have this child be labeled as a ‘mamzer’, the child’s future leadership of Yisra’el put in jeopardy. Adonai does not waste His own time and the efforts of His angels. He will bring this about for good. I have to trust His wisdom and His will.”

  Zechariah nodded. After erasing the tablet once more, he wrote, “That’s the Miriam we know and love. You always did have great faith in Kadosh Yisra’el” the Holy One of Israel. “Come now, sit. You must be very tired after your journey. I’ll leave you and my Elisheva to talk.”

  Just before sunset, having set up a loom for herself underneath the shelter of the colonnade, near Elisheva’s own loom, Miriam sat pondering what she would say if she wrote Yosef a letter about today.

  What could she te
ll him? “I have arrived. The news we had of Elisheva, that she is with child, that Zechariah lost his ability to speak after an angelic visitation, all of this is true. I suspect, but cannot yet prove, the rest of this is true as well. I need to know what your mind is on this, Yosef. Your loving and honest wife, Miriam.”

  Oh, yes, that was a charming way of telling him all of this. It would be a real way to induce him to change his mind about divorcing her.

  She sighed heavily. Even if she had the words to tell him of the depth of her emotions, how jumbled up she felt inside to be part of this great thing Adonai was bringing about, anything put in a letter lost all pretense to privacy. Anyone could read it along the way, seals, or no seals. The least said about the angelic visitation and what that meant, the better, the safer, for the child she was to bear.

  Beyond, what to say, there was the matter of how such a letter would be delivered to him. The Romans had a system of mail couriers, but that was largely limited to their military and governors. It wasn’t like there were vast numbers of people going between here and Natsarat. Had there been any sort of travel between here and there, word about Elisheva would have reached her easily, without the aid of an angel.

  Yosef had complained she spoke of the child as though he were real. Well, given that the word of the angel was real in regards to Elisheva, given Elisheva’s greeting of her, given Zechariah’s question about a virgin birth of the Moshiach, what else was she to believe other than that this child was real, very real.

  She placed a hand on her stomach and said a silent blessing on the child, the blessing with which the priests had been instructed to bless the children of Yisra’el, “Yevarekheka Adonai veyishmerkha,” May the Lord bless you and keep you, “ya’eir Adonai panav eleykha vichunekha,” the Lord make His face to shine upon you and be gracious unto you, “yissa Adonai panav eleykha, v’yiseim lekha shalom”, turn His face to you and give peace to you.