Shadow Soul

by R. Michael Card

  And she smiled at him.

  He couldn’t be happier.

  21

  Jais couldn’t get the image out of his head. He didn’t know why Volf kissing Caerwyn bothered him so much. It wasn’t like he had any special relationship with her. Yet that scene kept playing in his mind, and the more he thought about it the surlier he became.

  Elria had pulled him aside only for a moment to say she’d speak with him soon. He’d hurried to catch up to Caerwyn and Volf only to see them… together.

  The image grated on his mind. It didn’t seem right. She hardly knew the man!

  Though some part of him refuted that thought: she’s known him longer than she knew you when she proposed having a child with you.

  Barami had caught up to him soon after and they’d all returned to the guesthouse where he and Barami had been asked to wait that first night. Had it just been last night? It seemed like so long ago.

  He didn’t want to be around the others right now, though.

  He left them and marched out the far end of the longhouse. Twenty paces away, the wooden palisade dominated his view. On the other side of it, was a wall of mountains. Their gray sides reached high up to snowcapped peaks. It seemed like he was trapped by that wall and those mountains, and everything in his life.

  He wanted to hit something, but everything he looked at seemed too fragile. This was the problem with having extraordinary strength, you couldn’t take your frustrations out on anything without breaking it.

  “Jais?”

  He spun with harsh words on his lips. He was going to tell whoever it was to go away, that he wanted to be alone, but then he saw who it was.

  Elria emerged from the longhouse. “Your friends said that, find you out here, I would. You seem upset. Are you well?”

  She was beautiful and concerned and he didn’t know why but right now, he wanted nothing more than to kiss her — with Caerwyn watching.

  “I don’t…” He just shook his head. Words were hard. His emotions were boiling within him and he didn’t know what he wanted… who he wanted. “I thought I wanted to be alone.” But the thought of her with him, comforted him. She was the one person who could comfort him. “I’m just so tired and I don’t know… I can’t…” He clenched a hand into a fist. Why couldn’t he say anything that made sense?

  She took a step in and laid a soft hand on his cheek.

  Instantly, he felt a soothing warmth fill him from where her hand lay. He watched her grow wearier just with that little expenditure of energy.

  He reached up and pulled her hand away. “Don’t, please,” he whispered. “I can’t bear to see you suffer.”

  Where had those words come from?

  He saw in her eyes the same concern for him that he felt for her. “I cannot bear to see you suffer either.” Her tone was soft, voice low and husky. She stepped in and was suddenly very close. His hand was in hers. He wanted this, to be near her.

  He’d only ever been physically intimate with one woman, Alnia. She had died soon after, helping to save their village from krolls. He’d had only one night with her, one glorious night. Thinking of that now, with Elria overlaid in Alnia’s place he felt his heart quicken.

  She drew closer still, body pressing against his, lips coming to his. He accepted her advance and didn’t move away. He wanted her closer.

  The kiss was tender and inviting. It drew itself out in a series of brushing meetings of their lips, each growing deeper than the last until he pulled her tight to him, arms around her, and hers around him.

  They stayed that way for a long moment before coming away breathless. They didn’t separate far though. Jais kept her close, still in his arms. Their faces remained perilously near, tempting.

  But his heart was still so confused.

  “I don’t know what I want,” he whispered.

  “I do,” was her quiet response. She brought a hand up to the back of his head, tangling in his hair, before urging it forward, back to hers. She was making it clear to him what she wanted. Very clear indeed.

  And he was starting to want her just as much.

  When her lips finally pulled away, still so soft and sweet, she whispered again, “I must prepare for tomorrow, but I’ll come to you tonight.” It wasn’t a question, and he didn’t need to respond. He was certain she could feel his heart beating through his chest and that was response enough.

  It still took her several long moments to pull herself away, the look in her eyes hungry. He was captivated by that look. Suddenly he couldn’t wait for the evening. He pulled her back into a passionate kiss before letting her go.

  She smiled, breathless, and turned away. But only a few steps away she looked back. The intensity of desire in her eyes filled a hole in him he hadn’t known was empty.

  She was padding away on the soft grasses and he watched her go for as long as he could.

  Tonight.

  He smiled.

  “What are you doing, boy?” It was a harsh whisper from behind him, and he spun around flushing suddenly.

  Barami stalked out of the longhouse. “What was that?” He was keeping his voice low. “I thought— Didn’t you and Caerwyn…? Did you two talk?” The man seemed confused and angry and gave an exasperated shrug. “And now you’re off making plans with another woman?”

  At Caerwyn’s name Jais’ mood turned, spiraling down from the heights he’d reached moments before.

  “Caerwyn has her own lover now!” he hissed. “She and Volf seemed to have bonded quite well yesterday. They were being quite friendly just now.”

  Barami tried to speak, but Jais’ emotions had found a release and he spewed forth all his pent-up frustration and confusion before the other man could get a word in. “The only thing that Caer and I had was an agreement that if she found no other drahksani, then perhaps, maybe I would help get her with child. You know her better than I do, she doesn’t want a man in her life. She doesn’t want me. She pushed you away too. She doesn’t need anyone. She’s a strong woman. That’s great, but it means she’ll never feel for me how I feel for her.” Realizing what he’d just said he amended it quickly. “Felt for her — if I felt anything. So why shouldn’t I have a relationship that means something? With another woman who actually cares for me. Who wants me for more than just getting with child. Who wants me for me?” His voice had gotten quite loud and he hushed it instantly.

  Barami opened his mouth, but Jais pushed on.

  “You can’t tell me you don’t understand. I know you’ve wanted her since you first met her too. She’s intoxicating like that.” And she was. Jais knew that much. She was strong and certain and just drew others to her. “But we both know she can’t give us what we really want. So, what do we have left to us, but to find another. You and Hildr seem to have hit it off well. Why can’t I find some peace in the arms of a woman who wants me?”

  “You owe Caer—”

  “For what? For dragging me away from my life? For saving me from krolls? I think we all did enough saving of each other to be even on that score. I don’t owe her anything!”

  His fist was clenched, and he was shaking it, but he would never raise it against Barami. He couldn’t stay here any longer, though, or he just might try. He turned and stalked away. He needed air, he needed to be away from the confines of this village. It was still early morning and there would be a lot of day to pass before tonight and Elria. Right now, he didn’t want to be anywhere near his friends.

  He headed for the gate to leave the village. There was an increased presence of guards at the gate, which was closed. Men stood on the tops of the longhouses all over as well. They were tense for an attack.

  He asked to be let out.

  The men hummed and hawed, until Hildr passed by and told them it was well to let him leave for a bit.

  Jais then stalked down the hill to the river.

  He stopped to drink, but then still felt too restless and kept moving.

  For the entire morning and a good part of the
afternoon, he wandered the hills around the village, always keeping it in sight so he’d know which way to go back. His anger and emotions had settled in that time, but he was still confused. He didn’t know what he felt for Caerwyn or Elria. He knew only that one of them wanted him and the other didn’t, and right now that want was enough for him. It was more than enough.

  As the afternoon waned, he turned back to the village.

  A shadow separated itself from a copse of trees and became a man who stood in his path. Jais knew this man well enough.

  He reached for swords… that weren’t there. In all his bluster, he’d left without his weapons!

  “You,” Jais said, fists up, ready for a fight.

  “Indeed,” the dragon hunter said softly.

  22

  Barami watched Caerwyn pacing.

  “Where is he?” It wasn’t the first time Caerwyn had asked the question, nor was the aggravation mixed with worry in her voice a new thing.

  They were in their longhouse, packed and ready for their trek up into the mountains. It was the twilight before dawn and they would be leaving shortly.

  Barami shook his head slowly and muttered to himself, “Stupid selfish boy.” Yet he couldn’t help but feel a pang of guilt at Jais’ absence. He didn’t think he’d been overly hard on the boy yesterday. He’d said what needed to be said. But after their talk, Barami had recalled being young and how every rebuke from an adult felt like it was telling you how to live your life. And yes, Barami had been telling him what to do, but he’d thought it only common sense. What he hadn’t banked on were those same overly excited emotions of youth. The boy was infatuated, and his emotions were out of control. Barami didn’t think that was enough to make the young man disappear. He could understand a bit of a tantrum, but not returning for nearly a full day, that didn’t seem right.

  In truth, he was growing worried as well.

  But there was no time to search for the boy now.

  The Dronnegir woman, Elria seemed in a similar state to Caerwyn, anxious and concerned, but a little annoyed as well. Barami had caught some of her conversation with Jais yesterday, namely the part about meeting that evening. He guessed that hadn’t happened and she was both aggravated and confused.

  If anything, it was this which concerned Barami the most. Jais might have run off in a huff to spite his friends, but he shouldn’t have missed his triste with the Dronnegir woman. That was truly worrying.

  Elria spoke up. “Go to find him, I will.”

  “No, you’ll stay here,” Hildr said as she entered the longhouse. The woman was bedecked in armor and ready for travel with a pack on her back. “Our fathers decreed it unsafe to venture beyond the tor. They be concerned about those attackers. No scouts have seen them. The council knows not where the foes may be nor what they plan. If the enemy finds a group beyond the wall—” She wet her lips nervously. “None might survive long against such magics. You be the only group allowed to leave.” Hildr sighed and her gaze slipped to Barami. After a steadying breath she spoke again, slower, carefully. “I think my father would be glad if you and your friends were attacked. That would rid him of a great burden. So, I said I would go. Now he will be praying for the gods to save us, not kill you.”

  “A healer you may need, I will come too.” Elria had already brought her pack. Barami was now uncertain whether the young woman had permission to do so.

  Hildr shrugged. “Then both of our fathers will be praying for safe travels.”

  “My father will not be going?”

  Hildr shook her head. “No. It was considered unwise for the Thunegir to leave; so the council decreed. They wish none of our kind to travel beyond the walls. They gave leave for a single guide, but since I am going, they will not send even that.”

  Caerwyn sounded a little annoyed and aggravated when she spoke. “This is some hospitality your father is showing us. I thought part of your duty was to guard the dragon. Should you not be out hunting that wizard and—”

  Barami thought he knew her well enough to finish her thought: ‘finding Jais,’

  Hildr’s shoulder’s fell. “Protected the dragon we have, for thousands of years, mostly by virtue of its secrecy. We have never had to face such magic as this. I agree, we must fight the villains, but my father… be scared. We lost nearly two dozen of our kind fighting that wizard in our own village. He fears that any party he sends, will not return, and further lower our numbers. Despite the Dronnengyfr, it seems we are no match for such a man.”

  Barami quirked a brow at the new word. “Dronnengyfr?”

  “Dragon boons,” Elria said, though she didn’t elaborate.

  “Ah.” Barami wouldn’t push. It explained the healing and perhaps also why they fought like demons which was enough to know.

  “So, are we leaving without Jais?” Volf said. He too seemed concerned. Jais’ disappearance had affected them all.

  Elria squirmed. “Perhaps, look for him, I should? Know the trails, I do, we could catch you up.”

  A stern look from Hildr quelled the younger woman. “No. The Thunegir would not forgive me for letting you go alone.”

  “Take care of myself, I can!”

  “Against that wizard? I think not.”

  Elria fidgeted, perhaps trying to come up with some other argument. Barami was about to offer to escort her, his guilt biting him a little harder at that moment. Before he could, Hildr proclaimed: “We go together, or we wait together. But I will not let any out to search. It be too dangerous. So, what will it be?”

  “You can’t keep me here!” Caer had her hackles up, ready for a fight.

  Hildr looked over, assessing Caerwyn calmly. Right now, it certainly seemed like the tall Dronnegir woman was in control. “Interesting it might be, to try. Few here have challenged me in a long time.” Hildr sighed, relenting. “But you be right. I will not keep you here. The choice be yours: come with us now or leave and look for your friend. But if you go, I know not how willing my father might be to have another take you to the dragon. The season of storms be almost upon us. Soon the passes will be closed up into the mountains. Today be clear, but who can say what tomorrow will bring. The choice, as I said, is yours.”

  Caerwyn was trembling with a barely restrained fury at the choice before her. Barami had seen it a few times before in her. It was not in her character to be so distraught, but neither was it in her character to not get what she wanted.

  “I’ll stay and wait for Jais,” Elria said softly, nodding to herself. “If he— when he returns I will follow you all.”

  Hildr nodded at that.

  Caerwyn deflated a little. “That… works for me.”

  Hildr was all business. “Are we set?”

  It didn’t seem like anyone was happy, but they had little they could do about it now. Everyone muttered their agreement and picked up their equipment.

  “This way, follow me.” Hildr turned and led them out of the longhouse. Elria followed them as far as the doorway.

  Barami certainly hoped Jais returned soon.

  Jais could only shake his head.

  He thought he was confused and uncertain about his life, but that was nothing compared to the man who’d captured him. He’d been forced to sit and listen to the man talk through the evening, and certainly, the dragon hunter had a rather fantastical story to tell, but Jais wasn’t sure if he believed any of it.

  And if he did, he had no clue what to do about it.

  The dragon hunter was gone now. He had been since Jais had woken just a short while ago as the first rays of light had been cast upon his eyes. The sun was above the peaks to the east.

  Jais had not slept well. He was tied to a tree, his hands manacled on the other side of the trunk with thick rope binding his torso to the tree as well. He was certain that had he been at full strength he could have broken out of these bonds, but he was drained. He still hadn’t recovered from the massive amount of healing he’d done the night before. Nor from the trial he’d undergone. Also,
he hadn’t eaten anything the previous day, a fault he was regretting now. Well, he’d had a little food, provided by the dragon hunter. The man had shared a meal with him while he talked. But between two nights of poor sleep, not enough food and being generally weary, he hadn’t been able to resist much when the man had found him yesterday, nor could he free himself now.

  He tried to break his bonds once again, just to be certain. He felt the metal of the manacles bite into his wrists as he tried to pull them apart, break the chain holding them together, while muscles all over his torso strained to burst the ropes around him. He should have been able to break these bonds, but… He succeeded only in winding himself and causing more pain. He used a bit of healing to soothe his wrists, but that only weakened him further.

  He gave up and sighed heavily.

  He wondered what the others were doing. Were they searching for him or perhaps they thought he’d just left in a huff and were on their way to see the dragon. He couldn’t imagine them leaving without him. He had to assure himself that Barami’s tracking skills would lead them to him soon enough.

  Until then, perhaps he’d humor this dragon hunter.

  He had to give the man a little credit. For a start… Jais wasn’t dead. The man had caught him unawares without his weapons. Their first fight had not gone well for Jais and the man could probably easily have bested him — as much as Jais wanted to believe he could beat the man. Instead, he’d only restrained him here and asked him to listen. Then there was his wild story.

  “I don’t know who I am,” the man had said. “I think I’m drahksan, which… I don’t know what that means. Have I been hunting and killing my own kind all my life?”

  The man, Gosse, had seemed genuinely remorseful.

  “Can you sense me?” Gosse had asked. “Drahksan can sense each other, can they not? Are you able to tell if I’m drahksan? If you can, then, I don’t know what I’d do, but if you can’t then the others must have been wrong or lying or something.”