by Liz Isaacson
Dave still thought they had plenty to work out and discuss, but he was enjoying the reduced tension between them. And the pulled pork. And that bread…. “This is so good,” he said.
Sissy giggled and nodded as she took another bite of her bread. After she swallowed, she said, “We should go tell Janis how much we liked it after lunch.”
Dave had a few other ideas for things they could do after lunch too, but he just smiled and agreed. The conversation turned easy after that, and Dave ate a lot and laughed loudly. After they finished, he did get his kiss and then they walked hand-in-hand down the street to thank Janis for the best bread he’d ever eaten.
May passed quickly, with multiple days of record heat, horseback rides, dinners at Sissy’s, and kissing.
Dave liked how this relationship was going, and while he wasn’t ready for diamonds or diapers yet, he could see himself getting there fairly quickly if he could let go of his fear and accept the full sphere of forgiveness.
He liked eating lunch with Sissy and holding her hand during church. He liked walking with her in the evening, though it was like the devil had decided to heat the Earth himself. Stella waddled along with them as far as she could, and then she laid down in a patch of shade somewhere and waited for them to come back.
Summer had officially arrived, and he spent a week shearing the llamas under his care. He sold the wool to his contact in Santa Monica and presented Scarlett with the wad of cash.
“You keep it, Dave,” she said without even getting up from the dining room table. Dave stood there, staring at her. She’d never let him keep the llama wool money before.
“Why?” he asked.
Scarlett shook her head, tears splashing her cheeks. Dave glanced around, expecting Hudson to appear and make everything all right.
“What’s wrong?” he asked. “Where’s Hudson?”
“He went to see his mother.” Scarlett wiped her face. “I’m so sorry, Dave. I’m just—we found out I can’t have kids.” Fresh tears leaked down her face, and she shook her head again. “It’s okay. Hudson will be home soon.”
Dave didn’t know what to do. He glanced to the front door and back to Scarlett. “Should I have Sissy come over?”
“No,” Scarlett said with conviction. “No, I don’t want a pity party.”
“It wouldn’t be—”
She glared at him and shook her head so forcefully that Dave stopped talking. He couldn’t just walk out, so he strode past the table and leaned down and hugged her. He probably smelled bad from sweating in the sun, but Scarlett hung onto his shoulders and cried.
Dave’s heart ached and ached, and he wished there was something he could do. The only thing that came to mind was to pray, so he did that.
He had the distinct impression that he shouldn’t leave Scarlett here alone, and if she didn’t want Sissy, she’d be stuck with him. He pulled out the chair kitty corner from her, and sat down.
Maybe if he got her talking, she’d stop crying. Dave had experienced his fair share of weeping women in the past, and it was hard for him every time. He didn’t like seeing people hurt, and he wanted to help in any way he could.
“What’s Hudson doing at his mother’s? Don’t they own a boarding stable?”
“Yes.” Scarlett took a big breath and nodded, wiping her eyes. “She said she has an oil or something to help me feel better.”
Dave wanted to scoff, but he held it back. “You sound doubtful.”
“There isn’t a water, or an oil, or a pill that can make me younger,” she said. She glanced at Dave. “It’s fine, honestly. Jeri and Sawyer adopted. If Hudson and I want children, there are ways we can be parents.”
Dave covered Scarlett’s hand with his. “You’d be great parents.”
“Thank you, Dave.” She flashed him a sad smile, and Dave couldn’t quite comprehend how she was feeling. Sure, he wanted to be a dad too, but he knew it was different for women.
“I feel like a failure,” Scarlett said.
“Scarlett,” he said. “That’s not true.”
“I know it’s not.” She tapped her temple. “Up here.” She put one palm over her heart. “But down here, I feel like I’m malfunctioning.”
A steady of stream of sympathy filled him, but he had no idea what to say. “Where’s Adele?” he asked.
“I can’t be around her right now,” Scarlett said, fresh tears appearing. “I know that makes me a bad person. I’m trying. I’ve prayed not to be so jealous of her. It’s just so hard right now.”
“Of course it is,” Dave said, deciding he just needed to talk. “Did you know Sissy and I were engaged once?”
Her eyes flew to his. “No.”
“Well, we were. A long, long time ago. Feels like a lifetime ago.” He chuckled, though he didn’t like laughing about this situation. “When I saw her here on the ranch, I almost quit.”
“I’m sorry,” Scarlett said. “I didn’t know.”
“Wasn’t your fault. And I loved this ranch, so I stayed. I started dating everyone except Sissy, hoping I’d find someone else. Hoping she’d get jealous and realize how much she missed me.” He shook his head at his own stupidity. “None of that worked.”
“You’re seeing her now, though.”
Dave thought of the kisses they’d shared, the history they’d told to each other, how wonderful the past month had been. “I am. But it’s still not all roses and chocolates. I’m…working on forgiving her.”
Scarlett’s eyebrows went up, but at least her tears had dried up.
“She was so hard for me to be around,” he said. “Honestly, sometimes she still is. I want to shake her and ask her why she broke up with me all those years ago. I want to ask her if all of her trips and hiking and ziplining and experiences were worth it.” He didn’t like the bitterness in his voice. Didn’t like the swirling, furious emotions in his gut. He forced a laugh out of his mouth. “I guess it’s not the same as you and Adele.”
She squeezed his hand. “It’s close enough.” She cocked her head. “You’re in love with Sissy.”
“No,” he said. “No, I’m not.” Not yet.
“Maybe when you let go of that last little bit of anger and hurt, then.” Scarlett gave him a watery smile.
“Maybe,” Dave said, leaning closer. “Do you know how I can do that?”
The front door opened, and Hudson walked in. His eyes were anxious as he immediately looked toward the dining room. He strode that way, and Scarlett squeezed Dave’s hand one more time and got up to hug her husband.
“Dave,” Hudson said. “Thanks for watching over her for me.” He slung his arm around Scarlett and bent his head toward her as they walked out of the dining room.
Dave stayed for a few minutes, enjoying the air conditioning before he had to go back outside. Scarlett hadn’t answered him, and he suspected she didn’t know how he could let go of that anger and hurt.
He suspected it was probably different for every person. “Help me,” he whispered to the ceiling, and then he headed over to Piggy Paradise, where the sheep had been gathered for shearing.
He held them while Gray and Ames got the wool off, glancing away when they nicked a sheep and blood appeared. He wasn’t particularly squeamish, but his heart felt extra large that day, and he wasn’t sure he could handle any animal suffering needlessly.
Dirty, tired, and sweating, he finally finished for the day. His phone sat in the barn, and he grabbed it on his way out. Sissy had texted several times.
Dinner at my place tonight?
You must be busy.
Watching you wrangle those sheep is super sexy.
Call me when you’re done.
He smiled at her messages, and he definitely wanted her beside him after a day like today. So he called her, hoping she’d make that chicken cordon bleu lasagna if he asked.
Chapter 13
Sissy took off the green tank top she’d put on an hour ago, suddenly unsure about it. Dave would be here any minute, and she h
ad no idea what to wear.
She wasn’t sure why she was so nervous to have him come for dinner. They’d seen each other every day for months, and he probably wouldn’t have any clue that she’d worn the same tank top to lunch with him a few weekends ago.
But Sissy knew.
She’d just slid the meal he’d requested into the oven five minutes ago, and now she needed a new shirt. The doorbell rang, and she dashed over to the bedroom door and closed it.
Dave would just come in. He never waited for her to answer the door, and sure enough, his voice called, “Sissy?”
“Be right out,” she yelled over her shoulder before ducking back into the tiny walk-in closet. She hadn’t realized she wanted one that would hold three dozen pairs of shoes, all her clothes, and all of Dave’s too—until she’d babysat for Jeri and Sawyer.
They seemed to have everything she now wanted and hadn’t even known it. Even this house was too small for her now.
She wasn’t sure what that said about her. She’d lived in a tent for weeks in Chile, and she’d given up her apartment for a three-month walkabout in Europe. Her home had never meant all that much to her.
She’d blazed her own way in the world, but now…. Now she wanted some stability. She wanted someone to come home to.
Knocking sounded on her door, and she realized she’d slipped into her own thoughts. She grabbed a light blue sweater and pulled it over her head. She hurried over to the door and yanked it open. Too late, she realized it was a cropped sweater, and the waistband of her jeans and a strip of her stomach was clearly visible.
Dave stared at the spot, reaching for her a moment later. “You look great.” He kissed her, his hands electric on the bare skin of her back. She’d kissed him like this before, but it somehow felt different, and she ducked her head a moment later.
“Dinner will be a while,” she said. “I just got it in the oven a few minutes ago.”
“No problem.” He grinned at her easily, sobering quickly. “You okay in here?”
“I’m still deciding on my wardrobe.” She felt like the sweater belonged on a much younger woman, who wasn’t carrying quite so many extra pounds. “I’ll be out in a minute.”
He backed up one step, then another. “Okay.” He turned and walked away, muttering something to himself under his breath.
Sissy wasn’t sure what that was about, but she closed the door and found a suitable replacement for the blue sweater. She couldn’t wear a sweater in June anyway, not even a crop-top one.
With a sensible, flowery pink blouse on, she went out to the kitchen and living area of the house. Dave had kicked off his boots and lay on the couch, fast asleep.
She giggled to herself and set about making a green salad to go with the cheesy, rich dish he’d wanted.
“Sissy?” he asked a moment later, his voice quiet and somewhat dozey.
“Yeah?”
“You want kids of your own, right?”
She glanced at him, wondering why he was bringing this up again. “Yes.”
“Scarlett can’t have kids.” He didn’t open his eyes.
Fear struck her right between her ribs—all of them. “What? How do you know that?”
“I took her the money from the llama wool this morning, and she was crying.”
“Oh, no.” Sissy stood very still in the kitchen, her knife hovering above the cucumber she’d been about to slice. Emotions and thoughts tumbled through her, and she didn’t know where to focus. What to say.
One thought became louder than the rest.
Scarlett is younger than you.
And she was. Sissy had been holding onto a false hope after reading the article about women having babies later and later in life. All she could do was stand there and watch everything she now wanted crash down around her. Despair gathered in the back of her throat, and she spun away from Dave’s prone form on the couch so he wouldn’t see.
Not that he was looking. For all she knew, he’d fallen back asleep again. A quick glance at the oven said she had forty-five minutes still before the lasagna would come out. She dropped the knife, grabbed her phone, and went right out the back door.
The air in the back yard was stifling. Suffocating. So dang hot. She sucked at it anyway, so many truths crashing into her at the same time.
She’d waited too long.
Been too prideful.
Sacrificed what really mattered most.
She collapsed into a heap on the back steps and cried, her phone gripped in her hand. She knew who she wanted to call. Knew the number.
Didn’t know how it would go.
She dialed her mother anyway.
The phone rang and rang, and just when Sissy was sure it would go to voicemail, her mom said, “Sissy?” with way too much shock in her voice.
“Hey, Mom,” she said, looking out over her green lawn. She knew it wouldn’t stay that way for long, that summer’s hot hand would take the roots and crush them.
“What’s going on? Are you okay?”
No, she wasn’t. “Yeah, I’m fine,” she said. “How are you? I’m thinking I might want to come visit.” The loan had gone through and the audit was completed. Last Chance Ranch had a lot of moving parts, sure. From animal adoptions to llama wool being sold, Sissy tracked every penny and every nickel.
But they could do without her for a few days. Or a week. She could fill in spreadsheets and generate reports when she got back.
“Jessie’s coming for the Fourth,” her mom said.
“I want it to just be us,” Sissy said. “Though I might come for the Fourth too, if that’s all right.” Or if this first visit went okay.
“You don’t sound fine,” her mom said, and Sissy’s first reaction was to ask her how she would even know. They hadn’t spoken in so long.
All at once, she realized how she felt about her mother was exactly how Dave felt about her.
Her heart wailed, and her first instinct was to run the way she had the first time she and Dave had broken up. Buy an airplane ticket. Pack a bag. Put all her troubles in the rear-view mirror and pray they’d be gone before she returned.
She squared her shoulders and braced herself. She would not be running again.
“I’m seeing someone,” Sissy said. “And I just want to talk to you about him.”
“I’m on the night shift until Thursday,” she said. “I have Friday and Sunday off, but I have to go in to the hospital on Saturday.”
“I’ll be there Thursday morning,” she said, her pulse doing a little jig at the thought of seeing and speaking to her mother after so long. “Thanks, Mom.”
“Bye, sweetie.”
The call ended, and Sissy gripped the phone in her fingers until they hurt. Everything hurt right now, and it seemed strange that it wasn’t even her own pain that had spurred it.
She heard something in the house behind her, and it could’ve been her cat. Or it could’ve been Dave, realizing he’d fallen asleep and that she’d fled the premises.
Employing her rapid texting techniques, she got her fingers moving and started rallying the troops by texting Clara, Kirsten, and Hailey.
Girls night needed. 911. Tomorrow night. My place. Involves my mother.
“What are you doing out here?” Dave asked, and Sissy spun back to him as her friends started responding.
“Just thinking,” she said.
“I fell asleep in there,” he said. “In like, two seconds.”
“I know, cowboy.” She tried to smile at him, but her emotions still felt like they’d been encased in gelatin. “Listen, I have some news.”
“Intriguing.” He yawned, and she wished she’d just ordered pizza. Then they could eat, and he could get on home to bed.
“I’m going to see my mother.”
That got him to look at her, curiosity dancing in his eyes. “Oh?”
“Thursday,” she said. “I’ll be gone for the weekend.”
“I’m not coming, I gather.”
She shook h
er head, wondering what that reunion would be like. “Not this time.”
“What made you decide that?” he asked.
She didn’t know what to say, how to explain to him that she hadn’t spoken to her mom much over the years since they’d broken up. Or how to explain the knotted feelings inside her. She’d thought she was ready for the next stage of her life: marriage and family.
Now she was realizing she had no idea how she’d deal with her life if she couldn’t have those things. And it was a very real possibility that she couldn’t.
So why perpetuate a relationship with Dave at all?
She hated that the question existed in her mind, and disliked even more that she didn’t have an answer for it.
“You must’ve felt like you need to go,” he finally said. “Is that it?”
“Yeah,” she said, seizing onto that very rational reason. “That’s it. I have some things I need to talk to her about.”
If Sissy could get all the darkness cleared out of her life, maybe she’d know which way to go. Armed with that plan, she went back inside with Dave where it was cool. They chatted and ate, and he never had to know she’d panicked about not having babies of her own.
The following evening, Kirsten arrived first carrying a vat of homemade guacamole and three bags of chips.
Sissy didn’t even exclaim that it was too many chips for four of them. She hadn’t eaten all day, and she was ready for this binge and spill session. The slow cooker behind her had queso dip in it, and while the cheese wasn’t technically organic, and she couldn’t pronounce any of the ingredients, she didn’t care.
It tasted good with chips, and she plucked one bag from Kirsten’s fingers as her friend walked past.
“Your mother?” Kirsten asked, because it was a rule they couldn’t ask questions on a 911 text. Just say yes or not if they could come and maybe express some sympathy.
