The Vapor

by Nathan Parks

  “The other night when we found Tori?”

  “Yeah.”

  “So, that night before we met her, she had a choice. She chose to go to what she thought was some kind of weird nightclub.”

  “Sure.”

  “So it was her choice to go. No one forced her. Yes, situations before that may have caused a hole in her heart that was looking for fulfillment. We each have those holes. We have that longing to be a part of something bigger and stronger than ourselves. I understand that more than anyone, but what we fill that with is our choice! Our response to that is our responsibility; the outcome of that response is something we then must take ownership of. To not do so is only accepting the part of free will and choice that benefits us.”

  “So, you are saying it is her fault that she now may have part of one of the vilest demonic beings trapped within her body?”

  She wanted to carefully choose her words. This was something with which she had struggled for so long herself: responsibility for the choices we make and understanding that we are also dealing with our choices colliding with the choices of others and the repercussion that must be faced . . . good or bad.

  “Her fault? Yes,” Serenity ventured.

  He could feel his blood rising inside. “Really? Her fault? Just that point blank?”

  She lifted her head from his shoulder. With her left hand she took his face and made him look at her. “Chad, fair? I never said that. Easy to swallow? I never said that. It is not even easy to understand.” She paused and took in a deep breath. “You caught on earlier that I had been here before, right?”

  He nodded. He had never seen her look so vulnerable and open as she did right now. He saw deep within her eyes a look that this beautiful warrior friend of his had never revealed. He felt a connection that reached out and touched the inner segments of his soul. Maybe it was the atmosphere of Eden, or maybe it was sitting beneath this tree; but whatever it was, he was seeing Serenity in a different, vulnerable light.

  Chapter Fifteen

  “I was Tori.”

  “Come again?” Chad questioned.

  “Before the Alliance, before med school, before all the self-defense classes—before all of it—I was a teenage girl who was alone. I was a young girl whose boyfriends used and threw away. I was a young teen who wanted to belong but whose parents were too busy and whom other girls bullied. I was the one who allowed boys to do what they wanted because they said they loved me and showed me attention. Eventually, I was a young girl who was called a whore.”

  Chad felt angry.

  “Yeah, you think that was part of my free will? No! Tell that to a young teenager, though. Tell that to a young girl whose family member told her that if she hadn’t looked so beautiful, he would have not had the feelings he had for her. Tell that to a teen girl who developed faster than a lot, and on whom all the boys in high school placed bets as to who could get her to sleep with them.”

  “Serenity, you don’t have to . . .”

  “No, I do, because there is a point to this; and it is something I want you to know about me. I want you to know where I was and why I am where I am today. I want you to see where Tori is and where I believe she could be.”

  He nodded for her to continue as he turned more to face her head on. He wanted to reach out and hold her hands; but he also knew that at this moment she just needed to be heard . . . nothing more, nothing less.

  “I had boyfriends who raped me more times than I can count. I became an angry teen girl. I began to believe that the only power I had was my sexuality. So, I used it! I used it to get whatever I wanted because men were all pigs in my book!”

  “No one could blame you for that feeling.”

  “Maybe,” she stated calmly, “but I was choosing to self-destruct. Did I choose what happened to me? No, I was a victim. No one had any right to do what they did to me; and yes, the mortal mind can only take so much in before it begins to self-destruct. Self-destruct is exactly what I did.”

  She took a deep breath and sat in silence for a moment as she collected her thoughts. Sitting once again within Eden brought so much flooding back to her.

  “So, where does this fit into free will? I don’t understand. You didn’t choose to have that happen.”

  “No. But, you see, yes . . . every choice we make ripples out to affect others, and we are affected by the choices made by others . . . but have you ever seen a ripple hit a rock in the middle of the pond?”

  He nodded.

  “What happens? Does the rock move? Does the rock create a new ripple?”

  “No, it stops the ripple.”

  “Exactly! You see I allowed the actions and choices of others to change me. I allowed them to infect me. Revenge was all I could desire, seek after, and embrace. I, in a way, became the very vile essence that had attacked me. No, I didn’t rape people; but my choices and desire for revenge on those who had treated me in whatever way they wished was destroying me and destroying others. I started sleeping with men whom I knew were married and worked at destroying their marriages. Why? Because I felt vindicated! I used men! Why? Because they had used me.”

  “Yet, in all of that, seeking revenge for the choices of others, you were choosing to continue the ripple; and nothing was resolved or satisfied. The guys from high school were still winning each day.”

  She smiled. “Now you're catching on!”

  “So, when did you discover you needed to be the rock and not the ripple?”

  She winked at him. “You are a fast learner! All those things I have said to Gideon about you, I take back.”

  “Uh-huh . . . I doubt it.”

  “So, I finally came to a point where I was gone. The hole in my spirit was swallowing me up. The darkness was bigger than anything I could imagine. I hated what I saw in the mirror. I hated who I was, but it was all I knew. I continued to blame everyone else. I blamed anyone and everyone I could, except for the one person who had the free will to continue to be the ripple or to be the rock.”

  “Yourself.”

  “Yes, myself,” she agreed as she nodded. “One night I was at that old club that Leah and they talk about, The Vortex.”

  “Yeah, I have heard them talk about it.”

  “It had become one of my regular hangouts. One night I was wasted! I don’t remember too much, but I remember this beautiful lady who was kind of standing in the shadows. She seemed to be watching me, and it kinda freaked me out.”

  “Why? Because it was a lady checking you out?” he laughed.

  “No, because it seemed she was calling to me . . . like in my head!”

  “Yeah, that would freak me out.”

  “So, I finally walked up to her and was about to confront her. Just when I went to say something, she spoke first. She called me by my name and asked if I was tired. I asked, ‘Tired of what? You checking me out?’ She smiled this most genuine and beautiful smile and said to me, ‘No.” Then she asked, “Are you tired of living excuses instead of living life?”

  “That’s pretty weird and deep.”

  “Well, those words hit me like a hot iron straight out of the fire onto bare skin. I couldn’t think. I couldn’t breathe. I felt like I was going to cry and break down. It was as if I had been waiting for someone to ask me those words all my life! All I could do was nod.

  She told me her name was Trinita and that she was there to show me what life was really about.”

  Chad’s expression changed quickly. “Wait! Trinita? Like Yara’s sister?”

  She nodded, “Yep, that would be her. One of the most amazing beings, caring beings, and loving beings I have ever met! That night I left with her and passed out in her SUV.”

  “Let me guess . . . you woke up here?”

  Serenity looked around as she smiled. “I had the same expression as Tori did when I first walked in. I can’t explain the feeling! I felt the same as she did! I felt I had walked into Heaven. It was as if every burden just fell from me as I walked in through those front doo
rs! The first time I saw this tree, . . .” she spoke, looking at the branches that glistened above her, “I fell to my knees and cried. I have no idea why! I just felt as if this tree was my freedom. I felt as if it breathed life into me.”

  “So what then? I mean, how did you go from the person you were to the person I know you are today?”

  “Gene and many others showed me that, in the compass of free will, we choose our response. Our response is our responsibility. My response to my parents’ never being there for me or to all the men and the situations of my life was my responsibility. What they had all done to me was not my fault, but my eventual response was my responsibility. I chose that if I was going to continue to be the victim, let them win.”

  “Be the ripple or the rock?”

  “Yes,” she nodded. “I fought it for so long. Society cripples us so much by desiring free will without helping us understand that we may deal with the repercussion of someone else’s free will; but I also have the free will to stand strong, to stand firm, and to rise above my circumstances! I was a victor, not a victim. I could allow those moments to define me or I could define my life by exercising my own free will and changing the course of it all!”

  “Just like Tori?”

  “That is why I wouldn’t give up and just let her go to the hospital and wash my hands of her. Leah may have just seen yet another mortal, but I saw . . .”

  “You saw yourself and the chance to change the course of the ripple in her life,” Chad interjected.

  She smiled.

  “I guess I can see it better now. Not easy, as you said but truly deep and true.”

  ◆◆◆

  Zarius sat on his motorcycle where the road turned into the lane that led to Eden. It had been too long. He wasn’t ready for that to change, either. He wanted nothing more than to be back at his ranch with his wife and let the world go to hell. He had almost been able to forget that he actually cared. What had caring done for him? No, the only thing that had ever really paid off was being considered dead, gone, vanished, and living with Tanisha.

  His phone began to buzz in his backpack. He pulled it off his back and sat it in front of him on the gas tank. He reached in and pulled out the phone, hoping it would be his wife. His hope sank when he realized it was not.

  He swiped to answer, “The last person I ever thought would use this number, and yet you did.”

  Zarius listened. He knew this conversation, just because it was happening, was not to catch up.

  “Yes, I understand. Are we sure we want to do this? If she sees me, she will know things that have been hidden for some time; and that could lead to more questions—questions to which I really don’t think answers need to be known right now.”

  He listened a little bit more. “Yes, I get that. Ok. Give me a little bit of time, and I will make sure it is done.”

  He hung up the phone, took another look at the driveway to Eden, fired up his motorcycle, and turned around and headed in the opposite direction.

  ◆◆◆

  Gabriel stood within the Hall of Heroes, gazing up at its new addition. She had never known Alfonso, but she knew that he had meant a lot to so many people, something he had proven in his life and even more in his death. It had been rumored that he was on the path to discovering a lot about prophecy and the future. Angels were not all-knowing, so even they didn’t know what the future held. They discovered it like everyone else: as it happened or through the interpretation of prophecy.

  “What secrets did you die with, Old Man? What are we up against? There is something we are missing, and I think you were on to it.”

  She ran her hand against the cold marble and closed her eyes. Her emotions had not fully recovered from the Council meeting: the outburst between Metatron and Michael involving Leah and Leah’s choice to walk the path of a Vapor. Tears moistened her eyes, and she leaned her forehead against the statue. She had always been strong. Ages upon ages had built walls of fortitude and strength within her being, but she was getting tired. She had considered walking away from it all, and now she was angry at herself for starting to harbor jealousy toward Leah for being able to do exactly that: walk away.

  She remembered before the War of the Serpents how everything just fit. Life was simple then—true and straightforward—and not full of conflicting ideas, requirements, and ideals. All of that had changed when Lucifer had attempted the overthrow of not only the Arch Council but also the whole authority concept within Scintillantes. From that time forward it had been a constant struggle, and the Fallens’ vileness had deepened and darkened. Some days it just felt that this was a losing battle that would never end.

  Approaching footsteps brought her back to reality, and she stood up and looked past the statue toward the entrance to the hall. She didn’t feel like talking to anyone right now. She just wanted time to figure out things and reset her mind.

  Metatron entered the hall and stopped as he saw her. “I’m sorry, Gabriel. I didn’t mean to disturb you.”

  “You didn’t,” she stated. “I was just taking some time to walk amongst history. Sometimes I fear we forget all that we have seen, been through, and the struggles we have already faced. Within that, we seem to face the certainty that we will walk right back through it all.”

  Metatron reached up to touch the statue of Alfonso. “So, I have been thinking about your question earlier; and I must say my time upon earth, at times, seems less burdensome than my time as an immortal.”

  She was puzzled. “How so?”

  “As a mortal, I understood that I lived but a short time. Yes, there were consequences for my actions . . . there were consequences for my lack of actions.

  “As a mortal, though, I comprehended that my time was short. I dare not waste that time in wrong actions or lack of actions. I needed to learn from them; put countermeasures into place; and most of all . . . I needed to just live!

  “As an immortal, I think that is something we lack because what is time to us? We exist on a different plane than our mortal counterparts. We make a mistake, and then we think ‘oops.’ Do we really stop and think about the consequences? Do we think about the need to learn from it, fix it, and ensure that we don’t do it again?”

  “That makes more sense now,” Gabriel responded. “Take what you shared before and all of this, and I am starting to understand. What I know is that we may not be bound or controlled by time, but it seems that time is seeping into our existence . . . and time is destroying us. I fear that Leah was correct. We will discover that we need her, and at that time will she be there? Will she even survive as a Vapor? She was one of our best, and now what are we left with?”

  “I can’t predict the future. I can tell you elements of what I see and can tell you where I believe we are headed but the finite details of it all . . . I cannot. I can tell you that she is not alone. She was given the same choice as all the Vapors before her were given.”

  “Who was it that met her?” Gabriel asked.

  “I sent Zarius.”

  She spun around and looked at him with surprise. “Zarius? Wait . . . he is alive?”

  “Ah, now you are starting to see even more, My Friend . . . that all things are not always as they seem . . . nor people as they seem. Trust me on this.”

  “So you called in a favor? You called in a favor to a ‘thought-to-be-dead’ traitor?”

  “I did, but it was more than that. Even though you may know and remember him from his actions before, even immortals can change. There is more to Zarius than you could ever imagine. The most important part is that Zarius doesn’t trust Michael. He believes that there is something a lot larger than you and I can see: the Arch Council and even the expelling of Leah.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “He wouldn’t explain, but he believes that Leah is a key to something bigger; and I didn’t have to ask him twice.”

  Gabriel sighed, “I am fearful that everything we have known over the ages is coming to an end.”

  �
�A new age?”

  “Possibly!” She paused for a moment and then looked up at him. “Are you leaving Scintillantes?”

  “I don’t know. I believe you are right when you state there is a new age upon us. I think the time for the Arch Council has come and gone. We are holding on to old ways that are shackling us. The truth will always be the truth, but I believe the truths we have been set aside to protect now are to be carried on into a new age and by new messengers.”

  “Like?”

  “Mortals and immortals . . . but not us; leaders like Leah and mortals like . . .” he spoke quietly, looking up at the statue, “well, like Alfonso. The truth we stand for will be ageless, but our time is coming to an end. I believe we will do more for the sake of Jah, Scintillantes, and mortals by joining them on their level.”

  “You believe war is coming again, don’t you?”