My Russian Nightmare

by Danielle Sibarium

  “I’ll still do it if I have to. I’ll do it for the rest of my life if it means you’ll be safe.”

  “No, Sammy. I’m not a kid anymore. And I want you to have all the things you should. I mean as far as I know, you haven’t even had a girlfriend since you were away at college.”

  He chuckles. “Don’t worry about my dating life.”

  “No, seriously, Sammy. You should be out with a hot piece of ass every other night.”

  “A hot piece of ass, huh?” he asks in a teasing tone. “You know the harder you try to sound cool, the dorkier it comes out.”

  “I love you, you big jerk.”

  “Come here,” he opens his arms. I bend down and let my brother embrace me, careful not to wrap my arms around him too tight. “I love you, Kiera. And I’m sorry I was so mean the last time I saw you.”

  “I’m just glad you’re alright. Besides, Dante explained it all.”

  “Dante.” He looks away and shakes his head, scolding. “He’s not Dante, Kiera. He never was Dante. It was all a lie. He’s a lie.”

  I pull out of my brother’s embrace. Even though his voice is low, it’s angry and I don’t miss the resentment in Sammy’s voice. I’m not sure why it’s there. I can understand him being angry, but not at Dante.

  “Fine. Dimitri told me. Happy?”

  “No.” He’s taken on a harsh tone. “Nothing’s changed since we were kids. The second he comes along and puts something in your head, you believe it.”

  I’m confused. I thought they were friends. I thought we were all on the same page.

  “He saved us, Sammy.”

  “Did he? I’m reserving judgement on that one. Yes, he brought us out of one hell. Let’s see if it’s not to drop us into another one.”

  “You don’t trust him? Even after he put his life on the line for us? He got shot because of me.”

  “I’ll be forever grateful to him for that, but it didn’t happen because of you. It happened because he’s one of them, Kiera.”

  “Why am I getting the lecture when you were the one that conspired with him? I don’t know which one of you came up with this cockamamie plan, but you both agreed to it, and now you’re acting like I’m crazy for trusting him.”

  Sammy looks away. “Look, I don’t want you to let your feelings for him blind you.”

  “My feelings for him?” I asked indignantly. “You have no idea how I feel about him.”

  “I know you love him. You’ve always loved him. And he might even love you too.”

  My brother is right. I do love him. I’ve always loved him. Loving him is as natural as breathing, as easy and vital as blinking my eyes.

  “I just want you going into this with your eyes open. I want you to see him for who he really is.”

  “I know who he is and what he’s capable of. I know he’s no choir boy.”

  “Yeah, but I doubt he told you everything. I’m sure he left a few things out. If he didn’t, I doubt you’d be sitting here singing his praises to me.”

  “I can’t do this now, Sammy. It’s been a hell of a day. Right now my head is pounding, and I’m just glad we’re all alive.”

  He shakes his head. “Fine. But we’re not done discussing this.”

  “Fine,” I answer, settling myself on the stretcher and closing my eyes.

  *

  My eyelids flutter open to find Dimitri staring at me. His dark eyes glisten with love and warmth. They’re full of emotion. He’s looking at me, like I’m the only thing in the world that exists, and it makes my belly swirl with excitement. I feel the smile on my face before I have time to think about it.

  “Hungry? I got us some bagels and coffee.”

  “Great. Did you get cream and sugar?”

  “Of course.” His lips turn up at the corners. “I’d never forget your sweet tooth.”

  After the cherry dumplings, I should’ve known he’d remember. I get off the stretcher and take a seat next to him. We’re stopped somewhere. It’s quiet. There are no voices. I look around the cabin of the ambulance. It’s just Dimitri and me. No Sammy. No Ana.

  “Where are they?” I ask.

  “Bathroom. Stretching their legs and changing out of the scrubs into normal clothes. I have some clothes for you in a bag on the front seat.” I notice Dimitri had already changed into jeans and a close-fitting, long sleeve v-neck.

  I couldn’t wait to get the bloodstained clothes off and into the clean scrubs Sammy and Ana had waiting for me. Now, changing back into regular clothes makes me realize we’ll be getting back to the real world very soon. Being on the run with Dimitri has been scary, but there had also been a fun and exciting element to it. Right now, thoughts of the real world scare me to death.

  I stand and turn to go grab the clothes he has waiting for me, but Dimitri stops me. He runs his fingers over mine before interlocking them. Warmth spreads through me. I wish I could start every morning this way for the rest of my life. Just me and him with loving stares and seductive touches.

  Dimitri pulls me onto his lap and nuzzles my neck.

  “How’s your shoulder feeling?”

  He shrugs. “I don’t want to think about that right now. These are our last few minutes alone for a while. We’re going to be changing vehicles soon. We’ll abandon the ambulance and rent a car. When we drop the rental off, a car and driver will be waiting to take us on the final leg of our journey.”

  “Sounds exciting. Is this what it’s like to be a spy, constantly changing modes of transportation to throw the enemy off?”

  “I don’t know.” He stares at me, and I wish I knew what he was thinking. He looks so serious.

  “You heard Sammy and me, didn’t you?”

  He nods. “I wasn’t trying to listen,” he says ever so lightly, pulling his thumb across my bruised cheek. “But these are cramped quarters.” The side of his mouth turns up in a smirk.

  “I’m sorry. I don’t know what got into him.”

  “Don’t be sorry. He’s looking out for you. I respect that.”

  “There’s more, isn’t there?”

  “Unfortunately.”

  I run my hands over the shadow of stubble covering his face, not sure I want to hear what he’s going to say. “I like this look on you. It’s sexy. And it gives you that bad boy aura.”

  “You’re into bad boys?” he asks with a raised brow.

  “I’m into you. I don’t think kidnapping me qualifies for the pure, wholesome type.”

  “Don’t distract me with facts,” he teases, showing off his dimples.

  “If I wanted to distract you, I might do something more along the lines of this.” I reach my hand down between his legs.

  A soft moan passes his lips before he takes my hand and places it back on his cheek. “I can’t believe you just did that,” he says, grinning from ear to ear.

  “If you’d let me, there’s plenty more I’d like to do. I’m all for making up for lost time.”

  “Patience, Kukla.”

  He cups my face between his hands and leans in. The closer his lips come, the faster my heart beats. My chest is heaving from the anticipation of getting lost in one of his passionate kisses. My whole body wakes and tingles as his soft, warm lips meld against mine.

  I scoot closer, hook my leg over his, and press against him as my mouth opens and invites him in. One of his hands slides up my inner thigh while the fingers on his other hand thread through my hair and make my toes curl. This kiss possesses me. It’s binding. It tells me unequivocally that I’m his and he’s mine. I don’t think I can ever get enough of this. Or him.

  “I needed one more kiss to hold me over.”

  “Just one?” I tease.

  “I’ll take as many as you’re willing to give.”

  “Then you don’t ever have to worry about one more kiss. I have an endless supply just for you.”

  Dimitri’s eyes pierce me. They’re serious and intense. Nervous. Scared.

  He brushes my hair back behind my ear, th
en wraps his arms around my waist and holds me tight. He opens his mouth but nothing comes out. Instead, he clears his throat and takes a long breath.

  “I came back to the States for you. I wanted to see you, to know you were okay, and I couldn’t ask anyone because my mother warned me to never so much as whisper your name except to her.”

  “She didn’t like me?” The thought of his mother’s disapproval is like a bucket of ice water over my head.

  His face softens. “She loves you. But she knows firsthand how bad things could get for a beautiful young woman. Even when she was older, she had no control of her life. Once Ivan brought us back to Russia, we were separated and only saw each other occasionally.”

  “That’s awful.” I say stroking the side of his face with my hand.

  “It could’ve been worse,” he says, turning and kissing my palm before holding my hand in his. “Much worse. I was sent to live with my father and his wife. Although Oxanna never treated me like her own, it was okay. My mother worked as a maid for Vladimir, so he could keep an eye on her and make sure she stayed in line. He worried if he had her killed, my father would retaliate. Although Dad kept us a secret for years, his wife loved him. She forgave him and begged her father to show mercy. Besides, as long as my father stayed in the county, he was as untouchable as anyone could be at the time.”

  I shiver. Dimitri’s hands rub up and down my arms, offering me warmth.

  “Why’s that?”

  “His father had been a general in the Red Army and to this day holds a lot of political power. Here, they could kill him. There, it’s not so easy. But my life there wasn’t bad,” he assures me. “My coming back here, however,” he shakes his head. “It set off a sequence of events I didn’t expect.”

  Dimitri pauses and takes my hands in his as he continues. “Ivan knew why I was here. Or he suspected,” Dimitri shrugs. “Or he’s just a deranged motherfucker. It doesn’t much matter why he did what he did.” He squeezes my hand tight. “I came to the diner one day. You were working behind the counter.” His eyes light up with the memory, and I’m intrigued, holding on to his every word. “You were sweet and beautiful. From that moment on, the innocent love I felt for you bubbled to the surface. And it was paired with something hot and electric.”

  “Did we speak? I can’t believe I didn’t recognize you.”

  “No. You didn’t notice me. That’s fine though. I don’t know what I would’ve done if you did. I would’ve been too nervous and tongue-tied to speak to you. And I would’ve been crushed if you forgot me. This way, I got to see for myself that you were okay and happy, and that’s really all I came for. I could’ve gone back to my life in Russia in peace. That was my plan.”

  “Why didn’t you?”

  Dimitri runs a hand through his hair. “This is so fucking hard,” he says before sucking his bottom lip between his teeth and taking a long, loud breath. “That night, Ivan and a bunch of his goons had me go out on a run with them. There were seven of us in the van. Ivan said someone defaulted on loan payments and now it was time to pay up. With their lives.”

  I pull away from Dimitri and hug my arms around myself. I don’t want to hear about the dark side of him. I want to forget that he’s a cold-hearted killer. I just need to remember that whatever he did, it doesn’t define him. We all make mistakes.

  “That’s how you got mixed up in all this?”

  “You could say that.”

  “Go on.” I say, even as my suddenly sick-feeling-heart sinks to the bottom of my stomach.

  “I tried to stop it. I swear I did.” The look in his eyes is killing me. It’s pained and panicked. I’ve never seen so much pain in anyone’s eyes as I’m seeing in his right now.

  “What did you do?”

  “Not me. I couldn’t. I wouldn’t. So Ivan and this other dickhead held me while Yuri beat the shit out of me. Broke my nose and ribs. The rest of them were completing the mission. I was still young and weak. I couldn’t fight them off.” His voice cracks with emotion. “I could barely breathe. By the time I broke away, it was too late. The whole place was engulfed in flames.”

  “Flames?” He can’t be saying what I think he’s saying. “Flames?” I shriek as my eyes water.

  He hangs his head and squeezes his eyes shut. “I’m so sorry.”

  “Are you saying…my parents?”

  He nods. “And they promised they’d do the same to you and Sammy if I didn’t stay in line and do as I was told. Your parents were the example to prove they would do it.”

  Every muscle in my body is taut. I ball my hands into fists and shoot to my feet. “No. NO!”

  “I’m so sorry, Kiera,” his voice cracks. “I still have nightmares about that night because there wasn’t a damn thing I could do to help them. Or you.”

  “You have nightmares? Isn’t that wonderful. How the fuck do you think Sammy and I feel? We live the nightmare every single day.”

  “I can’t imagine.” He reaches for my hands, but I pull them out of his grasp. “You’ll never know how sorry I am.”

  I cover my face as my whole body racks with sobs. Heavy, heartbroken, heart-wrenching sobs. “You’re sorry? They killed my parents, and you stood by and watched, and you’re sorry?”

  “I swear I tried to stop it, to save them—”

  “LIAR!”

  The back door opens. I don’t bother to check to see who it is. If this is Dimitri’s last confession before I’m slaughtered, I don’t care. I won’t fight. I won’t beg for my life. Let them kill me. Then I could be with my parents again.

  “What the fuck is going on?” Sammy asks, climbing in. “Did he hurt you?” He grabs Dimitri by his shirt collar.

  “I told her. Everything.”

  Sammy shoves Dimitri away from him and wraps me up in his arms. “It’s okay, princess. I’m here. I’ve got you.” I lean my head against my brother’s chest and cry.

  Chapter 13

  Dimitri is dead to me.

  I want him to be.

  At least I wish he was.

  I do as I’m told as we move from the ambulance to the rental as long as it means I don’t have to speak to him. Even when he tells Ana and Sammy to sit in the back so I could be up front with him, I sit there and stare out the window, making sure to keep my hands in my lap so that he won’t reach over and touch me.

  It’s a little more difficult when we move to the limousine. I thought we were going for inconspicuous. Nothing says “blending in” like being delivered in an ostentatious car to wherever the hell we’re going.

  I feel his eyes on me during the whole ride. He’s sitting across from me, and I know he’s waiting for the moment I look up and our eyes meet. He wants me to feel that connection between us again. I want to keep it severed and make a point to look anywhere, everywhere but at him.

  “Once we get there, we’ll have driver’s licenses with our new names on them, marriage certificates, passports, and debit cards. Everything we’ll need for our new identities,” I tune Dimitri out as he’s detailing our next steps.

  Oh. My. God.

  The limousine driver turns down a narrow road and stops in front of a set of black wrought-iron gates. He opens his window and speaks in what I assume is Russian, and like magic the gates part, allowing us to continue on our journey.

  I haven’t spoken much since Dimitri’s confession back in the ambulance. Not to him, not to Sammy. I’ve barely spoken at all. Instead I’ve been glued to my brother’s side. Thinking. Waiting. Waiting for what, I’m still not sure. Waiting for a way to escape? Waiting until we get to wherever it is they’re taking us?

  We drive up a long, winding, bush-and-tree-lined driveway. The car follows the road at least a mile to the circular path that ends in front of a set of double doors adorning the entrance of the most exquisite house I’ve ever seen. No, scratch that. Not a house. A mansion.

  “Welcome to Nebraska,” Sammy mutters.

  “What is this place?” I ask, taking in the size and grandeu
r of the brick structure in front of me.

  “This is home,” Dimitri answers as the driver comes around and opens his door.

  Sammy and I exchange a look as Ana and Dimitri get out but make no move to leave the vehicle ourselves. The door closes. I’m relieved, thinking maybe Sammy and I will be brought somewhere else. The last thing I want is to become any more ensconced in Dimitri’s world. I want to break away, and a clean break would be best.

  The driver comes to our side of the car and reaches for the door, but Dimitri stops him and does it himself.

  “Come on, Kiera,” Dimitri tells me. “It’s time to meet your new life.”

  “Great, except I don’t want a new life. I want my old one. The one where I was a happy teenage girl who had to fight her parents for every ounce of freedom. This place isn’t my home, and it isn’t going to erase my memories.”

  I look to Sammy’s grey eyes for strength. Although the drive has been long and tedious, it’s afforded him more time to heal. If not for the bruising of the skin on his face and the fact that he’s been napping so much, I wouldn’t know offhand that he’d been beaten so bad.

  My brother jerks his head toward the car door, telling me without using words to get out and see what’s going on.

  Dimitri reaches for my hand. I pull it away before he can grasp it, but his fingers brush against mine, and my skin tingles and my nerves vibrate. Damn my stupid body. Doesn’t it understand it needs to stop reacting to him?

  “You might as well stop fighting. You know you can’t resist me.” But his voice doesn’t sound as confident as his words. Good. I’ll play on that.

  “Oh yeah?” I ask, praying he can’t see how much the simple touch rattled me. “Watch me.”

  He doesn’t say anything. Instead, he smirks.

  Shit. He’s right, and he proved it right there. I can’t resist him. Because even though I’m furious, I’m compelled to spar, to stand off against, to stand beside him.