“None of this was supposed to happen.”He said, shaking his head.
Alessa felt it like a punch in the gut. He had gotten caught up in the magic of the Carnival just as she had. Now that they were back at home he had his wits about him. Likewise, so did she. Alessa made a point to remind herself that she did not trust Camden, that she was uneasy around him and unsure of his true intentions for her.
“I understand.”She said softly, mustering up her dignity.
“No, you don’t, but I promise you will.”Camden said his voice thick with regret. He pulled her close, wrapping her in his strong arms once more. Alessa was powerless to stop herself from melting into his body. He pulled her back and looked into her eyes, both of them silent for what seemed like the shortest eternity. Finally, all too quickly, he pressed his lips against her forehead.“I’m sorry that I have complicated things.”
Alessa was confused by the sweetness of his touch coupled with the regret in his voice.“Cam, tonight was wonderful. I honestly had a very great time.”Although she wasn’t sure what the problem was, she was certain that she could let him know that much. Some masochistic part of her wanted him to know that he was under her skin.
Camden rewarded her with his heart-stopping smile.“I had the best time as well, Alessa.”He said seriously. Alessa couldn’t help but notice that the intensity remained in her name. Only it didn’t offend her as much as stir her heart now. She was reveling in how quickly things could change when Camden lowered his mouth to hers once more.
The chaste kiss was even shorter than the one they shared on the giant wheel, but it was no less sweet. Alessa thought of the kiss long after she watched Camden walk away and she had shut the door behind herself. She lulled herself to sleep with thoughts of the look on his face at the top of the wheel, the feel of his arms when he pulled her back to nestle against him on the ride, and especially the leap in her heart when he stopped at the end of the hall to turn and look at her once more before disappearing around the corner. She allowed the wary thoughts to exit her mind and focused only on the thoughts that would bring her the sweetest of dreams.
Chapter 4-
Alessa woke to a beautiful stream of sunshine on her face and in her heart. She spent a moment in bed reliving the finer moments of the night before. Then, she realized that Khi would probably be waiting to hear about her evening. She sorted through her thoughts and decided which events she would share and which she would keep to herself as she readied herself for the day. She couldn’t pinpoint why, but she knew that she wanted to keep the romantic moments to herself. She was sure that Khi wouldn’t be jealous, they simply did not have that sort of relationship, but she decided that she wanted some parts of the night to be all hers and Camden’s.
She rushed into the breakfast room to find Khi sitting at his usual spot waiting for her.
“Hello, sleepyhead.”Khi said with a smile. For an instant Alessa wondered if he knew. Then she reminded herself of the thick regret on Camden’s voice as he left her and knew that he would not be the one to share about their evening.
“I’m sorry. I was especially exhausted after the Carnival.”Alessa offered Khi a sweet smile.
Khi rewarded her with a laugh,“And how was the Carnival that I risked my neck to let you attend?”
Alessa retorted,“Well worth your neck, thank you very much.”
“Ah, well thank you for putting so little importance on my neck.”
“Not little importance. Oh, Khi it was the most wonderful time. I have never had an experience like it!”She flew through the speech with exuberance.
“Well, I am sad I missed it. Did Camden behave himself?”
Alessa felt a slight blush creep into her cheeks and started into her plate as she answered,“He was a gentlemen and a fun companion. I may have judged him too quickly. He isn’t too bad.”
She heard Khi laugh, but did not risk looking up to see his reaction.“As long as you had a good time, that’s all that matters to me. I must go. I have things to do. Sacrifices to protect.”
“You know, for someone charged with keeping me safe you sure do spend a lot of time away from me lately.”Alessa pouted with mock petulance.
“I’ll always be there when it matters, Less, promise.”Khi said seriously. Alessa was taken aback by his sudden turn.
“I know that Khi and I love you for it.”She looked into his face now. He gave her half of his best smile and kissed her on top of the head. She saw him shaking his head as he left the room.
Khi’s behavior at breakfast confused her, but she wrote if off. As the Fourth Ceremony drew nearer, she suspected that everyone’s behavior would become more and more odd. She briefly wondered if Camden would distance himself from her or cling to her as the event came upon them. She then shook the thought from her mind. She wasn’t even sure what Camden felt towards her. The regret she heard in his voice after the close of the evening made her wonder if he wished he hadn’t been so romantic towards her. Perhaps he was always flirtatious and did not mean for her to become so enamored with him. He couldn’t possibly know that she had never been romantically involved with anyone before. She laughed at the thought. Too many people expected far too much of a romantic relationship. The Sacrifice was ordered to be a virgin on the day of her Fourth Ceremony. She also believed that romance took work she was not willing to put forth for such a limited amount of time. She had watched how much work her parents’relationship took and was convinced the fruit was not worth the labor. She briefly allowed herself to wonder if she would still feel the same way if she were presented the opportunity with Camden.
“He is notinterested, Less.”She said out loud. She hoped the audible message would sink in where the mental one had not.
Alessa was too restless to stay inside so she skipped her tutor’s lessons and wandered about the Manor grounds. She realized after about an hour of roaming the grounds that she was hoping to see Cam about, but was disappointed to find that she did not. Again, she lectured herself. She was setting herself up for a vast fall if she did not reign in this infatuation she had gotten herself into.
Alessa continued to wander. She made her way off the Manor Property and approaching the Great Cliff over the Sacred Ocean. Alessa used to love to come to the Great Cliff and look out over the Ocean. This had been her solitude, her place to think when she wanted stillness within herself instead of the labor of the pool. Alessa realized that she had not been out to the Ocean since her panic attack in the pool. She also realized that the Ocean did not offer the same ease and comfort that it once did. Alessa felt afraid and unsettled at the sight of the churning waves bouncing off of the sharp rocks. The noises of the Ocean became shrill and rushing instead of the typical soft drone that she was used to easing her into peacefulness.
Alessa sat on her rock just feet from the edge of the Cliff. She felt her emotions surge in her chest. It was not fair. She didn’t want to die for the Empire. The Empire had always been prosperous. Why couldn’t they try for just one year to see if the Gods had changed their minds about wanting a sacrifice? Why would the Gods want them to kill a young girl anyway? The questions continued to roll through her mind as tears welled in her eyes. She knew that it was wrong to question the Gods, obviously the Government knew better than anyone about their desires, but weren’t they always taught that killing was wrong? Why was it okay if the Government did it in the name of the Gods? In an explosion of hopelessness the tears spilled from her eyes. She wasn’t ready for this. She would never be ready to die at the belly of the Ocean.
“Why me?!”She shouted at the Ocean,“why not some other girl? Why not no one? It’s….. Not….. Fair!”She heaved the last words from her mouth as she fell onto her rock in sobs. Alessa had never felt despair like that which blanketed her in that moment. She could not stop her sobs any more easily than she could wish to die in the depths of the dark Ocean. She would never be ready to be the Sacrifice. She would never be able to understand why she had to die so that others could live pros
perously.
Alessa did not know how long she stayed on the rock, nor did she know when her sobs gave way to dry heaves, which subtly gave way to exhausted whimpers. She did realize eventually, however, that the sun was beginning to set over the Sacred Ocean. She sat up with a start. Everyone would be looking for her. She had only meant to take a short walk and she hadn’t told anyone where she was going. Alessa wiped the remaining tears from her face and turned to run back to the manor.
As she suspected, the manor appeared alive with concern when she stepped back onto the grounds. Alec was the first of the guards that she saw.
“Alec, I’m here!”she shouted exhaustedly as she jogged the rest of the way to him.
“Oh, man, Alessa! Are you okay? Everyone has been so worried about you. They’re all out looking for you and-“
“Then perhaps we should stop talking and you should go tell them I’m fine. I will go to my parents’room to let them know.”Alessa didn’t mean to be rude to Alec, but he seemed like such a child to her.
“Yes, of course, I will find Khilyn. Your parents are in the Common Room.”Alec retorted, and turned to walk away.
“Thank you, Alec,”was all the apology she could offer to him.
Alessa walked the rest of the way into the Manor. She was not looking forward to the conversations and lectures that were sure to follow. She heard footsteps behind her and spun around.
“Alessa, thank the Gods you’re back.”Camden’s voice was heavy with relief, but just as surely changed when he looked into her eyes.“What happened, what’s wrong?”
Camden reached out to her, but she was sure she would lose what little composure she had at his touch so she moved out of his reach.
“Camden, I am fine. I simply went out for a walk and fell asleep by the Great Cliff. It was an honest mistake. Surely it was due to all the excitement from yesterday. Although, of course I will not tell anyone exactly what the excitement was.”She remembered their cover story about her whereabouts on the previous day. They were to have been hiking in the woods to the east of the Manor.
“Alessa that is not sleep in your eyes. Have you been crying?”Camden wouldn’t back down and concern poured from his face. He reached out to her again, but pulled himself back without a cue. She was tempted to confess it all to him, but forcibly reminded herself that she wasn’t sure he was trustworthy yet.
“Cam, I have to go face my parents and probably the Minister right now. I can’t possibly talk.”She felt the tears well in her eyes again and cursed herself,“Please, Cam.”She looked at him imploringly.
“Okay, just tell me that you’re alright, that no one hurt you.”And the genuineness of his statement made her turn her head to collect herself.
“No one hurt me. I’m fine.”Alessa caught her own bravery and took hold of Camden’s hand. She squeezed it as she turned to walk away from him. He refused to let go, however, and pulled her back around to face him.
“Can we talk later?”He asked softly. His concern and apparent sincerity chipped away at her doubts about him.
“I will probably be under lock and key for the rest of my life, but as soon as I am free again I would be happy to talk.”Alessa tried to keep her tone light and joking, but the heaviness in the air between them made it nearly impossible.
Camden sighed, pulled her hand up to his mouth, and pressed a kiss against her knuckles. Alessa took a moment to look into his eyes, confused and exhilarated. Then, she mustered her self-control and pulled away from him to go search out her parents.
Alessa walked into the Common Room with sureness in her step and a plan in her mind. Her parents, the Minister, and what seemed to be half of the people of the Capital District were gathered, just as she thought. Their eyes all swept to her as she walked into the room. For a moment, the room hung in suspended silence. Then it erupted in sounds of blurred relief, anger, and confusion. Alessa had decided to command this occasion. It was the only way she could think to obtain the upper hand. So she remained at the top of the stairs with her hand raised in the air until their voices faded away. The crowd looked at her expectantly and she attempted to stamp down the nervousness in her belly.
“I am sorry I worried everyone,”Alessa began. She was disappointed by how her quiet voice shook and she tried to put more power behind it.“I was out for a walk and I fell asleep. I was quite exhausted after my hike yesterday and did not realize how much so until I was away from the Manor. I know that it is not within the regulations for me to go out without a guard and I apologize that I did not take any of them with me. I made the decision at the last moment. Please accept my sincerest regrets and know that I will not do anything of the sort again. Now, I would like to have a brief conference with my parents and the Minister if you would all be so generous as to excuse us.”
Alessa looked around expectantly as no one moved. It seemed they were all stunned into stillness. This was perhaps the most demanding speech Alessa had ever given. It was certainly unlike her to take charge of the room like that. Alessa did not back down. She continued to look at them as if she expected them to leave and, to her astonishment, they finally began to do just that.
Alessa stood her ground as groups of people passed her. Many of them took a moment to express their gratitude that she was okay or to instruct her to be more mindful of the Empire next time. Alessa used all of her self-control to maintain an agreeable visage at the admonishments. After what felt like an eternity, the room stood empty but for the Minister, Alessa, and her parents. Alessa went to them and was quickly wrapped in her father’s arms.
“I am glad you are okay, Lessie. I was so worried.”Alessa felt more chastised by his worry than any other.
“I promise I didn’t mean to, I only meant to walk for a little while.”She said, hoping the apology was evident in her voice. She took a chance to glance at her mother, and was surprised by the gentleness that she found there.
“I am glad that you are okay, that is all that matters.”Her mother said thickly.
“Yes, yes, we are all very glad. Now what is it that you kicked everyone out for young lady?”The disapproval was evident in the Minister’s tone.
Alessa collected herself and began her speech.
“In less than one year’s time, I will be offered to the Sacred Ocean as the Sacrifice for the prosperity of the Empire. I am happy to be the Sacred Sacrifice. However, as the date of the Fourth Ceremony gets closer, I wish to alter my typical schedule in some ways.”Alessa spoke formally and more to the Minister than her parents.
“And what ways are those, dear Sacrifice.”The name stirred her, but she did not respond.
“Well, perhaps it is in all ways. I don’t want a schedule. I don’t want appearances. I want to do what I want, when I want to do it, as long as I notify my guard of my intentions. For the duration of my life, I wish to be free of commitments.”Alessa had thought of all the ways she would like to spend her days. She was certainly allowed to be late any time she wanted, but most of her days were booked with appointments and she wanted only to have more time to herself.
“Impossible. You have an image to uphold.”The Minister spat incredulously.
“I will keep my image.”Alessa retorted, keeping her cool.
“Maybe we can all be happy.”Alessa was surprised to hear her mother’s voice.“What if Alessa promised to attend all the events that are already scheduled? The important ones were scheduled long ago. The holiday events, balls, and banquets already in place will be attended. In return, Alessa will be excused from other daily appearances unless she so desires to attend and will not be made to attend any dinners that come up along the way unless she should choose.”
Alessa was taken aback by her mother’s reasonableness. She jumped on the suggestion.“I agree to it.”
“I think it sounds like an amenable solution.”She heard her father’s support.
As Alessa hoped, the Minister was disinclined to argue against all three of them.
“Fine, fine, do what you wan
t.”He rolled his eyes and walked away from them with the least amount of propriety that Alessa had ever seen.
After he had left, Alessa beamed at her mother.
“Thank you, Mother, he wouldn’t have agreed without your suggestion.”Alessa stepped forward and embraced her mother. The hug was one that she hadn’t experienced in a long time. After a few moments in her mother’s arms Alessa pulled back. The tears swimming in her mother’s eyes startled her.
“I want you to enjoy this time, Alessa, don’t hold back. Tell us of your intentions, but do anything that enters your mind, within reason. Please, just enjoy it.”Alessa felt tears stinging her eyes again as she grabbed her mother for another hug. After a moment, she turned to embrace her father as well.
“Thank you both for supporting me. I love you and I am sorry again for any worry that I have caused.”Alessa addressed her parents warmly.
“Go to bed, Lessie, you look like you’ve had quite a day.”Her father said lovingly.
“I have. Goodnight Mom, Dad.”Alessa stifled a yawn at the thought of her bed.
Alessa turned from her parents and headed towards her room. As soon as she turned off the hall of the Common Room, she ran straight into Khi’s chest. She looked around and realized that they were all alone in the expensive hall.
“Khi, what are you doing there?! Are you trying to kill me?”She admonished Khi with an exaggerated whisper.
“I should, Less, where the hell were you?”Khi responded just as vehemently.
“Khi, I’m sorry, I really am. I went around walking and wound up at the Great Cliff. I didn’t realize what time it was until I noticed the sun setting. I must have fallen asleep.”She felt bad for lying to Khi like that, but could not bring herself to recount the actual tale.
The Fourth Ceremony: The Sacrifice Trilogy Page 6
