“Please believe that I didn’t mean to sneak off.”She begged him.
“I don’t believe you’re telling me everything,”she cursed how well Khi knew her,“but if you’re okay then there’s no harm done. Don’t ever do that again.”He said menacingly as he pulled her into a tight hug.
“I won’t, I promise.”She said emotion heavy on her heart as she squeezed him back. He would give her space to sort herself out. He wouldn’t demand answers of her. Khilyn just wasn’t that pushy.
“Go to bed, you look like hell.”Khi quipped.
“Why does everyone keep telling me that?”She joked back.
Khilyn squeezed her shoulder and turned her towards her room. She walked quickly down the hallway and was grateful to make it to her door unimpeded. She walked through it and closed it quickly behind her.
Alessa leaned against the door as all of the energy she had mustered to face everyone faded away. She felt utterly exhausted. She let out of sigh and crumpled against the door and, not bothering to turn on the light, she allowed her knees to fold under her as she landed in a heap on the floor.
“Alessa?”The voice startled her and she jumped.
“Who’s there?”Alessa asked with suspension buzzing through her body.
“Alessa, it’s me, what is going on?”She recognized Camden’s voice as he approached her from the couch on other side of the room.
“Cam, what are you doing here? And in the dark?" Alessa asked, both excited and confused at his presence. She wondered to herself why he more often confused her than anything else since the Carnival.
“That can wait. Come on and sit down.”Camden reached down to her, but she pushed his hands away.
“Cam, please, just leave. I have nothing left and I want nothing more than to collapse and not move.”Alessa pleaded with him.
“Alright fine, don’t move.”He stated simply as he put an arm under her knees and shoulders to pull her into his arms in a swift and easy motion. Alessa was immediately surprised as excitement raced through her body at being in his embrace.“There, no moving necessary.”He joked as he placed her lightly on the couch.
Alessa sighed dramatically,“thank you.”She stated flatly.“Now would you like to explain why you’re in my room?”
“I would”Camden started,“but I don’t think it’s the best time. I don’t think you can take any more serious talks so I’ll leave you to relax. We can talk anytime.”
Camden started to leave. For a moment, Alessa thought to let him. She was tired and Camden was perhaps the most mentally exhausting of all the people she might deal with. However, desire and curiosity won out.
“Cam, please stay.”Alessa said weakly. She chastised herself, as usual, for the clear hope and desire in her voice. She was giving him all of the power, and she wasn’t even trying to fight it.
Camden froze where he stood. He had made it halfway to the door when her words seem to immobilize him. After a moment he turned towards her slowly. She could not see his face in the darkness, but she thought she could feel his gaze on her.
“Why do you want me to stay, Alessa?”His statement was laced with meaning. Alessa realized that she must give him a good reason, a true reason, if he was going to listen to her request.
“I don’t know Cam,”she started, and just as quickly realized that she lost control of her words,“because when I’m with you I don’t think about all this crap that is surrounding me and I don’t worry about what people want from me or how quickly they can take my life. Because I am just a normal girl with a silly crush around you and none of the rest of it matters and I feel safe and giddy and like anything in the world can happen and, I don’t know, Cam, because I just do.”She realized with a start that it was true. When she was around Camden, she had to convince herself that she didn’t trust him because he naturally made her feel like he would chase out all of the bad things from the world for her.
"A crush, huh?" His humor annoyed her. She sighed dramatically and he stayed silent.
Her small speech had come out in a rush and when he didn’t respond, Alessa buried her head in a pillow on the couch. It felt like an eternity that they sat like that. Alessa had her face buried and Camden stood frozen in the middle of the room. Alessa wished he would just say that he didn’t care about her like that and leave so that she would be free to release her sorrows on her room, but he didn’t leave. He simply stood and stared. Finally, her impatience grew to its breaking point.
“You can leave now, Cam. I have obviously made you uncomfortable. Please chalk it up to the extremely debilitating day I have had and forget I ever said anything.”She pulled as much disdain into her voice as she could. It appeared to do the trick. Camden began to move and Alessa turned away from him to rest her head on the pillow. However, instead of moving to the door, he moved swiftly to her side and wrapped her in his arms as he sat on the couch beside her. Her heart all but stopped.
“Alessa, I am sorry that I have confused or misled you.”Camden started and Alessa felt the air leave her lungs. Was he really going to hold her like this while he told her that he didn’t care for her? It was more than she could take.
“Cam, please, I can’t-“She was interrupted by his mouth on hers. He was insistent this time, the kiss stronger and more demanding than either before it. He pulled her close to him and wrapped both arms around her as he deepened their kiss. His hands trailed her back and pulled softly on her hair. She eventually folded her arms around his neck and he pressed one hand to her face, gently cupping her cheek and trapping her mouth against his.
After some time he pulled his face away from hers, but kept her body pressed against his with the pressure of his arms. He looked into her eyes and she returned his gaze until the stare became uncomfortable and she squirmed out of his embrace.
“You have got to say something to me, Cam. I am lost.”She sighed, breaking the trance.
“I care about you so much, Alessa. More than I can tell you now. There is so much I can’t tell you now.”Camden shook his head.
“I don’t understand. What in the world are you talking about?”Alessa demanded.
“Alessa, please, tell me that you trust me. Tell me you trust me and that you will wait until I can say more. I am begging you.”Camden pulled her back into his arms and looked intently into her eyes. Alessa didn’t know what to do. She was uncomfortable with the secrets between them but she was sure that she was safe in the steady cloak of his arms. So, she did the only thing that she could honestly do. She leaned forward and placed a chaste kiss on his lips.
“I trust you.”She breathed. And with that utterance, she decided that she did. Until he gave her real reason not to, she would trust Camden and allow this experience to go where it might.
He pulled her into a kiss again, this one soft and filled with care. When the kiss had long ended, they laid together on the couch. Alessa stayed awake for a long time listening to Camden’s breathing even out and steady. When she knew he was asleep, she chanced a look up at him. He was beautiful. She caught her breath at how perfect he seemed lying there with his arms around her. She laid her head back gently on his chest and sighed lightly.
“Can’t sleep, gorgeous?”Her heart skipped at the endearment.
“Can’t, don’t want to, I’m not sure which.”She answered honestly. If she was going to throw her dignity to the wind, she might as well do it whole-heartedly. She felt his body shake as he chuckled.
“Well, I can’t possibly think of a better way to wake up.”He answered her confession with one of his own, but Alessa couldn’t place if he was joking or not.“But in all honesty, I can’t stay all night. I need to slip out so no one sees me. I wouldn’t want to blemish your reputation.”He said with a wink.
Alessa groaned and wrapped her arms around his chest.
“Mmmmm, you’re making this really hard, ma’am.”Camden settled closer to her,“But I do have to leave. I promise I wouldn’t if I didn’t have to.”
“Okay, I give up.”
Alessa pouted as she unwrapped herself from Camden.
“Go change for bed. I will make sure you’re comfortable before I leave.”Camden said dutifully.
“You’re going to tuck me in to bed?”Alessa wasn’t sure if she should feel flattered or patronized.
“Of course I am. One last chance for a goodnight kiss.”He smiled and pulled her to her feet,“How do you feel? Are you steady?”He asked, and Alessa’s heart leaped at his obvious care.
“Yes, I’m alright now. Thank you Camden.”She responded seriously. After a moment of staring into her eyes, Camden blinked and shook his head.
“Go change.”He ordered with little conviction.
Alessa turned and did what she was told. She made sure to put on what she hoped to be attractive pajamas, but tried to not look like she tried. She came up with shorts and a fitted t-shirt. When she came out of the closet she was rewarded with a quick look all over from Camden.
“You really are trying to kill me.”He shook his head at her.“Come on.”
Alessa allowed Camden to walk her to the bed. She wanted to pull him in with her and inwardly shook her head at her boldness. She barely knew him. They needed to learn about each other, and he needed to share his secrets long before she shared more of herself with him. Deciding to trust him without him giving her the full story was enough.
“Sleep well, Alessa. I am but a call away if you need anything. Know that I will be thinking about you.”Camden whispered into her ear.
He moved to press a kiss against her lips. Soft and sweet, he lingered there for a moment running his hand up her arm. When his hand reached her neck, he pulled back and gently kissed her forehead while his hand blazed a fire onto her neck where he touched.
“Sweet dreams, beautiful.”He murmured, as he turned to the door. Alessa watched him leave and smiled within herself when he stopped at the door and turned for one last look before he was gone.
Chapter 5-
Camden
Camden leaned against the door and sighed.
What are you doing? He thought, furious with himself. He was on the verge of blowing the mission. He couldn't tell her yet, she wasn't ready to hear it. She wouldn't understand.
Camden shook himself and decided to go for a walk. His apartment, that's what he needed. He needed to get out of the manor and go somewhere that her influence hadn't breached. Only then could he feel at peace. He swung into Khilyn's hall and was glad to see that Khi's light was still on. He knocked softly on the door in case Khi had fallen asleep without turning out the light.
"Come in." Khi's voice sounded through the door, he was clearly not asleep.
"Hey man," Camden said nonchalantly, "you know how I told you I like to keep my own place?" Khi nodded without looking up from his book. "Well I'm going to spend the night there. I will be back in time for the morning brief."
Camden was careful not to ask permission, he liked Khi, but did not want to further support that Khi was in charge of him. Even if during this assignment Khi was in charge. It did not make Camden happy to think that too many people had the power to tell him what to do. He just heard Khi's half-hearted "ok" as he closed the door behind him.
During the mile-long walk to his apartment, Camden tried to sort through all that was happening with Alessa. His mission was simple: get her to agree. He was instructed to do so by any means necessary. Alessa was crucial to what they were trying to do. Without her the cause would certainly fail. The difficult part was to keep his personal emotions out of the mix. If he started to fall for her, if he cared for her, the mission would be tainted. He needed to be able to see clearly. He knew this. Any personal connection to her would just muddy his judgment. It would keep him from making the difficult decisions. It would make him weak.
Camden continued down the darkened streets realizing his decision. He must continue to make her fall for him, as she clearly already was, but he must keep his own feelings in check. Anything more than cordial interest could prove to be dangerous to both of them.
Camden arrived at his apartment just as he concluded what he must do in his mind. As he slipped inside and locked the door behind him, he laid the plan out for himself. He must pull back from her for a little while. He should cultivate her interest but stay far enough away to quell his own burgeoning curiosity. Camden was happy to move about his own space. He warmed himself a cup of tea and settled down with his newest book. After spending a couple of hours reading and relaxing he took himself into the tiny bathroom to take a long, hot shower. Camden allowed himself to linger under the scalding water until his fingers wrinkled. Then, he readied himself for bed, set his alarm, and fell into what he hoped would be a peaceful and dreamless sleep.
Camden woke long before the dawn as was his typical fashion. He sat up in bed and tried to shake the dreams from his mind. They had not been bad dreams, but they had been disturbing. Of course he had dreamed of her, he had spent most of his evening thinking of what he should do about her. He pulled himself out of bed and set about getting ready for the day. After he was prepared for the day, he allowed himself one last longing look at his peaceful apartment and set down the street towards the prison the Capitol called a Manor.
Camden arrived for the morning meeting and was met with Alec's exuberance.
"Hey Cam, how's it going? I heard you didn't stay here last night, where did you go?"
"I have my own place I stay at sometimes." Camden replied curtly. He disliked Alec. It's not that Alec was a bad guy, but his insistence on doing everything strictly by the rules made it difficult for Camden to carry out his mission.
"Your own place?" Alec was surprised "Where?"
"Don't worry about it, Nosy." Camden said rudely. He had little patience after the less than perfect night's sleep he had gotten.
"Alright, sorry. I’m just making conversation." Alec said petulantly.
"Yeah it's fine, I'm just not in the mood." Camden replied half-heartedly, not wanting to insult the younger guard.
"Let's get started and get this day going. Breakfast is in half an hour in the courtyard with Alessa." Khi swept into the room and took charge with his presence. Camden had to admit that Khi was a born leader, regardless of Camden's own disdain for being ordered around by him.
Camden barely listened to Khi's brief for the day. Instead focusing on preparing himself to see her and determining how he was going to behave when he did. He decided on teasing flirtation, his tactic of choice before his feelings started to get muddled around her.
At the Carnival, he had won her over easily with small teases and gentle touches. Even after he had insulted her, he was able to recover fairly easily with a few sweet words. Alessa had clearly never had any practice with romance. It made Camden wonder, not for the first time, what exactly Khi was thinking about her. But Camden had almost buckled when he saw Alessa start to cry at the top of the wheel. It stirred a caring in him that he reminded himself that he could not afford. Of course he cared. He hated to see any life ended without just cause. Anyone could tell that she was battling with the idea of the Sacrifice. Camden just had to time himself perfectly and had to ensure that she was at her most vulnerable state when he did it.
After the morning brief was complete, the three guards silently proceeded through the manor out to the courtyard to wait for Alessa. It was customary for them to wait for her no matter how long it took, a detail of his new station that grated on Camden's nerves. He wasn't sure if she truly had no concept of time or if she was chronically late on purpose because she knew that she could.
When he spotted her walking into the courtyard, about ten minutes after the appointed time, he forced himself to look away and engage Alec in conversation. He hardly listened to Alec prattle on as Alessa approached the table, although he kept his eyes trained on Alec's face. Camden noticed out of his periphery that Alessa was dressed in the shorts and shirt that she went to bed in last night with a zip-up sweater thrown over it. If her goal was to remind him of the moments they shared in the da
rk of the night, she was successful. His mind flitted to the kiss they shared as he tucked her into bed. Camden shook his head and turned a flirtatious smile her way, ignoring that Alec was still babbling.
"Why good morning ma'am," Camden's greeting dripped with sugar, "nice of you to join us finally." He allowed to sarcasm to slide between his words and was pleased to see her smile falter slightly.
"Well, it's not as if you have anything better to be doing." She quipped, replacing her smile quickly. Camden admired her wit.
"Oh I most certainly have much more interesting things to be attending."
"Really? Do tell." Her voice was beginning to take on an edge and her smile was replaced by a grimace. Camden reminded himself that he was not picking a fight, but stoking her interest.
"Dreaming of you, sweet cheeks." He said flippantly while simultaneously turning back to Alec. "What were you saying, man?" He pretended to be utterly interested in Alec's meaningless story about the minister and the direction of politics in the Empire. He also pretended not to notice Alessa's face fall as she looked down to her plate. Nor did he take heed of the look Khi gave him and he most certainly was not jealous of the squeeze Khi gave Alessa's hand or the way that she kept hold of Khi's hand long into their shared meal.
Once the torture was finally over and Alessa excused herself to training, Camden allowed himself a deep breath. He reminded himself that he needed to keep his emotions in check if he was expecting to continue on the mission. Above all else the mission mattered most.
"Who's in charge today, Khi?" Camden asked, glancing over at the other two guards who were looking at him curiously.
"You were there during morning briefing, where was your head?" Khi asked suspiciously. Camden couldn't blame him. He never forgot details of their briefing.
"Sorry, man" was all that Camden could respond with.
The Fourth Ceremony: The Sacrifice Trilogy Page 7
