My FANGtastically Evil Vampire Pet Series, Book 1

by Mo O'Hara

  On the way to the woods, we passed lots of other kids working on their traps.

  “Hang on, Igor,” I heard the evil Goth girl shout to a mumbling Igor stuck in a net dangling from a tree branch. “I’ll just go and get the ax.”

  “I’m sure the balloon will burst soon from the altitude and the parachute will open,” one kid in a white coat said to another as they stared up at the sky. “At least … I’m pretty sure.”

  “Just try not to breathe that much,” another kid was saying to a boy in a bubble as she rolled him back toward camp.

  “At least no one else’s traps seem to be going that well either,” I said.

  “Maybe we need to come up with a trap that will hold Fang,” Geeky Girl said.

  Then we saw Dustin and Sanj coming up from the clearing. Without saying a word, both Geeky Girl and I dove behind a tree and hid out of sight.

  Sanj and Dustin were both smiling. I didn’t like that. Right away I knew their trap was working.

  “Excellent work, Dustin. Your knowledge of our animal subjects is invaluable. The birds, squirrels and raccoons you trapped are all behaving within required parameters. The groundwork for our master trap is complete. We just need our final subject,” Sanj said.

  “Oh, we’ll get him,” Dustin said. “You just need to make sure the device is powered up and ready to use.”

  “Of course,” Sanj said. He stopped just by the tree we were hidden behind and sniffed the air. “Do you smell beans?”

  15

  Dustin took a deep sniff.

  “No,” he said, “but now I’m hungry. Let’s head back so we’re early for dinner. Oh, and we must wash our hands, as we’ve been in contact with the animals.”

  “You are so right,” Sanj said. “One can’t be too careful about germs.” And they walked on back toward camp.

  One thing about not working with Sanj was him not making me clean up stuff and telling me I was messy all the time. I looked down at my baked-bean-, dirt- and kitten-fur-covered hands, then wiped them on my shirt. “So their plan is something to do with trapping birds and animals, huh?” Geeky Girl said, standing up.

  I stood up too and took Fang out of my jacket. She had completely clawed up the lining already and had smeared beans everywhere too. “You nearly gave us away again, kitten,” I said as I put her on the ground. She rolled over on the grass and licked the last of the beans off her fur.

  I heard a fluttering overhead and then saw the green-and-yellow feathers come into view. Boris swooped down and landed on Geeky Girl’s shoulder. And for a split second I was jealous. I was jealous of her low-maintenance pet who didn’t get itself into trouble, didn’t swipe food or scratch things, and didn’t nearly get caught and get us thrown out of camp.

  Then Fang pounced, and I caught myself thinking proudly, “Yeah, that’s my little evil kitten.”

  So sue me. I am mostly evil.

  Fang sprung up to Geeky Girl’s shoulder and knocked that smug little budgie right off. They both tumbled to the ground and rolled apart. Fang and Boris circled each other, beak, teeth and claws at the ready.

  Geeky Girl scrambled on the ground, trying to catch Boris, and I stood behind Fang, trying to block her getting at the bird.

  “I knew we should have trapped that kitten. We have to stop them fighting,” she said.

  “The only way to stop Fang trying to get Boris is if she’s already got him,” I said.

  Then I had one another evil lightbulb moment. And this one had nothing to do with ketchup. “Or she thinks that she’s already got him!” I mumbled.

  “What?” Geeky Girl asked.

  “That’s our trap. A kinda virtual-trap thing that makes the trappee think they’ve already been trapped!” I said.

  Her face went blank for a sec, like she was rebooting, and after a pause she shouted, “That’s genius. That’s totally evil genius.”

  She jumped up and down on the spot so much that both Fang and Boris scampered out of the way so they wouldn’t get bounced on by mistake. Boris cooed and flapped back up to her shoulder, while Fang slunk over and curled around my feet.

  “Like a virtual game?” I said. “The person would see a trap that wasn’t there. Can we do that?”

  “I brought some 3-D goggles. We could modify them and upload a program with the virtual trap inside.” Geeky Girl was in full planning mode now.

  “Yeah, but we would have to trick the person who you want to trap into wearing the goggles,” I said, my own evil-plan brain switching into action mode.

  “We can work on that,” she said. “But I think this could be the trap that wins!”

  “It totally beats some lame animal trap like Sanj and Dustin have,” I said. “They are using something out of our notebook too. I know it! I gotta get that notebook back, Fang. Do you think you can sneak it out of Sanj’s jacket pocket without getting caught?”

  Fang purred a totally confident purr.

  “Then we can make our amazing virtual trap and have the notebook so they can’t steal any more of my genius ideas. Result!” I said.

  I started to raise a hand to fist-bump Geeky Girl, but then pulled back. “Cool, umm, we can get all the tech stuff together tonight and work on it tomorrow. We better head back to camp. I have to hide Fang again before the guys get back to the tent. And there might even be time to do a little notebook hunting, hey, Fang?”

  Geeky Girl looked at her watch. “You might not have time,” she said. “Phillipe Fortescue is doing his talk on evil disguises before dinner, remember?”

  The Darth Vader trumpet sounded again.

  “See. You’ll have to take Fang with you to the talk.”

  Boris flapped off Geeky Girl’s shoulder and up into the branches of the trees.

  “Man, that’s not fair. Boris can just blend in ’cause he’s a bird,” I said.

  “You can’t disguise the fact that Fang is a kitten, and kittens aren’t supposed to be at camp,” she said. Then she stopped and added, “Or maybe you can?”

  16

  “Maybe you can what?” I said to Geeky Girl.

  “Disguise Fang.” She smiled. “That’s what we’re going to be learning. How to disguise yourself to blend in. So what could we make Fang look like to blend in with her surroundings?”

  We quickly tried covering Fang in leaves to look like a bush, but she rustled and shook everything off in seconds. We started to try again, but Fang jumped away from us, brushing against some leftover charcoal on the ground from last night’s campfire. It left a blackish streak on her fur.

  “That’s it!” I said, an idea forming. “She needs makeup. Charcoal makeup.”

  I pulled Fang onto my lap and grabbed the piece of charcoal. “Close your eyes, kitten,” I said, and drew a blackish Zorro mask around her eyes and lines around her ears. I blackened her paws and drew rings around her tail. She was no longer a simple gray kitten; she was a little, striped, masked raccoon.

  “Now if anyone spots her, they won’t think it’s weird that a raccoon is hanging around camp. And if she gets into our tent, then you’ve already told the guys how clever raccoons are, so they’ll buy that too.” I paused. “That was kinda a smart thing to say.”

  “Thanks. You know something that I never thought I would say about Fang? She does look kinda cute like that.” Geeky Girl smiled.

  Fang hissed at her, and jumped down from my lap, making Geeky Girl step back.

  “What do you say, kitten? Want to hide out as a raccoon for a while?”

  Fang didn’t look impressed.

  “Actually, I hate to attribute a negative attitude to any animal, but raccoons are pretty evil,” Geeky Girl said, and shrugged her shoulders.

  “She’s right, kitten.” I stroked Fang’s ear, careful not to rub off the charcoal. “They swipe stuff; they’re sneaky; they break into things and mess up stuff. They are way more evil than kittens.”

  Fang swiped at my fingers. I got them out of the way just in time.

  “Not you,
of course, but more evil than most kittens,” I said. “It might be fun to pretend to be an evil raccoon for a while, right? Plus, if Sanj or Dustin spots you when you’re notebook-hunting, then they can only blame the raccoon. Mwhaaa-haa-haa-haa.”

  I scooped her up and tucked her inside my jacket again and gave her some of my burger from lunch to keep her quiet.

  Geeky Girl and I headed back toward camp. We stopped by Sanj and Dustin’s tent, and I let Fang jump out of my jacket. “OK, Fang, let’s see if you can get in raccoon character and swipe my notebook back while we go to the disguise talk. Remember, stay out of sight and don’t get into any trouble.”

  Fang meowed at me in a way that I swear in Cat meant, “You’re telling me to stay outta trouble?!”

  When we got back, I spotted the guys so quickly, I ditched Geeky Girl and headed off to sit with them.

  “Yeah, OK, I’ll just work on all that stuff for the genius idea for our trap, then, shall I?” she shouted after me as I walked off.

  “Yeah, good,” I said. “We can work on it tomorrow. I’m with my evil posse now, OK.”

  “Your evil posse? Please,” she mumbled.

  * * *

  Phillipe’s talk about disguises was mega boring until he got to the part where we each had to learn how to camouflage ourselves as an object around camp.

  Bob wanted to be a basketball hoop. Fair enough. He’s pretty tall.

  Diablo wanted to be a tree, but a tree cut into a totem pole design. Way too much work, if you ask me.

  And Igor wanted to be a sleeping bag. He made a really good sleeping bag, actually. People kept sitting on him ’cause he just looked so comfortable, you know. Phillipe showed us how to use makeup and props to transform ourselves. He had this whole huge bag of stuff to camouflage us all.

  I had no idea what I wanted to be.

  Phillipe was going to get to me any second. He already was turning Dustin into a large red maple leaf. I was next.

  At that point, I heard a scratching sound and saw a raccoon tail disappear under a log.

  17

  Now was this an actual raccoon or Fang in disguise?

  Then I heard Igor shouting, “URGGGHHHH!” from over by the log.

  I ran over and saw the raccoon standing on top of the still-very-comfortable-looking sleeping bag, aka Igor, kneading it with her claws, like cats do when they want to sit somewhere. This was definitely my evil kitten. Fang was just curling up to fall asleep when the bag wriggled and shook her off. Igor had flicked his leg, which sent her flying into the nearest tree.

  Fortunately, Fang has quick reflexes and turned instantly so she hit the tree trunk claws-first and stuck.

  Unfortunately, that tree trunk was actually Diablo’s tree before the totem pole makeup went on.

  “ARRRRRRGGGGHHHHH!” he screamed. “Get this loco raccoon off me!”

  Sanj was standing right next to him but stepped back behind some other kids. “No, that thing might have rabies!”

  Dustin started to pull out something from under his jacket. I couldn’t see what it was, though, in all the commotion. I heard Sanj whisper, “We can’t. It will give away the whole plan. Put it away.”

  “Get the rabid raccoon off me,” Diablo repeated. Fang was scared now, and when she’s scared, she digs in more with her claws. She wasn’t going anywhere if she could help it, but I had to get her out of there before someone spotted that she wasn’t a loco raccoon, after all. Besides there was no way any of these people were getting their hands on my little vampire kitten!

  Phillipe stepped through the kids and pushed them out of the way.

  “Just shoo it away and get on with the practice,” he said. “You can’t let this kind of thing blow your cover. I once had a pigeon nest in my hair for three days while I was disguised as a telephone pole to intercept communications. Did I blow my cover? Even when the phone company came out to do repairs? No. So neither should you!”

  He was almost at Fang now. If he got closer, he might notice that she wasn’t actually a raccoon. I wasn’t sure, but I think a master of disguise could figure out our trick.

  “I got it, sir!” I said, and ran past him. I scooped Fang off the tree (I think taking part of Diablo’s T-shirt with me) and kept running, while holding her out in front of me well away from any swinging claws.

  “I’m gonna dump it far into the woods, sir!” I shouted back.

  “Good, now that the Snake Boy has taken care of the wild creature, we can get back to actually learning something,” Phillipe said. “Honestly, how evil can you be if you are scared of a little raccoon?” he mumbled.

  Then I could just about hear him saying, “You, the girl standing on your own. I think you would make a very lifelike shrub.”

  * * *

  I kept running until we were well out of sight. Fang had given up swiping a few trees back. When I got to the tree house again, I sat on a rock and let her down on the ground.

  “Once again, Fang, you nearly got caught!” I said.

  She glared at me like she was angry, but then curled around my ankles and head-butted me until I petted her. Black soot from the charcoal came off on my hand.

  I pulled out a spare piece that I had pocketed and touched up the black rings on her fur. “We have to keep you looking like a raccoon, Fang.”

  She purred and sat up so I could reach her paws and face. “There. Now let’s head back and get some dinner. I guess they won’t think it’s odd if a raccoon swipes something from my plate.” I paused. “Someone else’s plate would be better if you can, though.”

  As we walked back toward camp, through the forest, Fang suddenly hunched down into full-attack cat mode. Her fur stood on end and her eyes widened. She saw something and was stalking it.

  18

  I wasn’t sure if she was about to attack a hot dog that some camper had dropped after lunch or if she had stumbled onto somebody’s evil trap.

  She crept closer and closer to a bush by the clearing.

  Then I saw it. A few feathers from a green wing were sticking out of the bush. Fang leaned back and pawed the ground in front of her, ready to pounce. Then I heard “Don’t even think about it, Fang!” from inside the bush.

  “Geeky Girl?” I asked, shaking the shrub to see if she was in there.

  “It’s my disguise.” She popped her head up from between some branches, and Boris flew off a safe distance away onto a tree branch overhead. “Philippe decided I would make a good shrub.” She started pulling off her camouflage of branches. “Wait, do you hear something?”

  I would recognize that evil wheeze anywhere.

  “It’s Sanj. And probably Dustin too.” I looked around. “Quick, hide.”

  She popped back into the bush while I picked up some branches from the shrub disguise that she had thrown onto the ground. I crouched and covered myself with the branches. I couldn’t see where Fang had gone. She was still marked up as a raccoon, but I didn’t like her out there with Sanj and Dustin. She was already in a pouncing mood. What if she grabbed the notebook now, or what if she just jumped them ’cause she was bored?

  “We are totally gonna win that Evil Emperor of the Week for this trap,” Dustin said.

  “I have no doubt in your trapping expertise on the matter,” Sanj said. “And my invention will ensure that our final subject complies with the plan.”

  His invention? I thought. Then I saw it. Sanj took the Nicifying Helpful Minion Ray out from under his jacket and patted it. They had rebuilt it, sure, but it was definitely our design. I liked that floppy-haired kid even less now. He not only stole my evil pal, he stole my evil plans as well.

  “Hey, don’t point that thing at me,” Dustin said, pushing the barrel of the ray gun back toward the ground.

  “Sorry,” Sanj said. “Let’s find our big friend.” They walked off farther into the woods.

  Geeky Girl and I both dropped our branches and stepped out from the bush when they had gone.

  “Was that the Nicifying Helpful Minion
Ray?” Geeky Girl asked.

  “Yup,” I said, staring after them.

  “The same one that turned you nice and…,” she added.

  “Let’s not talk about that,” I said. “I don’t ever talk about that.” I shuddered at the thought of my day of making tea, playing pat-a-cake with Sami and doing absolutely nothing at all that was even remotely evil while I was under the control of the Nicifying Helpful Minion Ray. It was the saddest day of my young life. Except for the fact that it was also the day I met Fang.

  “They must have used the ray on some animals, or are planning to,” I said. “Remember, they were trapping them before.”

  “Unless they were just testing it on animals…? It sounds like they are going to use it on a person,” Geeky Girl said.

  “Yeah, they did say ‘our big friend,’” I said. “There’s no way they are getting me with that gun again.”

  “Maybe they mean Igor? He’s probably the biggest kid here,” she said.

  I smiled thinking of Igor sitting, making cups of tea. Then I snapped out of it.

  “He’s in my evil tent posse,” I said. “I have to warn him if Sanj and Dustin are up to something. We don’t know anything for sure, though, so I’ll let him know to stay away from Sanj and Dustin just in case.”

  “OK, you go talk to Igor, and I’ll finish the modifications to the 3-D goggles,” Geeky Girl said.

  “Come on,” I said, and we started to walk back to the camp. “Um, do you want to go in first so it doesn’t look like we are, you know, hanging out or anything? I got the posse to think of.”