by S. Moose
“I’m really sorry. But you have to know that’s not your fault.”
“I know that now, but it doesn’t make it any easier. I miss him like crazy, but Joe, my step dad, is great and makes my mom happy.”
I listen to her talk and feel comfortable. Usually, I don’t give a shit when a girl wants to talk and it’s my cue to peace the fuck out. Not this time though.
“Joe did everything with me. He helped me with my game and became my best friend. I still think about my dad and hope he’s proud of me.”
“He is, Zara.” I tell her, stroking her arm and keeping my eyes on her.
“You know,” she starts to say, “I got a tattoo and I’d show you, but that'll have to be for a different time. Katy and Jamie are the only people who've seen it.”
Fuck me. Fuck me. Images of her getting up and slowly taking off her clothes come to mind. I wonder what kind of underwear she has on. Then I wonder if she even wears underwear. Fuck. Stop!
"Your turn."
It takes me a few moments to decide what I should tell her. "I'm scared that I'll be alone forever."
A sexy as sin smile crosses her face. I'm not sure why she's smiling, nor do I care. Zara's everything I'm not. She's happy, carefree and it fascinates me. All I can think about is carrying her to my room, resting her on my bed, tasting her and spend hours cherishing her sexy body. Images of her legs wrapped around my waist, screaming my name, telling me to fuck her harder, alerts my dick to want her too.
"You have all of us, so you'll never have to know what it's like to be alone."
"I guess." I need something to distract me. "Wanna watch a movie?"
"Sure." She gets up and I do the same. She follows my lead, walking through the house and up the stairs to my room. Letting her go in first, I watch her get on my bed and pull her legs up.
“Fast and the Furious? I have all the movies.”
"Can we watch the first movie and go in order?” I nod. “Okay!” She pushes herself up and crawls to the top of the bed, resting against the pillows and headboard.
I start the movie and rest on the bed next to her. She’s quiet as the movie plays and it’s a nice kind of quiet. The whole situation with Zara is welcoming and I want her here with me. Before having her in my room, I used to lay here and feel alone. It was a room where I slept, thought and got ready. I barely spent any time in here, until now. With Zara in my room, it now feels safe.
The different sides of Zara make me feel like I can trust her. She’s not here because of who I am. She’s here because of some other reason and I hope it’s the same as why I want her here.
The next night Gavin and I head to the pub to grab dinner. Ordering burgers with beer, I tell him a little more about Zara.
Gavin's eyebrows shoot up. "So, tell me again. You want to be friends with Zara?"
"What's the big deal?" I take a bite of my food and drink my beer. I've been toying with the idea of being friends with Zara. Anyone who knows me knows I don't have female friends-besides Katy and sometimes Jamie.
"The big deal is, you're letting someone in your circle. You know, the circle that is for the boys plus Katy and Jamie."
"Sometimes Jamie."
Gavin looks confused and shakes his head. "Whatever you say. She's getting to you, isn't she?"
"No."
"Don't lie to me, Treston. It's okay to move on."
My body tenses and I realize I haven't thought about her. This doesn’t happen. She’s always on my mind. Rubbing my palms on my jeans, I close my eyes and I don’t see her face. I see Zara’s.
"Man, stop telling me that it's okay. I see her like a friend; she's cool and we had fun at the diner."
Gavin crosses his arms across his chest. "So she’s a friend you like to hang out with and let in your room. The place where no one is really allowed in."
"I get it and I can promise you, she’s a friend.” I didn’t want to tell him I’m trying hard to stay away from her and push away my feelings for her. Being near Zara’s too easy and too pure. I’m not used to this. She’s a fucking girl and yet I can’t stop thinking about her.
"Just don't fuck with her."
I snap. First he tells me it's okay to move on and then he says this shit. "When have I ever fucked with someone's emotions? Zara's different. It's not like that. It's different and I don't know why I even care enough to explain it to you."
Because I'm still trying to figure it out myself. As long as I keep Zara at arm's distance and make sure to keep pissing her off, she’ll see me as just a friend. I need to keep my past and my present away from each other.
After we get back to the house, Gavin heads over to the girls’ house to see Katy. Lucky bastard. I decide to hit my room, listen to music and try to sleep. It's pointless though. As soon as my head hits the pillow, I think about Zara and her sexy as hell smile. Our conversation in the diner plays in my head. I wish I had time to talk to her. I don't want her to think I'm dissing her.
Usually women don't linger on my mind like this. They don't make me nervous or turn me into a pussy. I've blocked them out for so long, but Zara distracts me. Something about her distraction makes me want more.
A lot more.
Her perfume hits me and I’m brought back to the night she shared my bed with me. I didn’t plan on any of this happening or wanting to keep her in my room. I thought if I kept her away from the other guys, you know like an older brother or whatever, that’s how I’d see her. We’re four years apart and she’s too damn young for me.
She’s more, though. Everything I’ve done up to this point has been wrong. Considering I’ve purposely annoyed the shit out of her, she still wants to be near me. It’s been a few days and I’m getting drunk on her smell and the look of her eyes. I love pissing her off, seeing her face scrunch and the way she plays with her hair, twirling the strands around her fingers. When we’re together, I don’t think about other girls or feel the need to hook up with anyone.
You’ll kill her.
Everything you touch, you destroy
I feel sick, hearing the words repeated in my head. Mentally cursing the voices to shut the fuck up, I try to block out the strong voices, forcing myself to remember why I have to stay away.
CHAPTER 10
TRESTON
A FEW NIGHTS AGO, WHEN I WAS HOME HAVING dinner with my parents, I told them about Zara. I told my mom that we were just friends and to stop smiling. She did, but I saw the look she gave to my dad. My parents didn't know what to do with me when I lost Emily. I was a zombie, only talking when necessary and I didn't stay home too much. I worked out in the gym and focused on getting better. I had to keep busy so that I didn't feel the pain in my heart. The pain of not having Emily.
I've been burying myself in school and lacrosse. I know I've been a dick by avoiding her. I need to clear my head and remind myself that she's a friend and I can't fall for her.
There's another party tonight and I rush back to the house after working out and get ready. I send a text to Zara, telling her to text me when she gets here. After finishing getting ready, I head downstairs to the party and play two rounds of pong before looking around for her. I check my phone and there's nothing from her.
"Play this round without me," I tell Ethan and look for Peaches.
“Hey man, you’re here,” Jackson shouts, handing me a beer.
“What’s up? Hey, have you see Peaches?”
He takes a drink of his beer. “Yeah man, she went outside with Henry."
Shoving the beer back in Jackson’s hand, I run upstairs and through the back door. When I get outside, I look around and find Henry, but he's not with Peaches. Where the fuck is she?
“What are you doing?”
“Waiting for Zara. She had to take a phone call and went to the front. I'm trying to convince her to take a walk with me. I wanna get to know her. What are you doing here anyways?"
I cock my brow and stare him down. "Stay away, Henry. She's off limits.
The smug
bastard laughs and slaps my shoulder, "Afraid of competition, Parker?"
"Fuck no. With you? You don't stand a damn chance."
"Let's have her make that decision," he tells me.
“I want you to stay away from Peaches,” I seethe, getting closer to his face.
“Do you have a thing for her or something?”
I shake my head, “Stay away, brother. I won't tell you twice.”
“Why? I like her. I know this sounds fucking crazy, but when we talk, I don’t know, she’s different and really nice. She's a cool girl and since no one is talking to her, I want to.”
She and I spent the night together, so she’s off limits.”
“Bro, did you two have sex?” My face turns red. I can’t lie and have Zara be mad at me.
“No.”
“Then what’s the problem? She’s game.”
“She’s not a fucking game. She’s a girl who…” my voice trails off and I’m not sure what I’m going to say.
“Exactly. She’s a girl who is single and I like her. So go away and do something else.”
Before I can say anything else Peaches walks over to us, eyes us, before turning to look at me. "Can I crash in your room tonight? Everyone's pretty wasted and I don't want to head back to the house alone."
"Yeah. Come on. Henry, have a good night." I pat his shoulder, hoping he knows to stay the hell away.
Walking up the stairs to my room, I close the door and go to my dresser to find clothes for her.
"Where have you been?"
"I had to go back home. Saw my parents and my phone died while I was driving back. Sorry that I've been ignoring you. I've been busy."
"Me too," she softly answers. I hand her the clothes and watch her walk to the bathroom. While she's doing her thing I undress, putting on workout shorts and laying on my bed. I feel like a child on Christmas morning. I’m excited to have her back in my bed and in my arms.
"I didn't want to wear the sweatpants," she comes out of the bathroom, "I hope it's okay."
Fucking kill me now. She's wearing just my shirt. It hits her mid thigh and it takes every ounce of me to not get up and throw her up against the wall. My eyes travel up and down her body, admiring her and wishing I could sink myself in her. "It's okay," I mutter. Our eyes don't leave one another as she comes to the side of the bed and slides in.
"Night, Treston." She yawns, pulling the cover up to her chin. "See you in the morning."
I brush her hair from her eyes, "Night, Peaches." Kissing the side of her head, I whisper in her ear. "I'm here, Peaches. I'm here."
The next day goes by quickly. Zara and I go for our run and she comes back to the house and relaxes with me.
“Come on. You know the answer,” I laugh, throwing a piece of paper in her face.
She groans, flipping on her back. Her shirt rises, showing her stomach and I can’t stop staring. She’s wearing short black shorts and I pray that she turns back on her stomach so I can stare at her perfect ass. I’m so focused on her body that I don’t realize she’s talking to me. “Treston! I can’t do this!”
“Stop whining,” I tell her, looking away. Taking a few deep breaths, I focus on the pages of the textbook resting on my lap. But each word I read blurs. Peaches floods my mind. A small smile hits my face.
“Okay, okay,” she gets up and plays with her hair. She does this when she’s trying to focus and I think it’s the most adorable thing about her. “Can I ask you something?”
“Sure.”
“I know we’re friends and friends tell each other things, but you’re so closed off sometimes. So I noticed that lately you’ve been hanging out with me, Katy, Jamie and the guys. Why don’t you go to your skanks? And also, I notice you leave a lot. Where do you go?”
I think about what she’s saying and agree. I haven’t been hooking up and I don’t want to. Getting her approval and being the man I know I can be is better than five minutes of messing around with a girl I don’t give a shit about. “We can be friends, but don’t ask about my past or where I go. All you need to know is that I’m okay and you make me want to be better.”
She rolls her eyes and gets on her knees, leaning toward me. “You’re hiding something from me, aren’t you?”
“Zara, you can’t ask me about my past or where I go.” She rolls her eyes again, “I think you have a medical disorder.”
“A what? Why?”
I lean in close to her, “If you roll your eyes at me again, I’ll leave you to study on your own, Peaches.”
She stares back at me with a death glare. The combination of her different moods is intoxicating. She’s sassy, bitchy, a smart-ass, but sweet and caring. I like hanging out with her and seeing her smile when we’re together. Or maybe it’s because she doesn’t throw herself on me like other girls on campus do. For some reason, it bothers me that she doesn’t fawn over me.
"Why can't I ask you? You said you'd tell me more about the girl in the picture."
My body freezes. "If we're going to be friends, and stay friends, don't ask questions."
"Fine. No questions." The harshness in her voice strikes me. I don't want to be an asshole. Just the nature of the situation. "I need water. Be right back." I watch her leave from the corner of my eye and hate this. I hate that I can't talk to her and let her in, even a little.
Not being able to focus, I close my book and head downstairs. Before going into the kitchen, I stop when I hear Zara and Katy talking.
"So you two are just studying?"
"Yep. I tried talking to him. He says he wants to be friends, but he keeps me at a distance."
"That's how he is, babe. Treston is the most complicated guy ever." This is true.
"Whatever. I don't care. I thought he was someone I could become close with and actually fall for. He's too much to get to know. I should get to know Henry and give him a chance, he's safe."
"Oh what the fuck ever, Zara. I've seen you and Treston. You both like each other, but won't do anything. The two of you need to talk. I'm not the only one who sees it."
"Doesn't matter. Treston Parker and I will never happen."
Slowly backing away, I head outside and clench my fists at my side. She's fucking with my head and I'm letting her. She wants to come in and help me, but when it gets too hard, she wants to back down. Whatever. I don't give a shit.
Getting out of the house is what I need to clear my head and figure out what the hell I'm doing. Unlocking my car, I hear Zara calling my name. I ignore her and get in my car to drive. I have no idea where I'm going.
Driving for a few minutes, I end up at the bar and go inside. Jamie's bartending today so I take a seat and she sees me. Bringing me a shot of tequila, I take it. It doesn't take long before my phone goes off.
Peaches: Where'd you go?
Peaches: Did I do something wrong?
My fingers brush over the screen. I'm overreacting. I shouldn't care that she's giving up on me. I'm too fucked up to be with someone as good as her.
"Talk to me," Jamie says, setting a bottle of beer by my hands. "I got a text from Katy saying that you peaced out of the house and left. What's going on?"
"Not sure," I tell her, before taking a swig of my beer. "Things are getting confusing. I heard Zara pretty much say she's not going to date me."
"Well, did you want to date her?" I shrug, "I need you to listen to me, Treston." I look up and see her. "I've known you for years and I know that it's been hard for you. We're all here for you. You don't have to go through this alone. I know you still carry the burden of Emily's death on your shoulders, but you shouldn't. This isn't how she'd want you to live your life."
"It's tearing me apart. I feel like I can't fucking breathe when she's near me, but I need her to stay away from me, Jamie. I'm too fucked up and she's perfect."
"I think that's for her to decide, not you."
I sigh, finishing my beer. "Can I stay and chill?" She nods and moves to the next customer.
I don’t do r
elationships.
I don’t fall in love.
I can’t fall in love.
But I can’t stop thinking about Zara.
CHAPTER 11
ZARA
SITTING HERE WAITING for Treston to come back is making me nervous. I have no idea what happened, but I have a feeling it’s not good. Looking at my cell phone for the hundredth time, realizing how late it’s getting, I grab my things and write Treston a note.
When you get back text me. I hope you’re okay.
<3 Peaches
I smile writing my nickname. The nickname he gave me.
Walking out of his room, I hear some commotion and giggling downstairs. I roll my eyes thinking that Katy and Gavin are probably getting it on. Rushing down the stairs and heading to the door, I immediately freeze.
“Treston,” the redhead giggles.
“Treston?” He looks up and at me.
“What are you still doing here?” He gets up from the redhead and she gives me the stare of death.
Not tonight hoe bag.
“Waiting for you. But I can tell you’re busy. Carry on.” I need to get out of this house and stay away from him. I couldn’t get away fast enough. Before I make it to the house, I feel my hand being grabbed. I’m spun around and come face to face with Treston. I can see his bloodshot eyes and instantly, I want to hug him.
“Don’t go.”
“You’ve been drinking.” I can smell the alcohol on his breath. I look around for his car and feel pretty thankful it’s not in his normal spot. “Why’d you go?”
“Because,” he looks down, “I heard what you said to Katy. About never wanting to be with me.”
Ugh, I can’t believe he heard me. “It’s not like that. I mean, you’ve been getting around and look at what I saw tonight. We’re friends and I like hanging out with you. I don’t think we’d be good together.” I hate saying that to him and seeing the look of sadness in his eyes.
