Finally...One Summer (Just One of the Guys)

by Kristi Pelton

  “It means you blame yourself for so much that isn’t your fault.”

  I nodded. “Fair enough. How about a pact?”

  Wrinkles creased across his forehead. “A pact?” he asked hesitantly.

  I held my pinky out. “I pinky promise to you that I will not blame myself for what…” I took a deep breath and released it. “…what Paul did to me.”

  He impatiently motioned for me to keep talking like I wasn’t done. “And…”

  “And what?”

  “And, it’s not my fault that Zach left,” he prompted.

  I vigorously shook my head from side to side. “No.” I jerked my pinky back. “That is my fault.”

  He gripped me in a headlock and noogied my head.

  “Stop.” I laughed.

  He let go and I fell back in the sand. “Oh, I’m sorry,” he said helping me up.

  “Your turn.” I held my pinky up.

  He rolled his eyes and offered his pinky. “What do you want me to say?”

  I glared at him.

  “OK. I pinky promise…God, I feel like I’m in kindergarten.” He paused. “I pinky promise to not blame myself for what happened with Libby.”

  I motioned the same way he had for more of a promise.

  “What?” he asked.

  “Libby manipulated the situation to make me think I was responsible when I wasn’t,” I said.

  He pointed at me. “Yes. Exactly what you said.”

  I twisted his pinky.

  He laughed. “Let’s get out of here.”

  The trip back to Cannon was uneventful and faster than I’d like. It was nice to get away from the pain. And I truly had gotten away from it.

  The house smelled good when I walked in and I peeked in the oven. Yum…roast, potatoes and carrots. I felt hungry. It was near dinnertime and no one was around.

  I took two stairs at a time up to my room to check my phone. No messages. My heart twisted with sorrow and I contemplated texting him. I shut the phone and slid it back in my underwear drawer.

  Out on the deck, I curled up in the lawn chair and closed my eyes thinking about Austin’s story…about Libby. On the pill…pregnant. Austin hadn’t used protection. My heart began to race. I suddenly felt as stupid as Austin did about not using it. I swallowed hard wondering if I could be pregnant. No. I’d been on the pill for almost six months. My periods were normal…shorter but regular.

  I ran in and grabbed my purse off the doorknob pulling out my calendar. My period started before Zach came. I marked an X on the last day and put it away.

  Back on the deck, I closed my eyes and tried to relax.

  When I woke up, it was dark. I scratched my head and moved indoors yawning. The smell of dinner lingered in the air but my gut told me my family had eaten without me. Dad was in the recliner watching some sporting event, I didn’t turn to look.

  “Hey, honey. You slept through dinner. Mom fixed you a plate and it’s in the fridge.”

  I shuffled past him. “Thanks, Dad.”

  “How was your day with Austin?” he shouted from the living room.

  “Good. It was fun,” I hollered back pulling the foiled microwavable plate from the fridge.

  “It was nice not to have you holed up in the house all day.”

  “Thanks, Dad. I enjoy seeing you too.”

  “Oh, you know what I mean. When you’re dating Zach, unless he’s here…you’re mopin around all the time and sad,” he complained.

  “I’m still dating Zach,” I assured him. “We’re just working through some things.”

  The microwave beeped, and I retrieved my food and went into the living room, taking over a corner of the sofa. Hockey.

  “No baseball?” I asked.

  “In about twenty minutes. It’s either hockey or a poker tournament. Oh by the way, tomorrow your mom and I are heading to Washington.”

  The steaming carrot burned the tip of my tongue, and I chewed with an open mouth to cool it off glad no one saw, then took a sip of my water. “Where to?”

  “We’re heading up to the Mt. St. Helens. Come with us.”

  I instantly shook my head. “No, thanks. I’m a downer on my own…that would just make me sadder.”

  “Things are coming back to life up there. Wildlife, trees, foliage.”

  “Foliage? Tempting, dad.” I’d been up there so many times with them. Mom had gone there as a kid to the campgrounds and loved Spirit Lake so it held memories for her that it didn’t for me. In 1980, when it erupted, she was devastated. Some families who had been camping were actually killed during the eruption. The re-growth of the place she loved was important to her. I think I still had a shirt I’d bought when I was about nine that said “Mt. St. Helens is a real ash hole.” I smiled. I thought I was hot stuff in that shirt.

  “You know. Don’t get me wrong. I like Zach. I like him a lot and I think he treats you nice. But just out of curiosity…”

  I stopped chewing on the piece of roast as the sudden lump in my throat made a new appearance. Talking about Zach naturally made me sad right now and talking about him with my father was worse.

  “What happens when he goes away to college?”

  I shrugged. “I don’t know.”

  My appetite was gone and the thought of forcing another bite in made me nauseous. The hockey game was over, so I gathered my stuff and headed back to the kitchen.

  “You finished already?”

  “Yeah. Austin and I had ice cream right before we came back so I’m not super hungry,” I said from the kitchen.

  “OK.”

  I had a hunch our conversation was over…for now.

  The fire on the beach had just gotten started. I tried to make out the shapes of who was down there and guessed it was Ryan and Grant.

  Back up in my room, I checked the cell phone for messages. Nothing. My fingers pushed his number into the phone. I just wanted to say hi. The beat of my heart was heavy and the phone rang in my ear.

  “EMMA?”

  My eyes popped wide. It was a girl.

  “Yes?”

  “Oh, he’s going to be so disappointed that he missed you.” It was his mother. She was upset. Tears stung my eyes.

  “I can call back,” I cried, nearly sobbing as the words came out.

  “Honey, don’t cry. You’ll make me cry.”

  I laughed half-heartedly. “Will you tell him I called?”

  “This phone has been attached to him for the past two days. He and his father stepped out to grab a movie and he left it here. Oh, I can hear what he’s going to say already. In fact, if you step outside, you may be able to hear him up there,” she laughed.

  I smiled. “Mrs. Owens, is he doing OK?”

  “Emma. Zach didn’t tell us what happened and we know it’s not our business. When he came home early on Saturday, we knew something was wrong and we’ve just given him space.”

  “Thanks for being there for him. Tell him I called please.” The last thing I wanted to do was hang up. I felt closer to him just talking to her. But, there was nothing more to say.

  “He’ll probably call you back in just a few.”

  “OK. Thanks. Bye.”

  “Bye. Bye.”

  She was such a peaceful person, so unlike what Zach had described when she was an attorney in San Francisco, which is why they left. Her health concerns caused her to abandon the career she loved but her health was a priority for the family and things were better now. Another reason Zach could never know about what happened. If he did something stupid, his mother’s health could be at risk and I couldn’t handle that.

  I curled up on my bed and waited.

  Chapter 18—Zach

  Watching a movie was one thing, but being forced to watch a movie because my parents were worried that I was going to start using again to get out of this funk was another. I’d been sober 465 days and they knew it was in large part due to Emma. Though the pain in my heart was like no pain I’d ever encountered, I wasn’t about to use. />
  As soon as I stepped in the house, Mom was waiting with my phone.

  “She called, honey.”

  Angrily, I tossed the DVD in its case across the room.

  “Zachary!” My father firmly stated.

  “What? I’ve waited and waited to talk to her and the moment I’m without my phone, to go get some stupid movie, she calls. What do you think she’s thinking? I’ll tell you, she thinks she’s not important enough to keep my phone with me! That’s what.”

  “Son, I know you’re hurting, but you better check the way you are speaking to us.”

  The long slow breath I inhaled relaxed me only a bit. “I’m sorry, Dad,” I said as I took the phone from my mom.

  “Honey, she was tearful when I spoke with her.”

  A piercing pain shot through my heart. I nodded.

  Seventeen minutes had passed since her phone call. She answered on the third ring.

  “Hi,” she said.

  “Hi.” I sighed as the word came out and relief washed through me just hearing her voice.

  An awkward silence filled the distance.

  “Um. My mom said you called. I’m sorry I missed it.”

  I glanced at the face of my phone to see if the call was still connected.

  “Em?”

  Finally I heard her take a deep breath. “I just wanted to hear your voice.”

  Her voice cracked at the end and I had a hunch she was crying. What I wouldn’t give to take the pain in her heart away.

  “Emma. Don’t be upset.”

  “Don’t be upset…that you walked out on me…on us?”

  “I didn’t walk out.”

  “No. You sprinted.”

  She never saw things clearly. Ever. No matter how I intended something to come across, she took it more personally. “I thought we both needed time. You need to work out whatever it is you’re going through. And I...” I paused choosing just the right words to get my point across. “I need to figure out if I can be with someone who won’t be honest with me.”

  She said nothing.

  “Will you tell me?” I nearly begged.

  Continued silence.

  “Talk to me, Em.”

  “I want to be with you,” she sobbed.

  I heard a knock and assumed she’d have to hang up so she didn’t get caught with the phone. When she didn’t, I wondered which of the guys was in her room. Curious as to why she said nothing about who it was, I opted out of asking about it. I had a feeling it was Austin though. Don’t ask me why, but since the night he kissed her in the living room at her house, he rubbed me the wrong way.

  “There is nothing I want more than to be with you, and I think you know that. But Emma. When my girlfriend’s hurt, I want to make her feel better and when I touch her, call me crazy, but I prefer her skin not crawl.”

  “I have to go,” she said.

  “Emma, wait.” I said but the phone beeping signaled the disconnect.

  “Damn it!” I hissed to no one but myself and tossed my phone on the bed. Who the hell came into her room? I was wrong to blame Grant. He loved her. Never would he have hurt her. Never would he have left bruises on her like that. But who did? As my hands clenched into fists, I knew without a doubt, I would find out what happened.

  Chapter 19—The bucket list

  After hanging up with Zach, I tossed a tube of Carmex at the glass door and Austin flipped around. He stared at me from behind the glass, his eyes soft. I threw myself back on the bed and covered my face with a pillow but heard the sound of the water as the door came open and closed again. I didn’t want to look at him. I felt the movement of the mattress and figured he sat on the bed. Then there was light as he lifted the pillow.

  My expression was one of embarrassment. I tried to cover my face with my hands, but he gently took my wrists and pulled me up until I was in his arms. I cried harder then as he stroked my hair and my back but offered no words. We sat like that for I don’t know how long, maybe ten minutes before I reared back and glanced at him.

  “Sorry,” I whispered.

  He touched my reddened cheeks. “Don’t be. Hurt…hurts.”

  “I don’t understand why it’s so important to him to know what happened. I got snot on your shirt.” I pointed at a spot and tried to wipe it off.

  He scrunched his nose and smiled. “He just wants to protect you.”

  “By not being with me?”

  He shrugged. “If you’re looking for me to explain guys…”

  “Please. I know that would be impossible,” I laughed. “You want to sit outside?”

  Austin stood and opened the door. “After you.”

  The air felt refreshing to my face and we sat in chairs.

  “I’m not sure why you want to stay. I’m not good company.”

  “Ah. You’re fine. At least I’m hanging out with a chick rather than four or five guys.” He winked motioning his head toward the boys.

  “Yeah but you could miss out on an opportunity.”

  “Oh, Emma. I know you’ve been preoccupied, but this is my second summer that I’ve not played the game,” he explained proudly.

  When I raised my brows, my cheeks seemed dry. “Really?”

  He nodded. “Just not my thing anymore.”

  I stared at him not in an—I can’t believe it way—but more in a—there are some good guys out there way. Austin was a good guy. He’d been raised right by his parents. Maybe a little spoiled with an arrogant attitude but being a rich hot Italian—who wouldn’t be.

  “Why couldn’t I have fallen in love with you?” I asked half-joking.

  Austin shifted in his seat. “I’m a wee bit old for you.”

  “No, you’re not.”

  “Yes, I am.”

  “No, You’re not.”

  “Yes! I am.”

  “I’m sixteen, now,” I said with puckered lips.

  His forehead creased. “I’ll be twenty in seven days.”

  My mouth hung open. “You will not.”

  He chuckled out loud as his head fell backward. “I feel like I’m arguing with a three year old.”

  “You are not!” I replied sarcastically and laughed. “Are you really going to be twenty?”

  “Yes, ma’am.”

  I perked up a little. “What are you gonna do?”

  He shrugged. “I haven’t given it much thought.”

  “Spend it with me!” I shouted maybe sounding too eager and he muted a smile.

  He slid down in the chair. “With you, huh?”

  I kicked his chair. “Forget it. I’m too young, right. You know there’s four years between my parents.” I fluttered my eye lashes.

  A little pucker formed between his brows. “So we’re married now?”

  I glared at him, and he returned the glare, neither of us saying anything. I rolled my lips under fighting the smile I knew was coming until we both started laughing.

  “Listen…my little wifey. I have to drive to North Bend to drop off some stuff for my dad on Friday. That’s a day away from the big day. What do you think?”

  I placed an exaggerated palm across my chest. “Are you asking moi to come along?”

  A broader smile crossed his face.

  “Are you sure? I’m a little young for a multi-hour road trip. Do you have a car seat?”

  He nodded. “True. We may have to pack a diaper bag.” A teasing laugh came from his throat.

  “Thank you for today.”

  “It was my pleasure.”

  The week dragged past and I checked my phone for texts on the hour. Sulking would only annoy my folks, as I had learned in the beginning of the summer and that was when Zach and I were actually on speaking terms. I retrieved the crumpled piece of paper from my night stand drawer and re-read his letter comforting myself that the words—break up—weren’t there. We would talk again…just in Ashland. Maybe he needed this time to understand that I held this secret for a reason. Right now, he saw it as me trying to hurt him and he may never unders
tand that I was protecting him.

  My dad tapped peeking his head in my room. “Em?”

  I folded the piece of paper and tucked it into my lap. “What?”

  He made himself comfortable on the edge of my bed. “Austin called.”

  “Am I supposed to call him?”

  Dad’s head was shaking before my words were out. “No. He asked permission to take you to North Bend tomorrow. Did you know about this?”

  Permission? I smiled at the thought. “He asked me to go and I said sure. I guess I didn’t think it was a huge deal.”

  My dad patted my hand. “You know his father; he’s a little old fashioned. Austin wanted me to know what the plan was. When he was picking you up and what time you’d be home. Is there something I should be concerned about…”

  “No, Dad. We are just friends,” I blew off with a hesitant laugh. Weren’t we? Had I led Austin to believe there was more? I answered my own thoughts by shaking my head.

  “I know at sixteen…you think something might be right…and…”

  I held up my hand for him to stop. “Dad. Please. Are we gonna go there?”

  He abruptly rose to his feet. “You’re mom and Penny drove to Portland. So, here I am and when Austin phoned…well…he’s almost twenty, Em. And you know I like Austin…I do…but.”

  The comfort zone in my bedroom bordered between intense and freakin intense.

  “DAD! It’s not a date.”

  He clapped his hands together like he usually did when our conversation drew to an end. “OK.” He walked out my door.

  “Hey, Dad?”

  He ducked back in. “Yeah?”

  “What is the plan for tomorrow?” I asked.

  “He said he’d be here by seven. Oh, and he got a new car?”

  “The Audi was new.”

  Dad shrugged his shoulders. “You know Sonny Falsone. That’s how he does things.” My dad was gone.

  My fingers typed the message in slowly. I never feared in my worst nightmare I’d be scared to text the love of my life. I re-read it.

  you doing OK? Send

  I think that’s what his text asked after he’d abandoned me here. My heart pounded with anticipation like I’d never known. The phone remained opened as I stared at the blank screen. The reassuring vibration felt good to my hand even before I’d read the message.