He laughed once under his breath as his arms relaxed allowing me to rest on him again. “Yes but we didn’t last time either.” His breath slowly returned to normal. “I’m not sure I could ever go back, now,” he laughed quietly. “I had no idea.”
He was embarrassing me, and I was glad the lights were out as the blood rushed to my cheeks. “That big of difference, huh?” I giggled glad that I felt good to him.
He nodded and closed his eyes.
The Jeep was cold and the heat blew on high as we drove south. Music played softly in the background as we rode in silence, and before I knew it, we crested the hill into Medford. I’d cried once tonight and didn’t want to do it again. One of his hands steered the car while the other one held me. Around Grant’s Pass, I yawned and he tried to get me to lie down, but I refused.
“Hey, Em?”
I looked at him.
“You didn’t say if it was better for you this time?”
At first, I glanced out the window into the too dark night. He squeezed my hand with reassurance. “It was,” I whispered unable to look at him.
“It wasn’t. I can tell. You won’t even look at me.”
He was wrong. It was so much better. Only a short twinge of pain in the beginning. I had consciously made an effort to relax but caught myself violently squeezing his shoulder at one point. My breathing bordered on panting just thinking back. I glanced over at him, and his eyes flickered from me to the road then back to me with unnecessary questions.
I held his stare. “Being with you.” I swallowed overcome with emotion. “It was…wonderful. I mean it. It was so much better.”
A gradual smile moved over his face and he sighed in relief. “Good.”
“Did I hurt you?”
He raised one derisive eyebrow high on his forehead.
I turned away. “Never mind.” Stupid question. I couldn’t hurt him.
His foot came off the gas pedal because I felt the lull in the acceleration. “How would you have hurt me?”
I shook my head. “It was stupid.”
“Tell me.”
My eyes fell to my lap. “I squeezed you really hard at one point…your shoulders. I didn’t realize I was doing it until it was too late.”
“Believe me when I say, I didn’t even notice. I’ll let you know if I’m bruised tomorrow.” He winked.
“Stop.”
His arm captured my shoulders and pulled me in till he kissed my hair.
Chapter 36—Alone
The first day of school was a sad one for me. Everyone I’d ever cared about outside of Ali and Lauren were gone. The halls were covered in multicolored posters for a variety of academic and social clubs encouraging kids to join, none of which appealed to me. New freshmen filled the hallway. Ali was at our locker by the time I got there with a sad expression.
“What’s up?”
“Ryan was supposed to call me last night and he didn’t.”
I patted her shoulder. “I rode up with Zach and all of our parents were there. We were just super busy. I don’t think you need to worry. I bet you’ll hear from him today.” I smiled and she nodded as we separated. I wasn’t sure if she believed me.
After calculus and chemistry, I headed to PE where, as luck would have it, all three girls were—Claire, Jaycee and Estelle. Great! The glare coming from their eyes was of pure hatred. I went straight to the locker room.
“Hey, bitch!” Jaycee greeted.
I ignored them hanging my backpack on a hook. I was glad we didn’t have to dress out today. I tried to walk past them but they blocked my way. Maggie Wyman stared at me wide-eyed then darted from the locker room.
“How are you? Do you miss all your boyfriends? They are gone, you know. Every last one of them,” Estelle hissed with a clenched jaw.
Jaycee took two steps toward me with tightened fists.
“Is there a problem in here ladies?” Coach Hoy’s voice echoed through the room.
They flipped their bouncy hair in the air and smiled. “Nope. We just hadn’t seen Em all summer and we were getting caught up,” Clair lied.
I rolled my eyes as Coach Hoy measured my response; he nodded sideways for me to come and I did, breathing a sigh of relief as I left the room.
The first week went by in a blur regardless of the queen bees’ intent on destroying my life. Five days passing made them no nicer—in fact they got nastier—daily notes left on my windshield, hateful messages on my locker, body barricades in the hall. But I was dealing with it, mostly by ignoring them or detouring my route. Zach remained optimistic and encouraging during our nightly talks and offered to call Jaycee, which made me shiver just to think about. I had to believe it would get better.
State for cross-country was in exactly eight weeks and official training was underway. Coach was more attentive this year than last, clocking our daily times. And given our runs, Coach was confident a kid named Allan and I would qualify for the tournament. Ali and I ran together every practice, which meant I listened to an hour-long one-sided conversation about Ryan. They were still together at this point. On lengthier runs, I ran alone. This was my year, I could feel it.
Zach came home two weekends in a row and we cooked out one weekend with his folks and the other with mine. He’d only been in classes one of the weeks and admitted it was a little overwhelming. In two of his classes he was known as a number rather than his name. I think he struggled with that. In San Francisco, he was the hot little stud at his prep school. Then after moving to Ashland, he fit in immediately becoming the heartthrob of all the girls. So…being known as a number would be an ego check.
Monday morning I met my dad in the kitchen. He was staring into a glass jar.
“What are you doing, Dad?”
He laughed. “You’re mother found this spider in the garage and I believe…” He stopped talking and spun the jar.
“What?” I asked biting into an apple.
“I believe it’s a wolf spider. I didn’t think we had those here.”
As I chewed the piece of fruit, I held the glass up to the light. “Holy cow! It’s huge.” This spider put the tarantula this summer to shame. Its leg span was unbelievable and gave me the heebie jeebies.
“Dad? Can I have this?”
His forehead creased. “Why?”
I shrugged. “Kind of a practical joke.”
He narrowed one eye and looked at me sideways.
“I promise. I won’t do anything bad,” I assured him.
He tightened the metal lid and said, “It’s all yours.” Little holes had already been poked in the top and I smiled.
After school, I headed straight to the UPS store where I bought a box and packing peanuts. I sealed the jar inside with tape tossing in a note that read Face your fears! Love Boo Berry I addressed it to Austin, with his Fraternity name, college, address, city and state. When I handed it to the attendant, I chuckled as he tossed it into the outgoing mail.
Zach couldn’t come home the next weekend and I was disappointed. He had a project to get done but wondered if I could make the trip up. Mom and Dad didn’t like the idea, but Ali and I were going to go together, and after conferring with her parents, they agreed. Up and back in one day.
We arrived at the duplex around lunchtime and both boys met us when we pulled up. I would never get used to the feeling of Zach’s arms around me. Grant came out and a new girl followed.
“Hey Em. Ali,” he greeted. “This is Laken.”
She was a pretty girl but heavier than Grant usually liked. She apparently lived two doors down with a group of girls. Hmmmm, a group of girls living two doors down… I didn’t like that.
I read quietly in Zach’s room while he worked on the written composition paper for English. He caught me staring a couple of times and ravished me with kisses. I tidied up his room and even started a load of his laundry but was still feeling neglected. After disturbing him too many times, I voluntarily crashed on the sofa and watched football with Grant.
&nb
sp; Ali and Ryan were back from whatever they were doing in his bedroom and headed to get the food. I wondered if I’d hear about that on the way back. Zach was stretching and yawning and he plopped down next to me on the sofa pulling my knees into his chest.
“I’m done,” he said huskily releasing a long held breath and I kissed his cheek.
“We ordered pizza,” I told him.
“Sounds great.” He rubbed his eyes with his knuckles.
I pulled his head down onto my lap and stroked his temples as he closed his eyes. His face was silky, clean shaven and smelled good. I rotated my fingers on his scalp, starting out by one ear, crossing the top of his head and finishing by the other ear. The TV was on but muted. I stared at the football game but not really watching. His lips parted slightly just like when he kissed me, but this time he slept peacefully in my arms. With my finger, I smoothed over his brows until his chest rose and fell with each measured breath.
The front door opened and his body flinched. I shot my index finger to my lips and glared at Ali and Ryan as they came in holding the pizza boxes. Ali motioned for someone behind her to be quiet.
“Look who we found at the pizza place,” Ryan spoke softly as Austin stepped through the door. A breathtakingly gorgeous blonde stepped in behind him with sorority written all over her. The Greek letters may as well have been tattooed across her forehead.
Grant stood and extended a fist to Austin who bumped it and sat on the love seat.
“Hey everybody. This is Corrine,” he lazily introduced.
He knew I was there, but our eyes hadn’t met yet. As far as I was concerned they weren’t going to. I slowly maneuvered out from under Zach’s head replacing my lap with a pillow. He readjusted but stayed asleep and I stormed to the kitchen.
Ryan opened pizza boxes and Ali was getting paper plates and napkins. I hit Ryan in the shoulder.
“What were you thinking bringing that arrogant jackass here?” I whispered seething.
He shoved a slice of pepperoni in his mouth and laughed. “Hey, Austin.”
My eyes nearly bulged from my head and Ryan stared behind me. “Bullshit,” I said assuming Ryan was joking.
He grabbed another slice and walked out and I stood with my back to the door.
“Arrogant jackass, huh?” Austin repeated and his breath was warm to my neck. He was close. Too close.
I spun around and back stepped at the same time. His eyes sparkled with laughter and I opened my mouth and…nothing.
“Thanks for the package this week. That was sweet.” His eyes narrowed for a moment in an intense glare then relaxed.
“I thought you’d like that.” I bit my lip trying to ward off a smile.
“You’ll be getting the therapy bill,” he teased.
“Well. We’re kind of a poor family. I’m not sure we can afford that,” I frowned then threw a piece of pizza on a plate and moved toward the door. He caught my arm and suddenly his mouth was next to my ear.
“You want to tell me when I became a jackass?” His teeth were clenched.
I tried to free my arm to no avail and my pizza fell to the floor. “Get back to Corrine. I’m sure she’s lost without some guidance.”
He chuckled and tightened his grip on my arm. “It’s not what you think. But you are damn cute when you’re jealous.”
I took a long slow deep breath trying to calm myself. “I’m not jealous. Truth be told…I don’t care who you’re with. If you want some sorority-can’t-think-for-herself-skank, go right ahead. I think she’s right up your alley.”
“Em. She’s a Kappa pledge and she has to hang with one of us tonight. She’s nice. And…truth be told…you’re LYING! You do care.”
“Let me go, please.”
He stared into my eyes and that wasn’t good.
“Yes. Please. Let her go.”
Austin’s hand immediately released me and we both glanced up at Zach. His nostrils were flared and his upper lip was pulled tight across his teeth. I shot toward him placing my hand over his chest and he wrapped his arm over my shoulders. I couldn’t look back at Austin or I’d cry.
“Did you get some pizza?” Zach asked still glaring at Austin.
I shook my head. “I’m not hungry,” I said softly.
He nudged me. “Eat something.”
I forced myself to the table and placed a new piece on a plate.
“And don’t go thinkin for yourself there either,” Austin remarked.
Zach sarcastically laughed and shook his head.
“Do you want some?” I asked him.
Zach nodded and I returned to his side keeping my back to Austin.
“So…I take it streaking is out?” Austin asked sarcastically as we started to leave.
Zach spun around shoving me behind him and Ryan and Grant flew to the kitchen. Zach’s finger was inches from Austin’s face and I tugged on him.
“Zach, please. Don’t,” I begged. His hardened eyes found mine for a second and softened. He turned back to Austin who grinned from ear to ear.
“Yes. Zach. Please. Don’t,” he repeated then chuckled. “I’m just playin around, man.”
“Don’t play. And, don’t ever touch her again. Consider that list…null and void.” Zach’s voice was low and deep. He took my hand and guided me out of the kitchen and to his room.
“You all right?” he asked shutting the door.
I nodded but tears brimmed in my eyes.
“Why the tears?”
“I told you he’s my friend. He always will be. I’ve known him forever. I hate this.”
Zach exhaled harshly. “I’m sorry. I walked in and he has a hold of your arm and you’re asking for him to let go. Then he fu—”
I knew he was about to say the f-word. I’d only heard it one other time out of his mouth.
He finished, “he made the streaking remark and you have to admit, that was directed at me more than you.”
I folded my legs beneath me and sat on his bed. “I hate this. I can’t leave things like this.”
His big hand kneaded my shoulders. “Are you wanting me to apologize?”
I shook my head. “No. But I need to. I have to. I called him a jackass.”
The exasperated breath that he blew out annoyed me. “Do you want me to go get him?”
“You would do that?”
He nodded. “If that’s what you want.”
“I do.”
Zach was up and off the bed pulling the door shut behind him. I wiped my eyes and glanced in the mirror. I silently prayed Austin would talk to me. He was a friend I couldn’t live without.
Zach opened the door with a worried expression.
A quiet gasp slid up my throat. “He said no?”
Zach’s arms wound around me and his lips pressed into my hair. “He didn’t say no. He was gone.”
Chapter 37—The News
The finish line was within my sights and I could hear Natalie Hickel breathing behind me. Her feet weren’t landing gingerly anymore, it was an out of control thud each time her feet hit the ground. My body was still under my control. I’d had a slight stitch in my side for the last mile but managed to breathe through it. It was hard to stay focused. She’d won state, two years in a row and I was beating her. I concentrated on each step and keeping my breathing stabilized.
“Come on, Natalie.” I heard someone shout.
Cross Country didn’t have loads of spectators, but the family members who came out to support stood at the finish line, especially for a qualifying meet. I spotted Zach standing next to my parents, as I got closer. My mouth was open and the morning air was cold to my lungs. Last year’s state winner was falling further behind as her footsteps were now too faint to hear. I had it.
After stepping over the line, I raised my arms locking my fingers behind my head. Natalie crossed a few seconds after me and tears streaked her cheeks. I looked away as her dad met her with some water and an angry face.
Zach and my parents hurried over congratula
ting me on the win.
“First place!” Zach shouted and twirled me around and handed me a water bottle.
“You beat Natalie,” my dad laughed.
“Shh.” I put my finger to my lips. “I know,” I whispered. “I think she’s in trouble.”
Mom nudged me. “Here comes Ali,” she announced.
We all shifted around to watch her coming down the hill. State—two weeks away.
When my phone buzzed, I grabbed it quickly reading the text. My mind continued to drift to Austin on and off and with each text, I hoped. It wasn’t from Austin. My twenty plus texts over the past week had gone unanswered. He wasn’t going to call and I had to come to grips with that as much as I hated it. I wasn’t sure if I could wait until June to see him again, but it looked like that’s how it was going to be.
My phone rang this time and it was Zach.
“Hello?”
“Hey, baby.” I didn’t like his voice.
“What’s wrong?”
“Bad news. I can’t make it home this weekend.”
My heart sank. “Why?” I whined.
“I have some stuff to do for school. It’s important.”
I tried to sound strong. “OK. Well. Maybe I could come up again.”
“I’ve got to work the whole weekend. But…I’ll be home that next Friday and then your state tournament is after that. You know I’ll be there.”
My mind batted around different scenarios in my head of a way to be together. I was living for my weekends. “So, could we meet? Just for lunch or dinner…something? I can drive the longest.”
I heard his breath over the phone. “I don’t think so. It’s just not going to work out.”
“You promised. You promised every weekend.” I knew I sounded like a spoiled little brat but I didn’t care.
“Emma. Things don’t always work out as planned. Now cut me some slack here. I’ve done the best I can and this weekend won’t work.” His tone was rough.
“OK. Can we at least talk on the phone?”
“Of course,” he said softer. “Five times a day,” he laughed. “I need to get to class.”
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