by Hope Ramsay
“Mrs. Nelson’s dog,” Colton said.
Just then Maggie Nelson, who ran Angelfood, the gourmet chocolate place, and Cindy Madison, the dog groomer, came running down the street, exclaiming over Dolly’s misbehavior.
“Gotta go, buddy,” Tagg said, climbing behind the wheel of his car. “Let’s have dinner one night soon.”
Colton stood there holding the poodle, who was now licking his face. Tagg was off saving critically ill people while he was here nipping an overgroomed poodle’s dream of freedom in the bud. The question was, which guy would Sara prefer?
Chapter 20
Later that afternoon, Colton was standing on a stepladder working on his grandmother’s porch roof trying not to think about upsetting things, like Tagg wanting Sara back. Aiden had told him he’d seen a loose downspout, and Colton thought he’d give it a quick fix before he met Sara for dinner at Fallside, the popular multideck restaurant downtown that sat practically on top of the falls.
Logic told him Sara cared for him, a lot. But Tagg could be persuasive and charming, and he and Sara had a long history together. Plus they had similar backgrounds and their parents belonged to the same social circles. The list of how they were alike and he and Sara were different seemed a mile long.
Tonight was his first real date with Sara. But he wasn’t really in the mood for it. He’d kept thinking of Tagg all day, wondering about Sara’s reaction. There’d been no time to talk with her this afternoon, and it was eating him alive.
That was probably why he cut himself on the jagged rim of the disconnected spout. Nothing serious, but his thumb started bleeding.
He stopped in the kitchen to run water over his cut and wrapped it in a paper towel while he hunted for a Band-Aid. No luck in the kitchen or the downstairs bathroom, so he ran up to the bathroom at the top of the stairs, the one Hannah had appropriated. The narrow sink was lined with bottles of stuff he didn’t recognize and a curling iron that looked ready to fall into the sink. He’d have to warn her about that hazard. He opened the medicine cabinet above the sink.
He found the Band-Aids, all right. Right behind a little pink wheel of birth control pills.
He forgot all about his bleeding finger and stared at the thing. Picked it up, even though he knew it wasn’t his business. Some of the pills were popped out of the foil backing. He flipped it over. There was a pharmacy label. “Sara Langdon, MD, Langdon Family Practice.”
With fumbling fingers, he replaced the wheel and shut the cabinet. Leaned over the sink. He felt a little sick. One, because his sister was taking the pill. Having sex. With the guy he’d brought to the house, a kid he’d tried to help get into electrician school. Two, and worse, because Sara had prescribed them.
He forced himself to calm down enough to wrap a damn Band-Aid around his finger, but it took him two tries.
Colton leaned over the sink and heaved a big sigh, avoiding his reflection, which looked panicky. He was the father figure in Hannah’s life, and sometimes the boundary between that and being her big brother got blurred. But he was responsible for her. It was his job to protect her future, to make sure she had a great life. That meant sending her to college and making sure she was free to make choices he’d never been free to make. That didn’t include something like this. A guy who was wrong for her, who could alter her future plans. A guy she was having sex with at eighteen!
Dammit, why hadn’t he talked to her himself? He’d trusted Sara to do the right thing.
This was not the right thing. This was disaster.
* * *
Sara hadn’t minded at all when Colton suggested they cancel their dinner reservations and pick up Chinese instead. In fact, she told him he was welcome to bring the food to Nonna’s, since Nonna was with Rachel at the big senior center Italian meatball cook-off.
She couldn’t wait to see him. Tell him all about the stupid things Tagg had done in the office. Mostly she just wanted to feel his arms around her. Be reassured that what they had was real and good and so different from what she’d had with Tagg.
As soon as Colton’s cruiser pulled into Nonna’s driveway, Sara ran to the driver’s side and bent down to kiss him on the cheek. “Hi!” she said. An enthusiastic greeting, because she was starving—for food and for him. A couple of brown bags of takeout sat on the passenger side. The smell of ginger, sesame oil, and soy sauce wafted up, and her stomach grumbled.
As soon as Colton looked up, Sara sensed something was off. He was too quiet. Not smiling, his mouth drawn in a tight line. His brow was furrowed, and a muscle twitched in his jaw. Plus he had a white-knuckle grip on the wheel.
“What’s wrong?” She was learning that cops often kept a lot of things to themselves, things that would be upsetting to those that they loved. Maybe he’d had a terrible day at work.
He met her gaze briefly but didn’t smile like he usually did, or try to kiss her back. “I thought we might eat first, but I’m a little too upset.” He was staring straight ahead out the car window, and that unnerved her. It wasn’t like him not to look at her. My God, what was wrong?
“Do you want to come sit on the porch?”
“OK.” He walked up the porch steps and set the takeout bags on the table.
She took a seat on the edge of the swing while he stood against the porch railing, glancing out over the backyard.
He sighed heavily. Turned to face her. “I found Hannah’s birth control pills. The ones you prescribed for her.”
“You’re angry?” she asked.
He snorted. Well, that answered that.
“I sent her to you for information and you gave her license to fool around.” The anger in his eyes wasn’t what slayed her, but rather the hurt. He felt betrayed. By her. She could see it, all over his handsome face, and it devastated her.
She chose her words carefully. “Regardless of how I counseled her, she’s old enough to make her own decisions.”
“Why couldn’t you have told me?”
“She’s my patient. I couldn’t discuss what she told me in private.”
“Did you not think I had a right to know?”
“God, Colton, it has nothing to do with that. Look, I gave her all the facts, including my opinion on waiting. It was never my intention to encourage her to run off and have sex—just to protect her.”
Another heavy sigh.
He didn’t believe her, and that broke her heart.
The sound of a car idling down the road made her turn. A red Porsche was pulling up in front of the house. She saw that idiotic license plate, TAGG IM IT.
“Looks like your fiancé couldn’t stay away.”
“Ex-fiancé,” she said. This was getting worse by the minute. “Oh, come on, Colton.” She folded her arms. He could not be serious.
“You didn’t tell him about us this morning.”
“I was in the middle of my office. He was…emotional.” She paused. “You’re his oldest friend. Did you tell him?”
“Maybe there’s nothing to tell.”
Really? He was actually doing this? “Are you really going there? Before we do, let’s make it clear—is this about Hannah or Tagg?” Tagg got out of his sports car, shut the door, and took off his sunglasses. He was going to be up on the porch in a minute.
“It’s about everything. It’s about us and how different we are. Our families, our education, our backgrounds—different.”
She’d looked on their differences as complementary. Apparently he thought they were insurmountable.
“Colton, I’m sorry you’re angry. If you just talk with your sister—”
“This isn’t working,” Colton said, still staring out over the backyards where next door, a couple of kids chased each other around, laughing and playing.
“What’s not working?” Sara sucked in a breath. He was angry. Furious, even, about her interference with his sister. But was he so angry he wanted to break up?
“We’re not working.”
“We—us? Wait—are you breaking up wi
th me?” Oh God. He couldn’t be serious. This was their first fight about something other than their relationship. How could it be their last?
Her heart was drumming inside her chest as if she were having a heart attack. She felt sick. And angry. He was being obstinate. And she had no defense. She’d done what she felt she’d needed to do for Hannah.
Tagg was striding up the lawn. “Hey, babe,” he said, approaching her and giving her a side hug, which she quickly stepped out of.
She did not need this now, not ever.
“Babe, huh?” Colton said, clearing his throat. He rolled his eyes, his fists balled into a death grip at his sides.
Jealous. Could he be jealous of Tagg? His comment about their differences, about calling Tagg her fiancé…it was all making sense now.
“I stopped by so we could continue that discussion we started in the office,” Tagg said. “Guess what? Turns out my dad’s friends with the head of the neurology department at Falls Hospital and he’s arranged to have lunch with me. I’m really excited.”
Sara glanced at Colton, who seemed…shut down. Distant. She wanted to shake him.
“Tagg, this is a bad time,” Sara said.
“Hey, I’m glad you’re here, Colt,” Tagg said. “Maybe you can tell Sara how much I missed her. How sorry I am. How much I—”
“I meant what I said this morning,” Sara said to Tagg. “I’m not getting back together with you. I—I’m seeing someone else.” She looked pointedly at Colton, who seemed very busy checking his radio.
Tagg stared at her. At least that had temporarily shut him up. Unfortunately Colton didn’t say a thing.
“I love somebody else.” She looked at Colton, but he still wouldn’t make eye contact. God, the man was impossible. She frowned at him, but inside she was starting to panic. “So that’s it?” she finally said. “You’re not going to say anything?”
This time he turned cool blue eyes on her. Emotionless. “I need some time to think.”
“You’re really breaking up with me?” Her voice was shaky now.
Tagg had gone silent but suddenly began to sputter. “Wait a minute…You two…?”
“I love you,” Sara said softly to Colton. Oh God. Look what she’d done. The words had slipped out at the worst time. They came out sounding like a desperate attempt to keep him, a statement of outrage instead of a tender profession. As if she were really saying, I love you, how could you possibly break up with me?
He looked at her then, his gaze detached and level. “I’m not sure that’s enough, Sara.”
“Of course it’s enough,” she said, starting to cry. How could it not be enough?
“I—I’ve got to go.” He barely glanced at her as he walked down the porch stairs and to his car, leaving her standing on the porch with Tagg.
Sara wanted to escape into the house and get away from Tagg, but her muscles were paralyzed. She stood frozen, arms wrapped around herself. She was afraid if she moved she might fall to pieces.
“You’ve been dating Colton while I was gone?” Tagg asked, irritation tingeing his voice.
“Tagg, go home, OK?” Tears rolled uncontrollably down her face. She needed to move. If only her legs would obey. She didn’t care about Tagg or his unjustified outrage. She just wanted to get inside before the whole damn neighborhood caught her outside bawling.
“I can’t believe it. I mean, you two hated each other.”
OK, that was it. All the anger she’d kept bottled up inside for the past year finally burst out. “Maybe Colton and I wouldn’t have hated each other if you hadn’t lied.”
“What are you talking about?”
“That time you and I broke up in college, I made a date with him. You made sure it didn’t happen.”
For a second his eyes widened. “Oh, come on, Sara, that was years ago. I’ve always loved you. You can’t blame me for trying to hold on to you.”
“Tagg, you’ve always thought you loved me. What did we know of love? We were kids.”
His voice got quiet. “I know what love is now, Sara. You have to believe me. I’ve learned my lesson.”
Sara frowned. “Does this have something to do with the fact that you and Val broke up?” Of course it did.
His brows knit down. “Of course not.”
“I don’t know, why else are you suddenly here after an entire year?” He looked a little uncomfortable, but what did she know? And you know what, she didn’t really care. Tagg was not her problem anymore. “Maybe you need to stop searching for the right woman and try living with yourself for a while.”
“I’ve found the right woman. And she’s standing right here.”
“It was never right between us, Tagg, but I didn’t see it. Thank God things happened the way they did. Because you’ll always be looking over your shoulder, looking for something—someone—other than me.”
His mouth dropped open. He looked hurt and maybe even a little shocked. The Sara she’d been a year ago would never have made that speech. It was her only consolation now when she was aching, body and soul.
Sara turned and walked into the house. She couldn’t help but be reminded of the day before the wedding last year, when Tagg had shown up at her parents’ and told her he’d slept with Valerie. How devastated she’d been.
She’d hated being rejected, hated the cheap way it had happened, with Tagg sleeping with Cake Girl instead of having the guts to tell her to her face that he didn’t love her enough to marry her.
But now she felt only relief. Thank God she hadn’t married him! Who knew how long she would’ve kept telling herself she loved him, kept trying to make it work, despite the nagging in her soul that surely there must be more.
With Colton she felt love the way it was meant to be. He knew her so well, her vulnerabilities and her strengths, and he wasn’t afraid to call her out on either. But now he was rejecting her too.
* * *
Colton found the door to Hannah’s room closed. On it was a little magnet board covered with pictures of her and her friends and some goofy signs her friends had made for her eighteenth birthday. Typical teenager stuff.
The photo that caught his eye was of Hannah hugging a scraggly teddy bear whose left eye hung a little lower than his right. Elmer. Colton had sewed that eye back on when he was sixteen, after they’d all hunted for it for over an hour on Cookie’s front lawn.
He remembered how Hannah had cried about that lost eye, big, heaving sobs that had made him vow he’d search high and low all night if he had to, until the thing was found.
Where had the years gone? And why couldn’t today’s problems be as simple to fix as yesterday’s? Sewing on a teddy bear eye was nothing compared to worrying about the consequences of bad choices.
He hated that Hannah was growing up. He really hated the thought of her getting serious with someone. Someone who was a tattooed troublemaker, who would probably dump her for some other girl in a heartbeat. Someone who could get her pregnant and narrow her choices and alter the course of her life forever.
He rubbed the heel of his hand over his forehead. It was no secret that he had a difficult time talking about feelings. Add the birds and the bees into the discussion and he felt beyond helpless. But now he had no choice. Hannah’s life was too important to him. He wanted her to have the best life ever—full of love and happiness and fulfillment. Every choice that had been taken away from him—through his parents’ deaths, his heaped-on responsibilities, his blown-out knee—he wanted to be hers for the asking. He’d been a coward to depend on someone else to do what he should’ve done himself.
He knocked on the door.
No answer, but he was pretty sure she was in there, so he knocked louder.
“Come in,” Hannah said. “Is it Cookie?”
“Colton.”
He opened the door to find her sitting on her bed in a jumble of blankets, talking into her laptop. Elmer stared at him with his uneven, oddly suspicious gaze from her side.
“I’m FaceTiming
Sydney,” she said, laughing at something. “What’s up?”
“I wanted to talk with you. Can you call her back?”
“Hey, Syd, I gotta go. I’ll text you later, K?” She closed the computer.
There were clothes tossed all over the floor, makeup strewn across her dresser top, some smudged into the carpet. Photos lined her vanity mirror on both sides, mostly of her and her friends hamming it up for the camera. A lacy purple bra dangled off the edge of the mirror. He was really, really glad he never came in here.
He headed for the desk chair. “Can I sit here?” She jumped off the bed and moved the clothes that hung over the back of the chair. “I wanted to talk to you about something I probably should have brought up a long time ago.”
Hannah bit back a smile. “I’ve already had my period, Colton. It’s all good.”
“Ha ha. Look, I’m just going to come out and say it, OK? I found some pills in the cabinet when I was searching for a Band-Aid. I-I wondered if you’d talk to me about that.”
“About why I’m on the pill?”
He nodded. His hands were clenched so tightly on his knees he was pretty sure he’d leave bruises, and his jaw was stiff from clenching. But he had to stay the course on this, or he’d never forgive himself.
“Wait—no,” he said. “It’s not really about that. I feel like I’ve let you down as a brother.”
“What are you talking about? Most boys are terrified to ask me out because you’re so scary.” She was smiling.
That was the idea, but clearly Aiden hadn’t gotten the scary memo. And Colton didn’t feel very intimidating now.
Who the hell was he to give a sex talk anyway? He hadn’t had a serious relationship in his life. He’d cultivated that lifestyle on purpose. Carefree, easygoing Colt, who had enough responsibilities at home. Who didn’t want to be tied down to anyone.
Until now. Until Sara. And now he’d wrecked that.
“I screwed up because I was afraid to talk to you about what’s important because it made me uncomfortable. Because I told myself it was easier to send you to someone else who could help you.”
