Christmas at Mistletoe Lodge: New Holiday Romances to Benefit St. Jude Hospital

by Sabrina York

  Once she got her new ticket in her email, she closed her laptop.

  Hannah danced in a circle before jumping up on the chair by the window, her tail thumping hard as it swished back and forth.

  The front door pushed open, and Colton stepped into the family room carrying a large bundle of firewood. “How goes things with work?”

  “Not good and I’m sorry, but I have to leave tomorrow morning.”

  He dropped the logs right on his feet. “Fuck,” he mumbled, hobbling on one leg. “What did you say? You’re leaving?”

  “I just rebooked my flight. I need to go back and help prove Ashlea is behind all this bullshit. If I’m not there, I can’t defend myself.” She bent over and gathered a couple of logs, stacking them next to the fireplace. “I’ll tell your folks tonight at dinner.”

  “I wish you didn’t have to go. Tomorrow I was going to take you on a scenic fight over Denali and the glacier. Come right after Christmas, we have shut those tours down. It’s truly spectacular.”

  “I imagine it is, but I just can’t stay.” She slumped into the sofa and kicked up her feet on the coffee table. The tugging at her heartstrings took her breath away. The room swayed as if she were on a small craft in the middle of the ocean. She blinked, trying to imagine her world. Her apartment. Her office. Everything that she thought made her feel safe, only all she could see was Colton and this winter wonderland. She didn’t want to leave Alaska.

  Or Colton.

  But what choice did she have?

  Besides, even if she did stay for the rest of the week, she’d still have to go back to her life in the Big Apple. A long-distance relationship was one thing, but when a couple was separated by half the globe, they were doomed.

  A couple?

  Geez, she’d literally lost her mind.

  “Will you have time for breakfast in the morning?”

  “I should be on the road by ten at the very latest.” Softly, she rested her head on the cushion. A white glittery cloud floated across the window, casting a green glow over the moon. Hannah curled up in front of the inglenook.

  Colton finished stacking the wood and tossed a single log onto the fire. He poked it a few times, sending sparks into the air. His thick biceps flexed as he pulled his sweater over his head and tossed it to the recliner. His T-shirt clung to his six-pack abs like a wetsuit showing off every defined detail. Standing in front of her, he planted his hands on his hips and let out a long breath. “We need to talk.”

  “About what?”

  “Us.”

  She swallowed the thick lump that had crawled up to her throat, but it wouldn’t budge. She tried to suck in a deep breath, but all that did was make her cough. “There is no us.”

  “Exactly, but there could be, and I’m not letting you blow me off this time.”

  “Are you kidding me?” She bolted upright. Her toe caught on the edge of the rug. Flapping her arms wildly, she struggled to keep her balance.

  In seconds, he wrapped his arms around her, steadying her in one place. “It’s amazing you haven’t really injured yourself.”

  “Two concussions later,” she mused, running her hands down her legs. She took a step back to put some distance between them. “I never blew you off. I just put an end to something that wasn’t going anywhere.”

  “And yet, three years later, here we are in precisely the same situation. Look. I don’t know what I want, exactly. I just know that I spent months after I left New York trying to get you out of my mind and my dreams, but I’ve never really succeeded, and it pissed me off.”

  “Sorry,” she said with a huff. “But wild hot sex doesn’t equal relationship material. I have a career to salvage, and you have a lodge to run. We live worlds apart, and even if we didn’t, we’d never make it.”

  “Why do you say that?” He inched forward.

  Her pulse pounded between her ears. It made it difficult for her to hear her own thoughts, much less form them into a coherent idea. “Besides the fact I don’t want to be in a committed relationship? Because really, that’s all that matters.”

  He took her by the hand and tugged her toward the stairs.

  “I’m not going to sleep with you.”

  He pointed toward the ceiling. “I’m pretty sure we’re going to be able to see the northern lights from my bedroom. And while we wait, we can talk this out and talking doesn’t equal screwing around.”

  “There is nothing to discuss.” She followed him to the master suite and made herself comfortable on his bed, keeping a pillow between his body and hers.

  Hannah made herself comfortable on her bed next to the door with a big doggie sigh.

  Staring at the star-speckled sky, Flynn searched not just for the lights, but for answers to questions she didn’t know she had. “I like you, more than I should.”

  “What do you mean by more than you should?” He rested his head on his hand and crossed his ankles. Thankfully, he kept his focus on the heavens.

  “Maybe another time and another place this could work, but we’ve both made choices in our lives where we didn’t leave any room for anything else.”

  “I would have to agree with that statement for most of my life. Do you want to know why I never tried to talk you out of ending things with us?”

  “Because you knew it was the right thing to do,” she said matter-of-factly.

  “That’s the farthest thing from the truth. I didn’t respond to you because I’m terrified of you and how you make me feel. I used to think if I wasn’t jumping from an airplane or getting shot at, I wasn’t living. I wanted the thrill. The adrenaline rush. And no woman I’d ever met before ever gave me that same urgency, until I met you. In a couple of days, you turned my world upside down. For months, all I could think about was you.” He rolled to his side and propped his head up with his palm. “You kept me alive when I was being held captive and tortured.”

  “How did I do that?” She turned her head and caught his intense gaze.

  “Every time I was beaten, I would retreat into my mind, back to my time with you. It allowed me to step out of my body, ignore the pain, and focus on wanting to live. Because of you, I never gave up.”

  She palmed his cheek. “All you did was grab hold of a positive memory. It could have been anything that made you feel good. It didn’t have to be me.”

  “It could only be you.”

  “If that’s so, then why are you afraid of me?”

  He ran his fingers through her hair with such a tender touch it made her shiver. “I’ve only been in love one other time, and that was right when I joined Delta Force. My girlfriend couldn’t take my long hours, deployments, or the dangerous aspects of my job. She gave me an ultimatum, and I chose the military. I didn’t have to think twice. If you had asked me, even after only a week together, to not re-enlist, I wouldn’t have to think about that decision either. I would have handed in my resignation with a smile.”

  She struggled to fill her lungs, even though her chest heaved up and down. The gravity of his words pulled her heart into her stomach.

  “That thought scared me so much, I went searching for the ultimate adrenaline rush, only I’d already found it in you. Now that you’re here, I realize my life is an empty shell without you in it.”

  “That’s overly dramatic,” she mumbled.

  “Maybe, but this time I’m not letting you walk out of my life without you knowing how I feel. I’d like it if you could do the same.”

  She closed her eyes and searched for the right words. “There is no question we have chemistry, but I don’t ever want to be married, or have a family, or any of that.”

  “Why?” He took her chin with his thumb and forefinger and turned her head. “Look at me.”

  Blinking her eyes open, she gasped. His smoldering gaze rolled across her skin like a warm blanket. She’d have to remain strong to her convictions; otherwise, she might find herself caving to his desires.

  “Just be honest with me. I’ll respect your decis
ion to leave and never talk to me again, but only if you tell me the truth about why you wouldn’t even consider we could be good together, because I know you care about me.”

  She pressed her hand against his chest and pushed herself from the bed. Holding her middle, she paced at the edge of the bed. If she told him the truth, she feared the protective wall she hadn’t realized she’d built would come crashing down at her feet, exposing all the feelings she never wanted to experience ever again. Love hurt and not in a good way.

  “I love you.” Colton scooted to the edge of the bed. “It’s not easy for me to say that.”

  “Why are you doing this to me?”

  He took her hands in his. “Do you love me?”

  Yes. “No,” she said firmly. “I’m sorry, but I don’t.”

  Dropping his hands to his sides, he made his way to the door. “The northern lights are in the sky. Why don’t you stay in my room tonight and enjoy them?”

  “Where will you be—”

  “Not your concern.”

  “You asked me to be honest. You can’t be mad at me for that.” Her voice trembled. She could only hope he hadn’t noticed how much. Lying had never been her strong suit.

  “I’m not angry. I’m just done with the conversation, and now I need to move on with my life, and that means walking away.” He turned his back and slammed the bedroom door shut.

  Hannah twisted her head; her ears perked up.

  “I’m sorry, girl. You want to follow him?”

  Hannah jumped up on the bed and curled up on one side. She rested her head on her front paws and stared at Flynn with sad puppy eyes.

  Flynn climbed into the bed and gasped. Green and purple streams of light frolicked in the sky like fingers shadow dancing against a dark wall. She’d never seen anything so amazing. No amount of fireworks on the Fourth of July could top the beautiful soiree of colors gracing her vision.

  Hannah shifted, resting her head on Flynn’s lap.

  “Have you ever seen anything so fantastic before?” Flynn scratched the dog behind her ears. As kid, she’d always wanted a pet, but her parents wouldn’t let her have one. Her mother had allergies, and her father hadn’t wanted the hassle. When Flynn had moved out on her own, she had every intention of getting a cat but just never got around to it.

  At this moment in time, she decided she was more of a dog person. However, she hadn’t the time to deal with one.

  Just like she couldn’t deal with Colton or the love she had for him. Seeing the hurt in his eyes nearly killed her. She loved him with all her heart and soul. Every breath she took was created for him. In her heart of hearts, she knew that three years ago, which was why she put the brakes on. She couldn’t live in constant fear that the one she loved might not be alive when she walked in the door.

  Colton no longer had a dangerous job, but history taught her that driving home at two in the morning could end a life.

  Or cancer.

  “I do love him,” she whispered. “But I can’t have him.”

  7

  Flynn tiptoed down the stairs, thankful that Hannah had remained asleep in Colton’s bed. The reading lamp next to the sofa shined bright in the family room, but there was no sign of life. She found her way to her room half expecting to see Colton sleeping on her mattress, but he was nowhere to be found. She glanced out her bedroom window. She shouldn’t be surprised by the lack of his pickup in the driveway, even at eight in the morning. However, she wondered if he’d even stayed in the cabin all night. His disappearance gave her the freedom to pack up her things and take off. She felt bad about leaving his parents without a proper goodbye. They had gone out of their way to welcome her. She hoped they would read her letter with a kind heart and the understanding that she would have stayed had her job not been on the line. She set the note with Renee and Justin’s names on the outside on the table next to door.

  She ran her finger across the second envelope addressed to Colton. She’d spent a good hour on finding the right words to convey her true feelings without giving him any hope that he could change her mind. She also avoided using the word love. It didn’t matter that she truly loved Colton because she couldn’t ever give her heart completely.

  Staring at the northern lights last night, she finally understood the crushing pain in her heart.

  Love hurt.

  Quietly, she exited the front door. She tossed her suitcases in the back seat. She took one more glance at the Northern Lights cabin.

  “Goodbye, Colton,” she whispered.

  She got behind the wheel of her rental pick-up truck and turned the key. She could get used to a vehicle this side, as well as the picturesque mountain range that taunted her in the distance. Heading down the long drive, she refused to look in her rearview mirror. She needed to move forward, not back, and Colton was a part of her life that needed to remain in the past. A distant memory only to be brought up in the darkest of moments.

  Coming to Alaska had been a mistake. She loved her mother with every ounce of her being, but her mother had been blind to Flynn’s true needs.

  Fulfillment in life came from work.

  Not relationships.

  “I’m sorry, Mom. I love you, but I just can’t do this.”

  She pulled out onto the main road. Her headlights cut through the dark Alaskan morning. God, she could have gotten used to this had she been any other woman. She hadn’t minded the cold as much as she thought she would, and there was something calming in the darkness under a star-filled sky. She could only imagine what summers would be like.

  A coffee shop came into view about ten miles from the Mistletoe Lodge. Her stomach growled, reminding her she hadn’t eaten since lunch the day before. She pulled into the parking lot. The big open sign flashed over the door. The second she stepped inside, her nostrils were filled with a soiree of thick bitter scents mixing with cinnamon and sugar. Shockingly, there was a line eight people deep.

  The woman in front of her glanced over her shoulder. “You,” Casey muttered. “Stay away from me when you get your coffee. The last thing I need is a trip to the ER with burns.”

  “I’m sorry I knocked those drinks all over you,” Flynn said, keeping her anger in check. No need to cause a scene on the way out of town.

  “You did it on purpose.”

  “Excuse me?”

  “You heard me,” Casey said, planting her hands on her hips. “You don’t like it that Colton and I have been on a few dates and—”

  “Right. Because Colton is going to date the likes of you.” Well, that wasn’t a very kind thing to say.

  Casey’s gaze roamed up and down Flynn’s body. Casey’s upper lip curled into a snarly smile. “You’re not Colton’s type. He was just being nice to you yesterday because you are a guest at his hotel, and he has to be.”

  “If it helps you to sleep better at night to believe that, then go right ahead.” Flynn shouldn’t even engage with the young woman.

  “Colton belongs to me, so back off,” Casey said.

  Flynn burst out laughing. She covered her mouth to try to stop the snorting fits, but it proved impossible.

  “Go back to whatever city you crawled out from. You don’t belong here, and you sure as hell don’t belong with a man like Colton.”

  Don’t belong with Colton?

  Flynn’s breath hitched. Her thighs burned, and her fingertips twitched. In the last three years, there had only been a couple of days where Flynn felt like she belonged. Like she had a purpose greater than herself.

  Greater than her career.

  I belong with Colton.

  Tears stung the corners of her eyes. Her boss told her that the reason he promoted Ashlea was because she hadn’t been afraid to take risks, where Flynn played it safe.

  Flynn’s parents always told her that she hid from her true self in a career. Her mother warned her that she needed balance in her life. That only having a career would end up turning Flynn into a heartless woman.

  A woman who valued thi
ngs more than she did people.

  And that’s exactly where Flynn was headed.

  “Colton is exactly the kind of man I belong with,” she said. “Thanks, Casey. You’ve really helped me see the light.”

  “What?” Casey turned, bumping into a person heading out the door. His jelly doughnut crashed into her shirt. “Goddammit.” She swiped at her shirt. “I’m going to send you my dry cleaning bill.”

  “Send it to the man I love.”

  “Huh?” Casey stared at her with wide eyes.

  Flynn smiled. “You heard me. And for the record, Colton loves me back, so unless you want more food and drink spilled on you, I’d stay clear of me and my boyfriend.” With that, Flynn turned on her heels and raced back to her vehicle.

  The Mistletoe Lodge might only be ten miles away, but any more time away from Colton would be too long.

  Colton parked in front of the Northern Lights cabin and slammed his fist against the wheel. “You’re a fool,” he muttered. He should have known she’d sneak out the second he left to drive some guests to the seaplane hut in town.

  Perhaps her departure was for the best. Why drag out a goodbye when you could just rip the Band-Aid off and expose the wound?

  Hannah greeted him at the door, her tail wagging wildly as she danced in a circle.

  “Go do your business,” he said, staring at two envelopes on the table by the door. One of which had his name scribbled across it.

  Hannah raced past him and jumped through the snow for maybe a half a minute, looking for the best spot. As soon as she was done, she ran right back inside.

  “It’s too cold for me too.” Colton removed his jacket, hat, and gloves. He took the envelope in his trembling hands and sat down on the sofa. He traced his finger on the curves of his name. Flynn had such pretty handwriting, so feminine and sweet.