Bad Girl Blues

by Brenda Barrett

  "You like him," Sonia concluded. "I can see the way you two look at each other. Don't let Thomas know that you like his cousin. It might jeopardize the relationship with him."

  "I am not in a real relationship with Thomas." Brigid looked through the window at the coastline.

  "If you want to go to med school, being with him would be a safe investment," Sonia murmured.

  "You mean have sex with him?" Brigid shrugged. "It's all so coldblooded and businesslike. I can't understand women who enter into relationships like that."

  Sonia laughed. "We lie back and think of something else. I have been in so many relationships like that it is not even funny."

  "And cold, hard cash is a good substitute for love and affection and loving in return?" Brigid asked.

  Sonia shrugged. "It's life, baby. You learn to live with the options you have. For some of us the fairy tale belongs in books and movies. When a person needs to survive they have to prioritize. You have to decide what's most important to you, your dignity and principles or accomplishing your dreams.

  "I thought you said you would do anything to go to med school. Thomas is your ticket. He's a rich man. Your school fee would be a tiny drop in the bucket for him.

  "Personally, I think you should choose Thomas. Dignity and Christian principles are good things, but in the harsh reality of life they are rarely enough to feed you.

  "Unless, of course, Nick Benedict is willing to bankroll you too. In that case, I would say choose him. He's a doctor, his family is not too shabby money-wise and you already have a thing for him."

  "You are the worst advice-giver ever," Brigid breathed in disgust. "What if God has other plans for me? What if I trust God to do what is best for me?"

  "Sounds like Caitlin talking," Sonia said mockingly.

  "No, it's me talking," Brigid said stiffly. "All of this is a matter of trust. Maybe I should just stop scheming and plotting about this whole med school thing and allow God to work it out. I haven't done that yet. Instead, I've been trying to work this out on my own."

  "Good for you, Sister Brigid," Sonia mocked. "After you've done all you can, you just stand?" Sonia put on her best preacher’s voice. "Like the people of Israel at the Red Sea. Stand by and see the salvation of the Lord, Moses cried; that's when God divided the waters and they crossed to the other side." Sonia started singing loudly. "My God delivers again."

  "Stop it," Brigid said, "you are mocking the song and the message. You are so irreverent."

  "No, I am not mocking the song," Sonia said. "I like the song. I used to sing it with my brothers and sister when I was a little girl. We had a group, the Mandersons. My mother was a choir director too."

  "You told me," Brigid said. "You never told me why you ran away from home though."

  "I ran away from home because I found out that my father wasn't really living abroad as my mother used to tell us."

  "That's it?" Brigid snorted. "That's a poor reason to rebel and go hightailing it to Kingston and getting into trouble."

  Sonia sighed. "I guess I owe you the story."

  "You think?" Brigid asked, "I hope somewhere in there you can tell me who my father is too."

  "That's a given. I did promise." Sonia's voice was shaky. "It all began when I was fifteen. I went to Tower Isle for work experience at the Emerald Inn. It's right on the hotel-belt. Gorgeous views there—nicer than Ocho Rios, if you ask me.

  "It was a month’s work experience program. As one of the top students in my Home Economics class I was selected to work for the summer.

  "I caught the eye of an older guy in the neighborhood. He used to walk by every morning with his dog when I was heading to work. You know the type, distinguished looking, with graying side burns, tall, dark handsome. Nice accent, polite."

  "Old and gullible," Brigid chuckled.

  "Well, not that old," Sonia said, frowning. "He was about twenty-five years older. So that would make him forty to my fifteen. One morning we got to talking. He told me his name was Joe Irving and he owned the boutique hotel next door. It was called Irving Inn. I told him I was Sonja Newman and I was working at Emerald Inn and I was finishing up college."

  "Liar!" Brigid gasped. "You were such a liar. You could have gotten the man in trouble!"

  Sonia sighed. "And I have regretted that lie. You have no idea how much. I tacked on six years to my age, told him a made-up name because I had the biggest crush on the guy and I knew he would not be interested in a fifteen year old, and I figured if he made any inquiries about me he would hear that I was Sonia Manderson, high-schooler. So I gave him one of my co-workers’ names.

  "I thought I was so clever when I did that, but I was in love with an older guy and he with me. In the space of a short week we had the beginning of a torrid affair. We couldn't get enough of each other. He would wine me and dine me. He taught me how to drive—and he was going to buy me a car. You know, that kind of thing."

  "Is he my father?" Brigid asked.

  Sonia stopped the car and parked at a sea wall. After a long pause she cleared her throat. "I found out that he was mine."

  "What!" Brigid looked at Sonia to see if she was laughing. "What?"

  "The family secret," Sonia said. "My mother Veronica Manderson, upstanding church sister and choir director, had a brief affair with Joe Irving. At the time of their affair he had owned property in the district and he visited the area frequently. One thing led to another..."

  Sonia laughed uncomfortably. "My mother's husband Richard Manderson found out about it and they broke up, but Veronica was pregnant with me at the time, not for Richard Manderson but for Joe Irving. The same guy I ended up having an affair with.

  "And yes, he is your father too."

  "Eww." Brigid opened the car door and got out of the vehicle. She couldn't process what she had just heard and she didn't want to. She wished now that Sonia had kept her revelations to herself.

  The adage be careful what you wish for was playing in her head.

  "So who is it that we are going to visit now?" Brigid asked when Sonia joined her. "Which father did your mom tell you about?"

  "Joe Irving."

  "How did he find out about you?" Brigid asked, fascinated at the tangled web that was Sonia's family life.

  She couldn't distance herself from it now. She was a part of their madness. It was like a particularly bad episode of the Incest Chronicles. She and her mother had the same father. How sick was that?

  "My mother found out about us," Sonia said. "One of my school friends told her what I was up to. When she found out the identity of the older guy I was dating, she had to ‘fess up about her own affair and then by the time she did that, I was pregnant and Joe was disgusted with the whole lot of us.

  "He broke it off with me. He yelled. He looked like he was on the verge of a heart attack. I think the poor guy feared that he would be imprisoned. I can't forget how shell-shocked he was when he found out that I was Veronica Manderson's fifteen-year-old daughter, especially when she confessed that I was also his daughter.

  "Believe me, I was really grossed out too, so...I ran away to Kingston. I told you that story already. Apparently, Joe got in touch with my mother a few years ago to find out how I was doing. My mother never told me about that. As usual she kept her secrets, but she called to let me know that he was sick and dying and asking for me."

  Brigid shook her head. "Hold on a second. When you called your family the assembly of the inbreds, it wasn't them that are the inbreeds, Sonia, they have perfectly normal lineages. We are the inbreeds."

  Brigid's eyes rounded up in horror. "I am an inbreed."

  She started chuckling and then roared hysterically. "Hi, my name is Brigid Manderson Irving or whatever. My mother's father is also my father. Which would make my mother my sister and my father also my grandfather. How are you doing?"

  She laughed until tears ran down her cheeks.

  Sonia watched her with a bemused expression on her face. "Sorry that I screwed up your life, kid
."

  "At least you had me." Brigid sniffed and wiped her eyes.

  "Barely. My mother insisted that I get an abortion. She was afraid you'd be born with two heads or some such madness. That was one of the reasons I ran away from home. After a while, I couldn't take the constant pressure."

  "It's like Lot and his daughters in the Bible," Brigid said slowly. "I always found it disturbing how they got their father drunk and had their way with him. But my story is worse. I am in two generations deep."

  "Your father was not drunk," Sonia said, smiling softly. "I did have fun with Joe at the time."

  "Oh stop it. I don't want to hear what you did with Joe my grandfather/father. This is going to take a long time to sink in."

  Brigid got up and brushed off her shorts. "I could have stayed happily ignorant for the rest of my life, without knowing about this. Why did you tell me? You know that this is gross. I thought that you were going to tell me that my father was a young guy from your high school or something or even a married guy, somebody you were trying to protect. But this...this is...I can’t handle this. What's wrong with Joe anyway?"

  "Cancer," Sonia said. "Apparently, he is on the last."

  They were almost too late when they reached the hospice. Joe was on a respirator. His eyes were closed, his breathing labored.

  There were a stout lady and a thin young man outside the room when Brigid and Sonia got there. They were clinging to each other and crying.

  "You must be Sonia." The lady got up and shook Sonia's hand. She looked at Brigid with wide eyes. "My, my you are pretty."

  "Yes she is," Sonia said proudly. "This is Brigid, my daughter."

  "Joe's granddaughter?" the lady asked confused.

  "Yes, that too," Sonia said under her breath. "So how is he?"

  "The doctors said he won’t make it past today," the lady said. "By the way, I am Lola. I worked for Joe for years and that is my son Paul. We were like family to Joe since he didn't have anybody to rally around him, especially when he got sick.” There was a hint of chastisement in there for Sonia.

  Sonia repressed a laugh and nodded. "There were issues between us."

  The lady still looked uncertain.

  Sonia sat down and Brigid joined her.

  "So can we see him?" Brigid asked after a while.

  "You'll have to ask the nurse," Lola said abruptly. She was eying the two of them with suspicion.

  They asked a nurse, and Brigid and Sonia tentatively tiptoed into the room when they got the go-ahead. Joe was so slim he was like a little mound of bones in the bed.

  Brigid blinked away tears. So this was her father?

  She crept closer to the bed. Sonia stood beside her. "Bye Joe."

  "Shouldn't you say something more profound than that?" Brigid whispered.

  Sonia looked at her solemnly. "Like what?"

  "Sorry I lied to you when I was younger. I was a really awful teenager who turned out to be an awful mother."

  "Why would I say that?" Sonia whispered. "I wasn't that bad. I did the best I could."

  Brigid rolled her eyes. "You are delusional."

  *****

  Joe took his last breath shortly after twelve that day. As his next of kin, Sonia was responsible for signing paperwork and doing all of the administration side of things.

  Both Brigid and Sonia were astonished when a lawyer showed up as they were leaving the hospital.

  "Miss Manderson," the lawyer, a middle aged guy in a well-fitted suit, said while they were heading back to the van. "Helen called and said you were here." He looked them over curiously.

  "I am Joseph Pitter, Joe's lawyer. He had specific instructions for his funeral; he left some cash to Lola and Paul, but the Inn and everything else was left to you.

  "We can sort this out at the office when you are ready. Here is my card. Sorry for your loss." He gave the card to Sonia, took a last look at them and walked back to his car.

  Sonia shook her head. "Did you hear that, or am I dreaming?"

  "You are not dreaming," Brigid said slowly. "He left everything to you. What's everything, though?"

  Everything turned out to be the fifty-room Irving Inn, a semi-profitable concern, a small yacht, his two classic cars, two dogs and a one-eyed cat.

  It took Sonia and Brigid one week to sort out the details of Joe's life. They had a lot to learn and catch up on, but Joe was very meticulous with his day-to-day operations, and his business was practically running like a well-oiled machine.

  The place needed updating, though, and Sonia was eager to work on that. His home was a little better and was ruled over with admirable efficiency by Lola, and his gardens were kept well manicured by Paul.

  Brigid was very interested in meeting Joe's other family members but she was to be disappointed. There were only a few of them left and they lived in England. They sent their condolences but they stayed put.

  They scattered his ashes at sea the Sunday after his death.

  Brigid didn't know what to think or feel when they scattered Joes ashes. She had gone through his photo albums and his diaries, trying to get an essence of the man. He was good-looking when he was younger.

  He had been quite the athlete too. He seemed as if he had lived to be in the hospitality industry and he had quite a collection of young pictures of Sonia. He had loved her. It was obvious that was why he stayed away. The thought of it had shocked Brigid. Their love was the forbidden, misplaced kind. She didn't even want to dwell on it a minute longer.

  "I have to go back to Kingston tomorrow," Brigid said to Sonia after the sending away ceremony.

  Miss Helen was the only one who cried at the short ceremony. She had been with Joe for over twenty years, she had informed them stoutly.

  Sonia and Brigid had both stood stone-faced as they looked out to sea.

  "What are you going to do?" Brigid asked Sonia.

  Sonia blinked her eyes rapidly, as if she was fighting back tears, and then her face cleared.

  "I guess I will learn the hotel business from bottom to top and take over Joe's office. It was spacious, wasn't it?"

  Brigid smiled. "It was. It will suit you too, Madam Tycoon."

  "I need to go over the books though. I think we should be making a bigger profit."

  "It is a profitable concern," Brigid said. "Don't go overboard and change what is working."

  "No, I won't," Sonia said. "In fact, I don't intend to change anything much. It is a small profit though." Sonia shook her head. "It's not enough to finance your med school dream, at least not now. It could, when I am done with it. I made more money with the escort services business than this. However, if you are going to be with Thomas I don't have to worry about you and med school."

  Brigid grimaced. "I have to make up my mind about that one way or another. You know you don't have to worry about me. I am a survivor."

  "You can always come back here. Learn the hotel business with me. We have Joe's house to live in. We are not homeless anymore."

  "No thanks." Brigid shook her head. "I guess you'll be coming back for your stuff?"

  "Or you bring it over," Sonia said, looking around at her pretty environment. "I don't think I want to leave here for now. You know, I have been thinking about it. I feel sorry for what I did to Joe. I shouldn't have lied. I should have been honest. Miss Lola and I had a chat. She said Joe talked about me."

  "As his lover or as his daughter?" Brigid asked, thinking that the whole topic was puke-worthy.

  "As his daughter." Sonia gave Brigid a sharp look. "He knew about you too, and I guess the whole shame of it kept him away."

  "I don't blame him." Brigid headed to the car, "I guess I would feel a bit odd meeting him if he were alive. Can we not talk about this again?"

  "Sure." Sonia nodded. "With pleasure. I never wanted to tell you in the first place."

  Chapter Fifteen

  One week and Brigid hadn't returned to class. Nick packed up his stuff and headed toward the lecture room exit. The girl who always
sat beside Brigid—he couldn't remember her name—was waiting for him.

  He had just given a second test and she had barely passed.

  "Sir," she waved her paper in front of him, "this grade is outrageous."

  Nick chuckled. "It was multiple choice, er...what's your name again?"

  "Kenzy." Kenzy pouted, "I thought I had gotten all of the questions right. I am sure the person who marked it changed my answers."

  Nick chuckled. This was an original excuse. He had never heard anything like it before.

  "Do you have proof?" He struggled to keep a straight face in the midst of Kenzy's indignation.

  "Well...no..." Kenzy walked with him to his office.

  "Where is Brigid?" Nick asked before he could stop himself. He hadn't been able to stop thinking about her since the weekend.

  "She's not coming back for the summer," Kenzy said. "I am not sure why. I spoke to her on the phone briefly. She is in St. Ann this week. Maybe partying it up with her rich boyfriend."

  Nick winced. Too much information. Too much hurtful information. Though why he should still feel anything toward Brigid was still an issue for him.

  "So, what can I do to make up for this grade?" Kenzy asked him.

  "Do better on the next test," Nick said, giving her a half smile. "Chapters ten to thirteen."

  When she left the office he sat back in his chair and closed his eyes. Did Brigid kiss Thomas with as much enthusiasm and sensuality as she did him? He was tired of rehashing the kiss in his head as if he was a teenager. He was also tired of rehashing their conversations and the way he had loved to watch her speak. She should be well versed on that. After all, that was what she did for a living, date men and make them feel as if they were the only ones in the world.

  He couldn't work out why at times he sensed that she was genuine and even innocent, not a practiced escort. And why was he still so interested?

  He should be revolted for what Brigid was doing and what she stood for. At the very least he shouldn't still care about her, because she was with his cousin, but here he was like a fool pining over the girl.