He pressed his lips to her cheek and continued, “I love that it’s your pussy. I kiss you there a lot because I hope that you’ll forget how you’ve been hurt.” He paused to kiss her at every word.
She looked at him disbelievingly. His moss eyes were solemn, but his voice was firm as he spoke. “I won’t have you hurt again, Sasha. I swear it.”
“Fuck!” Zachary yelled, snatching his hand away and dropping the hammer on the floor. “God, fucking hell!”
Eric grimaced as Zachary sucked his finger to staunch the blood. “I don’t know why you’re going through the trouble of making a crib. Didn’t Gladys put it in her list for the shower?”
“Yes. She did.”
Eric cocked an eyebrow. “So why are you making this fucking crib?”
“She picked this fancy white thing with pretty pink horses and all,” Zachary finally picked a bolt. “It’s nice, but I thought she’d like something traditional. You can’t go wrong with it, can you?”
Eric had to resist grinning. “Not sure about that. Aida was firm about certain brands and materials for the baby stuff. She put this mobile of roses and birds on the list. I got her the one with horses because the twins are Cohens, and they all love horseback riding. She wasn’t very happy about that.”
“This is good sturdy wood,” Zachary pointed out.
“That might be all you’ll be getting for a while. Especially when Gladys finds out you sabotaged her list.”
“She’ll like it.” Zachary insisted. “Sasha’s coming to the shower, right?”
She had been surprised by the invitation, Eric remembered. Zachary and Gladys had told him about it weeks before and even gave him a card.
Shortly following the trial, Eric decided to take Sasha on a proper honeymoon. They didn’t go far, just to the city of Burner. But he booked them at the most luxurious hotel for a week. He took her out for delicious meals and concerts. They went for leisurely walks during the day. At night, they wore out the bed fucking. The day before their return to Bay City, they stayed in bed just fucking.
He had sworn never to touch Sasha, determined to uphold his vow to himself to keep the marriage only in name and for her protection. But he had no control over how they sought each other, drawn like magnets no matter what. He may have proposed to her with only the noblest intentions, but he did want her. He had wanted her since seeing her blue eyes up close when she was wearing that soiled pink uniform and was stinking of dog piss and shit.
He was hoping she would repeat the three words she had whispered to him in the night. Why did she have to tell him in the dark when she thought he was asleep? Why not in the sun when he could see her eyes? He did everything to get her to say them to him. He took her on a half-day tour of a cello workshop, brought her to an outdoor concert of a string quartet, fucked her in every way possible between a man and a woman but nothing came out of it. Instead, all he got were eyes that burned from blue to silver-blue, lovely pink cheeks, rapture on her face, and breathy grunts of his name. Once or twice he caught her staring at him over the rim of her coffee cup during breakfast. When he looked at her inquiringly, she blushed and hastily took a sip. He debated between teasing her or asking her directly. In the end, he did nothing.
After the honeymoon, he told her to move her stuff to the loft. She could keep her apartment or rent it out if she wanted. She had looked surprised, and it hurt a little. Did she not want to be with him under the same roof? Was she not one hundred percent in this marriage in spite of the reasons behind it?
He couldn’t help being ridiculously pleased that the first objects she brought with her were the cellos. She kept the one from Daniel in their closet, and the one from him propped in its stand by their bed. With all the moving and adjusting they were doing, the invitation got lost.
He told her about the baby shower after fucking her for the second time last night. After she asked him about him too much going down on her and he’d answered, there was a heavy, awkward silence between them. He wondered if he had revealed too much, and it wasn’t the most pleasant thought. Sasha just lay beside him, curved to herself, and touching him only with her breath. Then she put her hand on his chest, and when he turned she was looking at him. Her eyes were watery and red; her wide chin was quivering.
Like a kitten, she burrowed her bigger, taller form against him, and he held her, rubbing her back and kissing her. To lighten the mood, he told her about the invitation. Her startled face greeted him before she suddenly laughed. She didn’t leave his arms until this morning.
“Yes,” Eric answered Zachary. “She is.”
“She’s sweet, your girl,” Zachary remarked, taking another bolt and using it to attach the other end of the railing to the headboard. “How’s she doing? You said she got in that fancy music school.”
“She deserved that spot more than anyone,” Eric said, a little defensive.
Zachary looked at him. “I’m not passing any judgment, idiot. Just making a comment. I haven’t heard her play.”
“She’s wonderful. Her class will be performing before the term ends. I can get you tickets.”
“Sure. That’s nice.” Zachary shrugged and continued working.
Eric tilted his head, this time frowning at his friend. Maybe Zachary was just distracted while assembling the crib but there was something in the air. Something charged. Nothing annoyed him more than beating around the bush.
“What is it?” Zachary had the audacity to look puzzled. Eric persisted, “Do you have something to say or not? About Sasha?”
“Actually, it’s you,” Zachary said after a moment.
“What about me?”
“Whenever I see you these days, you look like a man who’s in great pain but glad for it. And when you’re around Sasha, you have this look. Like you’re ready to take a bullet for her or something. Like you’re anticipating it. You want for there to be a bullet.” Zachary finished with the first railing and went to work on the other. “It’s a cause for concern.”
“Whose concern? Yours? Gladys?”
“Not just us,” Zachary admitted after another beat of silence. “It doesn’t matter who exactly, Eric. But we’ve noticed it.”
“She’s my wife. Of course, I’m protective of her.”
“We’re all protective of the people we love. But you go around with this look. Like you want someone to cross the line so you can save her.”
“You’re seeing things.”
“In that case, we’re all seeing things.” Zachary crossed his arms as if satisfied he had proven a point. “There’s nothing wrong with it, really. You just go around as if you want to prove something. You would provoke it if you can.”
“You’re talking shit.”
“I might be.”
“What if I look like that? You have no idea what my wife has been through.” It made Eric ill, knowing that Carl wasn’t the first man to hurt Sasha but he came the closest to destroying her. “I’m not just talking about the assault and the trial. She’s dealt with things that you wouldn’t want your baby girl to know about.”
“So she has,” Zachary said. “She’s probably the strongest person I know.”
“She is to me.”
“Then maybe you could trust her some more to take care of herself instead. Honestly, Eric, you look so fucking ridiculous sometimes.”
Eric was exasperated. “She’s my wife. Don’t you feel like that in any way about Gladys?”
“Of course. I’d wrap her up in bulletproof material from head to toe and never allow her near sharp corners if I could. But that’s not the woman I married. She knows I’ll make any bastard who hurts her pay dearly.” Zachary answered. “Take a closer look at Sasha, Eric. She might surprise you. Again.”
Sasha grunted under her breath after playing The Song of December. She rested her forehead on the cello as she waited for her heartbeat to slow down.
There was a light rap on the door, then it opened. She looked up, still holding her instrument against her
body when Karim Za, a graduate student majoring in piano, peeked in. She grinned at him. “What’s up?”
“I was just listening to you, and can I just say - wow!” He exclaimed, opening the door so he could lean against the frame. He chuckled at her blush. “I’d say you earned a sub. You up for it?”
Sasha was a little hungry, but she would be home in an hour. “I can join you for coffee if that’s alright?”
“Sure. I’ll just hustle up the rest of the gang,” Karim told her. “Meet you downstairs?”
As Sasha packed up, she placed a call to Eric. He answered on the first ring. “Love,” he greeted her.
She rolled her eyes. “Sasha.”
“Alright. If you say so.” He sounded like he was smiling. She put the phone on speaker as she checked the room for anything she might have forgotten.
“I might be a few minutes late coming home. I’m having coffee with some friends.”
“Sure. From the way Zachary is assembling the crib, I might be here all night.”
Sasha scratched her head. “But isn’t that in Gladys’ list? I saw that.”
“He thought he’d surprise her with something traditional. Yeah, pretty. I have to be here in case there’s a murder or something.”
“You’re crazy,” she said, laughing.
“Are you having coffee near the school? Because I can pick you up.”
“You’re over at Zachary’s. That’s on the other side of the city.”
“Yeah. But I thought I’d give my pretty a ride instead of having her slug it out in the subway with her gigantic cello case.”
“That’s sweet. And again,” she growled, “It’s Sasha.”
“If you say so,” Eric said in a singsong voice.
“You’re impossible. However, I’ll let that pass just this once because you’re picking me up. I’ll text you where I am.”
“Great. Alright, pretty. Take care of yourself.”
When Sasha hopped off the final step from the stairs, the gang was already there: Karim with his arm around Minette’s waist, a fellow graduate student he was dating, and Jeremiah Vaughan. They were all graduate students and closer to her age. Minette was also studying the piano while Jeremiah was studying the flute.
Sasha was thrilled that they had befriended her. It still blew her mind that she got in the Chartane and was placed in a couple of advanced classes. In fact, some of her professors had even invited her to sit in on their graduate classes if she was interested. She did, and this was how she met them.
She would be twenty-four in a few months. It didn’t make her so much older than undergrad students, but she didn’t have much in common with them. A lot of them were away from home for the first time, so living in the city was overwhelming for them. As passionate as they were about their craft, so were they about partying. Getting smashed and hungover was not her scene, and given what it took her to land an audition again, she wasn’t going to waste it by doing half-assed work in class or missing them to recover.
Karim, Minette, and Jeremiah were in their twenties, like her. They weren’t married and certainly have not had their names splashed on the newspapers in the most sordid way. But they knew how hard it was to balance life as a student and life elsewhere. They had scholarships, but they didn’t cover everything. Karim played the piano in churches and funerals for earning money to pay rent, Minette supplemented her allowance by being a private tutor, and Jeremiah worked various odd jobs to keep himself fed. Just a few months ago, Sasha had been exactly like them, working three jobs and watching over her money like a hawk.
She was grateful that marrying Eric meant she didn’t have to worry about money, although she remained careful. She bought a sandwich to school so she wouldn’t have to hit the cafeteria for food and took the bus and the subway because she was loathed to spend money on the cab.
It was also an effort not to call attention to herself. She was still recognized from the TV and newspaper coverage of the trial - students and staff alike would look at her discreetly when she hit the vending machine for a soda or when she was in class. The Cohen name awed and made people run in fear, so to have one in the midst, even when she was only married to one, was an adjustment.
One of Eric’s gifts to her was a fabulous new wardrobe for school. She appreciated it but took care - one look, and it was clear that the clothes were tailored and expensive. She dressed mixing up her old stuff with them. The one item her husband had given her that she could hardly be without were the knee-high black boots. They fit her well around the knee and were a dream to wear, especially in the fall. Today she wore it with her faded jeans, a soft, gray pullover, and black coat. A bright blue cashmere scarf from Eric completed the look.
They went to a café around the corner. Sasha stuck to coffee while everyone ordered sandwiches with their drinks.
The conversation was about music, but nothing from their classes. They had a lively debate about idiotic pop princesses, with Minette their only defender. There was a lot of laughter and joking around that Sasha nearly forgot about texting Eric. She quickly sent him the name of the place and kept her phone on the table so she won’t miss his call.
At some point, Karim and Minette seemed to be just talking to themselves, leaving Sasha and Jeremiah to talk. Jeremiah glanced at her phone and asked, “Expecting a call?”
She nodded. “Yes. My husband.”
“Oh, yes,” Jeremiah said. “Karim told me.”
“He’s an artist,” Sasha couldn’t help but be proud. “His name’s Eric.”
Just then, her phone buzzed. She read Eric’s message: He would be arriving in ten minutes. She replied, asking him to come in the café to meet her friends. He answered quickly: Sure, pretty.
She rolled her eyes and turned back to Jeremiah. She gestured to her phone. “That was him.”
“Listen, I was wondering if you’d like to jam with me and my band some time,” Jeremiah told her.
“You have a band?”
“Well, not a band - band. But I hang out with these old fellas, and they perform in jazz clubs.”
“Jazz,” Sasha flushed. “Oh, Jeremiah. I’m sorry, but I don’t know. It’s not really my music.”
“No big deal,” he said. “But I’ve heard you play and it’s incredible. Trust me, these guys are great.”
“I’ll take your word for it.” She answered, then took a sip of her coffee.
The four of them were talking about the most awful movie scores when Sasha spied a familiar golden head in the crowd. Excusing herself, she got up and went to the front. Blushing, she tapped Eric on the shoulder. Beautiful moss eyes and a happy smile greeted her.
“Love,” he said, taking her in his arms and kissing her on the lips. Sasha hoped she wasn’t blushing any harder.
She slapped him lightly on the arm. “Oh, behave. Do not call me that in front of people.”
Still holding her, he rubbed the tip of his nose playfully against hers. “Hmm. I’ll make a deal if you’re ready.”
“We are not going to make deals so you’ll behave,” she pointed out firmly.
Eric smirked. “Yes. Sasha.”
She kissed him on the cheek, then took him by the hand.
Eric was friendly with everyone, shaking hands and then asking her if they could stay a bit longer since they weren’t in a hurry. Sasha could have kissed him again, but she was too embarrassed at being affectionate with her husband in front of friends.
Another chair was pulled out. Jeremiah moved, so he was sitting next to Minette. Sasha sat down next to Eric, blushing when he took her hand.
They stayed for twenty minutes. During this time, the conversation flowed naturally. Eric asked questions about everyone’s music. She had mentioned her friends to him, and it was nice to know he had been listening. Minette looked pleasantly surprised when Eric asked her about an upcoming performance that was a class requirement. Sasha patted herself on the back for being able to stop herself from nuzzling her husband’s neck and purrin
g. God, she must have stars in her eyes.
She loved him. That was without question now. Sasha chewed her bottom lip thoughtfully as they walked to the car a while later. They were holding hands, and Eric carried her cello case in his other hand.
“What’s wrong?” He asked as opened the passenger side of the car for her.
“Hmm? Nothing,” she answered, hoping that the dark hid her blush. “Just thinking nonsense, really.” She took the case from him and put it in the backseat. Then she climbed inside the car.
“Your friends are cool,” Eric remarked when he slid in the driver’s side. “I like them.”
“That’s nice. They like you too, I can tell.” She told him as he started the car and drove.
He smiled. “Good to know I passed.”
“Are you kidding me? You were wonderful,” she declared sincerely.
They decided to swing by a drive-thru, ordering juicy cheeseburgers, sodas, and large baskets of fries. As Eric continued to drive, Sasha fed him fries. She blushed when he licked and sucked the salt from her fingers, only stopping when she grunted someone might see. He laughed but released her hand. She rolled her eyes at him and turned on the radio to listen to the news.
Sasha relaxed in her seat, not really listening to the broadcaster’s voice. Eric had his eyes on the road so she could sneak glances at him, and he probably wouldn’t notice.
It was rare to have such easy moments like this together. Being with Eric was not difficult, but she couldn’t forget the events that threw them together, the reason why they were still together. She told herself a long time ago never to have feelings beyond gratitude for her husband. He was the only man to look at her and never ridicule or mock her. He was the first to be honest with her. Despite wanting to adhere to her vow never to see or feel anything more, she had fallen in love with Eric.
The Arrangement Page 6
