Since I Saw You

by BETH KERY

  “Is this what you want from me, Lin?” he rasped, his pelvis smacking in a steady, hard-driving rhythm against the back of her spread thighs and buttocks. He looped his arm around her silky thigh in a snug hold and used his grip to increase the force of his deep thrusts. She was helpless to deny his consumption . . . his total possession. “You need it like this?” he persisted. His blood was boiling. He rode her like a man on fire . . . or with a demon at his back.

  “Yes,” she grated out, her head coming off the pillow, her face tight with the sweet, harsh agony they shared.

  She wanted him, all right. He could feel the inferno building in her. She wanted his cock. She was using him to quench a desire for another. The knowledge was a burr under his skin that he couldn’t ignore, despite his rabid lust. His need.

  He cursed bitterly and pulled his furious erection out of the heaven of her. She gasped his name, sounding pained. His cock felt like it steamed in the cool air. He kicked off his shoes and jerked his pants and underwear off his legs, followed by his socks. His cock bobbed a furious protest when he glanced back and saw Lin’s splayed, pale thighs and her confused expression.

  “Come here,” he said gruffly, reaching for her. She sat up, and he caught her around her waist. He felt the soft, warm bursts of her panting breath against his neck and the delicious spill of her long hair against the roughened skin of his arm. He grit his teeth in barely leashed restraint as he stalked down the hallway to the bedroom. He had this moment to blaze away all the ghosts, if only for tonight.

  He set her on the edge of the bed and found the zipper at the side of her dress. It was the only thing he hadn’t taken off of her completely yet. When he’d removed the dress, her long hair spilled around her shoulders and down her arms. She stared at him with large, dark eyes, her mouth trembling slightly.

  “It’s not fair, how beautiful you are,” he told her fiercely.

  “Why?” she replied. “My body is yours. All of me is, Kam.”

  His mouth twisted bitterly at her words. “All of you?”

  Puzzlement crossed her face. “Yes,” she whispered.

  He whipped off his tie and shirt, the only clothing he still wore. He opened the bedside table drawer and found what he wanted. Lin went still when she saw what he placed on the mattress near her: the bullet vibrator and a bottle of lubricant. Her gaze darted to his face.

  “Up on your hands and knees,” he said quietly.

  • • •

  Up on your hands and knees.

  His low, tense dare echoed in her head. She could say no, of course. She’d never once thought Kam would ever do anything to her that she didn’t want. But as she met his somber stare and listened to her wild heartbeat, she knew she did want it.

  Even if this tumultuous, inexplicable night ended her relationship with him, she didn’t want to run. All of her life, she’d maintained control, carefully shielding herself from the storm of passion. She wanted to meet this cyclone full on, to take this risk.

  It was irrational, but she wanted to be branded by him.

  Holding his stare, she slowly started to turn on the bed. She saw his breath hitch at her compliance. Like he had the other afternoon, he pulled a pillow down the length of the bed and placed it in front of her. “You know the position,” he said from behind her.

  Her mouth went dry. She lowered her cheek to the pillow, resting her shoulders on the surface of the bed, her ass elevated in the air. She’d felt vulnerable and excited when she’d taken the position the other night while he flogged and fucked her. Tonight, the feeling of trepidation and arousal was doubled. Her muscles clenched tight. She swallowed thickly when she saw him pick up the bottle of lubricant and the vibrator.

  He wasted no time, immediately turning on the vibrator. Her anticipation grew unbearable when she heard the clicking sound of him opening the bottle of lubrication. She gave a muffled moan when he placed the vibrator next to her clit.

  “Try to relax,” he said gruffly behind her. “The more you let go, the more you surrender, the more you’ll enjoy it.” He grunted softly as he found her slit with his thumb and plunged it into her pussy. Lin whimpered in pleasure at the dual stimulation of the vibrator and his finger. “Stretch your hands over your head.” He used his free hand to part her ass cheeks. “That’s right. God, you’re beautiful.”

  Lin clenched her eyes tight at the sound of wonder in his voice, but also just the hint of anger. Why had the fact that he found her desirable caused that edge to his tone tonight? Her question melted under the delicious buzz of the vibrator on her clit and his fucking finger. It felt so good. She bit her lip to subdue a sharp cry when he pressed his other thumb to her asshole, this one lubricated. He circled it over the sensitive ring. She moaned shakily.

  “Shhh,” he soothed. He penetrated her. She inhaled and held her breath. He grunted softly as he slid his thumb farther into her.

  “Have you ever done this before?” he asked thickly.

  “No,” she mouthed. She was so amazed by the sensation of his finger moving in such an intimate place, in combination with the stimulation on her clit and in her pussy, that she didn’t realize right away she hadn’t spoken aloud.

  “Lin?” Kam prompted, making her eyes fly open.

  “No,” she said.

  He paused, his thumb completely embedded in her ass. Nerves she hadn’t known existed seemed to flame to life with the novel penetration. The burn on her clit felt extra sharp.

  “Are you sure you want to now?” he asked.

  “Yes.”

  He groaned and began to thrust his thumb in and out of her ass while the other fucked her pussy. He firmed the vibrator on her outer sex. Lin moaned at the indescribable sensations flooding her. Her lips ached, as did her nipples. The stimulation on her pussy and ass at once seemed to cause a fire in her brain. It spread down her spine until it even enflamed the soles of her feet.

  “Oh,” she moaned, the fever rising in her, prickling the surface of every square inch of her skin. She bobbed her hips subtly, riding his talented hands.

  “That’s right,” Kam murmured, his voice rough with arousal. “Give in to it. Are you about to come?”

  “Yes. Oh, yes,” she moaned, bouncing her ass more energetically.

  “No, mon petit chaton.” Her lungs deflated when he removed his thick thumb from her ass. “Not until you have taken my cock.”

  She panted in intense arousal into the charged silence that followed. He kept the vibrator pressed to her clit, making her simmer. She felt him grasp one of her buttocks, opening her, and then the thrilling, forbidden sensation of his cockhead pressing against her ass. He pressed tightly against the muscular ring, but he didn’t breach her.

  “You have to press back, baby. It will go in easier that way. Take what you can.”

  She followed his instructions. The pressure was unbearable, but it also somehow relieved the fever building in her. Or did it feed it? She only knew she needed this. His cockhead slipped into her ass. She gasped as pain sliced through her.

  “I’m sorry,” Kam muttered tensely, but he didn’t withdraw. His thick, hard cock remained throbbing in her ass. He ran his hand over her buttock and hip, soothing her. The vibrator continued its delicious buzz. Lin panted for air, and as she did so, the sharp pain she’d experienced faded away, leaving only a wickedly exciting burn.

  “Oh,” she said, a thread of wonder resonating in her voice. She pushed back experimentally with her hips and more of his shaft entered her. Kam hissed behind her. She’d bumped against his hand. Lin realized he held the stalk of his cock at midshaft while the first several inches pierced her. The realization aroused her. She pushed back again with her hips, gritting her teeth.

  “Hold still, Lin,” Kam demanded sharply. She froze, holding her breath. “If you had any idea what I want do to you right now, you wouldn’t test me.”

 
For a tense moment, both of them remained very still. She sensed Kam gathering himself, but for her part, the excitement was unbearable. Her clit sizzled beneath the vibrator. His cock throbbed in her most intimate flesh.

  “I’m going to come,” she said shakily.

  “No,” he ordered, lifting the vibrator.

  She keened, feeling the deprivation like a physical pain.

  He began to pulse his cock in and out of her, fucking her deliberately, claiming a fraction more of her with each pass. Her keen turned into an incredulous moan. He growled in answer, and suddenly the vibrator was back on her clit. He thrust farther into her.

  “Oh my god,” she shouted, her head coming off the pillow.

  He groaned gutturally. “I’m sorry,” he said in a choked voice. “You’re very small.” He rocked in and out of her gently. Her lungs collapsed. She pressed her hips against the ruthless vibrator, her vision darkening.

  “I can’t stop it,” she cried desperately. “I . . . can’t—”

  His pelvis smacked against her buttocks. “Then don’t,” he said harshly. “Burn for me.”

  Her entire body ignited. She called his name again and again helplessly. Everything evaporated under the onslaught of pleasure. There was only pounding bliss, and she gave herself to it wholly.

  There was no room for regret or reluctance. Not in this.

  • • •

  Kam cursed heatedly when he felt the rush of heat around him, and then her tiny convulsions of climax vibrated into his cock, tempting a man already severely tested. Lin called his name, and he gave up. He grabbed her ass with one hand and began to plunge in and out of her, grimacing at the cruelty of the pleasure. She was so hot. Her shouts and moans amplified as he fucked her while she continued to come. He kept the vibrator pressed to her for as long as he could, but then he reached a point of no return. She was burning him from the inside out.

  The vibrator fell onto the bed. He grasped her ass with both hands and crashed into her again and again. Her sharp cries penetrated his thick, fevered lust, but he couldn’t stop. His pelvis smacked against her ass faster and faster. Honesty carved away all artifice in a moment like this, revealing his true self, savage and raw.

  “Who are you giving yourself to, Lin? Who?”

  “You,” she cried. “Kam.”

  “Don’t you ever forget it,” he snarled. He thrust, their flesh slapping together. He held her to him, his muscles going rigid. He roared as climax ripped through him, the blast of it feeling like it could have blown a hole straight through his head . . .

  . . . his very spirit.

  He couldn’t catch his breath. His body wasn’t calming like it usually did after climax. He groaned, rough and miserable, still clutching Lin to his body like she was a life preserver, and he a drowning man. He began to panic slightly, wondering why the riot in his flesh wouldn’t stop.

  One burning breath after another, however, and it slowly began to ease. He blinked the sweat out of his eyes, staring down. The image of Lin’s delicate rib cage heaving in and out struck him as beautiful. Poignant. With a rush, he recalled how wild he’d been there at the end. How ruthless. How determined to push his way into her body. Her mind. Her heart.

  He leaned back his head and gave a muffled howl of rising misery.

  “Kam?” Lin asked shakily.

  He looked down and saw her lift her head and try to turn to see him. He slowly withdrew from her body, wincing as he did so.

  “Come here,” he said quietly. He helped turn her on the bed. She whimpered in surprise when he lifted her from the mattress, the front of her body pressed to the front of his. He carried her to the bathroom.

  “Kam?” Lin repeated dazedly when he set her next to the steam shower and reached to turn on the water. He pulled her under the hot spray with him, shutting the glass door. He briskly lathered up with soap and gently washed her, avoiding her gaze.

  “What is it?” she demanded tremulously. “What’s happened to you?”

  He looked at her face. She stared up at him, her shattered expression stabbing at him. He shut his eyes and looked away from her when he saw a single tear skip down her cheek. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry I did that . . . tonight of all nights.”

  “Why tonight of all nights? I don’t understand what you’re talking about. I can’t understand you at all ever since Ian told me that you planned to ask me to work for you.”

  The water pounded on the shower floor in the silence that followed.

  “I know that you’re in love with Ian.”

  He met her stare. The water was starting to wet one side of her midnight hair. Water droplets clung to her neck and breasts. Her cheeks were still flushed from arousal. As he watched, her mouth fell open slowly in disbelief.

  “What are you talking about?” she asked, her voice flat from shock. When he didn’t immediately respond, she searched his face wildly. “Have you spoken with Richard St. Claire? Did you go to the hospital?”

  A sick feeing swept through him. He hadn’t really believed he was wrong in his assumption about her feelings for Ian. Still, proof he’d been correct was a blow for which he hadn’t prepared himself.

  “No. I guessed it. From something Ian said.” Some of the vibrant color washed out of her cheeks. “He doesn’t know,” he assured her, guilt suddenly swamping him. It was unforgivable, the way he’d been acting. He was lashing out at the woman he’d fallen in love with because of something she couldn’t help. Love was blind, isn’t that what they said? She’d fallen for Ian long before she’d ever known Kam existed. He swept his hand through his damp hair in a frustrated gesture. It seemed ludicrous in the aftermath of his storm of chaotic emotion that he’d convinced himself he was angry at her for not being honest with him. As if he would have ever taken it well, hearing from her lips that she was attracted to him because he resembled his brother, or that while she may enjoy him in bed, her heart belonged to another man.

  Yeah, he would have taken that really well, he realized simmering in self-deprecation.

  “I figured it all out when Ian told me to buy you purple lotus flowers yesterday. He said they were your favorite,” Kam explained to her hollowly. “I remembered how you had several pressed ones in your bedside drawer . . . the ones Ian had given you over the years, right?”

  She didn’t reply. She seemed shell-shocked upon having her secret revealed so unexpectedly. He raised his hand to touch her face—comfort her—but the memory of how he’d treated her earlier made him drop it. He exhaled, suddenly feeling weary.

  “That, and a lot of other things I’ve learned since I’ve gotten to know you these past few weeks, led me to it. You’re so contained. So controlled. I figured if there was anyone on the planet who could take the pain of a broken heart day in and day out, and still be so strong and loyal, it was you.” He met her stare. “I just figured it out, Lin.”

  Her stunned silence was like a shouted condemnation. He stared sightlessly at the tile surround.

  “Are you okay? Did I hurt you?” He waved vaguely toward the direction of the bedroom.

  “No,” she whispered.

  He swallowed thickly, relief at her answer barely penetrating the dense weariness that had come over him. “I’ll just go and give you some privacy.” He reached for the shower door and then turned back. She stood in the exact spot, unmoving.

  “I didn’t sleep with you to influence you to work at Reardon Technologies. I did that because I can’t keep my hands off you. I’ve fallen for you, Lin. Hard,” he added grimly. “I thought it must have been obvious, but what do I know? I don’t have much experience with something like this. Any, to be honest.”

  He stepped out of the shower, shutting the door between them.

  Chapter Nineteen

  When Lin had finally recovered sufficiently from her shock and got out of the shower to dress, she discovered
Kam and Angus were both gone. Had Kam taken Angus for a walk to offer her the opportunity to make a less awkward exit if she chose?

  Lin was so overwhelmed by the events of the night, she took that chance. She fled. She was distraught and confused by the things Kam had revealed. Part of her was thrilled that he’d told her he’d fallen for her. She still couldn’t believe it, though. But she also felt guilty. She should have told him about Ian. Shouldn’t she have?

  But there’s nothing left to tell, is there?

  Lin had recently realized that her romantic fantasy of Ian was nothing, nothing compared to the vibrant, amazing, uncontrollable feelings she had for Kam.

  Perhaps the main reason she slunk away from Kam’s apartment to gather herself that night was that she knew herself to be a fool. She’d spent a good portion of her adult life pining for an insubstantial dream. It’d taken Kam’s raw, uncompromising brand of honesty to prove that.

  Was it too late for her to admit her true desires? Had she built such a secure façade around herself that she’d never be able to escape the thick walls?

  • • •

  A strange feeling slowly began to rise in Lin that night. It was akin to hearing the wail of a distant alarm come ever closer until that blaring sound filled her consciousness. She’d returned to her condominium, but had never slept that night as that alarming, swelling feeling mounted. It was as if now that she’d discovered the trap she’d made for herself, she could no longer find peace in her confinement.

  Why had she left last night? What was she doing wasting time in this bed? She had to speak to Kam. She realized this mounting feeling was all of her emotion bursting through her defenses, all of the unspoken words she wanted to say to Kam crowding into her mind.

  Just before dawn, she rose from her mussed bed and rapidly showered. Forsaking any makeup and leaving her hair to dry naturally, she hastened into some jeans, a fitted T-shirt, and an overshirt along with a pair of boots. She snatched her purse and keys and rushed out her front door.

  Fifteen minutes and a cab ride later, she waited impatiently at the doorman’s station of Kam’s building.