by Ally James
Sara couldn’t believe how easy Chloe made it sound to uproot her life and go visit a man she didn’t know very well. This was the sort of thing that teenagers without any common sense did. Not women who had no desire to end up in the trunk of someone’s car. “Shouldn’t you be preaching caution instead of encouraging me?” she asked wryly.
Chloe spread her hands out in front of her. “We know he’s pretty far up the food chain in the military. Did he ask for or send you dirty pics during all the time you two were talking a million times a day?”
“Um—no. He never said anything out of line. He mentioned some overly friendly females he’d dealt with through the years and how uncomfortable it made him.”
“So another positive for him.” Chloe grinned approvingly. “I really can’t see a wacko making the effort to come here first to meet your family. That speaks volumes, Sara. At that time, he had no reason to believe you weren’t coming to visit him as planned. So why would he put himself in what was likely to be an uncomfortable situation when it wasn’t necessary?” She reached out and squeezed Sara’s hand. “That was all for you. No guy would do that for a lady he didn’t care a lot for. It also tells me that he’s a responsible, honorable man, who would never disrespect or harm you.”
Sara sighed. “I’m not afraid of him. Somehow, I knew even before he showed up at my door that he was trustworthy.”
Chloe sat quietly for a moment before saying, “I can’t make this decision for you. But I do want to say one last thing. I—I feel that if you don’t go to him, you’ll end up alone.” Sara’s mouth dropped open, and her eyes watered at her cousin’s blunt statement. “I don’t mean to hurt your feelings. This has absolutely nothing to do with your appearance or who you are as a person. You’re gorgeous, funny, intelligent, and quirky as hell. I’ve told you before, you could have your pick of men—that’s not the issue. I don’t think you were even aware of it, but you’d given up on yourself until Gabe came along. You were living through your family, and they were more than happy to let you. Kaylee filled the void you might have had to be a mother, and you’ve been all but running a household for your brother for three years. The only thing missing was male companionship, and when did you have time for it? Without Gabe, you’ll go back to what you’re used to, like most anyone would. And I’m afraid your family members will be thrilled to encourage it. You won’t risk taking a chance with your heart again because you’ll be too afraid of getting hurt.”
Sara wanted to argue with her assessment, to say she had it all wrong, but they both knew better. If anything, she was understating the fallout from this. “I don’t know what to do,” she whispered. Coward. Nicole is right. “I’ve never had anything of my own.”
Chloe gave her an understanding smile. “Believe me when I say I’ve been where you are before. The circumstances might have been different, but I’ve stood at the crossroads, not knowing which way to go.”
“I swear if you tell me you took the road less traveled, I may hate you,” Sara grumbled, as she used the back of her hand to wipe a tear away. Why can’t I stop crying?
Chloe burst into laughter, causing Sara to wrinkle her nose in annoyance. She’s perfect. She has no clue what it’s like to be me. “Sorry,” she said contritely. “Your expression was so flipping priceless I couldn’t help myself. No, trust me, I didn’t take a chance. I stuck my tail between my legs and went home. I had a guy that loved me. Really and truly loved me, Sara. He offered me the world and I was too afraid to reach out and take it. All he asked was that I have faith in him—in us—and I couldn’t do it. Instead, I went back to guys who treated me like shit. Case in point, my last boyfriend, who dropped his zipper for half the female population of the state, no doubt. Somehow, I felt if I got hurt, it would be easier to handle with a piece of crap like that. But you know what? Getting your heart stomped on sucks no matter who does it. And I realize now that Wes would have never done that to me. We’d have had disagreements like normal people, but it wouldn’t have been over infidelity or disrespect.”
“Then take your own advice and go to him,” Sara urged. “Tell him you made a mistake. Maybe it’s not too late. When you love someone, it doesn’t simply go away because you’re not together.” It rips you up inside instead.
“He’s moved on,” she said, wiping her own runaway tear aside. “I can’t miss it, as I have a front row seat at the office. Oh, he’s too thoughtful to rub my face in it, but I see them together. They were holding hands when she stopped by last week, and he looked at her—the way he used to look at me. Unlike me, though, she was returning his affection.”
“He’s the real reason you fell apart after your last breakup, isn’t he? It wasn’t so much the jerk that cheated, but the realization that you loved the one you let go.”
“Bingo.” Chloe nodded dejectedly. “That epiphany was a sucker punch to the gut.”
As they finished their drinks, Sara couldn’t help realizing that they were more alike than she could have ever imagined. She’d envied Chloe for years, yet they were so similar. While her family was her excuse to avoid taking chances, Chloe used the illusion that she was a social butterfly who only wanted to have fun. They both pretended to be happy, yet in reality were far from content. No, the two people at this table were both nursing broken hearts, and she wondered if either of them would find the courage to change that. Or would they be sitting here in ten years wondering what could have been? “Thank you, Chloe. Thank you for being real with me. For being honest, but not in a way that belittles me.”
“No one should ever belittle you, Sara. And I hope you finally realize that.”
Now all I have to do is believe that. Believe her. Believe in me.
Chapter Fifteen
“You were pretty late getting home last night,” her mother said as Sara poured a cup of coffee and leaned back against the kitchen counter to take a drink. She normally waited until after she’d dropped Kaylee at school to have some so that she could savor it.
Ignoring the critical remark, she asked instead, “Did Kaylee give you any problems?”
“Of course not.” Her mother shrugged as if the idea was absurd, although she certainly used it as an excuse not to babysit very often. Am I the only one in this family who sees how amazing my niece is? “We played outside until it got too dark. I think it wore her out, because she went to bed right after her bath.”
“You got lucky.” Sara smiled, thinking of how often she was cajoled into reading one more story.
“I raised two kids. I still remember how to stay one step ahead, although it’s a little tougher as a grandmother. I’m not quite as quick on my feet as I used to be.”
“That makes two of us,” she said, knowing full well how long a few hours with an energetic child could feel. There had been times she’d fallen into bed still fully dressed. Thankfully, Kaylee was better at entertaining herself now than she’d once been.
Sara was looking through the cereal options when her mother said, “I talked to Nicole while you were out with Chloe. Poor thing had been looking forward to her vacation so much, but that stunt you pulled has ruined it for them. They both work so hard and rarely ever have any time to themselves. But now, along with worrying about their daughter, they’re terrified that this stranger will show up while they’re away.” Sara was in shock.
“The stunt I pulled? Mom, I have no idea what I did here that would cause Nicole to lose a moment of sleep. Yes, they work hard, and that’s why I’m here. All the time. Because they’re not.” She couldn’t believe that her mother knew and would judge her so harshly. What’s next, an ad in the Sunday paper? Sara, the spinster, is desperate for love. Read all about it!
Even though she knew it was a mistake, she couldn’t stop herself from turning to face the disapproving frown her mother was leveling in her direction. In the most pleasant tone she could manage, she said slowly, but firmly, “Really, Mother, it’s none of a
nyone’s business what I do in my private life. As Chris has pointed out several times lately, I’m an employee here. Therefore, as long as I’m doing my job, it shouldn’t matter. Oh—and they took a trip two months ago. Trust me, they’re not exactly deprived of vacation time.”
If she wasn’t so pissed off, she would have enjoyed seeing her mother’s mouth flap open and shut in rapid succession. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d truly been at a loss for words, but she also knew it wouldn’t last. Batten down the hatches, there’s a storm coming. She’s going to blow, folks. “That Chloe is a bad influence on you.” She scowled. “You were never so disrespectful until you became friends with her.”
“She’s my cousin, Mom,” Sara pointed out dryly. “We reconnected at the reunion you insisted I attend. She’s been a great source of much-needed support for me.”
“What she is, Sara, is a troublemaker. There’s one on every corner. And you’ve always been so easily led astray.” She was warming to the subject now, her eyes alight with animation. How is it possible to love someone, yet dislike them? “It’s your father’s fault. He sheltered you too much. You have no understanding of what the world is really like out there. Chloe has lived in the city and worked for a big corporation. Whether I approve or not, she has survival experience. Whereas you went straight from our home to living with Chris. You’ve always been taken care of. Which has clearly affected your judgment. Otherwise, that man wouldn’t have shown up here like that.” She lowered her voice, looking appalled, as she added, “I’m afraid that one of my friends will call me sometime to say they saw you on the Internet in a dirty video.” Holy shit. Is she really accusing me of making a porno? What have I ever done for her to have such a low opinion of me?
Sara couldn’t help it, she started laughing. She was so beyond angry, hurt, and offended at this point. How could everyone in the family trust her to take care of Kaylee, yet have so little respect for her? What did it say about them? And how had Sara been so blind to it all these years? Sure, her feelings had been hurt before, but relatives knew how to push your buttons. This was something totally different. Gabe’s sudden appearance in her life had made an impact in more ways than one. What she hadn’t expected from it, though, was how much ugliness would be exposed. She’d come to work for Chris and Nicole out of love. Not only to help them but because she adored her niece. Yet it was now obvious that Kaylee was the only one who appreciated the sacrifices she’d made. Instead of gratitude, the rest of them judged her for the very thing they’d asked of her. She was naive and lacked ambition because she was their nanny. Yet she was their nanny because they’d pleaded. I can’t do this anymore. I will not be their doormat or their charity case. This is not who I am. I choose me. She straightened away from the counter, all traces of laughter now gone. Her mother eyed her warily, as if aware she might have gone too far. Too late. “Thanks, Mom,” she murmured. “I needed to hear that.” Then she walked out of the kitchen and to her bedroom, where she closed the door and locked it behind her. Although her body was shaking in reaction, she was strangely calm and centered inside. For the first time in so long, she knew what path to take. The only thing left to do was put a plan into place. She had no clue what would happen when she arrived, but in three days she was flying to Alaska, where she intended to put the ball back in Gabe’s court one last time.
Chapter Sixteen
Gabe had been home for a week, and he was about to lose his mind. After the mess with Sara, the last thing he’d needed was a month off work. So when his boss had come down with the flu and had asked him to take over the training exercises they were in the middle of, he’d all but jumped at the chance. Even in the snow, a few days in the field sounded like a Club Med vacation to him. Especially considering Sara’s flight was scheduled to land tomorrow afternoon, and he damn well knew she wasn’t going to be on it. She hadn’t attempted to text or e-mail him for a few days now, which was more telling than anything.
He reached down and scratched his dog between the ears, then patted his side. “Good boy. Let’s head back to the house.” He’d taken so many damned walks that even his dog, who was normally thrilled with any outdoor time, was beginning to rebel. If Gabe continued to mope around in the forest as a form of distraction, he’d probably be doing it alone. Trouble could be bribed for only so long with treats before he refused to budge from the front porch. Apparently, man’s best friend drew the line at getting frostbite. Maybe it’s me, after all. First Sara and now Trouble. It made him look forward to going to work tomorrow even more. The soldiers might grumble about it, but they had no choice but to go where he led. Oh shit. Why did I tell them about her? He’d always been such a private person, yet not only Jason but several of the other guys knew about Sara. There would be questions. Women might have the reputation for it, but men could be just as nosy. And they were much tougher to dissuade. He thought about calling Jason ahead of time and filling him in to avoid the face-to-face explanation, but he wasn’t up to it. The wound was still too raw where she was concerned. I hate that I miss her. How is that even possible? We’re strangers.
“Hey, handsome, if I didn’t know better, I’d think you were trying to avoid me.” Trouble made a groan of distress that echoed Gabe’s sentiments perfectly. Melanie Trotter was a neighbor who lived a couple of miles from him. Unfortunately, she was also yet another lapse in judgment for him. She had made no secret of the fact that she was interested in him shortly after he’d moved here two years ago. But long hours and a lot of traveling had kept her at bay—for the most part. Her parents had moved to Florida four years earlier and left her their place here. She told him early on that she’d divorced her husband because they weren’t compatible. Word around town was that he’d actually left her for another woman. Gabe could see how that would be something you wouldn’t want to advertise. Everyone had their pride. It hadn’t seemed to put her off the idea of another relationship with a soldier, though, because she’d done everything short of proposing to him. Last year in a weak moment, he invited her to the annual military ball, thinking it might be nice not to fly solo, as he normally did. He should have left it at that. But a few too many drinks had led to subpar sex and a woman who seemed to think they were in a serious relationship. He hadn’t wanted to hurt her feelings, so he let things continue on longer than he should have. They dated casually up until he got the word of his last deployment. Then he used the excuse of not wanting her to put her life on hold. She hadn’t taken it real well. In fact, she’d thrown a glass at his head with impressive accuracy. Luckily, his reflexes were honed from years of training. She apologized the next day, but he brushed it aside and reiterated that it was over. He felt like an asshole, but it had to be done. He wasn’t in the market for a wife, and if he were, it damned sure wouldn’t be her.
“Hey, Melly, how’ve you been?” Shit, she’ll take the nickname as encouragement.
Sure enough, she was beaming at his slipup. She was dressed in formfitting jeans, knee-high boots, and a thick jacket that was so tight, it drew attention to her breasts. She came to play ball tonight. A few seconds later, those tits were squashed against his chest as she gave him a hug that was far from neighborly. “Your garage door was open and I saw your truck there, so I thought you might be out here. Anyway, welcome home, Gabe. I’ve sure missed you.”
He stepped back, putting some distance between them. “Thanks, it’s good to be back. Everything been going okay around here?”
She shrugged nonchalantly. “Ah, nothing ever changes. Old Man Jenkins is still nuts, and Mrs. Jenkins loves him anyway. That’s about as exciting as it gets.” She reached out and laid a hand on his arm. “You’re some much-needed excitement, Gabe.” When he didn’t take the bait she was clearly dangling, she gave what he’d come to recognize as her fake smile. “How about a good, home-cooked meal? I’ll fix all your favorites.” Bet I know what you’re planning to serve for dessert. He loved everything about his cabin in the mountains—exce
pt her. He didn’t want to hurt her, but he felt like it would eventually come time for a less diplomatic chat. But not tonight. He didn’t need any additional drama.
“Thanks, but I’ve got to get up early tomorrow for a training exercise. I’ll be away for several days.”
“Well, whenever you get back, then. I’ll text you and we can set it up.” Trouble flopped over on his back as if to say, Damn, I give up. A sentiment Gabe shared.
“We’d better get back; the sun is beginning to set.” He covered the rest of the distance to his house a little faster than was polite when there was a woman along, but she kept up without complaint. Even managing to talk the entire time without sounding winded. He knew she spent a lot of time in the gym, and her trim figure attested to it. Although he admired her dedication, he’d always preferred a woman with curves. Like Sara’s. She and Melanie were as different as night and day in almost every way. He knew she was hoping for an invitation when they reached his place, but to extend one would give her the green light, and that’s the last thing he wanted to do. So he nodded politely before saying, “Roads are clear, but better take it slow going home. Have a good evening.”
His manner bordered on impolite, but there wasn’t much he could do about it. It wasn’t all Melanie’s fault, though. His mood had been in a steady downward spiral all day, as his subconscious insisted on counting the hours until Sara’s flight. The one he knew without a doubt she wouldn’t be on. To him, it felt like the final death knell of their unorthodox relationship. How many endings do you need? Wasn’t the one in North Carolina enough? A part of him had hoped that she’d take the next plane and show up in Alaska within hours of his arrival. But that hadn’t happened. No, instead, after a flurry of e-mails and texts, she went quiet. Did she care so little? Even as he tried to tell himself that she was simply abiding by what he’d said, it still bothered him. Were you hoping for another Melanie? He’d never liked the way his neighbor all but stalked him. Then he grew upset because Sara wasn’t doing that very thing—it made no sense. Because she’s different. No doubt every person who’d ever been a fool for love thought that same nonsense.
