by Ally James
Instead of checking into the hotel, Gabe drove straight to the airport. He was lucky enough to get a seat on a flight that left in two hours. He’d even been upgraded to first class, thanks to his military status. So he turned his car back in and had a beer at the sports bar. By the time the plane was boarding, his limbs felt heavy with fatigue. He stored his bag in the overhead bin and settled in next to a middle-aged businessman who seemed no more interested in small talk than he was.
This wasn’t the way it was supposed to go. He’d warned Sara that he would cut all contact with her, and he meant to stick to that. But damn, it was hard. He felt as if he’d left a part of himself behind. She’d slowly become the center of his world over the last seven months. His confidant. His release. How did he go back to a life without that—without her? He was certain she’d be more than happy to pick up where they left off and continue their e-relationship, but that wasn’t enough for him. He’d been counting the days for the last month until he could be with her in person—and until today, he assumed that they both had. He couldn’t fathom settling into limbo, where there was nothing beyond FaceTime, texts, and phone calls. Those were amazing tools when you were deployed and forced to be apart from the person you loved. But that all ended when you came home.
A part of him wished he hadn’t surprised her today. He’d still be in that rosy bubble until she didn’t get on the plane. Maybe she will now that she knows you’re serious about her. That seemed about as likely to him as winning the lottery. His odds of being a millionaire were probably better. As much as it sucked, he needed to accept that the fantasy world they’d been living in was over. He wasn’t naive enough to believe it would be easy. For the first time, his heart literally ached. And even after all the humiliation he’d suffered at her hands, a part of him couldn’t stand leaving her behind. It felt wrong to him somehow. I seriously need to grow a pair.
Yet he did believe her. At first, he’d been ready to convict her without a trial based on the damning evidence. But most of the pieces had fallen into place when they’d been talking outside. And no husband would remain in the house after what had transpired inside. Yeah, he could give her a pass on all that. But what ticked him off was whether or not she was actually going to come see him in Anchorage. He couldn’t give a shit about the cost of the ticket. What really got him was how far she’d let it go without hitting the brakes. If she’d expressed concern and wanted to wait until after he was home to make plans, he’d have understood. But she hadn’t. Instead, she pretended to be just as excited as he was about their upcoming meeting. Knowing all the while that she had no intention of following through with it. Quite simply, she made him feel like a fool, and that was a first for him. It made him question his judgment. Was his head really so easily turned by a pretty face? He hadn’t believed he was such an easy target.
Gabe also had to wonder at what point she’d have made her excuses if he hadn’t shown up at her house. Would she have left him standing at the airport in Alaska until the crew had exited the aircraft?
The flight attendant was making the final announcements when his phone vibrated. Normally he’d have already put it in airplane mode, but he’d been too distracted to pay much attention to flight preparations. His gut twisted painfully when he saw that it was a text from her. Shit. Don’t read it. Yet even as he told himself that, he clicked to open it.
SARA: Gabe, I’m so sorry about what happened. I do want to come see you. Very much. If you’ll please give me a little more time. Everything I told you about my family arrangement is true, and therefore, they will need to cover everything I do while I’m with you in Anchorage. I hope you can forgive me. I care for you more than you’ll ever know. I miss you. Sara
He’d never been more grateful to feel a plane beginning to taxi toward the runway than he was now. He put his phone in the correct mode, which meant he kept his promise not to contact her. He hated how weak he was where she was concerned. He found it almost physically painful to ignore her message. She’d been a priority in his thoughts for so long that it was going to be a very hard habit to break. In Iraq, whenever he had a spare moment to himself, saying hello to her was the first thing he’d done. She’d pretty much assumed the role of his girlfriend—or heck, even his wife. He’d talked to her more than he had his friends or family.
He was at loose ends now, similar to what you’d go through after a breakup. The pain, the confusion, the doubts, the sense of loss. He wasn’t sure he even realized what a key part she’d played in his world until today. If this bothered her half as much as it bothered him, then he almost felt sorry for her. After all, he did care for her—a lot. Regardless of how they’d met, he’d felt a connection he’d never known before, and that would be hell to walk away from. Today is bad enough. They could easily be one of those couples you read about that met on the Internet and spent years talking but never took it further, though somehow he doubted that.
Could he keep her in his life as a friend? He could . . . but he didn’t see the point. He couldn’t be platonic with her. The spark between them was too bright. They might not have crossed over into straight-up sexting, but they weren’t innocent pals either. But if this was the end . . . then like any other loss—and he’d had many—he’d mourn and continue on.
He leaned his head back as the plane took off, gripping the hand rests as he always did until they reached cruising altitude. He glanced over at the guy sitting beside him, thinking once again that Sara should be there. He wasn’t a man given to romantic daydreams, but he’d imagined them holding hands at takeoff because she’d mentioned she was always nervous then. He’d have attempted to distract her. Probably made some reference to a past joke they’d shared or told her more about his home in Alaska. They’d never been at a loss for words, and even with the adjustment to physical proximity with each other, he didn’t see it being awkward, at least not for long. I may never know now. If she doesn’t make any overture to rearrange her family responsibilities, then I’ll have to conclude that it was only real to me. The words of her text kept bouncing around his mind, though, too hard to shut off. Too tempting to dismiss. I care for you more than you’ll ever know. I miss you. God, he already missed her too.
Damn, he needed to at least believe that it was insecurities that had made her deceive him. He didn’t want his sweet, sassy Sara to be anything other than the woman he’d come to know so well. There’s only one way she can prove that to you. That’s what it boiled down to. Otherwise, he’d never truly be rid of that inkling of doubt that she wasn’t the person he thought her to be. And it was sheer torment to have the image of the woman he’d developed such deep feelings for ruined. Distance yourself. Pack it up and shut it down.
Piece by piece, he pushed her out of his head, sealing that part of his mind off—for now. He knew he wouldn’t be able to keep her locked away for long, though. Because he’d never had to compartmentalize someone who was not only in his head but in his heart as well. He had a bad feeling the same rules simply didn’t apply, but a guy could hope.
Chapter Fourteen
If Chloe made that annoying sound of disbelief one more time, Sara was afraid she’d lose it. She’d called her cousin for an emergency meeting as soon as Nicole and Chris had left the next morning. Her mother had even volunteered to babysit Kaylee that evening so she could meet Chloe for dinner. She’d been too distracted and too grateful to marvel at that unusual offer. It had been twenty-four hours of hell, and she’d about hit her limit. “Could you maybe say something instead of making that hopeless humming noise?”
“I’m trying to process here,” she grumbled. “This is seriously a big mess,” she added. Way to state the obvious.
“I’m aware of that,” Sara snapped. “Crap, sorry. My nerves are a little frayed. As if dealing with the whole Gabe thing wasn’t bad enough, I also heard my brother and his lovely wife talking about me last night.”
“Whoa, what?” Chloe choked out
. “You didn’t mention that.”
Shrugging, Sara said, “It wasn’t my priority. It hurt, but not nearly as much as what happened with him.”
Chloe gave her an expectant look, then waved a hand in exasperation. “Do you want me to guess?”
They were in a corner booth in their favorite Mexican restaurant, and Sara paused to take a long drink of the jumbo margarita Chloe had ordered for her. “Well, Kaylee had Nicole’s makeup case hidden in her room, so I found it and took it upstairs so she wouldn’t wake us up looking for it before they left. Their door was cracked and I heard my name, so I stopped—and listened. Chris was telling her about Gabe and what had happened earlier. Which pissed me off, but I wasn’t really surprised. I figured he would. You know what she asked him first? If Gabe was ugly. As if she couldn’t believe anyone attractive would be interested in me.”
“That skinny bitch,” Chloe snorted. “She’s just jealous and you know it. She can’t stand the thought of anyone getting more attention than she does.”
Sara smiled, secretly agreeing. Nicole certainly liked the spotlight. She often thought it was one reason she didn’t connect well with her own daughter. She saw her as competition for Chris’s attention, which was absurd. “Anyway, you know men. Chris just said he hadn’t noticed. Then he told her he’d tried to talk some sense into me, but he was still worried I’d take off and he didn’t know what they’d do if that happened.”
“That should scare the hell out of them,” Chloe said as she popped a chip into her mouth.
“Nicole giggled,” Sara murmured, unable to hide the hurt that she felt. “Then it turned into hysterical laughter. I should have walked away then, but I was kind of rooted in place. Chris asked her what she found so funny. When she could breathe, she said, ‘Losing your sister is the last thing I’d worry about. She isn’t going anywhere. She’s far too comfortable here, and why wouldn’t she be? She’s got it made. Kaylee practically takes care of herself now, so what’s there to do? Sit around and watch television all day?’”
“I’m so going to kick her bony ass when she gets back,” Chloe hissed. “I swear I’ve never liked that self-absorbed airhead. What did Chris say?”
Sara’s finger drew circles in the moisture left behind on the table by her glass as she said, “He pointed out that I do a lot of things for them outside of Kaylee. He also mentioned them doing more with her so that I could have more time off. Nicole said if they did, then my salary should be cut. After all, I don’t have any living expenses, so I really shouldn’t even be drawing a paycheck.” Knowing that your sister-in-law thinks even more lowly of you than you thought possible is extremely painful. Yet they’re happy for me to raise their daughter.
When Sara looked up, Chloe’s eyes were so wide, they were almost crossing, and her fingers were attacking a napkin so intently that the poor thing was in shreds in seconds. “Oh no, she did not say that,” she retorted. “I don’t know why I’m surprised, but that was a low blow even for her. After all you’ve done for them, how could she think that, much less say it? You’ve given them years of your life to help with their daughter, and it sounds as if she doesn’t appreciate any of it. Swear to God, I’d have packed my shit right then and ruined her fancy little vacation. She’d have been wearing her tiny bikini to the public pool instead of a five-star resort. Please tell me you went in there and slapped her around. A left hook to that Botoxed forehead would have been a great starting point.”
She was so hopeful that Sara hated disappointing her. “Chris changed the subject and I got out of there before they saw me. I was so overwhelmed from what happened with Gabe that I couldn’t deal with anything else. I did toss her makeup bag in the kitchen trash, though, so that’s something.”
“Oh, Sara,” Chloe said in a voice full of sympathy. “You’ve been through hell, haven’t you? Why didn’t you call me last night? I’d have come right over. I’ve never been in your particular position, but I certainly know what it’s like to be all messed up over some guy. And heartbreak is heartbreak, no matter what the cause. Although at least your man didn’t screw around on you, so this can still be saved. You said you’ve texted him, right?”
“Yeah, but he hasn’t responded. Although he did read it,” she added glumly. “He’s not going to reply. He told me he would cut contact and that’s what he’s done. I can’t blame him after everything that’s happened. Any sane person would do the same.”
Chloe appeared deep in thought as she settled back against the padded booth seat. Finally she said, “I can see both sides to some degree. He blindsided you by showing up unannounced. That would have freaked me out a bit, regardless of how long you’d been talking. He’s still a stranger, so—yeah, definitely enough to rattle you. But . . . if what he said is true, and I have no reason to believe otherwise, then he had good intentions. I’d say he’s certainly thought better of it since then. It was beyond thoughtful of him to want to meet your family and set their minds at ease. As well as keep you from stressing over his visit by not telling you ahead of time.”
Sara could almost see Chloe making one of the lists she was so fond of creating for everything. “He has far more checks in the positive category of your imaginary paper than I do, doesn’t he? Trust me, I’ve come to the same conclusion myself.”
“Then why are you asking me for advice? It seems to me that you should know what to do next. You’ve put your family first for the last three years that I know of, and probably longer than that. You’ve now seen this man in person, actually had a conversation with him face-to-face. Was he everything you’d built him up to be in your head?”
Sara smiled, although she knew it was filled with sadness and not happiness. “Even angry, he was better than my dreams, Chloe. And not just because he was impossibly handsome. It was the whole package. So tall and muscular—but not bulky. Lean, like a runner. His eyes are mesmerizing and so expressive. Which wasn’t necessarily a good thing yesterday when I could so easily see how angry, hurt, and disappointed he was with me. Oh, and dear Lord, he smelled delicious. I wanted to keep my face buried against him and never let go.”
Chloe leaned forward eagerly. “Wait, you were in his arms? You should have led with that. How did it happen?”
Sara sighed. “I started crying, and he held me for a moment. It felt so good—so right somehow. As if we’d embraced like that countless times before. You know how awkward it usually is when someone touches you for the first time? Well, he didn’t seem like a stranger. That must sound insane.”
Chloe shook her head. “Not at all. I’ve had that reaction to people. It’s rare, but it happens. And when it does, it’s amazing, that connection.”
“He meant what he said,” Sara said dejectedly. “He’s ended contact with me. He might have read my text, but that’s as far as it’ll go. He’ll probably change his number or block me. He was very clear. We learned a lot about each other while he was deployed, and when he sets his mind to something, he sees it through. I just never thought that focus would be turned on me—in a negative way. And so quickly. It was as if I was given only one chance and in his eyes, I failed, and therefore he’s done.”
“But didn’t you say he told you that the ball was in your court?” When Sara nodded, she said, “That implies that he hasn’t entirely written you off yet. Let me see if I have this right: If you take the flight he booked for you, then he’ll give you another chance?”
“I—guess so,” Sara mumbled. “I mean, he said he’d done his part, and if I wanted to give it a go, then I’d be on that plane.”
“That’s very direct and to the point. So you do have an opportunity to fix what’s happened between you two—if that’s what you want to do. I could be wrong, but he sounds flipping awesome.” She put her finger against her chin as if deep in thought. “Do you think your ticket is transferable? I mean, I could go tell him in person, let him down gently.”
Sara frowned, puzz
led by her cousin’s offer until the meaning hit her. “Wh—what? Hell no, you won’t,” she barked out.
When Chloe snickered, Sara knew she’d been played. “That’s what I thought. So we have, what, a matter of days to make arrangements? When will your brother and his bimbo be back from their usual child-free vacation?”
“Um . . . five days,” she said uncertainly. “I can’t leave Kaylee at home by herself, you know.”
“Correct me if I’m wrong, but doesn’t she have grandparents?”
“Nicole’s parents live in California, and they both have jobs.”
“Well, your mother is free as a bird, isn’t she? And conveniently, she’s living with you right now. Surely she can watch Kaylee for one day. If there’s some reason that she cannot, then I’ll take vacation time and handle it.”
“You’d do that?” Sara asked, thinking it was the nicest thing anyone had done for her in years.
“Absolutely,” Chloe agreed without hesitation. “We probably need to get you some new clothes. You realize it’s much colder in Alaska. And there’s probably snow on the ground. So heavy winter clothing is a must. Maybe a couple of nicer outfits for an evening out.”
Sara’s head was spinning. Chloe was clearly in her element and getting more animated by the moment. But she seemed to be overlooking one very important thing. Clearing her throat, Sara jumped in when the other woman paused. “I can’t tell you how much all of this means to me.”
Chloe raised a brow in question. “I sense a ‘but.’ Whatever it is, we can deal with it.”
“Who is supposed to take care of my niece while I’m gone?”
“Her. Parents,” Chloe emphasized slowly. “Sure, it may not be ideal, but if you wait around until they’re ready for you to leave, she’ll be graduating from college. It won’t be a total shock to them either, since they know about Gabe. You said yourself that Chris was concerned about you leaving. That’s sort of like giving your notice. Granted, it’s not exactly the conventional way, but this isn’t a typical situation.”
