Her lips quivered. “You’re hurt.”
“No, angel. It’s nothing,” he said, pulling a hand away to stroke her wet hair. “It’s you I’m worried about. How’s your head.”
“Harder than it looks.”
Goddamn. His girl was a little warrior. Jaxon smiled down at her. He loved her so fucking much in that moment. He’d been terrified he wouldn’t see her smile again. But she grinned up at him like she hadn’t just taken a hit that could’ve sidelined someone twice her size.
“Promise me something,” Jaxon said, kissing her hand again. “Don’t ever do that again.”
“Do what?”
“Take a hit that’s meant for me.”
“But I love you,” she said. “And you’re supposed to protect the people you love.”
That did it. Those words slayed him. He’d been trying to keep it together for Lucy’s sake but she’d just summed up all Jaxon’s fears and failures in one perfect sentence. You’re supposed to protect the people that you love. And he hadn’t. He hadn’t protected her when it counted. He hadn’t protected his mother from the accident. And if he was honest, he was doing a pretty poor job of protecting his father from himself.
Jaxon hated himself for breaking down in front of Lucy like this, but he just couldn’t keep it in anymore.
Lucy
Lucy watched Jaxon’s Adam’s apple bob with emotion. She could see him holding back tears and it broke her heart. She hadn’t expected that reaction when she told him that she loved him. She’d just wanted to reassure him, not upset him.
Today had been emotionally charged. Maybe what she’d said hadn’t come out right. She was drained and could feel she wasn’t thinking straight—and it had nothing to do with her head injury.
She untucked her legs from under the scratchy hospital blanket so she could move easier and tried again, pulling Jaxon toward her. “Shhh,” she soothed. “It’s okay. We’re both okay.”
It wasn’t working. Everything she said just seemed to make him more upset. The tears that had been pooling in his deep blue eyes finally spilled over. She couldn’t stand to watch him cry. He was the strongest person she knew and seeing him like this broke something inside of her.
“Jaxon, what’s wrong?”
He shook his head, refusing to meet her gaze.
Lucy’s heart hurt seeing him so rattled. He’d been her rock in all of this and seeing him this upset frightened her. But it also steeled her resolve. Jaxon was always there for everyone else. It was time someone was there for him to lean on.
She lifted his arm and crawled into his lap, wrapping her arms around him. He finally stopped resisting and his arms fell around her, pulling her tight against his chest while he tried to regain his composure.
“It’s okay, Jaxon. We’re okay. I love you.”
He took a shuddering breath that she felt through her whole body. “I love you too, baby. So damn much.”
“I know,” she whispered, letting him hold her tighter.
She wasn’t sure what he was working through, but she had a feeling it was bigger than just what had happened today and she needed to let him go at his own pace.
Jaxon released another shaky breath. “Today, when I saw him hit you. I lost control.”
“I know. No one blames you, Jaxon. Everyone saw Alex start it.”
“God, Lucy. When I saw you lying there . . .” Jaxon ran a hand over his face. “I never want to feel that helpless again.”
“I know. It’s okay.”
“No it’s not. I thought . . . I thought I’d lost you.”
“You didn’t. I’m right here. I’m completely fine. Just a few stitches.”
“Stitches?”
Wrong thing to say. Jaxon’s eyes went nearly black.
Lucy backpedaled. “Look, they’re tiny,” she said turning her head to show him the three tiny stitches in the back of her scalp. “The doctor said I’m lucky I have a very hard head,” Lucy teased, trying to lighten the mood. It didn’t work. Jaxon looked ruined. “Babe, I’m fine.”
“Never again, Lucy. I mean it. Don’t ever put yourself in harms way like that.”
“He was going to tackle you!” Lucy protested.
“Yeah, and I can hold my own.”
Exhaustion was making Lucy’s patience run thin and her stubborn streak got the best of her. “I can hold my own, too.”
“No!” Jaxon yelled, startling her. “You can’t. And you can’t do things like that. You can’t make it so I can’t protect you.”
His words were harsh and Lucy could see the turmoil brimming in his eyes. She wanted to fix it, but she didn’t know how. Lucy’s voice was soft as she ran her fingers through his hair. “Jaxon, it’s not your job to protect me.”
Touching him had the opposite effect it usually did. It seemed to make Jaxon more anxious. He slid her off his lap and back onto the bed so he could stand up.
“I can’t protect anyone,” he muttered pacing the room. “That’s the problem. I can’t protect anyone I love. And that’s why I lose them all.” Jaxon finally stopped his pacing and looked at her. “But I can’t take it anymore, Lucy. I can’t lose anymore.” He collapsed into the hard hospital chair at her bedside. “If I had lost you . . .”
Lucy didn’t let him finish that sentence. She was out of her bed and kneeling in front of him before he could get the words out. “You didn’t lose me, Jaxon. I’m right here. And I’m not going anywhere.” She grabbed his hands and pressed them against her chest.
She knew he could feel her heart beating beneath the thin material of her hospital gown. “Jaxon, please talk to me. Tell me what’s going on in your heart so I can make it better,” she begged.
He finally met her eyes and she almost wished he hadn’t. She’d never seen him look so defeated. “It’s all my fault,” he whispered.
“No. Alex started it. Everyone saw him.”
“Not Alex. The accident.”
Lucy didn’t understand.
“It’s my fault, Lucy. I’m the reason she’s dead. I couldn’t protect my mother and today when I saw you on the ground, it felt the same. Like I couldn’t protect you and it was my fault.”
“Jaxon, it was a car accident. It wasn’t your fault.”
“I was driving the car, Lucy! It was me! I was the driver when she died! Who else’s fault could it be?”
Shock rippled through Lucy’s body leaving a trail of goose bumps in its wake. Jesus! Jaxon had been the driver? Her heart pounded at a deafening volume in her ears. He’d never told her that before. She’s always assumed that it was his mother driving. But then again, that was probably what Jaxon had wanted her to think.
Things started to click.
Did Jaxon think that would change her opinion of him? Because it didn’t. If anything she loved him more. He carried that burden around with him. And so far, he hadn’t let it pull him under, but it was time he let someone help him carry the weight.
“Jaxon, was my accident my fault?”
“What?”
“My car accident? I was driving. Was it my fault?”
“No, but that was different.”
“How? It was a hit-and-run. Some guy came barreling out of nowhere and ran me off the road. There was nothing I could do. It wasn’t my fault. Just like your accident wasn’t your fault.”
“But—”
“No, Jaxon. You can’t have it both ways. If your accident was your fault, then so was mine.” Lucy reached a hand up to cup his cheek. “It wasn’t your fault, Jaxon. You have to let it go.”
He looked at her, hurt and pain etched in his beautiful eyes. “I can’t.” The word tore out of him like a wound.
Lucy ached to squelch his anguish. She gently took one of his bandaged hands. “Jaxon, you have to. Otherwise it’s like you didn’t survive. And I need you to survive. I love you, Jaxon. I don’t know where I would be without you. You saved my life. You pulled me out of my car. But I’m afraid that you’re still trapped in yours. And if you
don’t let yourself out then it’s like you never made it out.”
A tear dripped from Jaxon’s face and landed on Lucy’s wrist. Her hands moved to either side of his face and she griped him firmly.
“Please,” she begged. “You need to be able to let it go or you’ll always be stuck in that car.”
“I know,” he whispered, pulling his injured hands up to hold onto her wrists.
Jaxon was looking at her now. The fire and strength that had drawn her in was flickering back to life in his eyes. She wanted to help him stoke it. She wanted to make him understand that he wasn’t alone—that together they could conquer this.
Otherwise, what was the point in surviving everything they’d been through?
“Jaxon, I don’t know why this happened. I don’t know why I survived my accident and your mom didn’t. I don’t know why you happened to be there to save my life, but you were. We survived, Jaxon. And there has to be a reason. Somehow, you and me, we found each other. And we walked away from something that maybe we shouldn’t have. But we did. So let’s keep doing that, okay. Let’s let it all go and walk away . . . together.”
Emotion swam in Jaxon’s eyes and when Lucy pressed her forehead to his, she felt him exhale. She smiled in relief, because she felt it . . . She felt him letting it go. He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her up into his lap.
She’d done it. She’d gotten through to him. She could feel him coming back to her, bit by bit, as he kissed her, giving her all of it—the pain, the hurt, the sadness and the love that he’d been holding back. She gladly took it all as she kissed him back with every ounce of her soul. She wrapped her arms around his neck and held him like she never planned on letting go. Because she didn’t. She’d pulled him through to the other side and she was going to hold on forever.
40
Jaxon
Jaxon felt completely drained by the time his uncle and their attorney showed up in Lucy’s hospital room. Brooke and Conner were with them, and Jaxon was grateful to have them there, in his corner. It felt good to have so much support. He didn’t know what he would do without his strange ensemble of family members.
Conner was Jaxon’s one constant, and he couldn’t thank his brother enough for showing up today. Which he apparently owed to Brooke, who had grown on Jaxon tremendously. Her quirky genuine charm was hard to shake.
Jaxon watched Conner put his arm around Brooke and decided he liked the way they fit together. From the way they silently smirked at each other, it was obvious they liked it, too.
Uncle Steven walked over to Jaxon and put a hand on his shoulder. Jaxon reached up and squeezed it. He didn’t know what he’d do without his uncle. The man was a saint. He’d pulled Jaxon’s family out of the ashes and put them back together, never asking for anything in return. Even now, he didn’t scold Jaxon or give him a disapproving look. The first thing he’d done after he heard about the fight at Saint Andrews was to ask Jaxon if he was okay and then how he could help.
Jaxon found himself wondering how his father would have reacted to the same situation. Not nearly as calm, was his guess. Even before the accident Jaxon’s father was nothing like Steven. They were brothers, but just like Jaxon and Conner, they each had their own set of strengths and flaws. And for the first time in over a year, Jaxon found he was glad that it was his uncle at his side today. It was time Jaxon stopped wishing for things that would never be and appreciate the things he had. Steven, Conner and Brooke proved that family came in all different forms.
And then, there was Lucy—an angel made flesh. She completed Jaxon’s new family unit. He still had no idea what he’d done to deserve her, but he was certainly going to try. And that meant by starting to heal himself . . . from the inside out this time.
Today, sitting there in that hospital bed with Lucy tucked against his side, Jaxon realized that she had brought him back to life. He hadn’t even understood how much of his life he’d been wasting until Lucy came along. And that’s why he owed it to her to walk away from the torment that had been killing him the past year.
She was right; he’d been letting his accident trap him. And it had already taken too much from him. He wouldn’t let it take the time he had with Lucy, too. The last year had taught him how quickly things can fall apart, and it made him not want to give up anything good ever again. And this—him and Lucy—this was good. And Jaxon planned on holding on to it for a long, long time.
So even though it was the last thing Jaxon wanted to do, he answered all the attorney’s probing questions about what happened on campus between him and Alex and Lucy. Jaxon hated reliving it, especially with the way Lucy flinched every time Alex’s name was brought up, but Jaxon trudged through it all. The sooner they got this over with, the sooner they could put it behind them and walk away from all the weight that had been dragging them down.
Today was all about ripping off Band-Aids and healing old wounds. And after what Jaxon confessed to Lucy earlier this would be a piece of cake.
Jaxon got through his questioning fairly quickly and then the attorney turned his attention to Lucy, who was still curled against Jaxon’s side in her hospital bed.
“Miss Adams, I have some questions for you. If we could have the room?”
“No,” Lucy said when Jaxon started to get up. “I want you to stay.”
The attorney looked unsure. “The nature of these questions might get personal.”
“I have nothing to hide, and I’d actually feel more comfortable if everyone stayed,” Lucy replied.
The attorney started to object but Jaxon’s uncle spoke up. “Matt, these kids have been through a lot. I know this is an unusual situation, but they’re both minors without parents present. I’d really appreciate it if you could work around their circumstances.”
Matt, the attorney, eventually nodded. It annoyed Jaxon that his uncle would probably be paying Matt a lot more for working around their ‘circumstances’. But when Jaxon looked over at Lucy, her little chin held high as she answered the attorney’s questions, he couldn’t really find much to be upset about.
Jaxon smiled at Lucy, squeezing her hand when the questions got harder to answer. The more he watched her, the more his love for her grew. It still astonished him how much he could feel for her. She was so small but so strong. Jaxon felt beyond lucky to have Lucy by his side. And after telling her his most terrible truths she was still willing to stand by him. That alone was like a breath of fresh air.
Matt cleared his throat. “Well, I think I’ve gotten what I need for now. It’s been a long day. I’ll let you get some rest and be in touch.”
“Wait,” Lucy said. “What about Alex? Is he okay?”
So far, no one had brought up his status. Jaxon felt tension coil in his gut. He stood by actions to protect Lucy from anyone who wanted to hurt her, but now that he’d gotten some distance from his rage, Jaxon felt bad that things had gone as far as they did.
“Mr. Alvez is still in surgery. He has a broken nose, his cheekbone is shattered and his jaw is dislocated, possibly fractured.”
“Shit,” Conner muttered. “Have they charged Jaxon yet?”
“His attorneys haven’t made anything formal yet, but they’re talking aggravated assault.”
“Whoa,” Conner said, pushing off the wall he’d been leaning against. “That’s a felony charge. Jaxon’s a minor.”
“Do you think it’ll stick?” Uncle Steven asked.
“It’s hard to say. The Alvez kid is in pretty bad shape.”
“He deserved it,” Brooke said, surprising everyone in the room. She’d been quiet for so long Jaxon had almost forgotten she was still there.
Matt guffawed. “Miss Becker, I know emotions run high at times like this, but beating someone half to death just because they insult the person you’re dating isn’t an appropriate response, and I’d advise you not to go around sharing that opinion.”
Jaxon was beginning to dislike their attorney, and from the way Conner took a protective stance be
hind Brooke, he wasn’t the only one.
But Brooke didn’t back down. “Alex started the fight today. Jaxon tried to walk away twice. But Alex wouldn’t let it go. Then Alex shoved Lucy to the ground. She hit her head on the concrete. She could’ve had a brain injury. We should be talking about what to charge Alex with. Besides he’s done a hell of a lot worse than just push Lucy around today.”
The hair on the back of Jaxon’s neck rose. “What?” He mustn’t have heard Brooke right, because it sounded like she was insinuated that Alex had messed with his girl before today.
Brooke leveled her clear blue eyes at Lucy. “You need to tell them, Lucy.”
Lucy tensed next to Jaxon and just as swiftly, the blinding rage he thought he’d leashed was back. “If he put his hands on you . . .”
“Jaxon,” Conner warned. “Cool it. We’re trying to keep you out of juvee, remember?”
Jaxon clamped down on his anger and focused on Lucy instead. She was shaking. He wrapped an arm around her. “Lucy, what’s she talking about?”
Lucy
Lucy knew one day it would come to this. She just wasn’t prepared for today to be that day. She was still processing everything that happened, and now she was expected to dredge up a past she barely understood herself.
Jaxon wrapped his arm tightly around her and she leaned into his warmth. God, he was going to lose it when he found out. But Lucy knew Brooke was right; she needed to get this all out in the open, if only to help Jaxon’s case.
Lucy swallowed hard as every eye in the room trained on her. She didn’t know where to start. She couldn’t do this. How did she tell a room full of people that her father abandoned her because he may or may not be a criminal?
But then she felt Jaxon’s nose nuzzle against her ear. He spoke softly, like she was the only person in the room. “Angel, it’s okay. You’re safe. You can tell me anything.”
She looked into the deep pools of his sapphire eyes and saw nothing but love and trust.
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