Torn

by A. F. Crowell

  “No. Sit back down. We’re gonna talk now. There are some things you need to know, before you move back in with me.” He sat up in the bed. “You should have all of the facts before you decide to come home with me.”

  “You’re scaring me, Jax. What’s going on?” I murmured as he intertwined our fingers. My heart started racing and the pit in the bottom of my stomach opened up. I could feel the adrenaline coursing through my veins.

  “I haven’t been completely honest with you…about who I am. I know all of this is gonna come as a shock, but I need you to remember one thing. I love you. That will never change and it’s as real as me sittin’ in front of ya, and has always been real.” He took a deep breath then launched into it. “My name isn’t Jaxon Henderson. Well, Jaxon is really my first name, but my last name is actually Coleman. I work for the Department of Homeland Security.”

  “What?” I gasped in disbelief and tried to pull my hand from his. “Is this some sort of joke? What do you mean? You work for the club, not Homeland Security. Why are you saying this?”

  “Let me finish. I’ll explain.” He held my hand tighter, not letting me slip away or giving me the distance I really wanted.

  “Yeah, that would be a really good idea, because I don’t get this,” I said, shaking my head.

  “I was recruited after my last tour with the Marines. I’m part of a drug task force that works with the FBI and DEA. I’ve been undercover for more than three years. I can’t give you specifics about the OP, but I’ll tell you I’m not the only one. There are a few others in the MC that are also undercover.

  “You cannot say anything to anyone. Ever. This is serious, Lei. Not even Barb can know. No one can know. Long and short of it is, three years built up to the night I rode out—when I told you I couldn’t be with you and you had to trust me. Remember?”

  I nodded, which made me dizzy.

  He continued, “We finally got the intel we needed to shut down a major pipeline up the I-95 corridor. But somethin’ spooked the buyer and it went south. Fast. The dealers shot first, which essentially covered my ass. I’d reached out to my handler, but no one knew I’d placed the call. The boys in blue swooped in long enough after the shooting began so it looked like some random stranger called it in when they heard gunfire.”

  I pulled in a deep breath and tried to process everything he’d told me. His eyes never left my face as he watched me, his sharp gaze gauging my reaction, his silence giving me the time to put all the pieces together.

  After long minutes, I asked, “Who’s dirty? In the club, I mean.”

  The muscles in his jaw flexed. “Not a word, Lei, swear to me.”

  “I swear.” I put my hand over his heart. “Who?”

  “Drill.” He hung his head.

  Oh my God. Drill? He was the fucking treasurer. “Why?”

  “Babe, I’ve said all I’m gonna say. The reason I’m tellin’ ya is because some really bad people are involved. My people got most of them, but there are higher-ups.” He looked me in the eye. “Everything in my life is backstopped really fuckin’ well, but there is always danger.”

  Holy shit.

  I was reeling. Sitting back in the chair, I tried to let it all sink in. Total disbelief washed through me. How could he propose marriage to me and not say anything before now? How could he promise me the sun, the moon, and the stars and not be who he said he was? How could he lie to me for months? About this? About something so fundamental to our future?

  “Talk to me, babe. I can see the wheels spinnin’. Whatever the question is, ask it.”

  I just stared at him. I wasn’t sure what to ask first.

  “Babe, please. You gotta say somethin’.” He reached for my hand, but I pulled back and stood before he was successful. “Leila, I understand you’re confused and probably hurt, but it’s still me—”

  “Probably hurt? Oh no, Jaxon, I am definitely hurt.” I stood and backed away from him. “And as for it still being you, I don’t even know who you really are. My God, I was going to marry you and I didn’t even know your real name. What would you have done? Marry me and say, ‘Oh yeah, babe, your new last name is Coleman, not Henderson’ or wait until I signed the marriage license to notice? Jesus Christ, Jaxon—ahhhhh.” I hunched over and clutched my belly. I knew immediately it was just another contraction and started taking slow, deep breaths.

  “Shit.” He hobbled out of the bed. “Breathe, baby, do you wanna sit?”

  I ignored him and focused on a spot on the floor. Deep breaths in through my nose and slow exhales out through my mouth.

  “Babe?” He rubbed his hand up and down my bent back.

  After it passed, I straightened and looked at him. He brushed the curls out of my face and tucked them behind my ear. “It’s still me, babe. I swear the only thing that’s different is my last name and my job. I’m still the same person who walked ya to and from work, laughed with ya over popcorn in bed when we watched stupid movies, and I’m still the same person you fell in love with. It’s still me, and I still love you.”

  I stood there staring up at him, tears glistening. “If this wouldn’t’ve happened, when were you going to tell me?”

  “It’s what I wanted to tell you before it all went down. I was gonna tell you everythin’.”

  I pulled the corner of my bottom lip between my teeth. “Is there any more shit you need to tell me? Because if so, this is the time. I’d rather just get it all over with now.”

  He took my hands between his as he backed up and sat back down on the bed, motioning for me to sit, too.

  “Full disclosure, babe. Until this is over, you need to understand that to everyone, I’m MC. Which means you’re gonna be an old lady. That means you can’t be questioning the brothers, especially the Prez. You have to play the part until I can end this.”

  “What does that mean? Play the part? Like in the books I read, the guys don’t tell their women shit, do whatever they want, and the old lady’s left to clean up after them. Oh and we all know about the whores.” I felt a familiar fire ignite inside of me.

  “Babe, you know it’s not like that, but if you are around the brothers then yeah, you gotta act the part. Just be respectful. I won’t be goin’ outta my way to bring you around this shit though. I don’t want you at the club.” I glared at him. “And not for the reasons you think.”

  “Really? Then what reasons, Jaxon?”

  “Because at any minute someone could show the fuck up and start shit. You don’t need to be around that. I won’t allow you to be caught up in this business.” He squeezed my hands.

  “So why not quit? If it’s so dangerous and people are trying to kill you, why stay with the MC?” I couldn’t understand why he’d risk himself when we had a future—a daughter on the way.

  “I can’t. I’ve invested three years of my life in this and I won’t just give up and walk away. I’m not built like that, Leila, you should know that by now.” He stiffened. “And my gettin’ shot was random. They opened fire on everyone, not just me. We lost two prospects in that clusterfuck.”

  “I’m sorry, Jax, I didn’t know, but I guess that’s the point, right? I wasn’t supposed to know. That bothers me, all of the secrets and nondisclosure.” I frowned as I stood.

  “You have to know that it’s for the best you not know this shit.” His beautiful green eyes pleaded for understanding.

  “I don’t know that.”

  “Now you’re gonna worry every time I leave the house.”

  Sighing, I shrugged. “Okay, so yeah that’s probably true, but that doesn’t mean that I didn’t worry before. I love you, Jaxon. I’ll always worry.”

  “Always?” He grinned and lifted his brow cockily.

  “Yes, always,” I admitted. Softening, my shoulders relaxed.

  Ever watchful, he saw the cues, and the next thing I knew he enveloped me in his burly arms and pulled me into his lap. “I love you, Lei.”

  “Jesus, Jaxon, put her down,” Ashley shrieked from the
doorway. “You’re recovering from gunshot wounds and she’s pregnant. She doesn’t need you swingin’ her about, dear.”

  “It’s okay, Mom. I feel great. Better than great.” He let me go, slipped his hands around my jawline, pulled my face to his, and kissed me like it was the first time all over again. He took my breath away and I was left standing there, eyes closed, mouth still partially open, looking like a dork.

  Ashley ahemmed. “Well, Dad is waitin’ for us downstairs. He had to make some business calls.” Ashley lowered her voice. “Is everything okay?”

  “Yep, told her everything.” Answering his mom, his eyes never left mine as he grinned at me.

  Ashley turned to me with a meek smile and remorse. “I’m sorry I had to be deceptive, dear. I hope you understand why I couldn’t say anything.”

  “It’s okay.” I nodded. “I get it. I’m not sure it’s still really set in, but I understand your part in this…uh, mess.”

  Jaxon attempted to pull his jeans up under the coverage of his oh-so-sexy hospital gown. Ashley immediately rushed over to help him.

  “Mom, I think I can manage.”

  “Jaxon, you need to take it easy. Let us help you.” I frowned at him.

  “Fine,” he grumbled, smiling the whole time.

  A while later the nurse came in and went over discharge instructions. She was about to remove the IV when she noticed it was gone.

  “Don’t look at me.” I feigned innocence and pointed to Jax. “That was all him.”

  “What? I couldn’t get my shirt on with it,” he grunted.

  The nurse rolled her eyes, chuckling as she left the room. All of the nurses had become used to his caveman antics. Of course, this did not dissuade their flirting or fawning all over him. Who could blame them? Jaxon was sexy as hell.

  “Jaxon.” He turned to acknowledge me with a lift of his chin. “We still have to talk about us when we get home.”

  “You’re right, we do.”

  “And Brody agreed to sit down with us to clear the air and get on the same page. I’ll tell you what I told him. Y’all need to get your shit together. I’m not going have you two fighting like that in front of our daughter. You are grown-ass men and need to start acting like it.”

  “I agree.” He lifted his bag of clothes and started toward the door.

  “Oh, and you have to leave in a wheelchair.” I smiled as big as I could without showing any teeth.

  “No.”

  “Hospital policy, honey.” I walked out to the hallway and wheeled it in.

  “You’ve gotta be shittin’ me. I’m not ridin’ in that, I can walk.” I could see he was getting aggravated and I couldn’t help but giggle a little. “I’m glad you think this is fuckin’ funny.”

  “Jaxon. Language, son.” Ashley gave him the evil eye. “Now sit in the chair so we can get out of here.”

  “Yes, Mom.” He cut his eyes at me, scoffed then sat. “But you’re not pushin’, get one of those other nurses. You shouldn’t be strainin’ yourself, babe.”

  “I have to agree with him, sweetie, but we don’t need a nurse. I’ll push him out.”

  “Thanks,, Mom,” Jaxon smirked.

  “Anything for you, baby boy.”

  Chapter Seven

  Jaxon

  Leaving the hospital in a car Brody provided to my parents was less than thrilling. I couldn’t wait to get to the bottom of things with him. While I appreciated him helping my parents, it didn’t mean that he could continue to insert himself into my relationship with Leila. This whole being there every time I turned around was going to end, and fast.

  Arriving home and seeing boxes and Lei’s suitcase in the foyer was a game changer. It renewed my fight. I knew that even though she was home, we had things to fix and work on. My confession at the hospital only opened up more questions. I needed to get with Viper and find out what was going down right now.

  Drill had thought he was in the clear since the shootout, but the minute I had enough evidence I was pulling the trigger, so to speak. Drill’s days were numbered. I had to make sure he didn’t suspect that I knew what he was up to. Over the last few weeks I’d seen just how lethal this fucker could be. He had to fucking go.

  Mark was another story. He and I had gotten close over the last few years. And while I didn’t agree with or condone his participation in the pipeline, I understood why he did it. As president of the club, he inherited the prior president’s fuck-ups. Mark inherited his predecessor’s agreement to protect shipments from border to border for a Mexican cartel. These were not the people you said, “I quit” to. It wasn’t that easy.

  An hour of my parents fussin’ at me, loading groceries into the pantry, and making sure Leila’s things made it up to our room exhausted the fuck outta me.

  Sitting in the living room watching TV, deep in thought, I didn’t notice Leila come in the room.

  “Huh, what?” I asked.

  “I said, are you hungry? Do you want me to cook dinner now? I know it’s early but I thought you might like a home-cooked meal. God only knows what you’ve been eating.” She stood behind the couch with her hand on her hip, looking sexier than ever.

  “There’s only one thing I’m hungry for and I don’t think you’re gonna give it to me.” My dick hardened, my veins swirling with lust.

  “Jesus, Mary, and Joseph. Jaxon. You’ve been home less than two hours and are recovering from freakin’ multiple GSWs. Keep it in your pants, big man, we got plenty of time for the dirty things you want to do.” She rolled her eyes, shook her head, and spun on her heel. I watched that tight, delectable ass sashay all the way down the hall. “And stop staring at my ass. I can feel you eye fucking me from here.”

  “I wouldn’t be eye fuckin’ ya if you’d bring that sweet ass in here.” I tried my best to provoke a response. I knew I could get my way if she just let me try.

  “Nice try,” she hollered from the kitchen. “I know what you’re doing and it ain’t working.”

  “We’ll see about that,” I muttered confidently to myself.

  *****

  Leila

  Jesus, that man is incorrigible. Here, I just moved back in and he was already trying to fuck me into next week. And truth be told, if he wasn’t recovering from two gunshot wounds, I’d probably let him.

  My mouth watered at the thought of him between my legs. I was so turned on by the thought of him and his talented body, a soft moan escaped my lips.

  “Is that so?” Jaxon leaned on the stainless steel refrigerator.

  Jumping, I dropped the knife in my hand and clutched my chest. “Fuck, you scared me. Stop sneaking up on me. I swear I’m going to put bells on you.”

  “What was all that moanin’ about?” Grinning, he came around the island toward me.

  Quickly, I retrieved the chopping knife and pretended to be ready defend myself. “Oh no, get back. You stay away from me. I’m cooking dinner. Take you and your grabby hands back to the living room. You’re up to no good.”

  “Who me? Nah, I just thought I’d come see if I could help you.” He pretended to want to be helpful, but I knew better.

  “I call bullshit. You wanted to come in here and try to entice me into forgetting that Drake said to wait another week before having sex or exerting yourself.” I cocked my head and pursed my lips.

  “I feel fine, maybe we should just try it out and see.”

  “No, you big hornball, go away so I can cook dinner.”

  “How about just the tip?”

  I burst out laughing. “Get the hell out of here.” Using the knife, I pointed to the hall.

  “Fine, but first, what’s for dinner?” He started looking around the kitchen as he stole a slice of the pepper I had just finished chopping up before he came in to tantalize me.

  “Hey, get. We’re having beef stir-fry with Pad Thai noodles.” I swatted his hand as he tried to grab another piece of green pepper from the cutting board.

  He grabbed my hand and pulled me to him. Immedia
tely everything I told him was out the window. I forgot the restrictions placed upon him and that I was probably burning dinner. Instead, I lost myself in his jade green eyes. They mesmerized and entranced me. Capturing my lips, he dipped his tongue in my mouth then slid his hand around the back of my neck, deepening the kiss. His tongue swirled and caressed, and on cue, my lioness perked up, clearly interested in the pursuit. But I pulled back and planted my hand firmly on his chest.

  “Why’d ya stop?” he growled.

  “I’m cooking dinner. You’re not going to distract me. Go sit down.” I spun toward the counter, trying not to let him see his effect on me.

  “Fine.” He practically stomped away like a toddler, pouting the whole way, lip stuck out and all.

  When we sat down to dinner at the breakfast bar, I decided now was as good a time as any to have the discussion.

  “So we should probably talk,” I said, broaching the subject gingerly.

  “Right, we should. Where do you wanna start?”

  “I’ve told Brody I haven’t changed my mind, you and I are still together.” Raising my brow, I continued, “Even though things got really messed up and you fucked up royally.” He dipped his head. “I need to know that you’re done running every time Brody comes around. Brody is always gonna be in our lives, Jaxon. I need to know that if you have a problem you’re going to talk to me.” I placed my fork on the plate and turned to look at him. “I need to know that you’re here with me and never leaving. That you won’t do that ever again…because I don’t know if I can forgive that again. I understand that this whole thing started over a misunderstanding. We both have to do a better job of communicating and not assume things.”

  “I agree, we need to talk to each other and give each other a chance to explain before flippin’ the fuck out and runnin’ away”

  “You also have to promise no more whores hanging all over you. I can’t take that.”

  “Fine, but same goes for Brody. You have to make him understand that you’re fuckin’ mine and he needs to back the fuck off. He’s more than welcome to buy stuff for the baby, but not for you. That’s my job, not his.” Jaxon’s chest puffed out like a Neanderthal.