Starlight Hill: Complete collection 1-8

by Heatherly Bell

  “W-what? No, he isn’t. Are you sure?”

  “The stupid officers were here this morning to tell me. I cussed them out.”

  Sophia couldn’t speak. David. Sweet David, gone. Both of their men were supposed to come home safe. Riley, then David. Sophia had it all worked out in her head. Someday they’d all be friends and laugh about how Riley didn’t like Nikki the first time he met her.

  Unsure what to do next, Sophia had to do something familiar. She also had to help Nikki in some small way. She’d lost David, the love of her life. Without much thought and mostly on autopilot, Sophia made her way to the sink and turned on the faucet.

  “Don’t! I want to keep it dirty in here.” Nikki wrestled a dish out of Sophia’s hands and slapped it to the ground where it shattered.

  “Why did you do that?” Sophia bent to pick up the pieces.

  Nikki hauled Sophia up by the shoulders and slapped her face. “Get out! Your husband is still alive only because he’s a Marine. You know what they are, don’t you? Killers! How do you like being married to a killer?”

  “Don’t say that! Riley would never—” Sophia stopped herself. Never what? Never kill someone? She’d never asked him, and they didn’t talk about it.

  “David was a sweetheart. His biggest problem. The asshole couldn’t keep himself alive!” Nikki pushed Sophia, who nearly lost her balance and fell to the floor.

  Sophia had never been hit or pushed so much in her entire lifetime as in the last five minutes. She told herself it made sense that Nikki was lashing out at Sophia, someone who had been so much like her until this morning.

  Now they were separated forever by a heartbreaking difference. Wife and widow.

  “Stop hitting and talk to me!”

  “No!” Nikki kicked the kitchen table and threw another plate on the floor.

  Sophia had never been around this kind of violent fit and she considered leaving, but when Nikki began sobbing with loud wails, they tore at Sophia’s heart.

  “He’s gone, he’s gone.” Nikki cried from her bedroom.

  Maybe because of all the noise and screaming, a neighbor came to the front door. “Should we call the cops?”

  “No.” Sophia explained what had happened.

  “Oh, the poor thing,” the woman said. “David was a good guy. I’ll call her parents. She needs them now.”

  Why hadn’t Sophia thought of that? If Riley was gone, she’d want— no. She wouldn’t allow herself to have the thought. It couldn’t happen. Not Riley. Even Nikki said he’d stay alive because he was a Marine. So at least she had that to hang on to. At the moment, it felt like a thin unraveling thread but she’d take it. Sophia couldn’t leave the apartment until someone had arrived for Nikki, even though she mostly ignored Sophia. She wouldn’t speak to any of the neighbors who came over to bring food, to see if she needed anything, until her parents showed up. Nikki rushed into her father’s arms and the sobbing began all over again.

  Late that night alone in her bed, Sophia heard the sound of Nikki’s wails bouncing and echoing in her mind on repeat, like the cries of a wounded and dying animal. She couldn’t sleep wondering how she’d ever thought that Riley would be okay. How had she fooled herself into thinking that he would always come back to her? Nikki’s loss was real and personal. David was gone. This was war and she could lose Riley at any moment. Thinking positive thoughts wouldn’t stop a damn bullet or a bomb.

  And suddenly she understood why her family wanted her to wait. It made sense that Daddy-o didn’t want her to be a young widow. What she wanted, what she needed more than anything was Riley’s strong arms around her telling her the way only he could that everything would be all right. But that wasn’t going to happen any time soon. Then she flashed back on the memory of Riley telling her what he wanted her to do should anything ever happen to him.

  He was ready. He had understood what he was up against, and she’d—she’d been an idiot.

  Sophia never heard from Nikki again. She moved and never once returned Sophia’s calls. No email, no text. As if their entire relationship had been as temporary as an enlisted man’s assignment. Sophia felt abandoned for the second time in her life. After Nikki and David, Sophia changed tactics and stopped acting like Rebecca of Sunnybrook Farm.

  Her husband was in a war zone.

  Mrs. March continued to pray. “I’m praying for you, too, sugar. Why not eat a hamburger? You look so thin.”

  “Don’t pray for me. I’m good. If you would just double up on Riley. God doesn’t need to worry about me and I don’t want to take up too much of his time.”

  “But—” Mrs. March said before Sophia walked away to her next customer.

  She made little bargains with God: if she went to Mass every Sunday without fail he wouldn’t take Riley away from her. She lit candles for Riley at St. Jude’s and sometimes drove across town to Holy Spirit to light more candles. She prayed to St. Jude, the patron saint of lost causes and of course St. Michael, for extra coverage. It turned out that Mrs. March was a Baptist, which was the best news Sophia had in a long time. They now had God surrounded on all sides. The Protestants and the Catholics. He had to listen!

  And finally, he did.

  Riley came home to her once again on a late spring day when the sun shone brightly in the open North Carolina sky and all seemed right with the world. They talked about David, and Riley, who didn’t even like Nikki, said he was so sorry. He held her while she cried more tears even though she was sure there shouldn’t be any left. He took her to bed and made love to her and promised he’d never leave her.

  And Sophia believed him on one level, mostly because Riley wasn’t supposed to be deployed again. Or at least, not for a long time. Unless he volunteered, which would be crazy. He would have a longer dwell time now, at least seven months if not longer. And the news said the war in Iraq was ending. Troops were pulling out. Maybe they could finally have a child. If she had a baby, she wouldn’t be so alone all the time. She’d have something that was all hers and no one could ever take away.

  She brought it up again at a late dinner once he’d been home for a few months. They’d settled into a comfortable routine. Riley was training in the field which meant that at least he came home to her every night, even if it was usually quite late in the day.

  Again, she got right to the point just like she did back home when she had big news. “I want a baby.”

  “We already talked about this.” He set his fork down.

  “But it’s different now.”

  “We’re still not ready.”

  “You mean you’re not ready.” She stood and carried her half empty plate, letting it drop into the ceramic sink, the sound clattering through their tiny kitchen.

  “What are you doing? You’re not done eating.”

  “Now you’re going to tell me how much food I should eat? No, Riley. You don’t get to control everything!”

  He sighed and closed his eyes. “Wait. Baby, listen. You obviously haven’t been eating enough.”

  “Because I’m not hungry. And stop changing the subject. Baby.”

  He shoved a hand through what little hair he had left after his most recent buzz cut. “So I’m supposed to ignore the fact that you’re at least ten pounds lighter than you were when I left? After Nikki and David—”

  “We’re not going there. You can’t make all the decisions for our family. You have to give me something! I have nothing, not even you. You’re gone all the time and at least if I had a baby—”

  “A baby isn’t something you have because you’re lonely.” He spoke quietly, the words achieving a cutting effect on her.

  She spoke through the thick ball stuck in her throat. “No, a baby is what two people want when they love each other.”

  He stood up, nearly knocking over his chair. “Stop it. You know I love you. That’s not what this is about.”

  “Then what is this about? Why don’t you tell me since you know everything.”

  The argument
quickly escalated into the worst they’d ever had. At the start of their relationship, he had been in charge of everything. But now she’d survived nearly a year as his wife, alone and managing. Maybe not well, but she’d grown up. She could take care of a baby while Riley was away training. It wasn’t like she was raking in the money at the diner anyway. And she was tired of watching all the wives with their precious children and babies while she had nothing. It seemed fine with the other Marines who were out on lengthy deployments that their wives kept popping out babies. Mrs. Kirk next door was on her third and only four years older than Sophia.

  Sophia was prepared to fight and win this argument, but then Riley took her in his arms, the look in his eyes so gentle and so warm she suddenly wanted to cry instead.

  “Don’t do this,” he whispered in her ear, his arms tightening around her waist. “We’ll have a baby someday. Lots of them. Just not right now.”

  “But you’re not going to be deployed again and the war is ending. Right?” she whispered back.

  That’s when she’d seen the last red flag. The dark and closed-off look in Riley’s eyes, where he wouldn’t quite meet hers. The one where he didn’t answer her direct question.

  “Right?” She pulled away from him, dying a little inside. “What aren’t you telling me?”

  “Babe, don’t have a fit.”

  Oh God, no. It wasn’t supposed to happen this way. He was supposed to stay with her and be safe. All those prayers and candles to get him home. “You didn’t—please tell me you didn’t.”

  He looked her straight in the eye while he tore her heart out. “I volunteered for another deployment.”

  He was still talking, but Sophia didn’t hear much after that. Instead, she picked up a plate from the sink and threw it at him. He ducked and she missed him. Tried again. Missed him again. He was stealthy, dammit. She didn’t know how she could love him so desperately and yet hate him at the same time. Worse, for the first time in her life she couldn’t breathe no matter how hard she tried to draw in a deep breath.

  “What’s wrong, baby?” Riley was at her side, because she’d fallen to her knees and clutched at her neck.

  She couldn’t answer him. She was dying, her punishment for being too needy, for loving him too much, for wanting him to for once be hers and hers alone. God was punishing her. America was punishing her. Command was punishing her. Hell, there was probably a long line of people who wanted to punish her. She should be happy and proud that her husband was a hero. Instead she wished he would take a job as a mail-man. It was because she was a selfish person, that was why. She wanted him to stay alive and it was just asking too much. Now God had cut off her breathing to punish her.

  “You’re okay,” Riley said over and over again. “You can breathe. Just slow down. Feel my breaths and copy me.”

  He pulled her to him, her back to his chest, his hands on her, rubbing and soothing. Eventually, she felt his steady breaths and somehow managed to follow their pattern.

  She wasn’t dying. Not yet.

  “You had a small anxiety attack.” Riley said from the floor where he still held her, both arms wrapped tightly around her. “It’s going to be all right.”

  But it was far from all right, and she realized it.

  Her husband the Marine was helping her through an anxiety attack. Something wrong with this picture. Clearly she wasn’t cut out for this lifestyle. Being the wife of a deployed Marine was about being alone all the time, longing to be reunited, making friends with the other wives, and staying away from the news reports. It wasn’t about loving someone so much you couldn’t stand to be apart. It wasn’t about being needy and weak. It wasn’t about being a coward.

  But once you’d had a front row seat to the devastation of such a loss, it wasn’t quite as simple, either.

  “I can’t do this anymore,” she said through a choked sob.

  She could feel him draw in a quick breath, her only indication that he was as affected by all of this loss as she was. And deep inside, she realized the last thing he needed was to be worried about his weak wife back home, when he should be worried about staying alive. The one thing she could do for him now, maybe the best thing of all, was to leave.

  “Don’t do this, baby. I have a job to do. I know you didn’t sign up for this, but I did. You can’t ask me to back down from a fight I intend to win.”

  She didn’t say another word, but waited for him to remember that she’d already had one significant loss in her life with Mama’s death. Hoped he would understand that if he’d picked her, if he loved the needy woman she was, he might have to cut back some on his warrior ways. Just a little. Instead, they both sat on the kitchen floor, his back against the cabinets, her back against him. He held her for a long time, pressing his face into her neck, wiping away her tears.

  But he never once said he wouldn’t go.

  Two weeks later, Sophia was on a plane to California. And almost as quickly as it had started, her love story with Riley was over.

  12

  During an evening dinner rush the following week at Giancarlo’s, Tristan from Zuzu’s Petals delivered a bouquet of red roses to the kitchen.

  “Sign, please.” He handed over the clipboard to Sophia as he usually did.

  “Who do we think these are from, Lizzie? Is poor Marco still trying to get you to reconsider?” Sophia asked. “He called me the other night and I told him he should just tell you how he feels. Honestly, we had a good long talk about it. Like a couple of girlfriends.”

  Lizzie gave a full-on eye roll. “Please do not encourage him.”

  “Look at the card. Maybe they’re for me,” Angie said from the mixer. “I went out with Justin last weekend and I thought we had a pretty good time.”

  “They’re for you.” Tristan pointed to Sophia and was out the door.

  “Me?” Had anyone ever sent her flowers to the restaurant besides Daddy-o on her birthday and Valentine’s Day? Her birthday wasn’t for another four months and Valentine’s Day wasn’t for another couple of weeks.

  “Let me see the card.” Lizzie nearly knocked over a plate of fettuccini trying to get to it first.

  “No!” Sophia, beautiful arrangement in her hands, took the card off before anyone else could read it.

  The card read only: Love, Riley.

  He’d always been a man of few words. But he’d also never sent flowers. Ever. Sophia looked up to meet Lizzie and Angie, forming a full frontal attack on her. Each with hands on hips, eyes wide and expectant. Obviously hoping someone from the dating service she never finished signing up for would have seen her photo and fallen madly in love.

  “From Riley,” Sophia said and handed the card over to Angie.

  “Love, Riley!” she announced, then turned the card over. “That’s it?”

  “Nothing more?” Lizzie took the card. “Makes no sense. What’s the occasion?”

  “There is none,” Sophia said, shaking her head.

  “Unless…” Lizzie began.

  “Holy Toledo, you slept with your husband! Didn’t you?” Angie squealed.

  “No! What makes you think that?”

  “Did you happen to leave something out? Because sometimes a man is quite grateful the morning after.” Lizzie grinned, the face of a woman who knew about this kind of thing.

  “I didn’t sleep with him.”

  “Why not?” Lizzie pressed. “It’s been a long time for you and he knows you. Knows what you like. How to please you. Maybe you could just give him a little pity fu—”

  “I am not going to sleep with Riley!” When two of her waiters turned and raised their eyebrows, she got quiet. “We’re not talking about this.”

  “Why?” Angie said, shushing her voice. “Are you afraid? Are you a chicken?”

  Lizzie and the waiters laughed. Sophia did not. When Angie started clucking, arms tucked under her like a chicken, Sophia left the kitchen out the backdoor. Her friends were so not helpful. She pulled out her phone. She didn’t have Ri
ley’s new cell phone, so she tried the station. It was late, but knowing the way he put in the long hours he might still be there.

  “Chief Jacobs, please.”

  “May I tell him who is calling?” an annoyed sounding woman asked.

  “Sophia Jac—” Whoops, well there’s a mistake she hadn’t made in a long time. She’d almost said Jacobs. “Sophia Abella.”

  “Hold on, Mrs. Jacobs,” the idiotic woman said. “Looks like he just got off the phone with the mayor. I’ll put you through.”

  She supposed she was to be impressed by that. “Thanks, but I’m not Mrs.—”

  “Jacobs,” Riley answered the phone.

  Sophia sighed. “It’s me. Why did you have these delivered to my restaurant?”

  “What did they deliver? It was supposed to be a dozen red roses.”

  Sophia sighed. “Yes, that’s what I got. But why did you send them?”

  “I thought you liked red roses.”

  So he remembered and it hadn’t been a lucky shot. Red roses were Mama’s favorites too. She said they meant romantic love and when a man sent them to a woman she should sit up and pay attention. Kind of like a mating call, so to speak.

  “I do and thank you. They’re beautiful but now everyone thinks that we’re…”

  “What?”

  “You know.”

  “No, I don’t know. It’s why I asked.”

  She took a breath, made sure no one was eavesdropping, then whispered into the phone. “Having sex.”

  There was silence on the other end, then the sound of a door shutting. He did not whisper. “Is that such a bad idea?”

  “Yes! It’s a horrible idea. I don’t even know why you’d suggest it.”

  “Well, you were the one who brought it up, but you’re right. It is a bad idea.”

  She blew out a breath. “Wait. It is?”

  “Go out with me,” Riley said.

  And there again was part of the problem. Still not a damn question. “I think you’re trying to ask me something. Are you?”

  He cleared his throat. “Would you go out with me?”

  “No!”

  “C’mon. You said you want to start dating again.”