Jaded (The Butterfly Memoirs)

by Kane, M. J.

  “I’m open for anytime,” Kaitlyn said. “We’re still spendin’ the night at the hotel, right?”

  “Yeah, I reserved the largest room for us. We can spend a few hours decorating downstairs before going up for drinks and some fun. Whatever you want, Ebony, I’m game.”

  “Sounds good. My sister, Lashana, should be here in plenty of time to help set up. Yaz, you guys are going to hit it off. Brian’s sisters will also be helping. My mom and Mrs. Young will probably stay around for a little while, too.” She laughed. “Brian’s sister, Bridget, is determined to hire a stripper for the night.”

  “I like her already!” Kaitlyn sat up, her eyes widening.

  I chuckled. “What does Brian have to say?”

  “I haven’t told him, but he knows how wild his sister is,” Ebony replied.

  “What do the guys have planned?” My attention went to my notes.

  “I have no idea. Whatever it is, I’m taking care of all his needs the entire week leading up to the wedding. He’s going to be so tired that if they do have a stripper, he’ll have no desire to touch her.”

  I cracked up. “Just don’t wear him out too much, or he won’t be able to stay awake during the ceremony.” I reached for the strawberry daiquiri Ebony offered upon my arrival. “Now, last but not least, it’s time to try on our dresses. If anyone needs anything altered, I’ve met this wonderful seamstress who could do the job in no time.”

  We headed to the spare bedroom where our dresses were being kept until the eve of the big day. Ebony stopped at the closed door and keyed in a code on what had to be a real estate padlock.

  “Brian is nosey. I told him he could not see the dress until our wedding day.”

  After a moment we were in the room. All of our dresses, shoes, jewelry, and other miscellaneous items acquired for the wedding were piled around the room. Nearly every inch of available floor space was occupied. After a few minutes, we’d cleared a big enough space to maneuver around without stumbling over one another.

  Her colors were a chocolate brown with brilliant blue accents. The dresses Ebony chose for us were strapless floor length numbers with a thick satin ribbon that wrapped around the waist, while ruffled fabric flowed from the bodice. I loved the way the dark fabric accentuated every curve.

  But nothing compared to her dress. We’d spent nearly a month in search of the perfect gown. In the end, we settled on an elegant halter type number, which flowed flawlessly over her voluptuous figure and flared past her knees into soft-layers. It reminded me of tulip petals.

  Brian would be pleased.

  Kaitlyn and I stepped away after we finished fussing over the tiny buttons of the sexy number.

  “Can you breathe?” I asked.

  “Yes, I’ve been damn near fasting for the past two weeks. I can’t afford to gain a pound until this day has passed.”

  Kaitlyn and I tried on our dresses next. I was helping her with the zipper when we ran into a problem; it could not go up all the way.

  “Uh, Kaity, what have you been eating?” I asked.

  She blushed. “Crap, I was hopin’ this wouldn’t happen.” She sighed. “Guys, I’ve got to tell you somethin’…”

  Ebony and I glanced at each other. “What?” we said in unison.

  She gazed at her fingers as she wrung them nervously. “I’m pregnant.”

  My eyes nearly bulged out of my head. “What?”

  “Oh my God! Congratulations!” Ebony cried, as she hugged her.

  After the shock wore off, I did the same.

  “Oh no, Ebony, your dress!” Kaitlyn cried. A quick assessment assured there were no traces of makeup on the immaculate material.

  “It’s okay,” she said, turning her attention to Kaitlyn. “I can’t believe it, you’re pregnant? How far along?”

  “I’m a little over two months. I found out yesterday.”

  I did a quick math calculation in my head. Could this be the reason why she’d been anxious to move in with her boyfriend? “What did Luke say?”

  Her eyes went to her hands. “He’s still adjustin’ to the idea of being a dad, but he’s gonna be great, I just know it.”

  I didn’t miss the water collecting in the corners of her eyes. Something told me it wasn’t from happiness.

  Ebony took over the conversation by going on and on about how great being an auntie would be, and how wonderful it was to be getting married. Realization sunk in…both of my friends had something to make their lives whole.

  All I had was an incomplete business plan.

  I diverted my eyes and focused on a box of decorations sitting across the room. Hurt, anger, and pain were a constant theme in my life.

  Was I cursed to play the role of best friend and auntie for the rest of my life? Where was my ray of sunshine, my bright spot that made life worth living, even when times got rough?

  I felt a hand land lightly on my shoulder. “Are you okay?” Startled, I forced my attention back to the conversation. Ebony’s concern not only shown on her face, it was audible in her voice. She held a tissue in her hand.

  I couldn’t be crying. I wiped my cheeks. Yep, those were definitely tears.

  “I’m okay,” I lied. “I’m so happy for you guys. You’re marrying the man of your dreams, and Kaitlyn is about to enter motherhood.” I accepted the tissue and blew my nose. “Both of you are moving forward with your dreams.” I plastered on a smile. “I’ve got plans of my own…”

  They looked at each other and drew me in for a group hug.

  “The perfect man will find you when you least expect it,” Ebony said matter-of-factly.

  I shook my head. “Right now, I’m focusing on me. Javan ruined my desire to have another relationship.” I immediately cringed at the mention of his name. Ebony didn’t seem fazed by it. “Love isn’t meant for everyone,” I said, trying to smooth it over.

  “That’s not true,” Kaitlyn said. “There’s someone for everybody. The one for you may not be lookin’ the same time you are. Your paths will cross one day.”

  Words spoken by a woman who had everything I secretly wanted.

  “Speakin’ of which, do you have a date for the weddin’?” Kaitlyn inquired.

  Oh. Shit.

  After months of preparing to give my best friend a day to remember for the rest of her life, I forgot about finding an escort for the evening.

  Did I want the headache or the hassle? Finding someone willing to accompany me for the evening would not be hard. Hell, my phone rang off the hook with calls from men in my little red book. I avoided their calls, not even listening to the suggestive voicemails. After Javan, sex dropped to the bottom of my list of things to focus on. I no longer entertained the concept of a ‘sex only’ relationship with zero strings attached.

  I was at a vulnerable point in my life. If a man said the right thing, my panties would drop without a second thought, no doubt pulling my heart right along with them.

  I didn’t have the strength or the fortitude to withstand heartbreak again.

  But I couldn’t show up to Ebony’s wedding alone.

  A call to one of the guys in my book would fill the empty void for the night, but at what cost? No doubt they would expect me to spend time in their bed as payment. My heart couldn’t afford to pay the bill.

  Zachariah Givens.

  Why did he pop into my head?

  Well, he was the first man I’d spent time with in months, and he didn’t have any attachments. He also wasn’t looking for a relationship.

  He was handsome enough, and I imagined outside of his work attire, in a nice suit, he’d fit the bill.

  I could imagine spending a few hours with him. After talking during lunch and the evening spent with him and his mother, there was no doubt he was intelligent. I enjoyed conversing with him. We could spend the evening together in a room full of people and keep each other entertained.

  At the end of the night, we would shake hands, say good night, and expect nothing in return.

  �
��I know the perfect person to ask.”

  Chapter 8

  Yasmine’s car sat in the driveway of my mother’s house. I glanced at my watch. She should have been gone an hour ago. Was everything okay? Instinctively, I checked my cell phone to make sure the ringer was on; there were no missed calls or messages.

  I forced myself to breathe steady before shutting off the car. There was no reason not to trust Yasmine. For the past three weeks, she’d faithfully checked on my mother. As a result, my mother blossomed from the additional attention.

  I climbed out of the car, determined not to dash to the front porch.

  When I reached the bottom step, Yasmine’s laugh floated in the air as she backed out of the door. My heart stopped as if seeing her for the first time.

  Her skirt adhered to every curve of her body, stopping past her knee. What should have been simple was much more. A slit went up one side to reveal her thigh; high-heeled shoes accentuated slender calf muscles adding a sexy tilt to her glorious backside. The shirt hid behind a jacket, which fit her narrow waist, and flared over perfect hips. Her short hair was pulled away from her face; its curls hooked behind her ears.

  Despite her exuded beauty, the happiness in her eyes and playful smile in response to something my mother said were what captured me.

  She stopped, startled by my presence. “Zack!” A hand went to her chest.

  I stood on the steps. The sound of my name on her lips sent desire to my groin, a now familiar reaction anytime she laughed, said my name, or damn, even looked at me.

  “Hi,” I pushed my glasses up the bridge of my nose. Whenever Yasmine was in my vicinity, my nose began to sweat, making it impossible for the frames to stay put.

  Yasmine smiled and cocked her head. “How was your day?”

  I ignored my mother’s knowing glance as she walked onto the porch. “Good, thanks for asking. What about yours?”

  “Better, since spending time with your mom. She is one of the smartest women I know. Meeting her was a blessing.”

  “Glad I could help.” I stuck my hands in my pockets and looked away, ignoring the twinge of jealousy.

  “Zack, are you okay?” she asked.

  I cleared my thoughts. “Yeah, I’m good. Hi, Mom, how are you feeling?”

  My mother stood next to Yasmine. “Younger now that Yasmine comes by.”

  I chuckled. “What do I do? Make you age faster?”

  My mom’s laughter rang outside. “No, silly. There’s something about having a young woman come to me with a load of questions. You’re a man, you wouldn’t understand.”

  I guess not.

  “Zack, do you have plans for dinner?”

  My eyebrows rose at Yasmine’s question. “Um…,” I glanced at my mother. We had a standing dinner appointment nearly every night. Either I brought something over or we ordered in.

  “Not tonight he doesn’t,” my mom volunteered.

  Yasmine glanced at my mother, and then turned her grey-gaze to me. “Are you sure? I don’t want to interfere with anything.”

  Laughter appeared in my mother’s eyes. “No, you’re not disrupting a thing.”

  I chuckled on the inside. “Guess I am available.”

  “Good. Are you still interested in taking me to dinner? I’m free now if you are.”

  My mom stepped behind Yasmine and made a shooing motion over her head. I coughed to keep from laughing. “Where would you like to go?”

  “I’m in the mood for Italian, if that’s okay?”

  “Sounds good to me.”

  “Good. There’s this great place not far from here…”

  My heart dropped at the mention of the restaurant she selected. “That’s fine with me,” I lied. “If you want I can drive.”

  “Okay,” she hugged my mom and walked down the steps.

  I walked up to my mother and kissed her cheek. “You’re too much,” I whispered.

  “Don’t I know it,” she laughed. “Go have fun.”

  ***

  The restaurant she’d chosen had the reputation of being ‘the’ spot for romantic interludes. For someone who claimed not to be interested in dating, coming here was an unexpected choice.

  The lights were low throughout the dining room. Along the walls were booths with high backs for privacy and trellises wound in faux flowers giving the illusion of an evening spent outside on a Venetian terrace. During the day, soft lights glowed from overhead, illuminating the area. In the evening, the light source came from wall sconces set to low.

  Our orders placed, Yasmine studied the painting on the wall next to the booth we occupied. The re-creation of sitting high above the cliffs of Italy, peering over a hedge of flowers, down a steep cliff into a harbor where boats drifted on the deep blue ocean, was beautiful.

  The artist’s work, while well executed, would never surpass the beauty of the woman sitting across from me. In the low light, Yasmine’s cream-colored skin and grey eyes seemed to glow, bringing a sensual side begging me to savor and explore.

  What were two people who were not searching for any kind of relationship doing here? I should have suggested dinner at McDonald’s or an all-you-can-eat buffet. Instead, my desire to please her kept my mouth shut.

  When she faced me, there was of nervousness in her eyes. “Maybe this was a bit too much.”

  I leaned back in the booth, clearing my thoughts and forced a smile.

  She studied me. “You don’t want to be here, do you?”

  “Am I transparent?” A chuckle escaped as I willed myself to relax.

  “If you want we can go somewhere else.”

  “No, we’re good. It’s just…this place holds a few memories.” She didn’t reply, but appeared as if she wanted me to continue. “I proposed to my fiancée here, well, ex-fiancée.”

  Yasmine covered her mouth. “Oh no, come on, let’s go.” She reached for her purse and the jacket she’d removed.

  “No.” We both looked at my hand now resting on her arm. Damn, her skin was soft. I forced myself to let go. “We don’t have to leave.”

  Her finely arched eyebrows creased. “Are you sure?”

  “I’m good. Maybe being here with you will erase the negative image stuck in my head. After all, they do serve the best shrimp risotto.”

  The expression on her face said she didn’t believe me.

  We sat in silence before she spoke again. “You were engaged?”

  “Surprised?” I reached for my glass of water.

  Yasmine didn’t rush to answer. “No…yes…,” she laughed. “I never thought about it. What happened, if you don’t mind me asking?”

  I studied her. Her question wasn’t demanding, only curious. Not many people were aware of the true reason behind my breakup with Melissa.

  “Melissa and I dated in high school. Our families were close, and we were friends before we became lovers. As we got older, marriage seemed the next step. Everything was good until my mother was diagnosed with breast cancer. I spent every available moment taking her to doctors’ appointments and holding her hair out of the way while she threw up. I slept there more than I did at the condo Melissa and I shared. My life became working and caring for my mother. We didn’t have family or friends available to help,” I huffed. “It’s funny how a life threatening-illness will weed out the ones who love you from the ones who don’t.”

  My eyebrows creased in thought. As many people as my mom knew within the community, not many stuck around to hold her hand when she needed support.

  “Nobody helped?” she asked in disbelief.

  “You know how it is. People learn about the diagnosis and come share their sympathy. It’s not their job to stand by twenty-four-seven. The one person I should have been able to rely on pushed both of us away.” My lips tightened.

  To this day, the last words Melissa spoke to me still pissed me off and broke my heart.

  “Let me get this right, your fiancée left because your mom got sick?”

  I nodded, unable to say an
ything further for fear of calling her a ‒

  “That bitch,” Yasmine spat.

  I sat back in the booth and laughed. “And here I was trying not to say it.”

  Yasmine’s expression remained the same, one of disgust. “She knew your mother since she was a little girl?”

  “Yep,” my throat dry, I reached for my water again.

  “Don’t tell me her last name. I’m liable to Google her ass,” she warned.

  I held a hand up. “Whoa, it’s going to be okay.” A completely different side of Yasmine emerged. Hot tempered and passionate. I liked it.

  Her breathing sped up as she leaned forward, her hands flat on the table. Her eyes burrowed into me. Damn, she was sexy when angry.

  “How could she do that to you? To your mom?”

  I shrugged, and struggled to ignore the increased attraction for the woman sitting across from me. “Melissa was selfish since the day we met. I knew, but I loved her. I never thought she would be that bad. My mom says things happen for a reason.” I felt my expression go sour. “Her illness in order to break us up is not one of them.”

  “Zack,” her hand rested on mine. Her bright skin appeared delicate on my large, darker palm. “Your mom is right. Sometimes things do happen in order for us to see the worst in people close to us.” Her lips tightened. “Even if it does hurt like a bitch.”

  I forced myself to keep still and not reach to cup her hand in mine. The contact of her skin and concern for my mother in her eyes went straight to my chest. I ignored the heat building and cleared my throat. Why hadn’t Melissa been this way? “Spoken like a woman who’s experienced it, too.”

  Yasmine noticed the contact and froze. She removed her hand. “More than once.”

  The loss of contact left me drifting. I didn’t realize I’d felt grounded until the warmth of her hand left.

  A full minute of silence passed as she gazed into the dark room.

  “I was engaged for all of four hours. Technically I can say I’ve never been asked,” she laughed sadly. “I wish I could forget that night.”