Jaded (The Butterfly Memoirs)

by Kane, M. J.

  He was right: we were good at this. I could only imagine what it would be like moving together in bed. After all, dancing with our bodies pressed against each other was like having sex with our clothes on.

  I pulled my hands free from his embrace and placed his hands on my hips, letting my hands drop to my sides. I focused on his eyes and swayed seductively with my hips. Zack pulled me against him, his eyes focused on mine.

  His attentive gaze left me feeling sultry and sexy. I slid my hands up his chest and played with the buttons of his shirt, releasing them in time to the music. I couldn’t resist the opportunity to seduce him the way he’d seduced me in the kitchen.

  Zack’s chuckle was deep and low. “Just can’t wait, can you?”

  “Not when you’re moving me like this,” I cooed. His shirt half undone, I ran a hand over his smooth chest. He had surprisingly defined pecs. I continued up around his neck. His mouth parted, an open invitation to give him more of what we’d already shared.

  Zack wasn’t much taller than I was, but in my heels, we were nearly eye-to-eye. I leaned forward to tease his full bottom lip with my tongue before pulling it in my mouth. He groaned and grasped my hips, pulling me tighter against his groin. The hard bulge between us was what I wanted to feel, the hardened muscle that said he was as aroused as I was.

  I pulled back, expecting him to pull me down on the floor and consume me. Instead, he continued to move us in time with the music.

  “Not yet.”

  My eyes narrowed. He smiled.

  I bit my lip and thought back to everything I knew about him. Zack held a quiet confidence, yet never boasted. He was intelligent, thoughtful, and always willing to please.

  He’d also been celibate for a year. No sex meant…

  I reached behind my neck and untied the strap of my dress. His eyes narrowed and his body stiffened when I pulled the straps down and stopped, exposing only the top curve of my breasts. I pulled his hand from my waist and placed it on bare skin, just above the fabric. Zack licked his lips, slid his hand low, and rubbed his thumb over me, stroking my hardened nipple through the material. I sighed in pleasure.

  He lowered the fabric to reveal naked flesh. He groaned and resumed the motion. The contact of his large hand covering my breast sent my mind spinning. It had been so long since I felt a man’s hands on my body. I moaned and reached for his hand, holding it there to savor the connection. A moment later, heat rushed through me as he lowered his head and took me with his tongue. I gripped the back of his head and arched against his mouth.

  When he released me, his lips were parted and eyes thick with passion. “Not…yet…,” he panted.

  I stared in disbelief, on the verge of being desperate.

  “Zack, what are you waiting for?” I was seconds away from dropping down on my knees to beg.

  “For you to let go and let me take control. You spend too much time trying to be in charge of everything. You can’t control this…let me, Yasmine…” He caressed the side of my breast. “Let me be your guide.” This time his mouth wasn’t gentle.

  Intensity I never experienced before flowed through me from the contact of our bodies, the heat of his mouth, and the sultry flow of his words. My knees went weak, forcing me to sway against him.

  Zack’s grip tightened before he walked me backwards. My back hit the brick wall of the living room. He quickly pulled me against his body, braced his hand against the brick, and protected me from the rough wall. His lips traveled over every inch of exposed skin while his free hand slipped further down my body, gripped the edge of my dress, and hiked it up. He pushed into my panties and slid his fingers between my thighs.

  My head rested on his shoulder as I whimpered. His firm, yet gentle caress took me to a place I hadn’t been in months. Within seconds I called his name and came. His mouth found mine, while his body replaced his hand as he ground against me, fully clothed.

  When my high ended, he pulled back. His eyes were full of lust. “Can you stand?”

  Somehow, I found the strength to nod.

  Zack let go, stepped back, finished unbuttoning his shirt, and slipped it from his shoulders. His pants followed. Naked, he came back to me and pulled my dress and panties down my body.

  Kneeling, he supported me as I stepped out of my clothes; he tossed them aside. His hands were firm as he slid them up my legs and kissed his way up my thighs, stopping to linger in-between.

  “Zack…”I moaned.

  He stood and pulled me into his arms. “I’m about to give you everything you want…everything you need.” His voice was so low it sounded like a growl.

  He guided me to the sofa. Sitting down, he pulled me onto his lap, pausing to slip on a condom. Where had that come from? I was so caught up in what he’d done to me that protection of any sort had slipped my mind. Thank God he was prepared.

  After what felt like an eternity, he guided me down. I straddled his lap and watched his face contort in an expression of pleasure when our bodies connected. He gripped my hips and rocked my body.

  I sat up, allowed my head to fall back, closed my eyes, and bit my lip.

  He was a perfect fit. My hands rested on his shoulders as our rhythm began to mimic the motion of our bodies as we’d danced.

  “You feel so good…” He gripped me tighter.

  I forced my eyes open to watch him. He was amazing. His eyebrows pulled together tight, his firm lips parted as he panted while thrusting underneath me. And all the while, those deep hazel eyes watched me with an intensity I’d never known. It was as if he needed to know every thrust he made pleased me.

  It was obvious we connected on a different level the night we went out to dinner and shared the pain of our past relationships. But now this…this physical connection threatened to push me closer to a point I swore I’d never go.

  A part of the wall protecting my heart fell away. No man ever had this effect on me. I closed my eyes to cut off the emotional link forming and remembered what this was: a means to pleasure myself, to pleasure him.

  Just as I found a perfect rhythm, Zack changed our positions and laid me down.

  My mind blown, my body neared the edge once again; my arms were wrapped around his neck and my thighs wide, giving him as much of me as I could in the space of the sofa. Zack paused long enough to reposition my legs exactly where he wanted and pushed deeper. We both cried out. His grunts and the sound of our bodies as they slapped together was music to my ears.

  Then he came, burying himself inside of me; I joined his release with yet another one of my own.

  Zack collapsed. My arms were still around his neck locked in an embrace. I didn’t want him to move an inch.

  The room was silent except for our labored breath and the music that played. Somehow the sultry sounds of the trumpet reflected the passion we shared.

  Passion?

  What was wrong with me? This wasn’t a relationship meant for anything but great sex.

  Zack provided dinner, actual conversation, and romance before seducing the hell out of me. Neither of those things were a requirement. This was not the kind of friends-with-benefits relationship I was used to. Javan never treated our time together like this, not even the night he’d proposed. It had all been about sexual gratification. Conversation before or after was a bonus.

  Zack had given me everything I could want from a man who genuinely cared about me.

  He couldn’t care…could he?

  Zack pushed up and balanced himself so he didn’t crush me. He didn’t speak, only studied me with eyes that made me feel as if my soul were lay bare for him. No man had ever looked at me that way, especially after sex. That thought alone made me want to dress and flee. But I couldn’t. Beneath his warm body, I drifted into a state of bliss.

  “Are you okay?” He touched my face, brushing a strand of hair from my cheek, his caress tender enough that I felt the urge to cry.

  Unable to speak, I nodded. Why was he so good to me? During the one time in my life when I deci
ded to stay away from romantic entanglements, why now? Then I felt it again, the annoying tug signifying the moment my heart threatened to be lost to a man. Damn.

  I couldn’t let it happen. Not this time, not with a man as perfect as Zachariah Givens.

  A man just as determined as I to keep love away.

  I forced the steel cage protecting my heart back in place, determined not to allow myself to think of this evening as more than just a good time.

  Chapter 15

  I wasn’t satisfied.

  The heavily lidded gaze Yasmine held beneath me read the same way. She wanted more, too. I assessed my body; I was still hard, buried deep within the delicious heat of her body. How in the world did we stay on the couch?

  Another session of sex on this narrow piece of furniture and we’d be on the floor. My bed is where we needed to be. That’s where we were going as soon as I could stand.

  I found enough energy to sit up and remove my weight off of her. My eyes lingered over every inch of her coffee-with-too-much-cream complexion. The skin around her toffee colored nipples showed evidence of the attention I’d shown, the hollows of her cheeks flushed pink. Her grey eyes were trained on me as I separated our bodies and settled on the narrow space on the sofa next to her. After a moment, she sat up and ran fingers through her hair in an effort to straighten her appearance. I pulled her hand away.

  “It’s perfect the way it is.” Her eyes lowered at my remark. “Yasmine, leave it.” Manly pride warmed my chest.

  There was nothing like making a woman forget about her appearance during a hot session of sex.

  I stood and held a hand out. “Let me take you to bed.”

  Yasmine looked around the room. “Where is your bed?”

  I inclined my head, indicating the steps. “It’s in the loft.”

  She followed my gaze. “Wow. I can only imagine what type of view you have from up there.”

  “It’s nice, but right now, I’m only interested in the view of your body on my sheets. I’m not done with you, Yasmine.”

  A sexy, slow smile spread across her face as her gaze met mine. “What do you have in mind?” She slid her hand up my shoulder and brushed her naked body against me.

  I groaned, wanting nothing more than to visit all the places I had been and discover more. I bent down, locked my arm beneath her knees, and swept her off her feet. A burst of surprised laughter came as she locked her arms around my neck and held tight as I carried her upstairs. Yasmine was light in my arms.

  Upstairs, I lay her down on the bed and watched the movement of her body as she scooted towards the headboard. A naughty smile spread as she beckoned me with a finger to lie between her open thighs.

  I stalked my way across the bed, up her body, and placed my hands on both sides of her head. She pulled me down to her luscious mouth.

  It was going to be a long night.

  ####

  Images of what we’d done over the past few hours ran through my mind as I stared at the ceiling. The only light illuminating the room came from the wide windows across the large open space. A shift in the bed brought my attention to the beautiful woman lying beside me.

  Yasmine’s light skin seemed to glow in the moonlight. Her eyes were closed as she drifted in the afterglow of another vigorous work out. Man, did she have stamina. I had no problem keeping up.

  I took the opportunity to study her. It was impossible to decide what about Yasmine drew me more. Was it the curves of her body that had wrapped around me as we pleasured each other? Or was it her plump lips that showed me pleasure in ways I forgot existed?

  I turned on my side, careful not to wake her.

  Her throat was slender; the hint of fragrance she wore pulled me to that spot to kiss the soft flesh. Her heart had raced against my lips as I traveled, tasted, and savored everything about her. Then there were her breasts, smaller than most women I’d been with, but perfect in every way. The taste still lingered on my tongue.

  My eyes settled on her taut belly, soft and long, leading to perfect hips, the delicious spot in-between, and legs that went on for days. Man, did she know how to use them. I couldn’t remember Yasmine ever mentioning she took gymnastics as a kid. Whatever the case, she was flexible, fulfilling every request I made of her.

  And damn, even her manicured toes were sexy.

  Yasmine shifted in her sleep; the sigh of a satisfied lover escaped. Then her eyes opened and I knew exactly what captivated me.

  It wasn’t the color or the sexy cat-like shape. It was the emotion, the soul hidden deep within the grey mist, hiding what she didn’t want the world to know. She used her mind, quick wit, and sexuality to hide her feelings.

  I could see well beyond the sexy exterior, past the hurt, past the pain, and into the heart of who she truly was.

  A woman who wanted to love - and be loved.

  Had I ever seen this side of Melissa?

  Yasmine stretched and rolled over onto her back. “Tell me about your father.”

  I felt my eyebrows rise. “You want to talk about my father?”

  She covered her eyes and laughed. “I know, I know, it’s crazy to bring it up. It’s just looking at you now; you remind me of a picture of him your mother keeps on the fireplace.” She glanced my way and laughed again.

  “You mean after all of this you’re not thinking about doing it again, you’re thinking of my father?”

  Yasmine rested a hand on my chest, laughter gone as she stared me in the eyes. I felt her leg slid up along my thigh, her knee stopped at my groin. Her hand slid down my chest, finding my manhood. “Does this feel like me thinking about your father?”

  I chuckled. “Hell, no.” I pushed up from the bed and met her halfway. She caressed me while I ran a hand through the short waves of her hair as we kissed.

  My attention went back to her throat just as she pulled away, releasing her hold on me. “What?” I tracked her like prey as she sat back and smiled.

  “You’re not getting out of it that easy. Let’s talk for a little while. I like talking to you.”

  I liked talking to her too, always, but after the way she’d wound me up, it was difficult to think of anything else but getting inside of that body of hers.

  I leaned back and sighed. “What do you want to know?”

  She sat up again, treating me to an eyeful of her tight breasts. I salivated at the memory of her taste.

  “Why don’t you talk about him? Your mother does all the time, but you’ve never mentioned him other than telling me he died.”

  “I don’t talk about him because I can’t remember him,” I blurted. My eyebrows lowered. “I don’t think I’ve ever told anyone that.”

  “You don’t remember your father?” Yasmine’s voice was a gentle whisper as her hand came back to my chest.

  I pushed my hands behind my head and stared at the ceiling. “I can remember bits and pieces. I was young when he died. I had only eight years to get to know him. I wish we had more time. Everything I know about him I learned from my mother and looking at pictures. The only thing I know for sure is I’m a spitting image of him.”

  Yasmine was silent for a moment. “I’m sorry, Zack.”

  I reached for her hand and kissed her fingertips. “Why?”

  “Because…according to you mother, you would have been able to learn so much from him. He seemed like a very good man.”

  “That he was.”

  My mother made sure I knew everything about Charles Givens. Since there were no men around to mentor me into manhood, my mother often recited the trials and tribulations she and my father had faced during the course of their marriage. Her tales served as a guidepost to the way I lived my life.

  To the way I treated the ones I cared for most.

  “She’s still in love with him. A love like that doesn’t come around very often.”

  The tone in Yasmine’s voice drew my attention. “No, apparently not. Once I thought I found it, but…”

  The room fell silent; I
couldn’t even hear her breathing.

  Why the hell would I mention my past relationship at a time like this? What was wrong with me?

  I ran a hand over my eyes and rubbed hard. Images of Melissa in this very bed flooded my memory. This place had been ours. The start of a life we were building together. Now, for the first time in a year, I wasn’t alone. I was here with a woman who…

  I forced my sigh to stay inside. I was with a woman I was falling for.

  A woman who wanted sex and nothing more.

  I needed to remember that.

  Our arrangement did nothing to ease the thoughts plaguing me since the night we kissed in the garden. If anything, it solidified my desire to develop a relationship based on more than the hot sex we had.

  “What are you thinking about?”

  I opened my eyes to find her studying my face.

  “Nothing,” I lied.

  I wanted to pull her back down and get lost in her smile, her body, her touch, her taste... I wanted to be lost in the comfort I hadn’t had since the day my ex left. It seemed as if every time Yasmine was near, the issues of my past relationship disappeared.

  A shift in the bed brought my attention back.

  “Where are you going?”

  Yasmine moved to the edge of the mattress, her back towards me. “It’s time for me to go.”

  “Go?” I glanced at the bedside clock. “It’s nearly two A.M. You don’t have to leave.” I sat up.

  She shook her head and glanced over her shoulder. “No, I need to go. We did what we’d set out to do…and a damn good job at it, too.” She smiled softly. “This relationship isn’t meant to be more than what it is, Zack.”

  “And that is?”

  “Really good sex, once a week.” She reached for the only article of clothing in my room, her heels.

  What the hell?

  “Yasmine, you can’t leave. Stay…please.”

  She walked to the steps leading downstairs and the remainder of her clothes and paused to look at me. The moonlight illuminating her bright skin was breathtaking, a memory I would never forget.