Jaded (The Butterfly Memoirs)

by Kane, M. J.

  I sat back in shock. This wasn’t what I’d expected to happen.

  “What are you thinking, love?” My father asked.

  Mom’s full attention turned to me. “Yasmine, would you be willing to put together a package deal to offer your services at all of our locations?”

  I was floored. My plan had been to come here, make amends, and apologize for my behavior, not have my parents jump all over my idea.

  I put my hands up. “Wait a minute, you told me my idea could destroy the family business. Now you want to take my plan and run with it?”

  Mom sat back, glanced at my father, then down at the table. “I’m woman enough to admit I was hasty in jumping to conclusions.”

  My father cleared his throat.

  “Okay, more than hasty. If you’re here to apologize, then I apologize, too. I should have taken the time to hear you out, regardless of the fact I didn’t feel it was right for us…even you, at the time.”

  My gaze went back and forth between them. “Are you saying you’ve changed your mind?”

  She inclined her head. “I’m saying I am willing to approach this project with an open mind. We reviewed the business plan you left behind. You seem to have done your research. At the time we couldn’t figure out your vision, but now that you’ve explained it, I can see where this could help the business while you get what you want.”

  I bit my lip and studied them both. My father nodded in agreement to her words. “Why now? I thought you didn’t have the money.”

  “We’ve gone over the numbers and found some we could spare. But we would have a few stipulations,” he said.

  I sat back in disbelief. “What kind of stipulations?”

  “This service is exclusive to the Phillips’ Family Inns. Of course you can do what you want on your own time, but marketing it to outside hotels would be off limits. You’ll also have to make yourself available to work with customers at each of the three locations. The Inn will also retain a percentage of the profits.”

  I sat back in my chair. “Will I have access to a room at each location for customer consultations?”

  “We can find space for you at each location,” Mom said.

  “How much of a percentage are you looking for?”

  “We’ll need to go into more details into how you plan to run this and sit down with our bookkeeper. But I promise it will be fair.”

  “Do you expect me to come back to work?” This answer would be a deal breaker.

  My parents looked at each other. “That would be up to you, Mimi,” my father replied. “We’ve already worked out management for all the locations. Besides, for this to work, wouldn’t you need to travel between locations at any time?”

  “Though it would be nice if you were available to help out a few days a month,” Mom added quickly. “At your discretion of course.”

  My mind spun. They actually wanted to do this. On terms that were reasonable. No outrageous stipulations, no ifs.

  “What do you think?” Dad asked after a few minutes of silence.

  “I think we can make this work.” I smiled.

  “Great!” Dad slapped his hand on the table in approval. “We’ll set a time for you to come by next week and work out the details. If that’s all, I’m grabbing a beer and going to watch the game.” He got up from the table, kissed me on the forehead, and left.

  Mom and I sat in silence for a moment before she got up to stir the contents of the pot on the stove.

  “Thank you for believing in me, Mom.”

  “Mimi, I never stopped believing in you, ever. It just blows my mind sometimes; you’re not my little girl anymore. Sometimes you come to me with things and my first instinct is to say no.” She chuckled softly. “I’m way overdue for understanding that you make your own decisions.”

  “I’d say just a little.” I held up my thumb and forefinger for emphasis.

  “Where are you staying, if you don’t mind me asking?” She glanced over her shoulder.

  “With a friend’s mother.”

  She turned with raised eyebrows. “Is this a male or female friend?”

  I couldn’t fight the smile from emerging as she turned back into full mom mode. “Male.”

  “Hmm…is it someone we know?” She put the lid back on the pot before sitting back down.

  “No, but you saw him. He escorted me to Ebony’s wedding.”

  Both eyebrows arched. “That handsome young man? He’s just a friend?”

  I laughed and shook my head. “Yeah, something like that.”

  She laughed and tapped the table with a nail. “Ahhhhh, he’s one of those special friends. I get it.”

  “Mom…,”

  “What? I’m not about to say a thing.” There was a moment of silence. “Okay, I lied. Why aren’t you dating him? He disappeared before we got to meet him, but even from a distance, I could tell he was into you.”

  I sighed. “I’m not in the dating market and neither is he. Besides, I’ve been hurt…,” I clamped my mouth shut and gave my manicure full attention.

  “How? Are you still upset about Carlos? Baby, that happened years ago.”

  “No…there was someone more recent.” I glanced up and saw her full attention was on me, concern apparent in her eyes.

  When I was younger, my mother and I talked about everything. But as I got older and my dating experiences didn’t yield the results I wanted to share, I kept my decision to avoid serious attachments to myself. I wasn’t about to tell my mom I was having sexual encounters with various men with no expectation of a long-term commitment.

  Maybe she knew, because eventually, she’d stopped asking.

  “I was engaged a few months ago,” I blurted.

  “What? To the guy who came with you to the wedding?”

  I shook my head sadly. “No, to the man who raped Ebony.” Pain hit the pit of my stomach hard; I lay my head on the table.

  My mother was speechless. My family knew the details of what happened to Ebony; she’d been a part of our extended family since we met in college. My parents viewed her as a second daughter.

  For what felt like the fifteenth time in the last week, tears leaked from my eyes. Why was I crying so much? Tough, resilient, capable of taking anything life threw at me was the armor I put on in order to take on the world. Since being in the company of Zack, it felt as if the wall I’d put up, brick by painstaking brick, was crumbling.

  My mother’s hand rested on my back and rubbed. She’d gotten up and walked around to sit beside me at the table. When I looked up, her eyes were running like mine, except her tears were silent.

  “I didn’t know,” she whispered. “Why didn’t you tell us?”

  “Because…” I sat up, sniffed, and wiped my eyes with my hand. “I was engaged for four hours to a man I’d been seeing on a…friendly basis. Out of the blue things heated up between us, and before I could bring him to meet you guys, he’d proposed.” I blew my nose in the napkin she offered. “I called Ebony to share the news, and a few hours later, Brian showed up and beat the crap out of him. He had no idea Ebony had been raped until she told him, neither did I.”

  “I still don’t understand why she kept it a secret. He should have been arrested as soon as it happened.”

  “I agree, but you know Ebony. She’s like me, keeps stuff inside so others don’t have to suffer.”

  Mom got up, went to the refrigerator, and poured a glass of water. “How does the new guy fit in?”

  The thought of Zack made me smile despite the tears. “Zack is wonderful. He’s everything I would want in a husband. He’s smart, makes me laugh, even when he’s being serious. He listens to me, Mom, I mean really listens. We’re in the same boat, relationship-wise. His fiancée broke up with him when his mother got sick. She had cancer.”

  “That’s awful. How is she?”

  “It’s in remission so she seems to be doing better. He keeps a close eye on her though. Anyway, when I needed a place to stay,” I avoided her eyes, “hi
s mom offered to let me rent a room in her house. It works because I was already helping him out by checking on her a couple of days during the week. She’s a nice woman. If you ever got to meet her, I know you’d love her.”

  “Well, a woman willing to step in and take care of my daughter when I was too stubborn to do it myself is worth knowing. Maybe we’ll meet sometime.”

  “Maybe.”

  “So, how does Zack feel about you?”

  I shrugged my shoulders. “I honestly don’t know. It’s so confusing. We have this…arrangement, where we meet once a week for…,”

  “I get it, sex. Don’t be afraid to use the word. I’m not a virgin and I wasn’t always with your father.”

  That made me laugh. “That is an image I would rather not think about.”

  “Hey, like thinking about you with Zack is any better. To me, you’re still in diapers and wearing pigtails!”

  A fresh wave of tears came, but this time it was from laughter and not pain.

  When we calmed down, I continued, “We spent last Saturday at the beach, no sex involved. Just talking…as friends. Friends are what we were before we started sleeping together, and as I said, he listens. He’s the one who helped me realize I was an idiot in the way I acted and the reason why I’m here today.”

  “Now him, I’d love to meet.”

  I could only smile. I’d love him to meet my parents, too, but as something more than just a friend.

  “Mimi, I don’t know what you have planned for the relationship portion of your life, and it’s not for me to judge. I do have a bit of advice for you, though.”

  I sighed. “What?”

  “If he’s all you say he is, find a way to keep him. A man like that is hard to find. I know; it took me years to find your father. Hold on to him; don’t let him slip away. That’s a regret you’ll never be able to get over.”

  Chapter 21

  “Can I get you gentlemen something else?”

  “Yeah, bring my boy, Zack, another cold Budweiser? We’re celebrating.” My best friend Nick slapped me on the back.

  The server nodded and walked away.

  “Nick, what are we celebrating?”

  “Your return to the land of the living."

  I laughed. I guess in a way he was right. It had been our weekly Thursday night ritual to meet for beer and watch a good sports game after work. The last time we did this was…months ago.

  “What have you been up to, Nick?”

  “Same old thing. Cutting hair and meeting the ladies.” His gaze went to a group of women who were escorted past us to a table in the corner. He smiled at one who looked our way; she smiled in return.

  “I am not surprised. How many women are you stringing along now?”

  “A few. What’s going on with you? You’ve been M.I.A. lately.”

  “I got another promotion.”

  “What? Alright, my man,” he sat back in his chair. “What are you doing now?”

  “General Manager of a new store.”

  “I know where to come to when I need my new computer.” He laughed.

  “No problem. I’ll get you a good deal.”

  “How’s your mom?”

  “She’s doing well. She’s got her good days and her bad days. But it seems she’s been having more good ones now.”

  “Oh?”

  “Yeah, I’ve got a friend who’s keeping an eye on her for me when I’m not there. In fact, she lives there.”

  Nick paused, his beer bottle inches from his mouth, one eyebrow raised. “Really? A 'she'? What does this ‘she’ look like?”

  “Perfect.” I chuckled when his eyebrows rose. Yasmine was more than perfect. With Nick’s playboy status, he wouldn’t be able to understand.

  “Are you sleeping with her?”

  Before I could respond, the server arrived with our beers. I thanked her and quickly gulped the cold liquid. “None of your business.” I said when she left, but couldn’t hide my smile.

  “Oh that’s what I’m talking about! My man is finally back in the game! So tell me, is she good?” He jogged his eyebrows up and down.

  “Nick, I’m not telling you shit.”

  He laughed loudly. “So what are her stats? How did you guys meet? And how in the hell did she end up moving in with your momma?”

  I stared at my bottle. “She came into my store one night. It wasn’t the first time I’d seen her. One thing lead to another, which lead her to helping my mother find her self-esteem again. I escorted her to a wedding in return. When she needed a place to stay, my mom volunteered.” I made sure to leave out the details of our sleeping arrangement. Nick was my boy, and I’m sure he’d think the idea was golden, but to me, it was personal.

  “And you started sleeping with her…when?” he prompted.

  “Not sharing.” I drank more beer.

  At that moment my phone rang. Yasmine’s picture appeared on the screen. She had no idea I’d taken it that day we spent on the beach. After our talk, she’d taken off her shirt, revealing her bikini top, and walked to the water’s edge to think. She’d been so beautiful standing with her bare feet in the surf, her hands in the pockets of her shorts, and staring at the ocean. Even though her face was away from the camera, the image was still breathtaking.

  “Hey, how are you?” I held up a finger to Nick. He nodded and focused on the woman he’d been eyeing across the room.

  “Zack, are you at home? I can barely hear you,” Yasmine said.

  “No, I’m at a sports bar with my boy watching the game. Is everything okay?” I put a finger in my ear as the crowd got rowdy when one of the teams scored.

  “Everything is fine. I wanted to tell you I took your advice and talked to my parents. You were right, I needed it. They actually listened. In fact, they offered to finance me as long as I keep my services exclusive to our hotel.”

  “That’s great.” My chest warmed with pride as I grinned. I sensed Nick’s eyes on me; a glance showed him staring with raised eyebrows. I did my best to ignore him and focus on Yasmine’s voice.

  “Thanks. Okay, I’ll let you go now. Oh, by the way, we should reschedule tomorrow night.”

  My chest tightened. “Why?”

  She laughed lightly. “Nature has taken its course and well, we won’t be able to do anything. So—”

  “So what? I want to see you. What do you say, same time?”

  There was a pause. “Zack, are you sure?”

  “Didn’t you learn anything about me Saturday? I like spending time with you. I meant it when I said it’s not just about sex.” I ignored the sound of Nick spitting his drink.

  More silence.

  “Okay, same time…except this time, I’ll cook dinner, okay?”

  When the call ended, I stared at the screen until her picture faded.

  “Oh shit, you are whipped.” Nick slapped the table in deep laughter.

  “What are you talking about?”

  “‘It’s not just about sex’? You say that to a woman you really care about.”

  “So?” I glared at him.

  Nick stopped laughing and sipped his beer while watching me. “You’re finally over Melissa’s selfish ass. Good for you.” He toasted me with his bottle. “If this dry spell of yours lasted any longer, I was going to stage an intervention at the barber shop.”

  I shook my head and looked away.

  “All jokes aside, man. I haven’t seen you this relaxed in…months, actually. I’m going out on a limb and assuming it’s because of this new woman. What’s her name?”

  “Yasmine Phillips. Her family owns the chain of bed and breakfast hotels.”

  “The Phillips’ Family Inns? Wow, so she’s got some money, huh?”

  I shrugged. “It’s none of my business.”

  “So, what is it about her you like?”

  I glanced over at my best friend who now ignored the table full of women he’d been eyeing. Nick and I met in the fourth grade when his family moved from Virginia. He was an awkw
ard kid, shy and lacking confidence. Other kids teased him, but I thought he was interesting. We’d been tight ever since. He knew my secrets, and I knew his.

  I was at his house the night my father died.

  “She’s everything, Nick. Everything Melissa should have been and more. She’s smart, outgoing, willing to help others. I swear she doesn’t have a selfish bone in her body. She’s got class and style and an attitude that …” I smiled to myself. “The day she walked into my store, I wanted her. Do you know how long it’s been since I gave a woman that kind of attention? I mean, Nick, every time I’m near her I’m ready to take her to bed. Her laugh, her smile, and oh man…that body of hers is—”

  Nick dropped his head and laughed. “Damn, man, I bet if she walked in here right now and told you to lick her shoes you’d do it.”

  “Uh, no. It’s not like that between us. We’ve got this…I don’t know how to explain it. We understand one another. Both of us have been hurt before so we know what to do to avoid it from happening again. That’s why we…” I realized Nick was staring at me. I waved it off. “It’s not important. The fact of the matter is, what we have works.”

  “What you have? Okay, you’re sleeping together. What’s so special about that? Men and women sleep together all the time. What did you guys do, re-invent the wheel?”

  I chuckled. “Not exactly. We’re friends, really good friends. I feel as though I can talk to her about anything and she’d understand. The sex is…” There was no need to explain. “I couldn’t imagine being with another woman. Neither of us wants a long term commitment, so…” My eyebrows creased in thought about the words I uttered. I lifted my bottle and drained it dry.

  “Hold on a minute. You’re having hot sex with a woman you see as a great friend, she’s obviously what you need or else you wouldn’t be gushing over her like this. What’s stopping you?”

  I glanced at him. “From what?”

  “From marrying her. Let’s face it; between the two of us, you’re the marrying type. Me, I fool around. If you guys have no intention of walking down the aisle, it’s a waste of your time. And you my friend,” he pointed his bottle at me, “are not the type to waste time. You go for what you want. What are you waiting for?”