My Serenity

by M. Clarke

  I kept my eye on Josie from a distance; sometimes attending to the areas I needed to be, sometimes in the kitchen, sometimes ringing the costumers up, but my eyes were always on her. Josie knew how to work the customers. She was attentive and made sure they were happy. I wished some of our waitresses were more like her. I thought about offering her a job, but I was sure she was happy where she worked. Would it be weird to be her boss? I snapped the thought away when I saw a table full of guys checking Josie out.

  I’d never seen them before; maybe they weren’t locals. It was Friday night after all. Recalling our college years, everywhere was packed on Friday nights, even during the summer. Feeling protective, I headed closer to their table. The blond guy was gawking at her like she was his next meal. He might as well have glued his eyes to her breasts. At first glance he looked intimidating, being that he was built and had tattoos that marked both his arms. But it was mostly the way he looked at her that bothered me.

  Josie was holding her own by being cordial and keeping her cool, especially after he held her wrist to stop her from walking away. There was only one thing on that guy’s mind, and there was no way in hell he was going to think he could get his way with her.

  “Can I help you with anything?” I asked in my polite voice, standing in front of Josie.

  “Yes, you can—by leaving,” the blond said. Though he sounded sober, I could smell alcohol when he spoke.

  His friends chuckled like it was the funniest joke they’d ever heard. I knew their type—troublemakers that thought they were tough. There was nothing more annoying than people like that.

  I leaned closer, so as not to make a scene, and stared boldly at them. “I’m not going anywhere, boys. I own this restaurant. If you don’t leave my waitress alone, you won’t be eating here.”

  The blond twitched to stand, but his friend next to him stopped him by planting his hand firmly on his shoulder. Shaking his head, he said, “Brad, don’t.”

  I didn’t know what was more irritating—the fact that I had to deal with immature people or that my mom would have had to if she were there. “Looks like your friend is smarter than you, Brad. I would listen to him, if I were you.”

  I gripped Josie’s hand without thinking and pulled her as far away from that table as possible. “Are you okay? Did they hurt you or say anything to you?”

  I arched my brows when Josie looked scared or out of it. I couldn’t read her expression. What was she thinking? Was she mad that I had intervened? I was almost sure her glassy eyes were from the light and not from tears.

  “Seth,” she finally said. “You’re amazing. I don’t think anyone has ever worried about me like that before. Thank you for caring.”

  Josie brushed up against my cheek, planting a small kiss, and then got back to work. I might have blushed a little. In fact, I knew I did when heat rushed to my face.

  Josie

  Even the day after, I couldn’t shake the thought of Seth almost knowing who Brad was. That thought made me sick to my stomach. It was like having my worst nightmare come alive. How did Brad find me? Oh my God! Every curse word I could think of came out of me. When I approached his table, I didn’t recognize him. He’d cut his hair short. But I could never forget his ugly smirk.

  It was too bad he was such a dick. Brad had a handsome face and a great body, not to mention the cool tattoos down both his arms. Some of them were symbols, like the trinity sign and a Chinese inscription. The other arm was inked with skulls and quotes from a song. I was initially attracted to several things, but I soon realized what an ass he was.

  “Josie. I told you I would find you wherever you went. There’s no hiding from me.” Brad’s tone was so calm that it was frightening.

  Heat flushed through me with fear and anger, making my body tremble. My fist tightened and I thought about stabbing him with one of the forks on the table. It took every ounce of my willpower to keep from shouting at him, to tell him to go away and to leave me alone. I never wanted Seth to see what kind of guy I used to date. What would he think of me? Not that it would matter when I left this town, but for now I needed to keep my past behind me. I wanted Seth to know who I was today and not who I was yesterday.

  “What can I get you?” I asked, ignoring his threat. I didn’t recognize the other two. They must be his hostages. Either that, or they were losers who hung out with him. Maybe if I pretended not to know him, he would get the picture and leave me alone. What the hell was I thinking? Obviously, he’d been looking for me from town to town.

  “What I want is you.” His threatening eyes bored into mine. “You want to come with me the easy way or the hard way?”

  Feeling the weight of his hard stare, I pierced my eyes at him. Keeping my voice low, I said, “I’m not going anywhere with you. We’re done. I broke up with you a long time ago. If you can’t get it through your thick skull that I hate you, then I feel sorry for you.” When I turned to move away from the table, I jerked back. Brad had gripped my wrist and pulled me to him.

  “Don’t make me fuckin’ hurt you, bitch. You remember what happened to the last guy you dated, don’t you?”

  I yanked my arm away, and then gazed to see if anyone was watching us. “I don’t belong to you, Brad. I’m not your bitch, not now—not ever. So find another one to boss around.”

  Brad leaned closer to me. “You know you’ll eventually come crawling back to me.”

  “I will never be with you, even if you were the last guy in the universe. Get that through your brainless thick skull,” I seethed through my teeth.

  Brad’s breath heaved out of him like a dragon in a rage, and then his expression changed when someone stepped in front of me. Seth! Oh God! How much had he heard? I prayed silently standing behind Seth that Brad wouldn’t say much. My prayer had been answered.

  Saturday

  “Josie.” I felt a hand touch my arm.

  “Lexy?”

  “Are you okay? You look like you’re miles away.”

  I blinked and gazed around, noting I was in the living room. “I’m fine. Sorry. I was thinking.”

  “Josie, you look beautiful. Stop changing your clothes. Seth is going to be here any minute.” Lexy sat on the sofa, folding her laundry.

  I ignored her and went back to my room. Looking in the closet mirror, I assessed my reflection. I was wearing a long black-and-white skirt with two slits up the front that showed off my legs, depending on how I moved. The black top was sleeveless and dropped in a cowl shape. Satisfied, I walked out just as I heard a knock.

  “Lexy,” I whispered, having a panic attack. What the hell was wrong with me? It wasn’t like I didn’t know Seth.

  Lexy got up. “I’ll get the door.” She shook her head, curling her lips from ear to ear.

  As Lexy turned the doorknob, all sorts of thoughts ran through my mind. What would Seth wear? Where was he taking me? Would he kiss me? The door slowly swung open, revealing Seth. Seth was wearing jeans and a blue-and-white-striped shirt, molding to the curve of his strong shoulders and chest. The sunlight kissed the tips of his hair, bringing out the streaks of dirty blond. His green eyes glistened and became lighter. Seeing his lips curl up wickedly sent hot shots tingling through me. He looked like a god waiting to conquer his goddess. Oh my—Seth!

  “Hi.” I think that was what I said.

  Seth held up a bouquet of red roses, taking me by surprise. I didn’t realize his arms were behind his back. “For you.” He handed them to me. “I remember how much you love roses.”

  I felt like I was floating. “Seth, they’re beautiful,” I gushed, taking a whiff. The silky petals brushed my face. I wanted to drown myself in them.

  Feeling Lexy brush against me, I turned. “I’ll put them in the vase for you. You two get going before I get jealous.” She snorted, taking them away from me.

  “Thanks, Lexy,” I said.

  Seth offered his hand, and I took it. As always, electrified tingles zapped through me. His hand formed into mine perfectly, as i
f it were meant for me, giving me a serene feeling that was indescribable—a feeling of warmth, security, and most of all…I felt protected.

  CHAPTER 18

  Josie

  On our way to our seat, I glanced around the dimly lit room. Walking on the wooden floor, I noted the classy furniture and the candle lit on each table, giving a romantic feel. The white linen tablecloth, soft instrumental music, the way the waiters were attired in black, and the overall ambiance were enough to let me know the dinner was going to be expensive.

  Seth pulled out my chair for me and placed the white cloth napkin over my lap before the waitress had a chance. I knew he was being a gentleman, but I also couldn’t shake the thought he was being a good waiter—always working. I had to laugh at the thought.

  A middle-aged waitress smiled at us and handed us our menus. The way she looked at us, I assumed she was thinking how cute young love was.

  “My name is Bonnie. I’m your waitress. Welcome to Bianca’s. Our special tonight is the almond-crusted salmon, glazed with the chef’s special sauce and served over jasmine rice. As I give you time to look over the menu, I’ll get your drinks. What would you like to order?”

  “Just water for me,” Seth said.

  “Me too,” I seconded.

  With a nod, she left.

  Seth placed his cloth napkin over his lap and gave me his full attention. “So. What did you do today?”

  “Lexy and I went to the grocery store in the morning. Alex stopped by for lunch. Not much. I had a lazy day today. It was nice not to have to work on Saturday. I wish I had the whole weekend off, but unfortunately I have to work tomorrow.”

  Seth relaxed his shoulders and leaned closer. “Josie, don’t take this the wrong way. Did you go to college?”

  I stiffened. “I—” My face felt flushed with embarrassment. Already knowing I wasn’t good enough for him, I felt myself shrinking in my seat. I knew he went to college and was currently attending graduate school—Berkeley at that. “It’s a long story, Seth. I didn’t have the opportunity.”

  Seth must have seen my frown. “Josie.” He reached out and placed his hand over mine. “I’m not judging you. I want to know everything about your past: who you dated, where you lived, what you did. I want to know everything there is to know about Josie. I never had the chance to know the real you. We never got the chance to grow up together. I know it sounds silly, especially since everyone thought it was a sixth-grade crush, but you were everything to me back then. You were my first love, my first heartache, and you were the one that got away. You never told me why you didn’t come back to school the next day.”

  I slowly released my hand under his and ran my fingers through my hair to buy time. Thinking of lies to tell Seth, my body felt like it was on fire. “I—”

  Thank goodness for the waitress who came by with our water. After we ordered, I changed the subject, hoping he would forget what we had been talking about. “How are your brother and sister?”

  “Simon works at a banking firm in New York, Lloyd’s Capital. Sara will be in her senior year in college, studying psychology.”

  I set the glass down after I took a sip. “Wow. Little Sara. When I think of her, all I can picture are her two pigtails and her cute little outfits. I used to be envious of all her clothes.” I laughed softly.

  Seth leaned back in his chair. “Talk about reminiscing, remember Fred? The guy with red hair who sat beside you?”

  I released a snort. “Oh yeah. I wondered what had happened to him.”

  Seth crossed his arms on the table and leaned in. “He’s a successful lawyer. He helped my dad out with a lawsuit that never went to trial, thanks to Fred. What a small world, right?”

  “That’s great.”

  “I also ran into Chris recently. He sat behind me. I don’t know if you remember him. He had dark hair and brown eyes.”

  “Oh yeah. I remember one of my friends had a crush on him.”

  “Anyway, he told me he’s a private detective. What a cool job.” Seth shrugged.

  “Yeah,” I agreed. I pushed out my leg to stretch and accidentally kicked Seth. Before I could bring my legs back, Seth wrapped his long legs around mine, capturing them into place. I blushed. It was so strange to feel this way. No guy had ever made me blush like this before, not even the younger Seth. When I slowly looked up, Seth gave me the most mischievous grin.

  “Remember when we used to play footsy? I would touch your feet, and then you would kick mine. Then we would go back and forth.”

  “How could I forget? We got in trouble with…what was our teacher’s name again?”

  We halted our conversation when the waitress came by with our dinner. Seth’s eyes widened at the sight. He must have been starving. With a fork and a knife in either hand, he dug into his steak.

  “Seriously?” he asked, swallowing. “How could you forget a name like Mrs. Underwood?”

  I placed a bit of the special salmon in my mouth and nodded. After I swallowed I said with excitement, “Oh yeah, Mrs. Underwood. Kids used to make fun of her last name. Mrs. Underpants. Mrs. Wetpants. How could I forget?” I lightly smacked my forehead and scooped up some jasmine rice.

  Seth wiped his mouth with the napkin. “Have you run into anyone?”

  “No.” I shook my head and changed the subject. Knowing the topic of why I hadn’t told him I was leaving before I left would come up again, I asked, “What’s your plan for the summer?”

  “Josie.” My name came out of his mouth like he had something terrible to tell me. His pause felt like an eternity. “I think I told you that I’ll be leaving to go back to grad school in four weeks. I wouldn’t have stayed this long, but after my dad passed away, my mom needed my help.”

  I bit into my asparagus to avoid talking and chewed to gather my thoughts. “I figured, but hey—we have four weeks to catch up.”

  Seth chewed on the mashed potatoes he had scooped into his mouth. “You didn’t tell me your plan.”

  I felt a lump in my throat. What was I expecting? I knew better than that. Good people in my life didn’t stay long. Only the bad people wanted to cling to me, like my mother and Brad. “I don’t know, actually.” I focused on my plate. I didn’t want Seth to see my expression, but my tone might have betrayed me.

  Seth took a sip of his water. “Do you have to be somewhere? I mean…can you stay with Lexy? Make this city your home? I can come visit. I mean, San Francisco is not too far, sort of….” He laughed. “Okay, we’d have to fly to see each other, but there’s Skype and the phone.”

  I knew Seth was trying to make me feel better, but at the same time, what was I expecting? We were both adults now, trying to relive the past—at least I was. Seth had places to go, people to see, and a promising career. He was going to make something of himself. I was sure he would want a girlfriend who was well educated, someone who was his equal.

  Seth had asked me out, but perhaps he was asking me out as a friend, to catch up. Naturally, he was curious about my whereabouts, as I was with him. And stupid me, I should’ve known better. I hadn’t planned to stay long in the city anyway. But then again, I had no idea I would run into Lexy, a wonderful roommate, and more importantly, I had no idea I would find Seth.

  “Sure,” I finally said. “I’ll think about it.” I winked. “Maybe I’ll meet a guy who will convince me to stay.”

  Was that a frown on Seth’s face? A hint of jealousy? I was sure it wasn’t, but I could wish it were.

  Seth pulled back his legs a bit that had been touching mine. For some reason, it made my heart dip with sadness. “What are you doing next Saturday? Got any plans?”

  I ignored his question, reached over his plate, and scooped a spoonful of his mash potatoes. “Remember when we used to share our lunch? You would give me half of your sandwich and I would give you half of the cafeteria food.”

  Seth nodded, rewarding me with an adorable grin. In that moment, I saw his sixth-grade face. “Yeah, I remember. Mom wouldn’t let me buy
cafeteria food and you loved to eat my homemade food. So it all worked out.”

  “It did,” I agreed, then went back to answering his question, “I’m free Saturday night, sort of. I promised Lexy that I would go to a club with her. I think it’s called Pulse.”

  Seth released a sigh after taking his last bite. He seemed like he was full. “I can’t take another bite. Anyway, I was going to ask if you want to go to the same club, but it looks like Lexy beat me to it. And on the same night, I’m helping Elijah. He’s going to propose to Alex. Would you like to help? Lexy is going to help too.”

  “Oh my God! That is so sweet. I would love to help.”

  “Great. It’s a date.”

  I smiled and took the last bite of my salmon. When Seth excused himself to use the restroom, I checked my texts. Seeing a light flashing inside my purse, I knew someone had texted me. It was Lexy: Hope you’re having a great time.

  I am, I replied back.

  Then why are you talking to me?

  Seth went to the men’s room, I texted.

  Oh, I won’t wait up for you. You’re in great hands.

  Haha. It’s not like that.

  I picked up the phone when it buzzed, thinking it was Lexy. “Yes, Lexy?”

  There was a long pause. I was just about to hang up when I heard her voice, “This is your mother, Josie. I’ve been looking for you.” Her tone was calm, but it made me feel like a little girl on the verge of punishment.

  I was furious with myself for picking up the phone without looking at the caller ID. I’d been careful for so long. Now I would have to pay the price. Icy chills zapped up my spine and spread to the rest of my body. I couldn’t move. I couldn’t breathe.

  “Well. Aren’t you going to say hello? It doesn’t matter how far you run. I’m still your mother.” I could hear breathing, taking me back to her room.