Broken Harmony

by Brenda Barrett

  "Mama..."

  "What is it?" Ayesha asked impatiently.

  Alka had been staring at her mother with her mouth opened slightly. She closed it with a snap and sat down on the bed. A long weary sigh escaped her. She tried not to make eye contact with her mother's concerned look.

  She had to word her question carefully. She swallowed nervously. What she was about to ask was potentially flammable.

  "Mama...Suppose I don't want to go back?"

  "No!" Ayesha shook her head so vehemently that the red bindi jewel that was in the middle of her forehead seemed to flash in a blur. Alka stared at it, fascinated. Ayesha did not get agitated easily, but today she was seriously riled.

  "Mama, I want to stay here, in Jamaica."

  Her mother covered her face. "Alka, please. Don't speak like this. If we were in India, you would not be speaking this way and..."

  "But we are not!" Alka jumped from the bed. "We are not in India, Mama, and even there the traditional ways are slowly changing. Several girls from the village moved to the city and are working on their education, and getting jobs, and marrying whomever they want. This is the twenty-first century, Mama!

  "Why can't I be like everybody else? Why can't I be a normal girl that falls in love with a man of her choice? Why can't I go and get a job or go to college? Why do I have to stay married to Rajiv? I can break the commitment. The marriage is not consummated!"

  "Ai Yai!" Ayesha exclaimed, wrapping her hands around her belly. She screamed a line from the Upanishad. "Do not neglect the works due to the gods and the fathers! Let your mother be to you like unto a god! Let your father be to you like unto a god!"

  Alka flinched guiltily. She had been studying the Bible with Aaron and his friends these past four months and she much preferred its teachings to her mother's Upanishad.

  She had even gone to a Christian church. At first she had been fascinated by the stories and the concept of a savior but then she realized that she wanted to learn more about Christianity. Much like her secret pictures of Aaron, she kept her Bible close and read it as avidly as one thirsty for knowledge. Her parents would probably have a conniption if they knew, though.

  She bit her lip and watched as her mother ranted and raved. "If you dishonor us, we are as good as dead," her mother said passionately, her eyes red.

  Alka looked up guiltily when she heard a cleared throat. Her father stood at the door. She didn't hear him come in. Though he was a big man in girth, he moved stealthily. He had a florid complexion and rough pitted skin. Alka imagined that when he was younger he had looked better. Her mother certainly seemed to think so. Their marriage, too, was an arranged marriage that turned into a love match. Her mother had the naive idea that everybody's marriage would become like hers and that people only needed time to get to know each other.

  Her father's face was flushed. She could tell from his expression that he had heard her, and his face showed his disappointment.

  "We should have left her in Punjab when we moved here and let one of her older sisters take care of her. She would be a traditional Punjabi girl with good values."

  "That's so true, Ladu." Her mother swung around to look at her husband. "We have carried her into this strange, liberal culture and corrupted her. We have failed."

  "Mama, it's not a liberal culture," Alka protested. "You have been living here for eight years; why do you still call it strange?"

  "You can't even speak Punjabi well," Ayesha interrupted. "You hang out with those girls, Farrah and the others. I don't care how wealthy they are. They dress immodestly and are disobedient to their elders in their speech. And now you are seeing a man who does not respect the fact that you are already joined to another."

  Alka stood up. "I am sorry that you feel that way, Mama. I am going to bathe. I promised Aaron I would visit a nursing home with him today. His band is playing for the residents."

  "They play Christian music," Ayesha said. "He is trying to indoctrinate you."

  Alka shook her head. "He has never tried to do any such thing."

  "They are subtle, these Christian people," Ayesha said. "Tell her, Ladu. They speak about living a Christian life and drawing others to their god by their lives. They have tried it with us in India, back in the village, and there are even more of them here in Jamaica."

  Her father looked at her fiercely. "I only know one thing, Alka. You will honor your parents. In two months you leave here and take your place at Rajiv's side, and you will be a pure bride…I warn you." He moved away from the door. "There is no dishonoring us in this matter, or you are as good as dead."

  Ayesha got up to follow him and looked back at her daughter. "If you can't find it in your heart to do this for yourself, please do it for your unmarried cousins, and your nieces and nephews. Backing out of the marriage arrangement will taint the Duggall name forever. It would make life much more unpleasant for the younger generation of Duggalls, and you could ruin your family name in the village if you are selfish enough to pursue your own happiness."

  When she left the room Alka sighed and lay on the bed. Her mother was a drama queen but her warning had a thread of a truth.

  *****

  Aaron helped the guys to set up their equipment at the nursing home while the residents trickled in to watch them set up. One mischievous old lady kept winking and blowing kisses at him; her gumless smile was comical to behold but Aaron was studiously trying to ignore her. She grabbed her walker and was slowly making her way to the stage area to get closer to him.

  Ian chuckled. "Run, Aaron, run. Granny is determined to get you. You know, Aaron, for a guy with such a pretty face, you attract some really weird...I mean...diverse... women."

  The other guys laughed.

  Carson whistled. "You know, there is a ring of truth to what Ian said. Let's see, there was gold-digger Miranda, and snotty Tenaj."

  "Remember that one from high school," Jayce said, "who had us making appointments to talk to him?"

  Aaron looked over his shoulders to see if the lady was still heading his way but he need not have worried, an attendant nurse had cut off her advance and was leading her back to her chair.

  "Saved by the nurse," Carson chuckled.

  "Wow. Like seriously, wow," Logan said, looking toward the door of the auditorium. His mouth was hanging open and Aaron looked toward the door swiftly to see who had the usually unflappable Logan in awe.

  "That's Alka," Carson said to Logan. "If you weren't doing summer school at university you would have known that she is Aaron's latest girlfriend and that she's married and she is Hindu."

  Logan reluctantly swung his eyes from Alka and looked at Aaron. "What?"

  "It's a long story." Aaron shrugged. "It is not serious. I started dating her to get Boris to back off; she's scared of him."

  Logan was still frowning. "Married and Hindu? Really, Aaron."

  "Same thing I said to him," Ian said, "and it may not have started out serious but he's deadly serious now. He is texting her every other minute at band practice. He introduced her to us as his girlfriend and he wasn't laughing."

  They all stopped talking when Alka came to the stage. "Hi guys!"

  "Hi," they said, grinning.

  Aaron felt his face heating up and he cursed his light complexion because he knew that a hint of red was around his ear and that his friends were watching him closely.

  Ian was right. He had resisted feeling anything for Alka with admirable vigor but as time went by and he spent time with her, the inevitable attraction worked itself into his blood. He refused to call this feeling that he had for her love. He had never felt like this before, as if he wanted to cherish and protect her and keep her with him forever.

  He hopped off the stage and joined Alka. She smelled like her favorite orange blossom shampoo. He hugged her to him, inhaling large whiffs of her scent.

  He almost didn't want to let her go when she was in his arms, since he knew that he wouldn't have her around forever.

  The very thought m
ade him feel like linking his fingers through hers and keeping her clamped beside him for as long as they both had breath. He was feeling dramatic and out of control and those emotions unsettled him. For days now, as the time crept slowly toward October and the six months were about to expire, he wanted to beg her to stay.

  He looked at her now. As usual, she had a smile on her face but her eyes were looking worried.

  "What's wrong?" He drew her nearer to the seats at the back of the auditorium and away from his curious band members. They sat beside a salt and pepper haired senior with a hearing aid in his ear.

  "Nothing's wrong," Alka whispered. "I am just...I don't know...a little anxious, I guess."

  "About going to India?" Aaron asked.

  "Yes," Alka inhaled shakily. "About going to Mumbai, especially. I've never been there and of course, I don't want to leave you. I mean here."

  Aaron took her slender hands in his and kissed her fingers. "I don't want you to leave either."

  Alka sighed and then she plastered on one of her fake smiles, the one that said she was determined to have fun even if she was not quite feeling it. Just last week she told him that she wanted to experience everything in Jamaica before she had to leave because she knew she might not get the chance to come back.

  Aaron brought her fingers to his lips. "The young people at my church are going hiking—want to come? I know you like those kinds of adventures."

  "Sure," Alka said. "Sounds like fun."

  Aaron sighed. "I was afraid that you'd say yes, because I was quite determined not to go. It is Saturday night, by the way. You want me to pick you up?"

  "No," Alka said quickly. "I can't tell my mother that I am going hiking with Christians. She'd have a headache. She thinks you guys are brainwashing me."

  Aaron shook his head, "I am trying to figure out how she has managed so far, living here."

  Alka giggled. "She keeps her friendship circle small and she monitors what she listens to and sees on television. It's like what Christians do with worldly things, I guess."

  Aaron smiled. "I get it."

  The guys were beckoning him and Aaron got up. "See you later."

  "Yes." Alka held on to his hands and they stared at each other, both of them broadcasting a longing so profound that it was only when the old man who was sitting beside them cleared his throat that they jumped guiltily and released hands.

  Throughout the performance, which consisted of the playing of a few old-time Christian songs, Aaron's mind kept racing. He should never have developed a friendship with Alka. How could he have been so naive that he thought that taking her to restaurants and having long walks on the beach and exposing her to his friends and his life in general would not have some type of impact on him emotionally?

  She might not be married, as he was used to marriage in his culture, but she was married nevertheless and she was not going to renege on that commitment. She was still planning to go to India to fulfill her marital obligations, even though she had only met this guy Rajiv twice.

  He had set himself up for heartbreak.

  *****

  During an interlude, while they were taking requests from the audience, the little old lady who was winking at Aaron earlier shuffled up to the mike.

  "I would like the pretty brown one with the saxophone to play the song Precious Memories. Dedicate it to Isolda, dear." She winked at him and pulled up her long floral dress to show her ankles.

  The rest of the guys grinned.

  Aaron flung a look at Jayce, who was making a choking sound and covering his face.

  He whipped his head around again when Isolda said in the mike. "I don't want anybody else but you to play for me, dearie. What's your name?"

  Aaron reluctantly went over to the microphone. "My name is Aaron Lee."

  "Beautiful, strong Christian name; Aaron was a priest." Isolda grinned, showing him her gums.

  He saw Alka in the back of the auditorium, laughing and wiping her eyes. Even she found it funny and he shook his head, a small smile playing about his lips.

  He knew the guys would be ribbing him about this for days. This had the makings of an urban legend, after they had told the story to death for years to come.

  He could already see the mirth alive in Logan's eyes, and Carson was leaning at the back of the stage trying to cover his laughing with coughs. He was used to this from the guys; after all, he got it at most venues that they played. Never had he had such an older admirer, though.

  He put the sax to the mike and with a resigned sigh started playing. Isolda enjoyed the song. She took up her walker and was spinning to the music. When he reached the third verse he tried to remember the words as he played...As I travel on life's pathway, I know not what the years may hold...

  His heart skipped a beat. He was twenty-five; Alka was eighteen. What were the odds that they would be together in the future? Next to nil. When she left for India, he would never see her again. The thought made him so sad that he put all his emotions in the song.

  Chapter Three

  Two days to go...

  "This is the best time ever!" Alka screamed as she took off on the jet ski across the bay.

  Aaron grinned at her but as soon as she turned away his smile faded. He pushed his hand in his chinos and sighed. He leaned on a palm tree and watched her bright red life vest until it was but a dot on the horizon.

  He had taken the day off from work, a day off that he couldn't afford to take. His father was in talks with a smaller group of boutique hotels to buy them out, and the owner was coming by the office today.

  Taking the day off was a stupid career move. He should have been there to be in on the talks, especially since Boris would be there and more so because he would be sending the wrong signals to the board members, who would have to decide between him and his brother for the senior vice presidency. His absence would also make his father, a tough but fair boss, question his readiness to run the company.

  But he didn't want Alka to go. This picnic time together was his last-ditch effort to get her to stay with him in Jamaica. He had planned this day with the sort of detail he would have used to plan a takeover.

  As Alka was not one to appreciate lounging around all day and doing nothing, and was the sort of person who appreciated sports-like activities such as hiking, rock climbing, swimming, he had carried her here, to his family's private beach in Hanover, along with his jet ski.

  The place was ideally situated between Negril and Montego Bay, on pristine white sand. It even had its own little island where they could snorkel, if Alka was interested.

  For years his family had the property and did nothing with it. His grandfather had bought it at a ridiculous price some years ago and the Palm Tree board members had not quite made up their minds as to what they would do with it. It was nicknamed Paradise Beach. He sat and watched Alka as she maneuvered the jet ski in the calm blue waters and thought that it was indeed aptly named. It was the perfect place to impress a girl to stay in Jamaica.

  Lately, Alka had stopped talking about her departure, even when he brought it up.

  She waved to him now and he waved back, but his face carried a frown. She was frustrating him with her lightheartedness and her quest for gaiety; he wanted to know what she was thinking about going back to India. Was there any chance that she could change her mind?

  She came zipping back on the jet ski and laughed, throwing down her life vest in the sand.

  "This place is gorgeous." She shook her hair. "I wish we could stay here forever." She sat before him in her favorite cross-legged position and gave him a dizzy, happy smile.

  Aaron's heart lurched with hope. "We can stay if you want. We could pitch a tent over there," he pointed to a copse of trees in the distance, "and live on sea grapes and coconuts."

  He monitored her expression; she didn't even laugh at his corny attempt at a joke and his heart sank when she frowned.

  "You know we can't, Aaron."

  "But why not?" Aaron asked plain
tively. "You enjoy spending time with me, I enjoy spending time with you.

  "I am married to Rajiv Singh." Alka sighed. "Why did you have to bring this up now? The day was going so well."

  "Alka," Aaron threaded his fingers through hers. "I have feelings for you."

  "And I have feelings for you too," Alka said earnestly. "Aaron, these past couple of months with you have been a dream come true for me. I...I..." Her lips trembled. "I wish I didn't have to leave."

  "You can stay. I'll take care of you," Aaron said solemnly. "We could get married."

  Alka closed her eyes. "Don't say that."

  "I read up on the laws for divorce under your faith." Aaron shifted closer to her. "It is not hard to get a divorce if you..."

  "I know the rules. I read them too." Alka dragged her hands out of his. "Sometimes I wish I was not born in my family, but wishing otherwise won't change who I am. I am a Duggall. If I renege on this marriage I will bring down my whole family. To divorce Rajiv would mean divorcing my family as well. I will be alone in this world."

  She hung her head and sighed. "I would have to give up everyone I love. I have three sisters, three brothers and a host of relatives. I love them."

  Aaron nodded. "I understand, I guess. It's either me or them and right now it can't be me because I am an unknown entity."

  Alka inhaled shakily. "Suppose in a couple of months after I have given up my own family, you decide that you don't want me anymore. Suppose you decide that somebody like Tenaj Silvera is more your type of girl. I would be left with nothing. Giving up my family would be for nothing."

  "I wouldn't do that," Aaron said. The words 'because I love you' were on the tip of his tongue but he didn't say it out loud to her. Suppose this love that he had was not the real thing. Suppose it was heightened by the fact that she was unattainable and was on her way to India. Suppose she made the decision to stay and he had her with him all the time. Would he still feel this way about her?