The Color of Love (The Color of Heaven Series)

by Julianne MacLean

  I often asked her what she had been thinking about. A few times she admitted openly that it was Aaron. She said she was imagining his flight from the polar bear, or his climb up the iceberg with the killer whales circling below.

  Though we didn’t hear from Aaron at all, except for the list of books he sent via email, we did hear from Gladys about the journal.

  Two months after we arrived home, she called Mom and said that although Aaron had stubbornly refused to hand over the journal to anyone, he had been kind enough to transcribe the early entries Seth had written on the island. Aaron had mailed the pages to her, which she photocopied and shared with Mom, who shared them with me.

  The last entry was written under the tree when they were lost and trapped in a storm. My father’s final words were: I said another prayer.

  He died the next day, and I’m pretty sure God must have been listening because that was around the time I had the dream about my dad. He’d seemed at peace about saying good-bye. He’d almost seemed happy. I suspected he was climbing a mountain somewhere in the high altitudes of heaven.

  We didn’t talk about the journal again.

  o0o

  “Why don’t you send Aaron an email just to say hi?” I suggested one evening over dinner.

  It was me who brought Aaron up that night. Probably because Mom was talking about Josh too much lately and had asked if I wanted to spend Saturday night with Emma at Nadia’s house. I suspected Josh had something romantic planned.

  Mom shook her head at me. “I don’t think that would be appropriate.”

  I poked at my carrots with my fork. “Why not? Unless you’re referring to the fact that he asked you out on a date before we left, and you said no because you were seeing someone else.”

  She picked up her water glass and narrowed her eyes at me. “How would you know that?”

  I inclined my head. “Seriously, Mom? You must have known I would eavesdrop outside the door.”

  She chuckled softly and focused her attention on cutting her pork chop. “Well…I am seeing someone else.”

  “Which is why you don’t want to lead Aaron on,” I finished for her, even though it drove me nuts that she might be missing out on something that could be her destiny.

  Okay, okay…

  Maybe I was overly romantic and thought I knew everything about love because I’d found my perfect soul mate—the mysterious and aloof guitar player named Malcolm from my Friday night practice sessions. Unfortunately he didn’t seem to know I existed, but I had a plan for that.

  I had a plan for Mom, too. I wanted her to be with Aaron, not Josh, so I wasn’t going to stop mentioning him. Not if he was destined to be the great love of her life, maybe even a match made in heaven.

  Most of me knew how silly that sounded, but I’d been thinking about Aaron a lot lately, maybe because I was starting to worry that Mom was forgetting him. It had been almost three months since we’d seen him.

  I didn’t want her to forget him. And I don’t think she did either.

  Twelve Days Later

  Chapter Fifty-seven

  Carla

  Sometimes I wonder if things are meant to happen a certain way, or if there is something in us—maybe some sort of psychic ability—that leads us to do a certain thing, even if we don’t understand why we’re doing it at the time.

  I’ve often asked myself that question regarding the day I left work early because of a sinus infection that had come on rather suddenly.

  I’ll be the first to admit that it wasn’t very serious and I probably could have suffered through the last two hours at my desk. But I didn’t tell my boss that. I exaggerated my symptoms, just a tad, and threw in a migraine headache to go along with it.

  I wasn’t making it up, not entirely. The stuffy nose really was uncomfortable, but later I wondered if there was more to it than that. If somehow fate was poking at me. Hey you. You should go home.

  I’d been having a hard time concentrating anyway. Earlier that day, Josh had texted and asked if I could have dinner with him that night. He wanted to take me to one of the most expensive restaurants in the city.

  When I asked what the occasion was, he texted me back and sent this reply: I want to ask you something.

  From that moment on I was pretty useless at work because I couldn’t stop thinking about what he might want to talk about.

  “You think he’s going to propose, don’t you,” Audrey said when I called her during my lunch hour. “If he does, will you be ready for that?”

  “I don’t know,” I replied, sitting down on a bench in the mall with a bag full of shampoo and toothpaste I’d just bought. “We’ve only been seeing each other for six months, but he’s an amazing guy. I’d be crazy to say no.”

  “Yes, he is an amazing guy,” she replied. “But I know you, Carla. You’re not sure. I hear it in your voice.”

  I switched the phone from one ear to the other. “I can’t help it. It’s a big step and I don’t want to rush into anything. And there’s Kaleigh to consider. I don’t want to force a new dad on her and I know she’s not crazy about Josh. She just tolerates him.”

  “She’s only thirteen and girls that age are known to be prickly.”

  I glanced up at the crowds walking past, everyone hurrying back to work.

  “Let me ask you something,” I said into the phone as I rose to my feet. “Did you have any doubts about marrying David?”

  Audrey answered the question without missing a beat. “It was my second marriage,” she said, “and sure, it’s not easy to let go of all the baggage that comes with having been married before, no matter how the first one ends. But when David opened that ring box and got down on one knee, there was absolutely no doubt in my mind that I wanted to be his wife and be with him forever. He barely had a chance to finish proposing before I said yes.”

  I slowly headed back toward the bank. “I was kind of hoping you’d tell me you had doubts.”

  “Sorry,” she replied. “But if that’s how you’re feeling, maybe you need to tell him that.”

  I paused. “I don’t want to lose him. He’s a good guy.”

  “A good guy?” she responded. “There are plenty of good guys out there, but that’s not why you marry someone. You marry him because you love him and he’s your soul mate and you can’t imagine your life without him.”

  I thought about that for a moment. “I can’t really imagine my life without Josh in it.”

  “Is that because you love him, or because you don’t want to be single? There’s a difference.”

  I rounded the corner in the mall and entered the bank. “I think I’m coming down with something,” I replied, and sneezed.

  “Bless you,” Audrey said. “And maybe that’s exactly what you need—a cold to buy yourself time to think about this. You could always tell Josh you’re sick and suggest he wait until the weekend.”

  “Would that make me a coward?” I asked as I headed down to the staffroom.

  “No, it just makes you cautious, and there’s nothing wrong with that. But let me ask you something else,” she said.

  “Sure.”

  There was a pause on the other end of the line. “Are you still thinking about Iceberg Man?”

  I reached the bottom of the steps and smiled distractedly at one of my co-workers. “All the time.”

  “Then you should give him a call,” Audrey said. “Go and visit him. Now that he’s back in the real world, see if there’s something there, because you can’t marry another man until you know for sure he’s the one. Or not the one.”

  I opened my locker and placed the shopping bag inside. “Thanks, Audrey,” I replied.

  What a relief it was to hear someone else make the suggestion, because I was beginning to think I was losing it, feeling strangely interested in a man I’d known for only two days, and in very strange circumstances. I couldn’t explain it, but there was no getting him out of my head.

  An hour later, after cancelling my dinner with Jos
h, I was on my way home from work early with a totally legitimate sinus infection.

  I had to be careful driving through intersections, because I kept replaying in my mind all the conversations we’d had, and I didn’t want to barrel through another red light.

  I even started to fantasize about conversations I wished we’d had. All the things I wanted to talk to him about. I just wanted to hear the sound of his voice—that riveting, velvety voice.

  As I dug my key out of my purse and walked into the apartment, I felt a great weight lift from my shoulders, and a thrilling ripple of anticipation moved up my spine at the thought of calling Aaron.

  I wondered what he looked like now after three months. He’d probably gained some weight.

  My excitement was curtailed suddenly, however, when I heard panicked whispers coming from Kaleigh’s room. Sensing immediately that something wasn’t right, I went straight to her door and opened it.

  Imagine my shock to find a boy in her bedroom—a boy I’d never seen before.

  But wait… This was no boy. He had to be at least seventeen, and there he stood in all his glory with a black leather jacket and faded jeans, eye makeup and body piercings.

  Kaleigh hastily leaped off her bed. She wore skinny jeans, my brown leather boots with heels, and a long cashmere sweater that was also mine.

  And makeup.

  “Mom. What are you doing here?” she asked in a panic. “You’re supposed to be at work.” She turned white as a sheet.

  Chapter Fifty-eight

  “Who’s this?” I asked with a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach.

  “This is Malcolm,” Kaleigh replied, gesturing toward him with a hand. “Malcolm Watson. We met in guitar class.”

  I looked him over from head to toe. My eyes settled for a moment on his heavy black combat boots, which he’d not bothered to remove when he came in.

  Under normal circumstances I would smile and welcome a friend Kaleigh brought over, but this was not one of those times. What I really wanted to do was tell this kid to get the hell out of my apartment. Right now. This second. Before I wrung his neck.

  I glared at him intensely. “How old are you?”

  “Seventeen,” he replied in a low, husky drawl.

  I folded my arms across my chest. “Do you understand that my daughter is only thirteen? There are laws you know.”

  “Mom!” Kaleigh shouted.

  Her charming gentleman caller frowned at me. “What?”

  My blood pressure was about to hit the roof, and I could feel a hot blaze searing my cheeks. “She’s thirteen! And by the look of you, I think this would qualify as statutory rape.”

  He blinked a few times in shock, then spoke defensively. “We didn’t do anything. Honest. We were just talking.”

  “Oh sure,” I replied. “Tell that to the judge.”

  “Mom!” Kaleigh screamed again, “Stop! We weren’t doing anything! He’s just a friend!”

  Then the boy—Malcolm was it?—turned to Kaleigh. “You told me you were sixteen.”

  Oh, God. I cupped my forehead in a hand and closed my eyes.

  To my surprise, Kaleigh didn’t try to explain anything to me. She was more concerned about what Malcolm thought as he stormed past me to leave.

  She followed him out. “I’m sorry, Malcolm!” she cried. “I didn’t mean to. I just wanted to spend time with you, that’s all.”

  “You lied,” he said flatly without turning around as he reached the door and pulled it open.

  “Please don’t go!” she said. “Can’t we talk about it?”

  He left the apartment without responding, but she followed him to the elevator.

  “Kaleigh!” I shouted, grabbing hold of her sleeve to try and stop her.

  “Wait!” she cried to him.

  I’d never heard her sound so desperate before.

  I hurried into the hall. Malcolm was pressing the elevator button over and over while Kaleigh cried and begged him not to leave.

  Ping! The elevator doors slid open and he couldn’t step on fast enough. Kaleigh remained in the carpeted corridor crying her eyes out. “Please Malcolm, I’m sorry! I was going to tell you! I wanted to!”

  The doors closed and she buried her face in her hands and wept.

  I was in complete shock by this point and had no idea how to handle this. Part of me wanted to march down the hall, drag my daughter by the ear, send her to room and ground her for life.

  Another part of me wanted to comfort her and tell her everything was going to be okay. He wasn’t worth it. There would be other boys.

  But I knew nothing about this kid.

  Who the hell was he, and how long had this been going on?

  Chapter Fifty-nine

  Kaleigh’s last words to me that night were, “You don’t understand anything!”

  This was followed by the slamming of her door in my face, and my own internal struggle between red-hot fury and compassion, because I remembered what it felt like to be thirteen. Everything seemed so monumental, so catastrophic when things didn’t go the way you wanted them to. It felt like the entire future of the universe hinged on one moment when nothing else mattered or existed.

  The first thing I did was call Audrey. “I don’t know what to do,” I said. “She’s so angry and upset, but she broke every rule in the book inviting that boy up here when I wasn’t home.”

  “Do you think anything happened?” Audrey asked.

  “I’m not sure. No. At least it didn’t look that way when I walked in. They were frazzled, but they had their clothes on. She said they were just talking.”

  “Well, that’s good at least. What do you know about him?”

  “Nothing, except that he takes guitar lessons and bears a frightening resemblance to Sid Vicious.”

  “Wonderful,” she replied. “Have you called Josh yet? Maybe he can look him up and tell you if he has a record or anything.”

  “I haven’t called him yet, but surely he wouldn’t be able to tell me anything. The kid’s a minor.”

  “You should call him anyway. Are you going to be okay?”

  “I don’t know. I’m not sure if I can handle the teen years by myself. I’m feeling a bit intimidated.”

  “You know you can always count on David and me for anything,” Audrey said. “Just say the word and we’ll be there.”

  “Thanks. I think I’ll call Josh now. I’ll let you know if there’s anything to report.”

  o0o

  I called in sick the next morning and got Kaleigh off to school without too much drama, though she barely said more than two words to me. She ate her cereal in silence, and I worried that she might walk out the door and never come back.

  Maybe she’d skip school and run off to live on the streets with Malcolm What’s-His-Name. I could just hear her now as she ran to meet him under a bridge somewhere. “All we need is love.”

  Maybe I’d become a cynic, but I truly believed that love wasn’t nearly enough.

  o0o

  Josh knocked on my door around 10:00 when I was sitting on the sofa in my bathrobe, drinking my second cup of herbal tea.

  I rose to greet him and apologized for my appearance.

  “Don’t be silly,” he said, setting a plastic bag on the kitchen counter and pulling me into his arms. I noticed he held a manila envelope in his hand. “You know I don’t care about that. How are you feeling?”

  “I’ve felt better,” I replied. “The stuffy nose is nothing compared to what’s going on in here.” I laid a hand over my heart.

  “Don’t worry,” he said. “I’m here to take care of you. I looked up the kid and I have some news. I also brought you some popsicles and chicken soup.”

  I felt my shoulders relax. “Thank you.”

  “No problem. Now let’s go sit down and have a talk.”

  We moved into the living room but I had to sweep a pile of dirty tissues off the coffee table into a waste basket before I sat down. “I don’t want to breathe on you,�
� I said.

  “I have a killer immune system,” he replied. Then he sat down and rested his elbows on his knees, stared at me for a long moment.

  “What did you find out?” I asked.

  He pulled some papers out of the envelope. “This is confidential, and I’m trusting you to keep this to yourself, but you need to know. I have a picture here. Is this the guy?”

  I looked at it and nodded.

  “I figured this was him. It’s not great news, but it’s not terrible either. He doesn’t have a record. He’s never been arrested for anything, but he’s had a hard life. His mother’s an addict and Malcolm’s been in and out of foster homes since he was three years old.”

  “That’s horrible,” I replied, reaching for the picture of Malcolm which looked like it had come out of a middle school yearbook.

  “But he’s seventeen,” Josh said, “and he has no business being around Kaleigh.”

  “She told him she was sixteen,” I explained, setting the picture down on the coffee table. “He seemed pretty angry about that when he found out, so I can’t exactly put all the blame on him.”

  “Still…” Josh said, sliding the documents back into the envelope. “He’s not someone you want her spending time with. He lives in a rough neighborhood and his new stepdad was charged for domestic assault against his previous wife. It’s not a good situation.”

  I exhaled heavily and slouched back on the sofa. “I can’t believe any of this is happening. Six months ago she was still my little girl, wanting to be tucked in.”

  He reached forward and touched my knee. “Let’s just hope this is the end of it. Maybe you scared him off.”

  “I hope so,” I replied. “Though I do feel sorry for him. I feel badly about how I spoke to him when it’s obvious, he didn’t know how young she was.”

  “You did what you had to do,” Josh said. “Now you have to deal with Kaleigh. You might want to think about setting some tighter boundaries and stricter rules and consequences. She’s at a vulnerable age. Any chance you can move her out of that music school?”