Once in a Blue Moon

by Amanda Ashby

  “Um, Sure. I guess. Give me a second to get changed,” he said. After news of Carl and Giselle’s engagement, he’d been approached by everyone, from schoolkids to truck drivers, asking for advice. But instead of being bothered by it, he’d found it amusing. Welcoming, even. Maybe I do belong here after all?

  Not that it mattered. In five days’ time, he’d be packing his bags for good, and Paige’s new tenant would be moving into the apartment. He’d been hoping to talk about it with Laney, but each time he brought it up, she just kissed him until he’d forgotten which way was up.

  “No. This way’s better,” the person said in an uneven voice.

  “Okay.” He wrapped the towel around his dripping torso. No need to make it any weirder than it already was. “What’s up?”

  “It’s this girl. How can I tell if she likes me?” The unknown person’s voice quavered.

  “That’s a tricky one. Sometimes it’s the little things. Does she smile when she talks to you?”

  “Sure, and she laughs at my jokes. But I’m stuck in the friend zone. How do I get out?”

  Take her dog for a walk, then wait until she comes home and propositions you for a one-night stand. That should just about do it.

  “How do you know you’ve been friend zoned?”

  “Because she tells me things. About other guys and stuff. Ones she likes.”

  Ouch.

  “Ever told her how you feel?” Silence. Followed by the sound of someone sitting down on the little ledge.

  “Would that really work? It seems a little…simple.”

  Yeah. It really did.

  Had he actually told Laney how he felt? Dumb question. He knew the answer.

  If I say the words, she might not pick me.

  After all, she knew the truth. All his dirty little secrets. Getting by on Ryan’s name, using so much of his past to write a bestselling book—yet she’d forgiven him. Said she trusted him. Did that mean they could really have a future?

  His mind whirled. Why couldn’t he stay in St. Clair? He had the gym membership. Going to the auction proved he could fly in and out easily. He could do that to see Ryan and Eloise all the time.

  And I still love her.

  The space around him went still, apart from the pling, pling, pling of dripping water.

  I love her.

  Hell. Had he ever stopped loving her? But the Laney he’d once known was only a pale comparison to who she’d become. Still soft and sweet, but also strong and successful. The grit she had used to build herself up after Simon’s death was humbling. Something like that might have broken most people, but she’d come out more resilient. And she understands me.

  A cough broke the silence, and Adam blinked.

  “Do you like this girl?” he said as emotion hammered through him.

  “I do.”

  “Then tell her.” He reached for his jeans. Tell her.

  “What if it doesn’t work?”

  “At least you’ll know.”

  More silence, and then the door next to him opened up. “Thanks, Doctor Josh. Wish me luck.”

  “You got it.” Adam dragged on a T-shirt and thrust on his shoes before stepping out into an empty changing room.

  He hurried along the waterfront, pushing past the slow-moving tourists. Cymbals crashed as he reached the Belles. Cal was practicing early. The opening sign for Branch and Twig rocked back and forth in the breeze as he climbed the front stairs. He’d only ever walked through the front door once before, when he ordered some flowers for Doug. When he knew Laney wasn’t there.

  Because her rules had been clear. What they had was private.

  Searing need pounded urgently in his veins. This couldn’t wait.

  A bell rang as he stepped inside. Violet’s head appeared from between trailing strings of threaded flowers, which formed part of the window display. At the sight of him, she ran over and sat down, holding up a paw.

  “The dashing Mr. Fitzpatrick,” India said in delight. “Wanting to buy a bouquet for a lucky lady?”

  He blinked. Clearly, he hadn’t thought this plan through. He gave Violet a final pat and stood up.

  “It’s for my sister-in-law,” he improvised as Laney appeared from the back room. Strands of hair fell around her face, and the freckles he’d spent the previous night trying to count were bright against her skin. He pushed down his inappropriate thoughts.

  “A-adam.” Her eyes flashed with confusion.

  Yup, definitely hadn’t thought this through. If this was a chapter in his book, he’d hit delete and start over. This time, Laney would come running out, hair flying around her shoulders as she threw herself into his arms, hungrily kissing him like he was the only person in the room.

  If only life was that easy.

  “Hey.”

  “He’s here to order flowers for Eloise. Isn’t that the sweetest?”

  “Yes.” Laney did an excellent job of feigning surprise, as did Violet, who decided to run around his legs and nudge him with her nose. “No, Adam isn’t here to take you for a walk.”

  Violet nudged him again as a delivery van pulled up. Laney’s assistant immediately colored and let out a squeal. “My hot lunch date is here. Mind if I take off, boss?”

  “Go, have fun.”

  “You’d better believe it.” She scooped up a giant purse and rummaged through it for a hairbrush, lipstick, and a pair of oversize sunglasses. “Right, you two. Try not to cause too much trouble while I’m out. No, Violet, you have to stay here and chaperone Laney and the cute writer.”

  Then, without another word, she charged out the door.

  “She has a lot of energy,” he commented.

  “You could say that. So, you’re here to order flowers for Eloise. Everything okay?”

  “El’s fine. Actually, I wanted to talk to you.”

  “About finishing the book? Congratulations, you must be thrilled. But I thought we were celebrating tonight,” she said. He’d sent her a text earlier just because he wanted to tell someone. Correction. He’d wanted to tell her.

  Which had stopped him from remembering he’d promised to play by her rules. What was he doing? Barging into her workplace all because he’d figured something out.

  “It can wait.”

  “We can talk now.” She flipped the closed sign over and nodded for him to follow her into the back room. A long wooden workbench covered in flowers and leaves ran the length of the wall. She leaned against it and gave him a shy smile. “Or do other things.”

  Blood stormed through him, and he took four long strides across the floor, his mouth finding hers. She let out a soft moan, and her arms wrapped around his waist.

  “I don’t want this to stop.” He pulled away, trying to clear his head. Find his words.

  “I can probably spare another half hour. India won’t be back before one.” She panted, her hands trailing down his leg. His pulse thundered, but he shook it off.

  “No, I mean us. The book’s finished, and I’m meant to be leaving in five days…but we still haven’t talked.”

  “Oh.” She wrapped her arms around her chest. Her eyes filled with uncertainty, and she stepped farther away. He might not be a body language expert, but the signs weren’t promising.

  “I want this to work,” he said. She seemed to shrink into a small bundle. Warning lights flashed in his mind, but he ignored them. Last time, he didn’t say it, and maybe that was why it hadn’t worked. This time, he needed to do things differently. “I want to be part of something. I love you.”

  There. He’d said it.

  The color drained from her face, and she studied the ground. Her hands were clenched as if gripping at something he couldn’t see. She slowly lifted her eyes to meet his.

  “Adam… This was meant to be a fling. We both agreed.” Her voice sounded raw.
<
br />   “I know, but that’s not what I want.”

  The silence spun out between them like a web, each silvery thread made up of their complicated past.

  She took a shuddering breath. “I thought… I got the impression Eloise had put you off relationships.”

  “After we split, it was the easiest option. Twice burned and all that. Except it didn’t work. Seven years of writing. Each word harder to squeeze out than the last. It only made things worse.”

  She licked her lips, eyes fearful. “Your life is in L.A., but mine’s here. I can’t give this up.”

  “I’m not asking you to,” he said, trying not to be put off by the growing tension in her face or the tightness of her shoulders. “I could find a place. We could figure something out. Together. This isn’t like last time, Laney. I’m not like last time.”

  More silence. She shut her eyes, dark lashes black against her soft, sun-kissed skin. “It’s not that simple. You’re seeing St. Clair at its best…and me. But the winter months are very different. It’s quiet. Slow. Everyone’s poking into everyone’s business. Winter is when people leave. When things get tough.”

  He flinched as her words sank in. “You still don’t trust me to stay.”

  “Can you blame me?” She reached out and finally touched him. Her fingers were warm against his skin, but her eyes were clouded. “Don’t be mad. I know you’ve changed, but you haven’t thought this through. Your entire life is somewhere else. Your brother’s about to have a baby there. Your new book’s going to be everything you hoped it would be. You’ll be touring, being interviewed, meeting with directors. Do you really think you can do all that from a tiny Oregon town?”

  “Laney—” he started to say, but she cut him off by standing on her tiptoes and brushing her mouth softly against his. Her breath was warm, and her mouth tasted of mint.

  “I’m not saying no, Adam. But… I need to think. We both do. Okay?”

  “I know how I feel about you, and that won’t change,” he said, forcing himself to step back. “Just tell me what I can do to prove you can trust me.”

  Her bottom lip began to tremble, and regret swept across her face. “I don’t know. I just need time. Do you understand?”

  Did he?

  His words echoed back at him. At least you’ll know.

  He shook it away. She hadn’t shut him down. She just needed more time. Something he hadn’t given her in the past. And while part of him wanted to keep convincing her, he kept his mouth shut. She hadn’t said no.

  “I do,” he said as his cell phone buzzed. Laney’s rang a second later. They looked at each other before Adam dragged his out. It was a text from Tilly.

  Doug Right died half an hour ago. Thank you for your kindness to him. I believe it made his passage easier.

  “Oh, no,” Laney said, looking up from her own phone. “Is your message from Tilly?”

  He nodded, not quite sure how he felt. It seemed wrong to mourn someone he’d never met. But I know he liked four-grain bread and peanut butter and he missed the woman he loved.

  “Poor Doug. I hope his Mary is waiting for him.”

  “So do I.” He walked to the other side of the room and tried to shake off the restless energy building in his bones.

  “You okay?” she asked, voice distant. He scratched his head. Was he? He didn’t know. He said what he’d wanted, and she hadn’t been able to give him an answer. And now Doug’s dead. Probably not a great time to do a thematic analysis.

  “Yeah. Fine,” he said just as India appeared at the back door, her face pale.

  “Hey guys, I guess you both heard about poor Mr. Right. I used to steal apples from his orchard when I was a kid. I’m going to miss him.”

  “Me, too,” Laney said, sounding a lot more together as she wrapped her arms around India, who’d started to cry. Adam stood still. He should go. The room was too small.

  Too full of things that hadn’t been said.

  “I’ll let you both get back to work.”

  “Sure.” Her voice sounded even further away now, and her eyes were filled with tears. Even if he wanted to hug her, he couldn’t. Because they weren’t alone and she didn’t want anyone to know. He let himself out the back door. Violet sat outside, gnawing on a bone, but gave him a quick bark as he went passed.

  “Thanks, girl,” he said as he walked back to his apartment. Doug had died, but in the pit of his gut, he knew something else had, too.

  …

  “What am I going to do?” Laney knelt on the grass, her fingers buried in the rich soil. Violet barked and tried to nudge the side gate open with her nose.

  “Your opinion doesn’t count because you’re even more under his spell than I am.” She stood. The early-evening air was clammy against her skin.

  “Woof,” Violet said, but Laney didn’t respond. It had been an hour since Adam had left his apartment, driving off in his rental car. It was the only reason she’d dared to step out of her store. It had become a habit.

  Hiding when I don’t like him, hiding when I do.

  She gathered up the weed mat and dragged it to the corner of the courtyard. She’d deal with it tomorrow, when she could think more clearly.

  He wanted a future.

  He loves me.

  Adrenaline spiked through her, sending her heart into an erratic flurry. If they broke up again, where would that leave her? She’d be Adam Fitzpatrick’s ex-girlfriend. Or, worse, someone would figure out the truth. That I’m Nina. And everything would change. People would single her out. Feel sorry for her. The life she’d spent so long building up would be destroyed.

  Just tell me what I can do to prove you can trust me.

  His words echoed in her mind, followed by the bitter truth. He couldn’t.

  No matter what they said, everyone left. She’d learned the hard way. Her father’s abandonment, her mother’s death. Even Simon. It was a lot to risk.

  “Hope I’m not disturbing you?” Tilly appeared at the gate at the back of the courtyard, wearing a pair of oversize denim jeans and a plaid shirt.

  “Not at all.” Laney plastered on the same smile she’d been using for years. Every time she assured people she was fine. Happy. Moving on. “Sorry I didn’t return your call. Work was busy, but India and I were both so sad to hear about Doug.”

  “He’ll be missed.” Tilly lowered herself for Violet to sniff her hand. “In a surprise to no one, the grandson doesn’t want a funeral, just a private cremation that he won’t be attending.”

  “But Doug needs to be buried with Mary,” Laney said in horror. The modest gravestone at the far end of the cemetery had been bought as a double plot. Tilly nodded.

  “Agreed. Thankfully, the grandson doesn’t care what happens as long as it doesn’t cost him anything. He’s consented to a burial.”

  She sucked in a breath. Once again it struck her how casually people took their families. Maybe it was only because she didn’t have one of her own that she even noticed.

  “You can’t cover all the costs yourself. Let me give you some money. And I’ll do all the flowers.”

  “Yes to the flowers, but no to the money. It’s all covered. Someone offered to pay for it. An A-nonymous someone,” she added, her emphasis on the A.

  Adam.

  She wiped her brow. It shouldn’t surprise her. He couldn’t say no to people. His hidden pain kept motivating him to prove to the world that he wasn’t a fraud. But paying for a stranger’s funeral? It was too much.

  Everything was too much.

  “Oh.” Laney managed to nod her head. “That’s very generous of him.”

  “Almost made me feel guilty for roping him into helping,” Tilly said. “It’s always strange how death hits different folks.”

  “It is.” She shivered as the night closed in on her.

  “But I’d love it i
f you did the flowers. You could go up to the cottage. Mary’s garden is full of weeds, but some of the climbing roses are in bloom, and there’s a gorgeous magnolia. I know Doug would have liked it.”

  “Of course. What day’s the service?” She brought up the calendar on her phone.

  “Monday. I’ll let you get on with your evening. You look tired.” The funeral director shrugged and patted Laney on the arm.

  “I’m fine.” She pressed on another smile and headed up to her apartment.

  Her foggy, clouded mind hadn’t cleared, and she got into the shower, then climbed into clean sweats. She cooked, but it tasted like cardboard. She pushed her plate to one side and flicked through the channels as Violet climbed up next to her and put out a paw.

  She buried her head in the scruffy tan-and-white fur.

  “You’re right. We’re due to do our nails.” She gathered her bottles. But after three botched attempts, she gave up.

  She was no closer to working out how she felt than when Adam had walked into her store earlier and dropped his bombshell. It was going to be a long night. Made longer by the fact that she’d be sleeping alone.

  Chapter Sixteen

  “Things weren’t always bad with Nina. There was one time in the woods…” Blue Moon

  St. Clair town hall was a plain wooden building with a noticeboard out the front and green lawns running up to the door. At least half the town appeared to be congregated there, and none were dressed in black. Blues, pinks, and in one case neon green.

  The only person not there was Laney.

  Because she’s avoiding me.

  “Quite a crowd.” Jacob appeared next to him, wearing a pair of denim shorts and a T-shirt with Tom’s Gym splashed across the front.

  “Understatement,” Adam said. He’d been surprised when Tilly mentioned the memorial service would be in such a big space, because he assumed there would only be a few people there. Maybe Rufus and a couple of older friends. After all, when he’d helped pack up the cottage, he got the distinct impression Doug had been a loner.

  Yet another thing he’d gotten wrong.

  “Did you know him?”

  Jacob nodded. “Sure. Luke and I used to terrorize all the fields around his farm when we were kids. He was pretty good about it, and Mrs. Right always left us cookies by the barn for when we got hungry. Which was all the time. She was a nice lady.”