She Walks In Moonlight

by Jennifer Silverwood

  “You were ten, Dani.”

  “I should have been there tonight. I should have been there the last ten years. Maybe if I was there, he wouldn’t have worn himself out raising the kids on his own. Maybe he wouldn’t have gotten sick.”

  Adam covered my knee with his hand and rubbed his thumb over the fabric of my leggings. “You can’t know that.”

  “I should have been there tonight, Adam.” I curled my legs up and tucked my chin.

  “You weren’t running away this time,” he said. I hated how simple things were for him, how black-and-white he saw the world. I wished I could see things so clearly.

  “I’ve spent most of my time since coming home worrying about you and this stupid town. I should have been looking after the kids. But I’ve been sleeping over at your place.”

  “What are you saying?” He leaned forward, and I could hear the fear in his question.

  I knew I would hate myself later for what I said. “Adam, you’ve been there for us, for me. But I can’t be selfish like this anymore.”

  I gasped when he grabbed my chin and forced me to look at him. “Don’t do this, Dani, please.”

  “I’m not running away, Adam. I won’t be like my mother anymore.” His hands threaded through my hair as he brought his forehead to mine. My voice shook. “I’m choosing Peter, for however long I have him. I can’t be there for him and the kids when I’m with you.”

  A raw sound escaped his lips, a broken sound. His eyes squeezed shut, and he continued to touch me, to pull me closer. I let him pull me into his lap, let him hold me. Somehow, I ended up holding him, running my fingers through his hair.

  His voice was hoarse when he whispered into my ear. “Is this about what I said earlier?”

  I love you, Morning Star. His words echoed in my mind. I tried not to flinch at the reminder. I wasn’t ready to say it back. And now, I couldn’t, not yet.

  “This is about me keeping my promises,” I whispered back.

  Hailey came to fetch us sometime after. Despite what I’d told Adam, he insisted on holding my hand. I didn’t know if it was for my comfort or his. His face was a stony mask, and if I hadn’t seen it myself, I wouldn’t have known he’d been upset moments before. His mask was the only sign that he was breaking on the inside. I knew enough of him now to understand he felt most when he revealed little.

  I squeezed my best friend’s hand when Hailey went to Peter’s bedside to brush his hair back and kiss his forehead. It was such a simple but genuine gesture, I felt bad for yelling at her earlier. I couldn’t forget she was hurting too.

  “Honey, Danica came to see you.”

  Peter turned his head but didn’t open his eyes. Adam let me go so I could sit by my brother’s side. Peter smiled when I held his hand, and his fingers twitched before curling around mine.

  “I’m here, Petey,” I told him. I looked up to see Hailey’s worried frown smooth as our eyes met.

  Sorry, I mouthed, and the corners of her mouth twitched up in a smile as she nodded.

  “You should get some rest,” I told her. “I can stay here with him if that’s okay?”

  Hailey shook her head. “Thanks… I had to pull some strings to get them to let you back in here, you know.”

  “Thanks.”

  She nodded. “I’ll come back later to check on you.”

  “I’ll be here.” Remembering Adam, I leaned back, but he was already gone.

  20

  Danny’s Song

  “The kids are with Mom,” she whispered.

  After a pause, Peter replied, “You shouldn’t have to do this, Hailey…”

  Their voices woke me from a serial of nightmares. For one seamless moment, I hung on between sleep and awake.

  Hailey’s voice was hard. “What are you saying?”

  Peter sighed. “You didn’t plan on this, on me being this sick.”

  “Listen to me, Peter Pavlov. I’m not going to repeat myself again. I asked you to marry me. I’m marrying you because I love you. I don’t care if we get two days together or two years.”

  “But the doctor said—”

  “Fuck the doctor. And fuck you for acting like you don’t get two years. I’m not letting you give up that easily.”

  Peter gasped as Hailey kissed him. I kept my eyes clamped shut and tried to slow my breathing. They whispered sweet things to each other after. It hurt to listen to them.

  “We’re doing this tomorrow,” Hailey said. “I’m not wasting another day of our lives.”

  “How can I say no to that face?”

  “You rest. I need to check on my patients, but I’ll be back in a few hours.” She kissed him again before walking across the room and shutting the door behind her.

  I counted to thirty before I made a show of stretching and opening my eyes to the dim room. Peter was already watching me with an amused twinkle in his eye. I couldn’t help my smile at seeing this much life in him after last night’s horror.

  “You didn’t have to pretend to sleep, baby girl,” Peter said.

  “Shut up.” I pulled out of the uncomfortable reclining chair and went to sit at his bedside. “You think I wanted to interrupt that? It was so damned cute, listening to you playing hard to get.” I squeezed his hand lightly and winked.

  “I heard you gave the night staff quite a show. You don’t have to stay, you know.” The compassion in his face killed me.

  I rubbed my sore neck. “Yeah, why the hell didn’t I sleep in a real bed last night?”

  “Where’s Adam?” His heavy tone stole my attempt to lighten the mood. I couldn’t think about Adam without squeezing my fist against my chest over the hole his absence left.

  “Probably working,” I replied with a forced smile. “I should get out of here before Hailey comes back and chases me out for good.”

  “Try not to give the nurses a heart attack next time you visit, baby girl.”

  I dropped a kiss on his forehead and grabbed my phone on the way out. “I’ll certainly try.”

  It took me a full ten seconds of standing in the hospital parking lot before I remembered I hadn’t driven last night. I was so determined to stick to my blasé guns that I’d forgotten to ask for a ride home.

  Too late to save face now, Pavlova.

  I stamped my heel on the pavement and squeezed my arms to my chest. The black tee hung over one of my shoulders, fell past my hips, and smelled like Adam King.

  A police cruiser slowed as it pulled up onto the crosswalk in front of me. I pasted on my best smile as the side window rolled down and a familiar ginger called out to me.

  “Danica Pavlova, as I live and breathe.”

  “Hey, Justin.”

  “You looking for a ride?”

  “If you don’t mind.” I didn’t hesitate to climb in, though the rebel inside me cringed at the bars behind our heads.

  “Mind you? You can ride in my cruiser anytime. That is… not that I…” His skin blushed red under his freckles, and I was reminded of the wannabe archeologist, the dino geek.

  “Is that a promise?” I winked at him and laughed as he pulled out of the parking lot.

  “Aw, stop teasing me, Danica.”

  “I’d never tease you, Officer Greene.”

  When he paused at the turn, I supplied, “Peter’s house.”

  Justin hummed under his breath and tapped the wheel as we drove to the sound of static and muffled voices filtering through his walkie-talkie. He glanced at me from the corner of his eye, and I sighed.

  “Spit it out, Greene.”

  “I heard about Peter. I was actually headed over to drop by for a visit when I saw you. How’s he holding up?”

  “Not so well.” I shifted in my seat and rested my chin on my hand.

  “Are you okay?” he asked with such sincerity, I couldn’t help but respond.

  “I’m okay, Justin.”

  He nodded. “Good, good, and you know, if there’s anything we can do for you…” The radio blared again, and he paused
to listen. “Aw damn it, that’s me. Hang on.”

  I smiled as I watched him talk to dispatch. All the times we had teased Justin growing up, it’d never soured his spirit. He might have settled on a career outside his dream, but the way he carried himself now, the way he cared for people made it fit.

  Justin rolled his eyes after he got off the radio. “Had to pawn off that last call.”

  “Sorry to keep you from your work.”

  He waved a hand and pulled onto Peter’s street. “You know I had the biggest crush on you, growing up.”

  “I knew.”

  He nodded and shrugged. “Course, none of us ever had a real chance with you.”

  “You never tried.” I winked.

  Justin laughed. “With Adam King around? He was always watching you, you know.”

  I squeezed the leather seat. “He was just being protective.”

  “He was crazy in love with you,” Justin said with a chuckle. “I always figured you two would get hitched right out of high school.”

  “Yeah?”

  “Yeah.” He shifted in his seat and kept his face forward, but his skin grew red beneath the freckles. “Danica, can I say something?”

  I hesitated a beat too long. “Sure.”

  Justin pulled the cruiser into Peter’s drive and put it in park. “Folks in this town used to talk about you like they knew you. That first year after Adam’s accident, when he couldn’t walk, it was like your name was a curse. But I never bought into any of the rumors, no matter what Jameson said.”

  His words shouldn’t have stolen my breath away, but for a moment, they did. I pushed open the passenger door and replied, “Thanks, Justin.”

  “I guess what I mean to say is, don’t let what people think of you define you. You’re better than that.”

  I met his gaze and smiled genuinely this time. “I knew there was a reason I always liked you, Justin Greene.”

  He grinned and nodded. “Let me know if y’all need anything.”

  I tried not to dwell on the fact that Fayetteville hated me while I walked through the kitchen door. But I couldn’t get the image of a crippled Adam, left to deal with the rumors alone, out of my head. I could hear Anya’s laughter as I entered the living room. Adam was fending off attacks from Sasha’s foam sword and Anya’s pink wand.

  I froze and struggled to paint a pleasant smile on my face as Adam’s gaze brushed mine. What had he endured to not only command use of his legs again but join the army?

  He grabbed hold of the tip of Sasha’s sword and pulled it between his side and arm. “Oh no!”

  “We got you!” Anya crowed and jumped onto his chest.

  Mrs. King walked downstairs with an empty laundry basket tucked under her arm. “Goodness gracious! Anya, be careful you don’t hurt Adam.”

  Adam stood up and lifted Anya in his arms. “It’s okay, Mom. I was thinking of taking them to get ice cream. What do y’all think?”

  “Yes!” Anya agreed. Sasha looked between Mrs. King and me.

  Mrs. King sighed. “Oh, I guess… Danica?”

  I swallowed as I felt Adam’s eyes linger on me. “Sure.”

  Mrs. King pursed her lips and then turned back to the kids. “Don’t spoil their dinner, Adam.”

  He set Anya down and pulled his keys out of his pocket. “Let’s go before she changes her mind.”

  I didn’t know I’d been holding my breath until they walked out the front door. How had I missed his truck in the driveway?

  “Adam came with me to pick the kids up in my car.” Mrs. King set the laundry basket on the couch and squeezed my hand in hers. “Come on, honey, let’s make you a cup of tea.”

  I followed her into the kitchen and sank onto the edge of the dining table. The words were out before I could rein them in. “What was it like for Adam after the accident?”

  Her back tensed only a moment before she continued to ready the tea leaves. “Do you want the easy answer or the truth?”

  “The truth.”

  Mrs. King set the kettle onto the stove top. “After you left, he didn’t bother to try at first. He closed off completely and wouldn’t tell us what happened. When you left town, we figured out the rest.”

  I tucked my chin and waited for the familiar guilt to settle in.

  “Sweetheart, you have to stop blaming yourself.”

  I jerked. “What?”

  Mrs. King eyed me knowingly. “You blame yourself for something that happened ten years ago. You were both children, no matter your feelings. Honey, I know how scary love can be when you’re young. I know what your mother did, and I know what losing poor Alexander did to you and Peter. I want you to know Adam never blamed you, not really. He never let anyone bring you up. If anything, I believe he blames himself.”

  I shook my head. “He didn’t do anything, though. I’m the one who messed up.”

  Mrs. King tapped a nail on the kitchen counter. “You want to know what I think, sugar? Pardon my French, but I think you’ve been using all this bullshit to keep people at arm’s length. I think you’re afraid to let people love you. And honey, I can tell you from personal experience, you don’t want to make that mistake. Otherwise, you may end up alone in your old age like me.”

  The teapot whistled, and I watched as she poured fresh cups for us both. We drank together in silence while I gathered my courage.

  “I really screwed up,” I said.

  “I know, sugar. Now what are you gonna do about it?”

  I thought of the kids, the way Hailey declared her love to Peter, and the sound Adam made when he held me, begging me not to leave him behind again. I looked up at Mrs. King, who was the only mother I had really known, and smiled.

  “Aunt Dani, can we sleep with you?” Anya asked from my bedroom door. Her voice sounded so small and sad, holding none of the exuberance from earlier.

  “Sure, get over here, minions.” Anya rushed over and crawled into my arms. Sasha moved more slowly and didn’t speak before crawling over both of us to lie on my other side. We lay together in silence for a long moment. It was just as well that they’d come. I had been stewing over the awkward dinner with Mrs. King and Adam since coming up to bed.

  “Aunt Dani?” Anya peeped.

  “Shvibzak?” I teased.

  She sighed. “Is Papa going to be okay?”

  Sasha broke in before I could answer. “Of course he isn’t, stupid. That’s the only reason Hailey is marrying him.”

  “No, it’s not!” Anya protested.

  “Chill, munchkins. Your papa is doing the best he can to get better, and he’s getting married because he loves Hailey.”

  “He’s not getting better,” Sasha grumbled at the wall.

  “You’re not focusing on the right thing here, kid.”

  He turned to me with defiance blazing in his wide blue eyes. “Oh yeah? What would you know about it?”

  “I know I was about your age when I lost my papa. He didn’t have half the fighting chance yours does. But we loved him as much as we could while we could. That’s all that matters. That’s all you need to know.”

  Sasha turned away again and sniffed. I found his hand over the covers and threaded our fingers. Anya snuggled against my side.

  “Promise you’ll never leave us, Aunt Dani,” she whispered.

  I rested my chin on her curls. “I promise I won’t leave, no matter what.”

  21

  Heroes

  “Aunt Dani, wake up!” Anya’s high-pitched voice pulled me out of heavy sleep. I groaned when she jumped on my stomach and bounced. “Wake up! Wake up! It’s our wedding day!”

  We almost butted heads when I sat up in a rush. “What?”

  Across the hallway, I could hear Mrs. King call, “Anya! Help me pick out a dress!”

  “Ooh!” Anya leaped off the bed and ran for the door, shouting, “Can I wear my Spider-Man costume?”

  “Don’t be silly, honey!”

  I walked into the hall to find Sasha struggling with the
straps of his suspenders and muffled a laugh. He gave me a sharp look. “What?”

  “Nothing, just didn’t know you owned suspenders.”

  He crossed his arms over his chest. “Mrs. King got them for me last Christmas.”

  “That’s right, because every young gentleman needs a pair. Right, honey?” Mrs. King walked out of Anya’s bedroom already dressed in floral print, hair done, and makeup styled to perfection.

  Sasha mumbled in Russian under his breath, and I stifled another laugh behind my hand.

  Mrs. King paused when she surveyed my chaotic morning curls. “Lord, Danica Pavlova, you look like the hind wheels of destruction. Hurry and get dressed so you can help me with the children. Hailey’s in a tizzy downstairs. We only get exclusive use of the chapel for a half hour and have barely two hours to prepare.”

  “I’m on it.” I waved her off and reached over to pop Sasha’s suspender strap. I jumped back to avoid his swinging fists.

  I had to dig through my old wardrobe to find something suitable. Most of my dresses were still in my house in St. Petersburg, and they were either fancy evening wear or the glittering and studded variety. I didn’t think the dress I found at the back of my closet would fit at first. The pale-green silk clung to my hips and flared freely down to my calves. I remembered the day I’d bought it, for a spring fling dance senior year. I pretended it didn’t matter that Adam had picked it out or that he’d been my date.

  He won’t remember, I told myself as I helped Anya settle at last on her ballet tutu. It was a win since the little monster had been determined to dress like Spider-Man first and then Batman. Mrs. King threw up her hands.

  “At least it’s kind of a dress,” I offered.

  Anya pirouetted on her toe. “I look so beautiful, don’t I, Aunt Dani?”

  I let her spin on my finger as we came downstairs. “Gorgeous.”

  We piled into Mrs. King’s SUV. Anya and Sasha argued and bounced in the back seat while I attempted to calm their nerves.